I'll Make You See It Was All Real

Lucy’s Pov

“You know it was him” Elena says into my ear as I hug her goodbye at the restaurant. “Goodnight Elena” I say. “Ready to go?” Cris asks holding out my coat. “Yup think it’s time this Cinderella puts her dancing shoes away” I say. “Cinderella. The way you like your bed I would have thought sleeping Beauty” he says. “Beauty. Have you seen her in the mornings?” Elena jokes. “She’s kidding Lucy. Plus we both know how cute you are in the morning. Especially when you yawn and your nose scrunches up” he smiles sadly and I remember all the times I woke up to his brown eyes staring into mine. “Night Elena” Cris says and he ushers me out.

This is bad I think as I listen to every word that comes out of his mouth as my eyes focus on my wrist. On the charms. The charms he had chosen for me. Think his fingers stroke my cheek and I’m staring into his eyes. He leans closer to me and his lips brush against mine. A soft kiss and he tilts his head to deepen the kiss. One hand cradles the back of my head whilst his other hand glides down my arm. This is bad. This is so bad and I pull back. “No. No” I say shaking my head. What have I done?

“Lucy” he says. “We can’t do that” I mutter with the tingle from the kiss still on my lips as I stand from the couch. “Lucy” he says standing. “No Cris. Just leave please” I beg. What have I done?
“That kiss” he says. “Should never have happened” I say. “Why not? You felt it too. Didn’t you?” he asks. I don’t know what I felt. It felt too real. Too like before. “You didn’t pull back” he says. “I did” I say. “Not at first. You know there is something still between us” he says. “Stop. Just stop. It was a kiss. Just a kiss” I say. Just a kiss that made my whole body tingle. That gave me goosebumps. Just a kiss that made my heart beat fast. “It wasn’t just a kiss” he says. “Please go” I beg as he stands in front of me. “Our life is complicated enough. Please” I beg.

“I’m sorry” he says. “For kissing me?” I ask. Had it been that long that I was the only one who had felt….No stop. “For rushing you” he whispers pulling a lock of hair behind my ear. “I’m not going anywhere Lucy. You know we are meant for each other” he says. “Too much as happened” I whisper. “Noite Lucy” he whispers and instead of placing a kiss on my lips like I had expected him to. He places a quick kiss against my forehead before turning his heels and walking away. “Noite Cris” I whisper after him.

What have I done?

“Lucy are you alright?” Dad asks days later as I sit having lunch with him and Lisa. “Huh ya sorry. I’m fine” I say. “Really?” he asks. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” I ask. “You haven’t eaten much of your lunch” he says nodding to my barely eaten plate. “I’m not that hungry. I guess” I say. “Sickness?” Lisa asks. “Something like that” I say. The past few days had been great. Having Dad and Lisa here with me had been great. But all I could think of was that kiss with Cristiano.
“I’m going to go to the bathroom before we head to the airport” Dad says and I don’t miss the nod he gives Lisa.

“Lucy” she says when we are alone. “I kissed Cris” I say quickly. “You kissed him?” she asks shocked. “Well he kissed me and I didn’t pull back straight away and now I’m confused. And we haven’t spoken. And we’re having a baby together. And-

“Lucy take a deep breath and start from the beginning” Lisa says. I tell her about what happened when he took me home. About the charms. “And he just left” she says. “I begged him to leave. Our focus should be on the baby. Mixing him and me together. It’s too complicated” I say. “Complicated doesn’t have to be bad” she says. “I can’t trust him. He lied. He cheated. I’m having a baby with someone who I can’t trust. He already broke my heart once. I’m not going to let him do it again” I say.

“The kiss felt good?” she asks. “The kiss felt like normal. That’s the problem. It was easier to be around him when I hated him” I say. “But you don’t hate him anymore” she asks. Did I ever hate him?

“I don’t know how I feel. Every time I think maybe it might not be such a bad idea to try, something happens that makes me doubt myself and him. If it’s not phone calls from that slut then it’s a kiss” I say. “If you are thinking about trying then maybe there is something there with him. I can see that he loves you. Surely you can see that” she says.

“I don’t want to lose anymore” I say trying to fight the tears in my eyes. “I don’t understand” she says. “The way we are I still have him. If we fail and end up hating each other. I can’t do it. I can’t do that to my baby” I say. “Oh sweetie trust me you’ll never loose him. If you were married to someone else, that man would pine for you until his death” Lisa says. “Bit dramatic Lisa” I say. “Also true. I know it’s hard for you to trust” she says. “I trust you” I smile. “Eventually” she smiles. “What am I going to do?” I ask. “Just follow your heart Lucy” Lisa says. “I just wish that my head and heart could say the same thing” I say.

“Everything ok?” he asks. Kissing Lisa’s cheek. “Everything is good. Apart from the fact that I’m going to miss the both you” I say. “You’ll see us soon. Now are we going? Our flight is soon” Dad says and we head to the airport.

“No crying. Look after yourself and my soon to be grandchild. And let Cristiano look after you. I told him to ignore your stubbornness and hopefully he’ll listen to me” Dad says hugging me near the security in the airport. “Goodbye Dad” I say sadly. I’m really going to miss him.

“Real love always wins Lucy” Lisa whispers into my ear as she hugs me goodbye. I wave them both off and begin to walk back to the car park. I look at my watch. This is ridiculous. I can’t avoid him forever. We are having a baby together for heaven sake. “Why the hell am I so nervous?” I mumble pulling my mobile out of my handbag. I reach my car and settle into the front seat. The phone rings. And rings and I’m just waiting and half hoping for the answer machine when the phone answers.

“Hello” he says. “Oh ahm hi” I mumble. “Hi” he says again. “Hi” I say and we lapse into silence. “How have you being?” he asks. “Good. Busy. Dad and Lisa kept me busy” I say resting my head against the head rest. “That’s nice. I mean that’s good” he says. “I just dropped them at the airport actually” I say. “You’ll miss them” he says.”Ya I will” I say sadly. “I didn’t mean to make you sad” he says. “You didn’t. Anyway why I’m ringing. I don’t know if I told you or not or of you are coming after the other…” I stutter. Jezz why is this so awkward. “But I have another scan today and if you want or still planning on coming. Then it’s on-

“At 5.30” he says and I take a breath. “I remember. I’ll be there” he says. “Good. Ahm that’s good. I’ll see you later than” I say. “See you then” he says and hangs up.

“Why does life have to be so complicated?” I mumble resting my arms on the steering wheel.

How do I speak to him in person when I could barely talk straight to him over the phone?