If You Built Yourself a Myth

DISCLAIMER: Just a fan of the show, I own nothing.

WARNINGS: Mentions an abusive boyfriend.

It had been a week since Marissa’s visit to see the show. It was a day when she was not working in the library. She thought it would be nice to surprise Andrew at work, so they could eat lunch together. Marissa felt guilty for lying to him, and she felt like she should be making more effort to make him happy. She knew she had to forget about Jimmy, although it was really hard to stop thinking about him. In fact, it was impossible. When she arrived at the building where Andrew worked, which was a lengthy bicycle ride away from her house, she was surprised to see that his secretary Laura was not at her desk. Then she realized that Laura was probably out on her lunch break. So she headed over to the inner door which led to Andrew’s office and knocked on it. “Andrew, it’s Marissa. Can I come in?” She asked politely.

“No!” Andrew’s reply was muffled through the door. “Just wait a few minutes.”

Marissa ignored him and opened the door anyway, sensing that something was wrong. Inside the office, her heart sunk when she saw Andrew and Laura. They both had flushed faces and Laura looked mortified by seeing Marissa there, but Andrew seemed annoyed. He was standing in front of his desk, and Laura was a few paces away, adjusting her pencil skirt. The brunette’s prettily made up face had one flaw, her smudged lipstick. Andrew’s hair was dishevelled, he had a lipstick stain on his face and his suit jacket was flung over the small couch in the office. His shirt was half tucked in and buttoned up wrongly. It did not take a genius to figure out what had happened, and Marissa was not sure how to feel. On the one hand, she felt hurt, sick, and betrayed. On the other hand, she found it hard to judge Andrew when she herself had been cheating in a very slight way because of the strong affection she felt for Jimmy. Yet of course nothing had happened with Jimmy. Imagining what could happen with Jimmy was just harmless fantasy. Andrew had broken her trust and actually cheated on her in reality. The strangest thing to Marissa was that finding out Andrew had cheated did not completely devastate her. She instinctively knew it would have been so much different if she had actually been dating Jimmy and he had cheated. That would have just about killed her. This pain, though strong, was not as terrible. Her feelings for Andrew, if they were really true and not just her fooling herself into thinking she wanted to be with him always, had paled considerably now after her shocking discovery.

Andrew cleared his throat. “Laura was just telling me about a new contract I needed to sign. Isn’t that right, Laura?” He asked her, giving her an intense stare.

Laura quickly nodded. “Yes, that’s right. Well, I should get back to my desk now,” She avoided looking at Marissa as she hurried out of the office, shutting the door behind her.

“Why didn’t you wait outside?” Andrew practically growled, his eyes sparking with a building rage. He stormed up to Marissa and smacked her hard across the face, leaving a red imprint on her cheek. She was shocked by his sudden attack, but the sting of the slap mild compared to the pain in her heart. “I told you to wait!” He exclaimed, grabbing hold of her arms with a tight, bruising grip and shaking her for a few moments. He sighed heavily. “Why didn’t you just wait?”

“I’m sorry, I...” Marissa started to apologize, but then she changed her mind and drew up a little courage. “No, actually I’m not sorry at all. You’re the one who cheated on me, why should I be sorry?”

Andrew released her briefly, then one of his hands caught hold of her long red tresses and he used his hold on her hair to pull her closer. “I wasn’t going to say anything, but did you really think I didn’t know about your little trip to see those freaks? After I warned you not to go!” He shouted angrily.

“Andrew, please stop...” Marissa tried to pry his hand away from her hair, as the roots of her hair were being strained and it hurt her. “You promised me, remember? You said you wouldn’t hit me again.”

“Yes, and you promised me you wouldn’t me go to that show,” Andrew shot back, then smiled at her coldly. “I don’t have to keep promises if you don’t keep your promises either,” He pushed her away from him, and then struck her with a closed fist. All she saw was the flash of gold from his class ring before she felt the painful impact, which caused her lip to split open and tears to spring into her eyes from the pain. “Besides, this is all your fault. I’m a man, I have needs and all the waiting to have you was driving me crazy. I had to get some relief, that’s why I slept with Laura.”

Marissa did cry then, unable to hold back her tears anymore. “That’s unfair, Andrew. You were the one who told me that you were happy for us to wait until we got married. You said you would never think of marrying a girl who wasn’t a virgin,” She was usually soft spoken but she was so frustrated with him that her voice got louder as she continued to talk. . “I’m not to blame for you being a cheater...”

Andrew scowled at her, pulling her back onto her feet and smacking her again, this time using the back of his hand. “Don’t raise your voice to me, Marissa.”

Marissa felt weary, and she gave up on defending herself. Andrew would not listen to reason and she did not think she could stand for him to hit her anymore. “I’m just...upset. I suppose I’m... not thinking straight. You’re right; I shouldn’t have talked to you like that...” She was relieved when Andrew’s hard stare softened slightly and he led her over to the couch. She sat down straight away, and tensed up Andrew sat next to her. She wished he would not sit so close to her but refrained from moving away, not wanting him to lose his temper again.

“I didn’t mean to go so far, sweetheart...” Andrew took hold of her hand and seemed remorseful, all of a sudden. “It’s not like I enjoy hurting you. If you had just listened to me then none of this would have happened. I admit that I made a terrible mistake. I should never have touched Laura, but you have to know it meant nothing to me. She was always jealous of you, and she kept flirting with me. I was mad at you, and I was frustrated because I couldn’t be as close to you as I wanted. I didn’t mean it when I said it was your fault. Look, all you have to do is follow my lead, and we’ll be really happy together. I don’t think I’m asking too much of you, especially since I’m clearing all your family debt.”

That was true. Marissa’s stepmother had never worked a day in her life, apart from some modelling in her youth. Marissa’s job at the library, though enjoyable, did not pay well at all. Without Andrew’s help, they would have been drowning in their debt. There was no escaping the fact. Marissa had not wanted him to help them, but her stepmother had ignored Marissa’s concerns and accepted his help. At the time Marissa had thought he had a kind heart but now she could see that he had done it for his own benefit. Marissa felt obligated to Andrew, and there was no way she could pay him back even if she took on some extra jobs. She wished she had been able to go to college, but her father’s passing away and the revelation of all the debt he had hidden from them had crushed that dream for her. How different her life would have been then. Then again, she would never have met Jimmy and she would not have changed meeting him for the world. She was just relieved that Andrew did not know about Jimmy giving her a ride home. She dreaded to think what he would have done if he had known. Marissa would never be able to forgive herself if she put Jimmy and the troupe in danger. She had been blind, fooled by Andrew’s sweet, easy charm and good looks. Now she could see that beneath his gentlemanly exterior he was a monster with a cold heart. Her future husband. She did not believe he felt guilty for what he had done to her at all. Rather, he was just telling her what he thought she wanted to hear. And so in return, she told him what he wanted to hear. Andrew’s lunch break was long since over, which Marissa was glad for because it meant he had to get back to work and she could leave.

Jupiter was a small town, and gossip travelled fast. Andrew did not want word to get around of what had happened, since it would damage his pristine reputation in town. So he had taken her home in his car, and she had been careful to keep her face hidden where he had cut her lip and there was a darkening bruise close to her jawline. Marissa was just relieved when she was in the house and Andrew had gone. She had gone upstairs to her room and freshened up, before curling up on her bed holding a pillow for comfort. She shut her eyes to block out the world and just imagined she was somewhere else, in a place where Andrew did not exist and she was with Jimmy. Eventually she must have drifted off to sleep, because she woke up to someone shaking her shoulder. It was her stepmother, Grace.

“Darling, have you been sleeping all this time? I came home to find the house dark and nothing prepared for dinner,” Grace sounded irritated. “It’s just not like you to be so lax.” She switched on the lamp at Marissa’s bedside table, and then gasped when she saw the state of her stepdaughter. “Who did this to you?”

“Andrew,” Marissa replied quietly.

“Well, darling...” Grace sat down on the bed, seeming uncomfortable. “Everybody makes mistakes, you know,” She examined Marissa’s face, shaking her head slowly. “I’m sure he regrets it terribly. And I can cover this bruise up in no time. Why, it’ll be like it was never even there.”

“The magic of make-up, of course. That will solve everything,” Marissa replied acerbically. “Oh, mother...Is that really all you can say?”

“I think you need some rest, darling. I’ll make dinner tonight,” Grace quickly stood up and left the bedroom.

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A few days later Marissa was at home alone. She was startled when she heard the doorbell ring. She knew she could not let anyone see her while she was still recovering, but she still wanted to know who it was. So she took a peek out of a window, pulling a curtain aside and she was surprised to see it was Jimmy. She rushed to the door, forgetting all about her resolve to ignore whoever was visiting the Winters residence. Yet as she had her hand on the latch she hesitated, thinking about the possible repercussions of her letting him in – only for a few moments, before she opened the door slightly, half hiding behind it.

“Jimmy, hello. What are you doing here?”

He shrugged, giving her a half smile. “Just figured I’d come see why you haven’t visited us lately,” Then his smile disappeared and he frowned at her, “But if you don’t want me here, I’ll leave.”

“No, please come in!” Marissa exclaimed, opening the door wider but making sure she stayed behind it still. She waited for Jimmy to enter then shut the door. “I just had a little accident; I guess I’m self-conscious about people seeing it.”

Jimmy cursed softly when he saw Marissa’s face fully. “What the hell...” He looked visibly upset. “An accident? Come on, doll. Try again, tell me what really happened.”

“I’m not lying,” Marissa replied, averting her eyes. “I was in a friend’s car, and we had a minor crash.” She led Jimmy to the living room and gestured to the couch. “Take a seat; can I get you some iced tea?”

Jimmy did not seem satisfied by her explanation, but to her relief he let the topic drop. “How about you sit down and I’ll get us some iced tea,” He suggested firmly.

“But you don’t know where everything is,” Marissa protested. “And besides, you’re my guest.”

Jimmy raised an eyebrow, seeming amused. “I don’t think it’s gonna be a challenge for me to find a few glasses and the iced tea. I bet it only takes me a few minutes,” He rushed out of the living room before Marissa could say anything else.

She sat down, and sure enough, Jimmy was true to his word and came back with two glasses of iced tea, which he carefully set down on the coffee table. “Thank you, Jimmy,” Marissa smiled brightly as he sat down next to her.

“It’s no problem,” Jimmy returned her smile, but it did not reach his eyes. He appeared troubled as he took a long sip of his iced tea. “Are you alright?” He asked, staring at her intently.

“I’m fine, Jimmy. How about you? How’s everyone at the show?” Marissa replied, touched by his concern and wishing she could just tell him everything but knowing it was not a good idea.

He shot her a disapproving look, appearing to know she was lying to him again. “Yeah, we’re all good. Some days are better than others,” He downed the rest of his iced tea, then set the glass down forcefully. “You ever been in love?”

“Oh...” Marissa was startled by his unexpected question. She gazed at Jimmy thoughtfully before she nodded slowly. “Yes, I’m in love right now.”

A look of disgust crossed Jimmy’s face. “It’s not the bastard with the mean right hook that bruised your face, is it?” He demanded to know.

“What? No, remember I told you I was in a crash,” Marissa reiterated her lie. “No one hit me, Jimmy. Now, I want to know, have you ever been in love?”

“What girl would love a freak like me?” Jimmy laughed bitterly and self-deprecatingly.

Marissa could see the pain in his eyes although he was hiding it as much as he could. “Oh, Jimmy. Please don’t say that,” She put down her still full glass of iced tea and took hold of his hands gently. “You are not a freak. You’re unique, and any girl would be so lucky to have you as her own.”

He shook his head. “Yeah, right. I’m such a catch,” He retorted, yanking his hands out of her hold. “I was such a damn fool. I thought maybe, just maybe, Maggie would be different from the other girls. She made me feel like anything was possible. Like finally I found a girl who would want to be with me. But she just built my hopes up then destroyed them.”

“Who’s Maggie?” Marissa asked, a stab of jealousy cutting into her. “I thought maybe...that you liked Esmerelda?”

Jimmy frowned at her. “Esmerelda is Maggie’s stage name. Didn’t you know that?”

Marissa shook her head quietly in reply, feeling like if she said anything he might snap at her again. She hated that Maggie had rejected him, because she could see how hurt and disappointed he was. Yet she also felt relieved, which she knew was mean. Again, she was selfishly thinking of herself.

Jimmy took a deep breath. “Look...I didn’t mean to be rude. Sorry doll. I’m just not in a good place right now. Then again, when am I ever in a good place in my life?” He sighed as he wrapped his arms around her in a loose friendly hug which she returned willingly. When he went to pull away from the hug she held on tighter, so he just kept holding her, sensing that she needed a little comfort. And admittedly it felt nice, having her in his arms. He appreciated that she was not prejudiced against his kind, like a lot of the folk in Jupiter. She was pretty, in a soft, understated way. It was the sort of prettiness that had not jumped out at him straight away like with Maggie but that he had come to notice over his time of knowing her. She was sweet, and he felt like he could trust her although they did not know each other well. He considered her to be his friend, and as such it was natural that he felt protective of her. So it made him angry to think about her dating the lowlife bastard who thought it was all right to hit a woman.

Thanks for reading :)