Status: First ever Walking Dead fic... Here we go...

Better Angels

Good Intentions

"Here I am.... Will you send me an angel?"


I could think of nothing... To describe my actions. So I decided to classify the whole thing as being under the "Jackson Influance."

I debated it in my head for it little bit, and all through dinner, up until I had the next shift on watch with Daryl.

I wanted to tell him, ask him what he thinks, but Daryl has three kinds of modes when it comes to responses. The blunt, ugly truth that he couldn't give a damn how it effects you, the softened blow, where he is sarcastic about it, or when he just huffs or groans in annoyance, not wanting to respond to the drama being bistoed upon him.

Well, I couldn't care either way how he decides to respond, because the main thing is that I was brave enough to make the decision to ask him in the first place.

We sat in silence on the rooftop of the shed for several moments before I broke it.

"Hey Daryl..."

He looks over, tawny eyes ever-narrowed, on my face, soft, somehow lost in that face.

"Yeah?"

"I have a question... Well, really it's more of a question on your opinion." I say sheepishly, peeking up at his expression.

I notice that little confused, frustrated line form between his eyebrows, and then his face becomes unreadable.

"Shoot." He finally says, leaning backwards.

"Ok..." I take in a deep breath, hold it for a few seconds and then exhale. "Jackson, he asked me to the dance today." I nearly spit it out, I peek up warily again,

"So... How is this a problem and how does it have anything to do with me?" He almost complans.

"I'm getting to that." I say quickly "Anyways, he did. And well... I'm not sure how to feel about that." I admit "I need your opinion, because you're a boy. An-"

"You mean because I have a dick?" He interrupts, a smirk of smartass-ness forming on his lips in the moonlight escaping the clouds, lighting his angular face.

"God, you can't be serious for one second can you?" I glare at him and redirect my attention to the view in front of us, heaving a frustrated sigh.

He raises his hands in defence "Sorry, Jesus Christ, you try cracking a joke with a stiff."

That wasn't the first time I'd been called that, and it made me wonder if it was spreading around camp now.

I shake my head to clear it "Anyways, I've been pretty good friends with him, gotten to know him now. But you are good at reading people, do you see anything... off about him?"

He pauses thoughtfully "He is a decent kid, make a nice soldier if he'd cut off that damned hair, but hell. He's alright, he has this sort of... I don't know what to call it, alternate energy? Like he's two kinds of people. But it looks like to me, that his cheerful side wins out the most."

I nod and process his analyzation.

"But if you do got with him, just be careful, ight? Don't let yer guard down ever, but that ain't saying not to have fun, neither."

I nod "Ok, thanks Daryl."

"No problem."

"Just..." He asks after another minute of silence "Why didn't you take this gossip and guy-advice thing to Maggie and Beth, I'd be willing to be my crossbow they'd been more effective, since both em' been married before."

"Beth has been married? When?" I ask, surprised. She couldn't have been any older than seventeen.

"Back in Georgia, some kid named Jimmy. He gave his life to save Rick and Carl's."

I nod slowly "I don't know, guess I thought you'd be more knowledgable. Plus, I know you better." I say, poking his forearm with enthusiasm.

"I'm a closed book." He stats the truth in flat honesty. I sigh and look up at the stars, I think I know how to handle Jackson now.

{}{}{}

The next morning follows the same routine I always do, I get off watch, and so does Daryl, at three-thirty AM. I go to bed until eight, then get up, get dressed, eat a small breakfast, then feeding the horses and watering them, then proceeding with whatever chores I've been assigned for the day.

After chores, I catch up with Jackson and decide to discuss what our costumes will look like, I get out my sketchbook and we sit in the gazebo in the backyard, Jackson describes the fine details of his costume to me while I jot them down onto the paper and them incorperate them into a drawing, when we have something we like and are willing to work with, we are done.

I drop my pencil and I lean forward to pick it up, my sketch book falling out of my lap, onto the wooden gazebo floor, pages wide open, revealing a dark sketch of highway, with bodies of everyone I know within the picture, along the top I had written "No one survives-everyone dies."

"Whoa, you're quite the artist."

I blush and scoop up the book clumsily. No one was supposed to see that.

But there is no traitor in Jackson's eyes, there isn't a dull twinkle that makes me think he'd go tellin everyone in camp. But that won't stop him from looking through my other drawings when I leave it unattended.

I rip the page with the costume sketches from the book and fold it neatly, handing it to Jackson with a fake smile.

"I should probably go see if the other girls need help with anything." I say as I stand, dusting off the back of my jeans.

He nods "See ya." He waves, but remains seated.

As I walk away, I run a hand through my hair, slightly tangled from the wind. A plan is forming in my head. I'm not sure how forgiving my family will be to the optisism in my sketches, but I am also not willing to find out.

I go to the house and find a small plastic container, the same size as the sketchbook, and put it inside, snapping on the lid, I will have to be careful of all eyes tonight.

I did not lie to Jackson completely, I am heading out towards their makeshift camp to find Maggie and Beth, stepping around puddles and remaining snow drifts along the way.

I step up into the RV, and find them.

There is a medium sized cardboard box on the table that looks like it's been to hell and back, and Maggie is pulling out wads of colorful, printed fabric from it, holding it out until it unravels into a long sleek piece of material, that she holds right up against her sister's collarbone to get an idea how the dress would look.

"Hey Aries." Beth greets cheerily, Maggie smiles at me. I wave "Hi guys, what are you up to?"

"Trying out dresses." Beth grins, and I can tell she's all into this.

"They were our mothers, couldn't exactly leave em' at the farm when it got overrun, and these are the closest things we have to a dress since boots and jeans aren't the requested attire." Maggie says.

I nod and sit at the table as Maggie sits a bright floral patterned dress across the back of the chair behind her, reaching back into the box and pulling out a shiny white dress, with silver and gold accents, it looks like a nice cocktail dress.

"Who are you going with, Beth?" I ask her as Maggie holds that dress up against Beth too.

"That friend of yours, Jacob?"

I nod, smiling for her that she could at least break through his shell.

She smiles too, and Maggie puts another dress against her.

{}{}{}

That night, I work in my bedroom, digging through clothing I do have to recycle it into something better, which was something I've never really had to do.

Then as I dug through my closet, I found a stack of flat white sheets, without all the fitted stuff, I smiled and figured I could figure out how to make it work, few stitches here, few there, and maybe a belt of some sort to keep it all together.

I nod and sit the pile on the vanity and clamber into bed with Maggie and Beth, who are still up, talking with Carol and Ellice.

I stay up a little while longer, before lying down, drowning out the conversations and closing my eyes.

Tonight, I dream...

I am alone.

There is snow on the ground, in the trees, I am in the woods. The snow is unusual, it has large almost black, red splatters across it, I follow them, as they go, thinning into a trail through the thick trees.

The sunlight thins and the ground level is murky, fog floats in the air, but doesn't move, it doesn't shift, it's unrealistic.

I move forward, until the leafs above blot out all sunlight and it becomes dark as midnight on the forest floor, I cannot see much, but as I turn, I see a light.

I take a small step towards it, then another, it doesn't seem to move away. I take several more steps and it gets larger, I see something in it.

I walk towards it, and it is a bright mirror, sunlight moves in splinters from the glass, casting kaldiscopes across my arms and face. I look into the mirror, it's a familiar scene.

There are two children on the otherside of the glass, they sit on their knees in sand and mud, wearing swimming suits, mud in their hair and on their faces, up their arms and down their legs, as they pat mud mounds together and duck behind them, one girl peeks over her shelter, and is clobbered in the face with a glob of drippy mud, her expression is one of utter surprise, she turns quickly, scraping at the ground to gather enough mud to throw back.

She hits the other girl's shoulder, and then it's on, though from the mud already smeared into their hair, it already was.

I smile and press my hand against the glass, only there is no glass and I fall straight through, into a muddy puddle.

I groan and push myself up, my shirt is caked in mud, I look up and the two children do not look at me, but I look at them, one girl has long brownish blond hair, it's hard to tell because it's all matted to her head. The other girl has shoulder length dark blond hair, green eyes, whereas the other girl had blue.

The ever prominent blue that I see everyday when I look into the mirror, and the same green eyes, once so vibrent, died out to a dull color of tired non-caring eyes.

My breath hitches in my throat as I just lie there in the mud watching them, smiling and laughing, my presence unknown.

No... I think.

No, I have to remind them, tell them to never stop being this way, never grow apart, never grow up...

I struggle to get to my feet, and I trip, looking down the mud lifts, like vines and wraps around my legs, growing up and binding my down.

I scream, but still those two innocent little girls do not look, I kick, and fight against the pull, it's like quicksand.

I remember my knife in my boot and move to grab it, my hand getting sucked into the mud, I fumble with slick fingers until I feel the hilt I pull, with all my strength to free my arm, it's pulling me in deeper, I can't escape, I think. I start to panic.

I'm going to die!

"Help!" I scream, voice cracking and becoming hoarse, the girls do not even glance, they duck behind their muddy mounds, grins across their faces.

I fight, moving my wrist, bringing my knife up, and out of the mud, I stab the earth above me and grab the handle with both hands, squeezing my eyes shut and pulling with all my strength, moving forward, bit by bit.

I gasp for air, exerting myself to move forward, I do too. I will my mind to work with me, I will do anything to change the future of these little girls.

I pull myself close enough to the girl with the blue eyes and long hair, I strive to grab her arm and to get to her look at me, but I still cannot reach.

"Aries!" I shout, pulling myself forward a little bit and brushingmy muddy fingertips against her forearm.

"Aries, look at me! This is very important that you listen, your future depends on this." I say, just then, everything freezes, except the mud, which keeps moving up with as much motivation as I had to get out of it.

Her eyes are blank, staring forward, as are the other girls, they do not breathe, they sit up absolutely straight, lips not quivering with breath, chest still, not even the light breeze that shifts my hair across my face moves theirs, they are the perfect imatation of a statue, a figure frozen in time.

"Aries, never lose yourself! Never let that girl leave your side, that's what pulled us apart, you need to do this, never let it go, if you do-"

The mud reaches my neck and curls around it like dark fingers, misting up around my jaw, tangling in my hair.

"You'll lose each other forever!" I cough, but I am overrun, the mud seeps into my mouth, flling my lungs like water, pulling me in, I can't breathe, cannot pull a single breath, I squirm and fight to inhale, but when I try, more inky mud is pulled in instead.

I gave it my best shot, there is nothing else I can do. I did everything I can... Maybe it will help her, help them. Change the way they think, but no matter how much I hope, it doesn't change how I feel. I couldn't even save myself, and I'm giving these two innocent girls advice.

My advice, which obviously didn't save my relatioship with my sister. Because I was so independant and trusting, I swore I'd never lose her, and I did.

... I did.

The blackness blurred my vision, pulling me through into consciousness. I open my eyes and it is dark still, though I do not breathe, I look straight up, just letting it all sink in. I feel numb.

I know I can breathe, but I don't. At least not until my body forces me to, then I choke on a deep breath and exhale in relief, but I don't feel relieved at all, it still feels like I swimming in the grief, it wasn't real, I keep reminding myself. Just a dream, didn't happen, wasn't real.

Though it was, in some aspect. Because I was one of those two girls, Myriah was the other, and I do remember having mud fights with her during the summer when I was six and she was eleven.

I reach up, smearing the hot damp drop that has fallen from my right eye, I glare through the blurriness, I roll over, away from everyone else. I can't sleep again, I have this pain, this grievance on my chest.

I know what I need to do, to have my closure. I won't like it, and will probably choke on the unformable words, but that's better than lying around blaming myself for everything. I will do it tomorrow, I will find Myriah and apologize. For what? I'm not entirely sure, I know about the conversation we had, but still I was honest with everything I said, is it even right to apologize for honesty?

I lie there wide awake until it becomes light enough out for me to get up, I move around the room slowly, picking up yesterday's jeans and a random t-shirt three sizes too big and pulled it on, I lace up my boots and quietly manuver the staircase, I know already by now which steps squeak and squak when you step on them, so I move carefully.

I'm not sure where I'm going, but I think it's probably somewhere outside.

I grab my poncho off the hook by the staircase since I know that I left my jacket in the living room last night, and right now the whole living room is packed with sleeping people.

I check my watch, to find it's only five-fourty five, not a big deal I guess, I don't know who's on watch right now, but I guess I can go talk with them to pass the time.

I step over the bodies sleeping on the floor through the foyer, I tripped over someone' leg and froze midstep, swaying on one foot and peeking behind me to be sure they didn't wake, and when they don't flinch, I move forward once again, opening the front door as quietly as possible, I slip outside and close the door softly behind me without so much as a squeak.

I look around the house, up on the roof someone sits, but it is still so dark out I can't tell who.

I go to the ladder and climb up, peeking over the ledge of the roof and recognize the mess of spiky black hair poking out from the front of a grey hoodie. I approach him and sit down on the freezing rooftop beside him.

"Hey, what you doing up?" Jackson asked, a little surprised.

I shrug "Bad dream, couldn't sleep."

"Want to talk about it?"

I shake my head slowly "No, I don't. I have to fix it today."

He looks confused. "How do you fix what you only dreamt about?"

"It's something... That has bothered me for a while, I need to put a right to it." I say, looking forward as I speak, I'm doing it for the sake of my sanity and closure. I'm not sure how exactly she's going too react to it, but it doesn't matter, just that I apologize for it.

"You look really pretty today." He notes, I look over at him, it was the last thing I imagined him to say, sure I am grateful for the topic change, but still, I can feel the blush lighting up my cheeks.

"Uh, thanks." I say, embarrassed, though it was just us.

As I look up at his eyes again, I see him for real, he isn't just a nice, pretty boy. He was beautiful. Not just for looks, but soulfully. I found myself smiling at him, his hair was course from the moisture in the air, his eyes so bright, his smile soft and he looked strong.

He was among the greatest people I've ever met, and I've never felt this differently about ayone else. So what makes him any different?

I took a deep breath, it awoke the butterflies in my stomach, they beat violently against the walls of my stomach as I noticed Jackson leaning towards me,

What do I do? What do I do!? What do I do! What do I do!?
I close my eyes, leaning forward just a little bit, I felt sick, but there was some kind of craving to feel that little spark, the spark you only got when you read teenage romance books, but even then you couldn't experiance it entirely.

I let nature take over, and leaned forward until I felt the pressure against my lips, soft and smooth, moving as one.

I locked up, unsure what to do with my hands, which sat limply in my lap, I raise my right, swallowing my pride and placed my palm against the side of his face, pulling him a little closer. Then the left hand rose and my fingers clasped behind his neck, his arms crossed around my back made the healing scars sting a little, but I embraced it, just focusing on this little moment.

I fucking kissed Jackson Hadden, who was fucking twenty fuckin' one years old, and I... I am only fourteen. This is so wrong, on so many levels, yet... I can't bring myself to regret the decision to kiss him.

As we pull away, I keep my eyes shut, remembering the feeling, how he tasted, and pull his head down for one more...


I stand up and dust my hands off on my jeans, still embarrased and caught up in the moment, I'd never kissed Jackson, it didn't happen and my overreactive teenage mind conjured the whole thing, I grimace at how shallow I am, how much I wanted it to be true.

"You ok?" Jackson asks, he's been sitting the same way for three minutes,eyes locked on the northern horizon.

I nod stiffly "Yes, I'm good. Just gonna go... take care of the horses, get a head start on my chores." I stutter, he nods, still looking confused, but he lets me go without another word.

When both my feet are on the ground again, I start having a piss fit with myself, mouthing the words of are you fucking crazy?! What was that? Are you seriously feeling romantic about him? So much that you daydreaming about kissing him? The fucking hell has this world come to.

I hid in the stables until Jackson was relieved of his post, then when he headed for the house, I led Jack out slowly, making sure no one was looking, then I pinned a note to the stall door and we rode off for the trails probably to that watering hole I found the other day while persuing Daryl.

As I get far enough from the house that I won't be persued, I gallop, all the way there, unti lthe familiar rock formations rose from the ground around us, then surrounding the watering hole that was all one big snowdrift, sunken in the center where it had melted.

I dismount, gather Jack's reins into one hand and lead him around the hole, the air is chilly there is some wind, so we move behind some rocks that are slanted over in the formation of a slope, there is enough room beneath for Jack, I plan on staying here until tonight, maybe doing a little hunting in the meantime, I just need some distant time.

I sit down on the dry stone ground, hidden behind the rock, it's alright here. I lean back against the stone behind me, and look up at Jack. The best way I've ever been able to clear my head is to sing.

So I do.

"Oh oh oh, I'm in love with Judas, Judas.

Judas, Juda-ah-ah, Judas, Juda-ah ah"
I sing the familar lyrics to Lady Gaga's 'Judas'.

I sang that song, then a few others that I could remember all the lyrics to.

When I feel a little more at ease, I begin to mentally question myself. First off, what the hell was that! I was thinking about kissing him! I invisioned the whole thing in my head, I've never kissed anyone before, and yet... I was so determined to do it. Me and Jackson are just friends.

He may have said that I was pretty, but that was just cause, not because he actually felt that way, but then he asked me to the dance.... Maybe he just felt bad for me because he knew no one else was planning on asking me.

Or maybe... Somehow he does like me. That's what I can't get around.

I sigh in frustration. I have no idea what to do, then I recall that I cannot hide here all day, I alreayd made my plans to apologize to my sister, but then again... Hiding doesn't sound like such a bad idea, either.

I put my head in my hands, propped on my knees, legs extended slightly. I breathe slowly through my mouth. I don't want to think about it, but I need to.

I sit there, for a very long time, until I am caught off guard by the clatter of hooves, Jack's ears shoot up and he begins to shift.

"Whoa there boy," I hum comfortingly to him, quickly getting to my feet and grabbing his reins, making sure I have everything in case I need to evacuate quickly.

I peek out behind the rock, there is a pool of water several yards away, two more large stones deviding us from it, I watch, my eyes narrowing as two men dismount buckskin horses and lead them to water, they are not familiar, but the familiar feeling of fear builds itself in my stomach,

How to escape?... If they are wanderers, like they are appearing, they may decide to hole up at this rock fomration for a while, and I can't have that if I have any intentions of getting home.

"I don't know where we are going next, we can't keep drifting like this." One man mutters, he is crouched at the edge of the pool, looking down on his refelection on the water. He has a orange beard, has face ashen and looks as though it hasn't been washed in ages, and the other man is buff, he has a black beardm narrowed eyes and wears a cowboy hat, and chews on the end of a piece of straw, he is not as easily distracted as his friend seems to be.

His eyes scan every rock quickly and I press my back against the stone, it poked my skin and my cuts, I bite my lip hard to keep from making any noise.

"Well shit, we can't just keep going." the man with the orange beard muttered.

"Maybe we stay here." The tall man with the black beard says, but my luck, his eyes land on the rock that I'm struggling to keep Jack and myself hidden behind.

Just then Jack takes a step backwards, his entire left hock exposed, I'm praying under my breath that the man doesn't notice, but then he calls out inrecognition,

"Or... Maybe however's hidin' hind that rock has a place we can stay. Come on out."

I bite my lip harder, resisting his offer.

"Let me tell you right now, we got guns, and chances are, fer where yer sittin', all you've got are long distance silent weapons, am I right? Now, don't make me come back there."

I hear his weight shift forward, and I don't have a lot of time. I mount Jack as quietly as I can and we walk south, while the boulder is still dividing us from eye sight of the men.

We get about fifteen yards before I hear something whizz past my left ear, a bang echos, and I kick Jack into highgear, looking over my shoulder, the two men mount their horses and gallop after me, andrenaline pumps in my blood to move faster, but that's not my option.

I feel a sting along the top of my left ear, but I don't touch it or acknowledge it, I need to keep moving.

I falter in direction a little bit, I can go back to camp for guranteed saftey and draw them back with me, putting everyone else in danger, or I can lead them away and loose them, then head home.

It is only eight now, not everyone will be up and alert yet, I think quickly, and decide, I continue south, until I know that I am long past the farm.

I keep moving, Jack's breathing heavy, I know of a place to loose the persuers, I look over my shoulder quickly, praying that I am alone, but they are there, both of them, a hundred yards back.

The wind lashes against my cheeks harshly, I squint through my hair as it tosses across my face, there is a farm up ahead a few miles that has a lot of buildings on it, places to hide, places to ditch people.

It starts as a dark outline on the horizon, getting bigger as I approach, it is almost a small town for how many guest houses and barns there are, I think it was a family dairy before the apocalypse, if I'm remembering right.

We jump the downed barbwire fence, taking a sharp left behind a shed, I dismount quickly and gather Jack's reins, and we jog through the alleyway before they catch up, between buildings, I found myself spinning around, lost a few times, when I see that there is no coverage outside the barbwire fence, I realize that I must make the most of what I have, it won't be easy.

I look forward, pressed against the east wall of a faded red barn, the yellow farmhouse across the way, severla yards.

I peek out to be sure no one can see me, I get tabs on the men, poking around the whit chicken shed, we dart across, it is harder to hide Jack so I am making the most of what we can walk behind.

We get behind a windbreak made out overgrown shrubs, and make out way towards the back of the house, there is nothing else there but a cellar door, I look around me again, but I don't have much time to be crafty, so I open the left creaky white door and peek down. The cellar is large, plenty of room, I look down, but instead of there being steps, there's a ramp, I guess choosing the dairy to hide in was the better decision.

I open the other door and lead Jack down into the massive basement, and close the doors behind us, lookin around for something to jam it with.

I grab a shovel- covered in what looks like blood, and ram it through the handle bars.

I take a few unsteady steps backwards and look up at it, will it hold? I don't know.

I turn and grab Jack's reins and we move deeper into the basement, there's a door at the south end, I open it, it's a narrow dark closet, not much room, but it will have to work.

I shove Jack in first, he is uneasy about the small space, so am I, but I crouch onthe floor below his neck and grab my gun from it's holster. This time I know it's loaded. I grip it tightly, readjusting my fingers against the cool metal and looking up at the door.

I count in my head to calm myself down enough to actually be able to defend myself if I have to. I sit there, looking up at the darkness, Jack's breathing and occasionl shift is the only sound.

I breathe, in and out. My pulse is out of control and I'm struggling to tame my hectic breaths.

"Here I am..." I whisper "Send me an angel." I say, looing up.

Rather or not God decides to help me, that's his decision. I'll do everything I can to fight to stay alive. I'm not going to let two rape-happy drifters take that ability from me.

I strain to hear, holding my breath to hear correctly, I recognize the sound of beating, then splintering wood falling across the concrete floor of the cellar.