Status: Work in progress
Queer Maria.
Chapter 1
Alex Gaskarth always knew he was different, however cliche that sounds. He remembers putting lipstick on in his mom's room back in England and running to wash it all off whenever he could hear footsteps coming up the stairs. Somehow, he knew it wasn't normal. No other little boys did it. No other little boys idolised fashion models in mommy's magazines. But it wasn't all that bad in England. Maybe it was because he was really young then but if he ever wanted a doll or was found absent-mindedly wandering into the girls' departments of clothing stores, people usually just shrugged it off, saying things he didn't understand about growing out of it. Whatever "it" was. When he moved over to America however, things were different. America was big and scary and made little Alex feel really, well, shy. He was taken aback by the bustling crowds, by the sheer size of it all. He would see the average American man everywhere and none of those men gave Alex any hope. They were all too concerned with being a macho man. Even little boys his age were concerned with masculinity. At first, Alex wanted nothing more than to move back to England. His mom and dad reassured him that he would settle in. His mom eventually found him playing around with dresses and lipstick in her room and she allowed him to continue, just as long as she could control it, just as long as it stayed in the home. She said it was to protect him. Not that he understood what that meant, mind you.
At school, Alex felt even more isolated. When he was in his preteens and at middle school, every male there was getting interested in girls and he just felt increasingly more abnormal every time someone talked about their crush. He just didn't feel that for girls. He understood that girls were pretty and likeable but it just didn't feel right whenever he tried to talk about them that way. He just couldn't like them and he didn't know why. He wanted so bad to know why.
----
It was a Tuesday afternoon and Jack Barakat was at the store with his mom again. He was in the girls' department, scouring through skinny jeans before his mom caught him. Just as he saw a pair that he liked, a familiar voice called him in that strict tone once again.
"Jack Bassam Barakat!" His mom, Joyce, shouted across the store, gaining looks from other shoppers. "What have I told you about girls' jeans?!" Jack's blush just grew as he cringed under the eyes of the strangers around him. He pulled the hood of his jacket up, wishing for the ground to swallow him right then and there. And just when he thought his mom was done with the yelling- "They're not for you, young man! How many times do I have to repeat it before you get it into your skull? Come on, we're going home. Wait until your father hears about this!" Joyce stomped over to her son, grabbing him by the arm and dragging him out of the store, the onlookers now in fits of giggles, laughing at the poor boy. But it was OK, Jack made sure to give them death glares as he was dragged out of the store. Jack couldn't see what the big deal was. He just liked skinny jeans.
----
It was a Monday and Alex was sat in class, copying down notes off of the board in front of him. He looked up when he heard the classroom door open, seeing this effeminate idiot swagger in with huge eyebrows and the tightest jeans he'd ever seen on a boy. He was sure he'd seen him on the playground before and maybe even in the corridors but he'd never known who he was and he'd never seen him like this before. People started whispering, making comments about the boy's jeans. The boy, who had class clown written all over him, just swaggered over to the teacher's desk, making some unauthentic apology to the teacher and going to sit down. Of course, the teacher stopped the dude in his tracks, pulling him back a little bit harshly.
"That attitude will not fly in this class, young man." The teacher said, that stern, authoritative voice that scared all kids apparent. The boy smiled a charming, persuasive smile and the teacher just sighed in response. "Go find your seat, Jack." Jack. So that was his name. Well, Jack was now walking over to Alex, pulling up the empty chair beside him, and taking a seat. Alex's breath caught in his throat. Nobody had ever wanted to sit by him before. He was a bit of a loner really. It was kinda sad. But Alex figured that he knew why Jack might take a liking to him. You see, Jack was a little bit strange. Just like Alex. He put on this cool, jokey, popular kid demeanour but Alex could see that maybe Jack was just a bit of a weird kid. Like Alex. I mean, the dude freaking wore girl jeans.
Little did Alex know that he would come to create many memories with Jack. Jack introduced him to bands like Green Day and Blink-182 shortly after they met and they got to know each other a little better the further their friendship blossomed. Jack wasn't so much like Alex as Alex had first thought. Jack claimed that he didn't like girl jeans because they were nice or anything, but simply because he liked the feel of skinny jeans. When Jack told him that, Alex was disappointed. He hoped it didn't show. And when Jack got a girlfriend, Alex kind of accepted that he was the only one in the whole of Baltimore who felt the way that he did.
Despite the disappointment, him and Jack stayed good friends and he liked having someone he could talk to. Of course, he couldn't talk to Jack about everything, at least not at first. Like the fact he had a pair of high heels from his mom that he wore whenever he was in his house. He couldn't tell Jack that. As Alex grew up and entered high school at age 14, he began to learn about things like gay people and crossdressing. Nobody really knew much about that stuff in Baltimore though. It was hard to find information. All Alex knew was that he wasn't like his friends. He didn't feel like a girl or anything so why the hell did he love dressing up as one so much? Once he got into high school, he started to become a little more open with things. Him and Jack were now best friends and stayed over at each other's houses so Jack knew that Alex was a tiny bit odd. There was an awkward moment when Jack came over and forgot to knock on his bedroom door once and found Alex standing there, red lippy on, donning stripper high heels. Jack fell over laughing and Alex felt like he wanted the ground to swallow him up right then and there. It was all good after a clean-up and an explanation though. So Jack knew. But Alex daren't tell another soul.
Alex kissed Jack at high school parties when wasted but it meant nothing and nobody took any notice anyway as they were all wrapped up in their own make-out sessions. Alex never wanted to feel left out or look weird being all on his own and so he would grab Jack in a stupid moment of insanity that he would always regret the next day. Luckily, however, Jack was always so smashed that he could never remember a thing. Alex was extremely grateful for that. He didn't think of Jack that way at all, he just wanted someone to kiss and he disliked the idea of kissing a girl way more than he disliked the idea of kissing his best friend.
----
By the time Jack and Alex had started high school, they had decided to start a band. In other words, they were both massive fanboys of Blink-182 and wanted to emulate their heroes. Except, they didn't have a name and for a while, they were just a duo. They played covers with two cheap guitars in Alex's garage and it sounded so incomplete. They eventually became really tired of unsuccessful band practices and were kind of ready to give up but one day, when Alex and Jack were in the 9th grade, Jack was sitting in French class and he saw someone who just exuded punk rock and looked just as eccentric as he and Alex did. Jack knew then that this guy had to join his and Alex's little band ASAP.
Jack did not have French class with Alex. It was the one class that they did not have together. The one lesson where they couldn't piss off the teacher together. Jack was sitting in his chair, tapping his foot to the Blink-182 song that was blasting through his headphones, when he saw him. He'd heard there was a new kid but he figured he'd be some basket case who didn't really like people. The new kids usually always were. They were usually the kids who'd been moved around from school to school because they were a little fucked up. Jack felt sorry for them but every time he'd tried to talk to them, they'd just ignore him and walk away. So he'd learnt his lesson: don't try to make friends with the new kids. But seeing this guy, donning a Face To Face shirt no less, he wanted to unlearn that lesson right away. And he did. Jack had innocently turned his head, just idly looking around the classroom whilst he waited for the teacher to show up. But as he turned his head, he saw this dude with shaggy hair sitting behind him. The shirt caught his attention but then he saw the ridiculous necklace and burst out laughing. The kid gave him a look, trying his best to give Jack a death glare but honestly, a face like that just couldn't manage it. It wasn't that he was ugly or anything. In fact, despite the greasy mop atop his head, he was far from it. He just looked so sweet and kind of like a potato. Not someone that could exactly give death glares. He looked too nice. Jack was about to say something, to explain that he was not laughing at the kid but at the necklace, when the teacher walked in. Jack sat up straight instantly, taking his headphones out and trying to look like he was listening. He already had 3 detentions lined up, he couldn't afford to skip band practice for a fourth.
The class was halfway to being done and the teacher was completely wrapped up in her own world, grading papers whilst her students were supposed to be reading. Fat chance with Jack. Especially not now that he'd seen this boy. He was so intrigued by the kid because he was not like all the other new kids and, up until now, Jack and Alex had been the only kids into pop-punk and bands in general in the entire school. He decided that he would take his chances. Plus, Alex would totally understand if Jack accidentally got detention. Because he was doing this for the band. He was going to get this dude to join, whether the kid liked it or not.
"Hey, you like face to face?" Jack was now whispering to his new friend, Jack's face kind of beaver-like as he said it. The kid suppressed a laugh.
"Uh... yeah." He whispered back. Jack was confused as to why the boy was smiling like that but, instead of questioning, he just went on trying to get to know this mysterious new kid.
Over the course of that day, Jack found out that the kid's name was Rian and that Rian had a really, really good music taste. Like, really. Jack also got a detention from his French teacher for talking but hey, Alex would understand, right? It would give Alex and Rian a chance to get to know each other anyway. Rian was a little intimidated by Jack. Jack was a skinny, emo kid who seemed way too sure of himself. And he was asking Rian Dawson, of all people, to join a band with him and this unknown Alex guy? Rian wasn't too sure...
By the end of that week, Rian had given his and his mom's consent for him to go to band practice with this Alex Gaskarth whom he had still not met. The band practice was on a Saturday in Alex's garage. Jack had sorted everything out with Alex prior so Alex knew that Rian was coming.
Rian took a deep breath as he stepped out of his mom's car, walking up to the front door of this stranger's house. Once he was at the door, he knocked on it gently. He had expected Alex's mom to answer the door but instead, a scrawny 15-year-old boy stood in the doorway. He assumed this was Alex. He hadn't expected him to be so, well, skinny. And punk. He hadn't the slightest idea why but he'd expected Alex to be, well, a douchebag. But here was this stammering, spotty teenager trying his best to introduce himself and, honestly, Rian wanted to laugh. He knew that was bad and made him look and sound like a total asshole but this was such an anti-climax and so god damn relieving. Rian had been getting himself worked up all morning for absolutely nothing. He smiled, taking the shaking boy's hand.
"Rian."
"A-Alex."
At school, Alex felt even more isolated. When he was in his preteens and at middle school, every male there was getting interested in girls and he just felt increasingly more abnormal every time someone talked about their crush. He just didn't feel that for girls. He understood that girls were pretty and likeable but it just didn't feel right whenever he tried to talk about them that way. He just couldn't like them and he didn't know why. He wanted so bad to know why.
----
It was a Tuesday afternoon and Jack Barakat was at the store with his mom again. He was in the girls' department, scouring through skinny jeans before his mom caught him. Just as he saw a pair that he liked, a familiar voice called him in that strict tone once again.
"Jack Bassam Barakat!" His mom, Joyce, shouted across the store, gaining looks from other shoppers. "What have I told you about girls' jeans?!" Jack's blush just grew as he cringed under the eyes of the strangers around him. He pulled the hood of his jacket up, wishing for the ground to swallow him right then and there. And just when he thought his mom was done with the yelling- "They're not for you, young man! How many times do I have to repeat it before you get it into your skull? Come on, we're going home. Wait until your father hears about this!" Joyce stomped over to her son, grabbing him by the arm and dragging him out of the store, the onlookers now in fits of giggles, laughing at the poor boy. But it was OK, Jack made sure to give them death glares as he was dragged out of the store. Jack couldn't see what the big deal was. He just liked skinny jeans.
----
It was a Monday and Alex was sat in class, copying down notes off of the board in front of him. He looked up when he heard the classroom door open, seeing this effeminate idiot swagger in with huge eyebrows and the tightest jeans he'd ever seen on a boy. He was sure he'd seen him on the playground before and maybe even in the corridors but he'd never known who he was and he'd never seen him like this before. People started whispering, making comments about the boy's jeans. The boy, who had class clown written all over him, just swaggered over to the teacher's desk, making some unauthentic apology to the teacher and going to sit down. Of course, the teacher stopped the dude in his tracks, pulling him back a little bit harshly.
"That attitude will not fly in this class, young man." The teacher said, that stern, authoritative voice that scared all kids apparent. The boy smiled a charming, persuasive smile and the teacher just sighed in response. "Go find your seat, Jack." Jack. So that was his name. Well, Jack was now walking over to Alex, pulling up the empty chair beside him, and taking a seat. Alex's breath caught in his throat. Nobody had ever wanted to sit by him before. He was a bit of a loner really. It was kinda sad. But Alex figured that he knew why Jack might take a liking to him. You see, Jack was a little bit strange. Just like Alex. He put on this cool, jokey, popular kid demeanour but Alex could see that maybe Jack was just a bit of a weird kid. Like Alex. I mean, the dude freaking wore girl jeans.
Little did Alex know that he would come to create many memories with Jack. Jack introduced him to bands like Green Day and Blink-182 shortly after they met and they got to know each other a little better the further their friendship blossomed. Jack wasn't so much like Alex as Alex had first thought. Jack claimed that he didn't like girl jeans because they were nice or anything, but simply because he liked the feel of skinny jeans. When Jack told him that, Alex was disappointed. He hoped it didn't show. And when Jack got a girlfriend, Alex kind of accepted that he was the only one in the whole of Baltimore who felt the way that he did.
Despite the disappointment, him and Jack stayed good friends and he liked having someone he could talk to. Of course, he couldn't talk to Jack about everything, at least not at first. Like the fact he had a pair of high heels from his mom that he wore whenever he was in his house. He couldn't tell Jack that. As Alex grew up and entered high school at age 14, he began to learn about things like gay people and crossdressing. Nobody really knew much about that stuff in Baltimore though. It was hard to find information. All Alex knew was that he wasn't like his friends. He didn't feel like a girl or anything so why the hell did he love dressing up as one so much? Once he got into high school, he started to become a little more open with things. Him and Jack were now best friends and stayed over at each other's houses so Jack knew that Alex was a tiny bit odd. There was an awkward moment when Jack came over and forgot to knock on his bedroom door once and found Alex standing there, red lippy on, donning stripper high heels. Jack fell over laughing and Alex felt like he wanted the ground to swallow him up right then and there. It was all good after a clean-up and an explanation though. So Jack knew. But Alex daren't tell another soul.
Alex kissed Jack at high school parties when wasted but it meant nothing and nobody took any notice anyway as they were all wrapped up in their own make-out sessions. Alex never wanted to feel left out or look weird being all on his own and so he would grab Jack in a stupid moment of insanity that he would always regret the next day. Luckily, however, Jack was always so smashed that he could never remember a thing. Alex was extremely grateful for that. He didn't think of Jack that way at all, he just wanted someone to kiss and he disliked the idea of kissing a girl way more than he disliked the idea of kissing his best friend.
----
By the time Jack and Alex had started high school, they had decided to start a band. In other words, they were both massive fanboys of Blink-182 and wanted to emulate their heroes. Except, they didn't have a name and for a while, they were just a duo. They played covers with two cheap guitars in Alex's garage and it sounded so incomplete. They eventually became really tired of unsuccessful band practices and were kind of ready to give up but one day, when Alex and Jack were in the 9th grade, Jack was sitting in French class and he saw someone who just exuded punk rock and looked just as eccentric as he and Alex did. Jack knew then that this guy had to join his and Alex's little band ASAP.
Jack did not have French class with Alex. It was the one class that they did not have together. The one lesson where they couldn't piss off the teacher together. Jack was sitting in his chair, tapping his foot to the Blink-182 song that was blasting through his headphones, when he saw him. He'd heard there was a new kid but he figured he'd be some basket case who didn't really like people. The new kids usually always were. They were usually the kids who'd been moved around from school to school because they were a little fucked up. Jack felt sorry for them but every time he'd tried to talk to them, they'd just ignore him and walk away. So he'd learnt his lesson: don't try to make friends with the new kids. But seeing this guy, donning a Face To Face shirt no less, he wanted to unlearn that lesson right away. And he did. Jack had innocently turned his head, just idly looking around the classroom whilst he waited for the teacher to show up. But as he turned his head, he saw this dude with shaggy hair sitting behind him. The shirt caught his attention but then he saw the ridiculous necklace and burst out laughing. The kid gave him a look, trying his best to give Jack a death glare but honestly, a face like that just couldn't manage it. It wasn't that he was ugly or anything. In fact, despite the greasy mop atop his head, he was far from it. He just looked so sweet and kind of like a potato. Not someone that could exactly give death glares. He looked too nice. Jack was about to say something, to explain that he was not laughing at the kid but at the necklace, when the teacher walked in. Jack sat up straight instantly, taking his headphones out and trying to look like he was listening. He already had 3 detentions lined up, he couldn't afford to skip band practice for a fourth.
The class was halfway to being done and the teacher was completely wrapped up in her own world, grading papers whilst her students were supposed to be reading. Fat chance with Jack. Especially not now that he'd seen this boy. He was so intrigued by the kid because he was not like all the other new kids and, up until now, Jack and Alex had been the only kids into pop-punk and bands in general in the entire school. He decided that he would take his chances. Plus, Alex would totally understand if Jack accidentally got detention. Because he was doing this for the band. He was going to get this dude to join, whether the kid liked it or not.
"Hey, you like face to face?" Jack was now whispering to his new friend, Jack's face kind of beaver-like as he said it. The kid suppressed a laugh.
"Uh... yeah." He whispered back. Jack was confused as to why the boy was smiling like that but, instead of questioning, he just went on trying to get to know this mysterious new kid.
Over the course of that day, Jack found out that the kid's name was Rian and that Rian had a really, really good music taste. Like, really. Jack also got a detention from his French teacher for talking but hey, Alex would understand, right? It would give Alex and Rian a chance to get to know each other anyway. Rian was a little intimidated by Jack. Jack was a skinny, emo kid who seemed way too sure of himself. And he was asking Rian Dawson, of all people, to join a band with him and this unknown Alex guy? Rian wasn't too sure...
By the end of that week, Rian had given his and his mom's consent for him to go to band practice with this Alex Gaskarth whom he had still not met. The band practice was on a Saturday in Alex's garage. Jack had sorted everything out with Alex prior so Alex knew that Rian was coming.
Rian took a deep breath as he stepped out of his mom's car, walking up to the front door of this stranger's house. Once he was at the door, he knocked on it gently. He had expected Alex's mom to answer the door but instead, a scrawny 15-year-old boy stood in the doorway. He assumed this was Alex. He hadn't expected him to be so, well, skinny. And punk. He hadn't the slightest idea why but he'd expected Alex to be, well, a douchebag. But here was this stammering, spotty teenager trying his best to introduce himself and, honestly, Rian wanted to laugh. He knew that was bad and made him look and sound like a total asshole but this was such an anti-climax and so god damn relieving. Rian had been getting himself worked up all morning for absolutely nothing. He smiled, taking the shaking boy's hand.
"Rian."
"A-Alex."