No Need to Hide

It started with the blender. That stupid, motherfucking blender. Jack's mom bought it for them, as a gift or something, and though they both just knew she had probably paid five bucks for it at a yard sale, they just couldn't get rid of it. Mainly because Jack and Alex had no clue on how to go about buying another one themselves, but also because whenever she came over she just always had to see it in action and ask Alex to make things with it. She would notice if it went missing, and they just couldn’t let her down like that- mo matter how shitty the thing was.

It wasn't horrible, not really. It did its job... blending, and stuff. But the buttons stuck. And it didn't always turn on. And the plug always made nasty sparks in the outlet and whenever it was up on the counter, Jack always swore he could smell the cat pee on it from the previous owners. But it did work- just not very well.

"So, maybe it's time for a new blender finally?" Jack snorted as he stared at his boyfriend covered in some strawberry-kiwi mess. He actually thought it was quite cute that Alex took it upon himself to try and be healthier- though, Jack would never tell him that so much sugar all the time from his “nutritious” smoothies didn’t really help much of anything. And right then would probably be an even worse time to mention it because Alex was pissed, glaring at Jack through the lumps of half-blended fruit in his hair. The same goopy mess that covered his shirt, as well as the counter, floor, and even a little on the ceiling. Jack thought it was funny, obviously. Alex did not.

He really was only trying to help, maybe lighten the situation a bit because Jack just knew his boyfriend was probably embarrassed. But the thing just turned on by itself before Alex could get the lid on and he really, seriously hates making a fool out of himself, more than he’d ever fully say- though, Jack already knows. So he just wasn’t in the mood for any of the other boy’s stupid jokes; no lighthearted cracks or any of his usual shit would make Alex feel better. At least, not until he washed the sticky stuff from his hair.

At the time, Jack didn’t think much of it. Alex always likes to say he can do things on his own and that he doesn’t need help from anyone- it’s just who he is. And when “doing things on his own” goes wrong, it only makes sense that he’d feel a little sheepish about ruining the kitchen and having to stand in the pink aftermath looking helpless. If there’s one thing Alex hates more than Jack’s mom’s stupid blender, it’s feeling helpless. Especially in front of Jack.

Next, it was the hot water issue. They probably should have worked out some sort of compromise when they both realized they’d be taking showers one after the other in the morning, but hey, they’re boys. And boys are known to be stupid, and stubborn, so they just didn’t ever think to try and sort out the problem of, “You used all the hot water!” Because- well, they’re still boys. Still stupid.

It had hardly even really been an issue, usually just a few curse words mumbled into their morning cups of coffee (or smoothies, prior to Alex’s final run with the dreaded blender) and that was that. It never caused actual fights, since when they got home at the end of the day they couldn’t even remember what happened at work, let alone what they did or said at some stupidly early hour in the morning. So, Jack was a little surprised when one day Alex finally said something about it. And none of his bitchy, passive-aggressive remarks he’d mumble to Jack while he brushed his teeth at the sink and his boyfriend was enjoying his hot shower. It was… it was something different.

“I swear to fucking God, Jack, get out of the shower!” He’d shouted miserably, half sounding like he was sobbing and half like he was ready to punch a hole in the glass sliding door. Of course, Jack didn’t listen. And of course that didn’t do anything to help Alex’s sudden temper.

“Baby, I’ll seriously just be like five more-,”

“No! No, ‘five more minutes’, I want you out because I’m sick of having to take cold showers every god damn morning!”

It was weird, to say the least, but Jack couldn’t be bothered to comprehend his boyfriend’s weird behavior, will away his morning wood, and still avoid getting soap in his eyes all at once. The mornings just didn’t treat him well enough for so many responsibilities at such an early hour. Not even the sun had to deal with a bitchy Alex yet, so why should he?

He didn't say anything else as the other boy stormed back out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. Jack really did only take five minutes longer, or six minutes, if we’re being technical here. But that just didn’t sit well with Alex. It was just a bad day for Jack to use up all of the hot water.

“Alex, what are you doing?” He sighed as he finally emerged from the bathroom a bit later, towelling his hair dry but stopping when he noticed his boyfriend. The one buried under the blankets on their bed, all curled up and quiet like he was ready to go right back to sleep.

“I’m not going to work today.”

“What, because I took too long in the shower? Baby, I’m sorry, I’ll let you have one first from now on if that’s what you want. But you don’t get paid on your days off and-,”

“I don’t feel good.” Alex mumbled, and that was enough for Jack to just let the situation be. He didn’t act as though nothing was wrong, of course not, because Alex was being weird and something was definitely wrong. But he didn’t try prying information or asking questions, except for, “Do you need aspirin?” and, “Should I stay home too?” In the end it seemed that Alex really just wasn’t in any mood or shape to go to work, and though Jack didn’t really understand what was wrong or know the reason, he decided it’d be in both of their best interests if he was allowed a day off. He could just picture it- Alex screaming at the photocopier because it didn’t work fast enough. With a kiss to his forehead and an “I love you” he was off, hoping Alex would be back to ‘normal’ when he returned home.

A few days out of the rest of the week were somewhat fine. Well, it was mainly Alex just being moody and quiet and pouting under the covers in the bedroom, but that could very well be considered fine when the other days, he was a nightmare. Jack doesn’t like confrontation, so on Tuesday after the shower incident when Alex was stuffing his face with the rest of the cake in the fridge, he didn’t bother reminding him that it was from Jack’s birthday, and he shouldn’t be eating it all himself. And when he tossed and turned in the night, Jack stayed quiet, even held his tongue when Alex managed to cry three different times whilst doing the dishes, whining about how he shouldn’t have to clean up Jack’s messes himself and how they need to get the dishwasher fixed. On Thursday, Jack decided he just couldn’t keep it in anymore. And so did Alex.

“Alex? Are you alright? I heard a-,” Jack began, sounding a little worried as his legs carried him from the hall to the kitchen. But his sentence was cut short once he reached his destination and saw something he just really didn’t expect to see. Alex was crying again, which had become a not-so-strange occurrence over the past week or so, but he was just sitting on the floor, surrounded by a shattered glass jar with tears on his cheeks. The sight of the strawberry jam covering the tiles all around his boyfriend is what made Jack want to smack his forehead, realizing just how oblivious he’d been.

“You poor thing.” He said softly, reaching down to pick up the pieces of glass that were scattered around the crying Alex and throwing them away, before helping the other boy to his feet. But as he cupped Alex’s cheeks in his hands, it seemed that this wasn’t going to be fixed as easily as he’d hoped.

“I’m s-sorry, I didn’t mean to-,”

“You don’t have to apologize, okay? You’re okay, just tell me what happened.”

Alex looked like he really would rather just sit back down in the strawberry mess or make another failed smoothie than tell Jack what was going on. And if Alex was preferring the Evil Blender from Hell over his boyfriend, it meant things were pretty bad.

“I… Last month, I just- I thought I had what I needed, thought I had an extra box in the closet? So I didn't get more then, but I don’t, I-I’m all out, so I was in a hurry trying to get to the store before I ruined another pair of boxers but when I reached for my keys, I made the jar fall and I’ve been fucking up everything this week, I swear, I-,”

Alex stopped rambling in favor of burying his head in his hands, taking a step back from Jack in embarrassment. Jack almost wanted to just let him be, let him have his space and cry it out because Alex doesn’t like being so vulnerable as it is, let alone having to be comforted and cared for because of it. But right then, Jack knew that Alex might not mind as much as usual, and even if he did, he’d just have to forgive Jack because Alex fucking needed solace, something to show him it was okay.

“Baby, why didn’t you just come to me? You know I would have driven to get you-,” Jack started, but he wasn’t allowed to finish his sentence.

“No, Jack you fucking know I hate talking to you about it! It’s fucking embarrassing because I’m supposed to be a boy- fuck, I am a boy, but I feel so invalidated and stupid and humiliated when I keep bleeding through my shorts every month and running out of aspirin because I still get my period.”

Jack carefully reached forward to pull Alex’s hands from his face, feeling his heart clench at the way his red rimmed eyes were looking anywhere but at Jack. “Baby,” He said softly, staring his boyfriend down and willing their eyes to meet. They did eventually, but Alex looked so fucking upset and he only glanced for a second before tearing his gaze away again. It made Jack feel pretty awful, feeling like Alex just didn’t trust him, and feeling like he couldn’t help the boy he loved.

With a soft sigh, he grabbed Alex’s hand fully, their fingers interlocked, and guided him back out of the kitchen, away from the mess on the floor that was probably only making Alex feel worse to just be standing in it. Soon enough they were stood by the front door, and Alex was only just sniffling, no more tears running down his face.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, we don’t have to. I’m gonna run to the drugstore and get you what you need, alright? Take a bath or something, you should relax. Do you need more medicine, too?”

Alex shook his head in response, though he was staring at the floor rather than Jack. And with that the taller boy nodded, kissing his boyfriend’s forehead before saying, “Alright,” grabbing his keys off the hook and quietly leaving through the front door.

At first, Alex thought he kind of wanted to be mad at Jack for just leaving him in the middle of the night alone and obviously not very happy about the situation he was forced to be in. But for the first time that week, he saw past his irrational thinking and gave his emotions a second thought, realizing that one, he shouldn’t be mad at Jack because he was being fucking wonderful. And two, the other boy was right- he needed to relax. All this time he’d been trying to hide it and keep it a secret when really, Jack didn’t care. It just caused too much stress to always make sure that he did his own laundry that one dreaded week and was stocked up on the embarrassing shit he needed to buy. Stress that didn’t help anything- so maybe he should allow himself the pleasure of just taking it easy for once.

Around fifteen minutes later, Jack made it home, plastic bag in hand. And after another ten or so, he was in bed with Alex, rubbing his thigh as the boy ate some well-deserved chocolate ice cream, now settled and comfortable and clean under the sheets. They didn’t talk for a bit, just sat sharing the time together, but the elephant in the room was obviously there and while Jack knew Alex didn’t want a discussion, he just felt wrong to not address it.

“Thanks for being so good about this. I-I know it’s not easy for you and I know I don’t really understand, but I want to and I also want you to know that you don’t have to feel embarrassed to come to me about anything.”

Alex sighed and put his bowl to the side on the nightstand before looking at Jack properly and head-on for the first time in a while.

“I know. I wish I could just be open with this stuff but I don’t think I ever really will be able to. I mean, hopefully I’ll be better about dealing with side effects and stuff in the future so I don’t freak you out- which I definitely think I did this week, sorry about that.” He paused to smile a little sheepishly at Jack, who just laughed a little in response. “But yeah, just… thank you. Seriously, I never would have expected anyone to accept me the way you do and I really love you for it, you know?”

Jack nodded, smiling even wider now as he leaned forward to kiss Alex properly. He lingered for a second or two longer than usual against his lips, just because the past week hadn’t given them many golden opportunities to really show much affection to each other.

“I love you too. And hey, probably only a few months more of this left until we can get rid of that nasty period for good, huh?”

“Ugh, dude, don’t say that word.” Alex groaned, shoving his head into the pillow exasperatedly.

“Alright, alright,” Jack laughed, holding his hands up in defense, before kissing his boyfriend again and flicking the bedside lamp off. “I do love you, though.” He said softly, snuggling down into the sheets. Alex just nodded- yeah, he definitely knew.