I'll Make You See It Was All Real

Lucy’s Pov

“Lucy” Elena says on the other side of the bathroom door. “I’m coming” I say fixing my necklace under my dress. I was actually looking forward to getting out of Dad’s hotel suite today but I’d rather be stuck in there for the rest of my life then finish today. The service was awful. My eyes couldn’t leave her coffin. She was in there. That’s all I could think as the vicar spoke. So many people had come. Old school friends, her parents friends, people from work. All had been there to say goodbye to someone so young.

“You look nice” Elena says as I come out of the bathroom. “Thanks” I say. It’s funny how every girl has a black dress in their wardrobe. A little one at that. Not that this one was I think looking down to the fabric at my knees. The sleeves to my elbows were starting to feel tight though. I never thought I’d have to buy a dress to wear to Tina’s funeral.

“I’m so sorry” one our old teachers says shaking my hand. “Thank you Ms. James” I smile as she moves away. Urgh. I’m sorry. I hate those words. The looks of pity and sorrow from everyone. Everyone wants to talk to me. I just want to be left alone. “She seems nice” Elena says. “She couldn’t stand Tina and Tina couldn’t stand her. Who do you think gave her all the detentions” I say. “You said some lovely words in the church” she says and I shrug. I had to help Josh but when I went up to him I thought I was going to be sick.

“Where’s Jack?” I ask. “Talking to Cris” she says nodding to the middle of the room. “What?” I ask. “Ya he came. Want to go over?” she asks. “I suppose we should. Plus it’s on our way to Dad” I say and we walk towards Jack, Cristiano and Nuno.

“Hi Nuno” Lucy says. “Lucy I so sorr…” he starts to say and Cristiano gives him a slight did in the arm. “My condolences” Nuno says hugging me and I can’t help but wonder what that was about
“Thanks Nuno” I say looking between him and his cousin. “I wasn’t expecting you to come” I say. “Where else would I be?” he asks and I shrug. “Sweetheart you should eat something before we got to the crematorium” Dad says appearing at my side.

“I’m not that hungry” I say. “At least have a cup of tea” he says. “Ya let’s go try some of that cake Luke made sure was on the list” Elena smiles “Fine” I say and nod a goodbye as Jack follows us to the where the food was laid out.

“Have some of this” Elena says pointing to a plate of cake. Eat this. Drink this. Would they just stop?
“The English sure do love their cake?” I hear Nuno say and he stops me from turning to face him. Instead he moves so my back is to the room. “Thanks for the flowers by the way” I say. I had noticed the flower arrangements that Dolores, Nuno and Jorge had sent.

“Your welcome. I was going to get an arrangement like a car but Cris would kill me” he says and I can’t help but smile. “Feels like a lifetime ago since that day” I say. The day so much changed. “Since what day?” Matt asks appearing beside Nuno. “The day Nuno met Tina” I say. “I’m Nuno. We met briefly before” he says. The day in my office I think.

“Oh rite. So footie boy came. I’m surprised” Matt says. “Why wouldn’t he? He knew Tina. And he cares about Lucy” Nuno says. “Funny way of showing it” Matt mumbles. “Hey” Nuno says. “Does it matter who is here and who isn’t” I sigh and half turn around. “Marmalade on scones. You won’t be eating that hey Lucy” Nuno says turning me suddenly back to him. Why the hell is he so desperate to show me that.

“Here have some tea” Elena says handing me a cup and saucer. “Thanks” I say taking it from her. More people come to say hello and I know it will be time to leave soon. Time for Tina’s cremation. Oh God. “I’ll be back in a few minutes” I say placing the cup on a nearby table. “Where are you going?” Elena asks. “I need some fresh air” I say. “I’ll come with you” she says. “Or me” Matt says. “Or she might like a moment to herself” Nuno says. “Yes I would” I smile at him. “I won’t be long” I say to Elena. “We’ll be going soon” she says. “I know” I say and make my way past the numerous people in the room.

“You’ll get sick if you stay out in the cold for long” a voice says and I look up from my lap. “Does it matter if I do” I shrug. “Yes it does. Here” Cristiano says placing his suit jacket around my shoulders.

“I just needed five minutes alone” I say. “You’ve been gone a lot longer than five minutes. We’ve all been looking for you” he says. “Well you win” I say. “Are you ok? Sorry your probably sick of been asked that” he says. “I hate all of this” I say. “I know” he says. “We shouldn’t be here” I say. “You spoke beautifully in the church” he says. “So everyone keeps telling me” I say. “I’m sure Tina would have thought so too” he says. “I couldn’t take my eyes of her coffin” I say. “I noticed” he says and I look at him.

“I couldn’t take my eyes of you” he mumbles. “You know I don’t remember one thing from the service. I just saw Josh about to crumble and I had to go to him” I say. “You did good” he says taking a seat next to me on the bench.

“I felt like a fraud” I say. “What?” he asks shocked. “I said that we shouldn’t be here today. I spoke about how wonderful everyone thought she was. But the whole time I wanted to scream” I say. “I don’t understand Lucy” he says. “She lied to me. She lied to us all. But that I can get past. But she was going to leave. She was going to leave and not tell me” I say and I stand.

“She was going to leave. Her and Mike. They were going to go to Spain. And not tell any of us. He was married for fuck sake” I shout. “Lucy” he says. “He’s married. Urgh. She ruined her life for him. Do you know all the crap I had to listen about you been a cheat and she knew. She knew she was ruining a family” I say. “I’m sure she didn’t see it that way” he says. “After everything. Everything I did for her. She was going to pick up all her stuff and leave me. But now she’s left me for good” I say. “Lucy she wasn’t thinking. She was ill” he says. “I hate her for making me feel like this. Why? Why did she not try and get help? Why didn’t I see it?” I shout.

“Lucy” he says. “She was going to leave” I shout. “Lucy she wasn’t thinking straight. You can’t blame yourself” he says. “Why?” I ask.

“Do you know how many times I tried to get my Papi to stop drinking? How many times I begged him to get help and he couldn’t stick it out. I know how what you are feeling. You want to hate her. You can but don’t blame yourself. You said it yourself at the church. You need to remember Tina. Not the Tina on drugs but the girl you knew” he says. “I thought I knew her” I say. “Lucy” he says stroking my cheek with his finger.

“I’ve lost another sister” I whisper. “You’ve got two angels watching out for you now” he says. “So they can watch everyone lie and leave me” I whisper. “That’s not true” he says. “If she was here right now I’d kill her myself for putting her family and friends through this pain” I say. “Your her family” he says.

“Lucy it’s time to go to the crematorium” he says. “I can’t go” I whisper. “Everyone is waiting. That’s why we were looking for you” he says. “I can’t go. It was so hard to look at the coffin knowing she was in there. But to watch as she’s burned to dust…I can’t. I just can’t” I say as tears start to fall down my cheek.

“Yes you can. You can do anything” he says taking a hold of my shoulders. “I can’t” I whisper. “Lucy if you don’t go, you’ll regret it. You need to do this. I nearly didn’t go to my Papi’s burial and looking back now I’m glad I did. Please” he says.

“Ok” I nod. “It’s going to hard. But you should be there to say a final goodbye” he says. I hand his jacket back. “I can’t stop thinking about her final moments. Did she know she was going to die? Did she know I was there?” I cry.

“Oh Lucy” he says moving to hug me. I move out of his reach. “I should go next store” I say. “Ok. Everyone is there” he says. “Better late than never. That’s what Tina always said. She was always late. We used to joke she’d be late for her own funeral” I say holding my hand to my mouth. This is really happening?

“Lucy. I really don’t want to rush you. But you need to go. You need to say goodbye” he says and I walk with him to the restaurant door and walk another few steps towards the crematorium.

“Cris” I call and turn around to find him inches from my face. “Ya” he says. “Will you come with me?” I ask. “Of course” he says and I link his arm.

The room isn’t full. Just Josh, his parents, his uncles and other close relations are all in the room. “Go find you Dad” Cristiano whispers and I look at him. “I’ll be right here” he says and moves to take a seat on the last row. My eyes stare at Tina’s coffin as I walk the twenty steps to where Dad was sitting with Elena.

“Sweetie” he says as I take a seat. This is final. This isn’t like the church. The coffin won’t be here anymore. Tina won’t be here anymore I think wiping my face with the back of my hand. Josh lays a rose on the coffin and takes the photo frame of it. Tom and Alice take their seats and Tom turn to look at me. “Now is the time. If you have anything to say” he says and I nod. I stand and walk to Josh. He places a hand on my shoulder and we both stare at the coffin. “Goodbye sis” he whispers and I want to scream. I want to wake up. This can’t be really happening.

“Goodbye Tina. Lacey will mind you” I whisper kissing my finger and placing it on the coffin.
Somewhere over the rainbow is playing and Josh ushers me to walk. As I sit I notice the purple curtain in front of Tina’s coffin begin to open. As the coffin slowly begins to move my body turns cold.

“No” Alice cries and Josh and his Dad comfort her. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen any emotion from her ever. Dad holds my hand and my body starts to shake as the coffin moves further through the curtain. I pull out of Dad’s grasp and run towards the door.

“Lucy” Cristiano says catching me. He pulls me to his side and I turn to look back at the coffin. My legs start to shake, as tears flow down my face. I feel my legs wobble as the coffin disappears from sight and the closes. My legs goes from under me and an arm comes around my waist holding me up.

“Ssh it’s ok. It’s ok” he whispers against my hair. “Everyone I love leaves” I cry. “I’m here. I’m here” he says.