Faith

The Doll House was crowded with children. Noisy children. When Brian walked in shouts and laughter bounced off the walls. Helium-filled balloons hugged the ceiling and cookie crumbs littered the floor. In the doorway of the workroom was a tall cardboard castle. Just in front of a shiny purple curtain stood a puppet of a armor-covered knight and a glittering white horse. With a lot of chatter and exaggerated effort, the knight tried to mount his steed. Twice the knight fell on his face while lifting his leg up high and sent the children into peals of laughter. After a great deal of confusion, the knight finally mounted his horse and rocked its way through the curtain.

To the clatter of applause, a series of puppets crossed the stage for bows. Brian didn't even realize he was leaning back against the door and grinning when Faith popped around the castle for a bow of her own.

But she saw him. Feeling foolish, she took another bow as the children clambered up. With the ease of a veteran kindergarten teacher, she maneuvered them toward the punch and cookies.

"Very impressive," Brian murmured in her ear. "I'm sorry I missed most of the show."

"It's not much." She combed her fingers through her hair. "I've been doing it for years now without much variation." She glanced over at the group of children. "It doesn't seem to matter."

"I'd say it does." He took her hand and brought it to his lips while a group of girls giggled. "Very much."

"Mrs. Monroe." A little boy with carrot-red hair and a face full of freckles tugged on her slacks. "When's the knight coming?"

Faith crouched down and smoothed his hair. "You know, Ben, I heard he was saving a princess from a dragon today."

His bottom lip poked out. "But he always comes."

"Well, I'm sure he'll find a way to get your birthday presents here. I'm going to go in the back in a minute and see."

"But I have to talk to him."

The pout nearly did her in. "Why don't you go have some more cookies and I'll go get him."

"Problem?" Brian murmured when she straightened up again.

"Jake Anderson plays the knight at these parties. It's nothing really, but the kids depend on it."

"Jake can't make it today?"

"He caught the flu from the Thompson boy."

"I see." Brian hadn't celebrated a child's birthday since he was a kid himself. "I'll do it," he told her and surprised himself.

"You?"

Something in her expression made him determined to be the best knight since the original. "Yeah, me. Where's the suit?"

"It's in the room off the back, but---" Brian sauntered away before she could finish.

Faith didn't think he would pull it off. In fact, five minutes after he walked away, she was sure he had changed his mind altogether and continued out the back door. No one, including the group of kids with mouth full of cookies was more enchanted than she when a knight walked in the front door with a bag over his shoulder and a toy horse between his legs.

He had the chance for one booming Happy Birthday before he was surrounded. Too stunned to move, she watched the children bounce and jump and tug. Brian sent her a long intense look that had her swallowing before her feet could move. Dashing into the back room, she brought out a high-backed chair and set it in the center of the room.

"Now, children," she began, scooting children around. "Everyone sit down as Ben gets front row seat to open his presents.

"Sorry, I was late kids. The princess needed to be home by noon," Brian stated as he sat down.

Faith needed to not worry. After the third present was opened, she relaxed. Brian was wonderful. And having the time of his life. He had done it just to help her out, perhaps even to impress her, but he got a great deal more. He had never had a child look at him with complete faith and love. He listened to his praises as each gift was opened. He was hugged, kissed with a sticky mouth and poked. Happy, the children began to file out of the shop with their parents or in groups.

"You were great." Faith turned her sign around after the last child left to give herself a chance to catch her breath. She walked up to him. "I mean it, Brian, you were. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate it.

"Then show me." He pulled her down into his lap. She laughed and kissed his nose.

"I've always been crazy about knights in shining armor. I wish Claire could have been here."

"Why wasn't she?"

With a little sigh, Faith let herself relax against him. "She went shopping with Marcie. She is growing up too fast."

"How old is she now?"

"Nine." She turned her head so she could look at him. "You made Ben really happy today."

"I'd like to make you happy." Reaching up, he stroked her hair. "There was a time when I could."

"Do you ever wish we could go back?" Content, she let herself be cradled in his arms. "When we were teenagers, everything seemed so simple. Then you close your eyes for a second and you're an adult. Oh, Brian, I wanted you to carry me away, to a castle, to a mountaintop. I was so full of romance."

He continued to stroke her hair as they sat, surrounded by dolls and the echo of children's laughter. "I didn't have enough of it, did I?"

"You had your feet on the ground, I had my head in the clouds."

"And now?"

"Now I have a daughter to raise. It's terrifying sometimes to realize you're responsible for another life. Did you...." She hesitated, knowing the ground was dangerous. "Did you ever want kids?"

"I haven't thought about it. Sometimes I have to go places where it's tough enough being responsible for your own life."

She'd thought of that--had nightmares about it. "It still excites you."

He thought of some of the things he's seen, the cruelty, the misery. "It stopped exciting me a long time ago. But I am good at what I do."

"I suppose I always knew you would be. Brian." She shifted again so that her eyes were level with his. "I am glad you came back."

High fingers tightened when she rested her cheek against his. "You had to wait until I was covered with steel to tell me that."

With a laugh, she wrapped her arms around his neck. "It seems to be the safest time."

"Don't bet your life on it." He pressed her lips to hers and felt hers tremble. "What's so funny?"

Choking back the laugh, she drew away. "Oh nothing, nothing at all. I've always dreamed of being kissed by a knight in shining armor. Never thought it would be you. I've got to clean up the mess."

When she rose, he hauled himself up. "The timing has to click sooner or later." She said nohting as she gathered up bits of colored paper. Brian picked up his bag and glanced inside. "There's one more box in here."

"It's for Matthew Thompson. He has the flu and I wanted to surprise him with a gift."

He looked at the box, then back at her. Her hair curtained her face as she pulled a sticky piece of gum from the carpet. "Where does he live?"

Still holding the gum, she stood up. Some might say he looked foolish, padded from neck to ankles, wrapped in tin and had his face half concealed by a curly brown beard. Faith thought he had never looked more wonderful. She walked up to him to pull the beard down to his chin. Her arms went around him, her mouth found his.

Her kiss was warm as it always was, full of hope and simple goodness. Desire raced through him and settled into sweet contentment. "Thank you." She kissed him again in friendship. "He lives on the corner of Elm and Ventura."

He waited a moment until he was steady. "Can I get a cup of coffee when I get back?"

"Yes," she adjusted his beard again. "I'll be next door."

---------------------------------------

Brian had to admit it had given him a kick to walk through town. Kids flocked after him. Adults called out and waved. He was offered uncountable hugs. The biggest satisfaction had been the awe on the young Thompson boy's face. That had topped the wide-eyed shock of his mother when she'd opened the door to a knight.

He took his time walking back, strolling through the square. It was strange, he discovered, how easy it was to take on the personality of a set of clothes. He felt....well, benevolent and courageous. If anyone he had ever worked with had seen him now, they would have fallen into the street in a dead faint. Brian Haner Jr had a reputation for being impatient, brutally honest and quick-tempered. He had not won the head of his law firm for benevolence. Yet somehow, in the moment, he felt more satisfaction in the polyester beard and dime store tin suit than he did with all the winnings he had ever earned.

He was humming his way along when Claire stepped out of the dress shop. She and the little blonde at her side went of in a peal of giggles.

"But you're---"

One narrow-eyed stare from Brian did the trick. Cutting herself off, Claire cleared her throat and offered her hand. "How do you do, sire?"

"I do very well, Claire."

"That's not Jake," Marcie informed Claire. She stepped closer to try to recognize the face behind the puffs of brown.

Enjoying himself, Brian sent her a wink, "Hello, Marcie."

The blonde's eyes widened. "How'd he know my name?" she whispered to her friend.

Claire covered another giggle with her hand. "Knights know everything about small towns like this, don't you?"

"I have my sources."

"There is no such thing as knights on white horses." But Marcie's sophistication was wavering.

Brian leaned over and flicked at the fluffy ball on top of her cap. "There is in Huntington Beach," he told her and nearly believed it himself. He saw Marcie stop looking beyond the beard and accept the magic. Deciding against pressing his luck, he continued on down the street.

It wasn't easy for a man in an armored suit to slip into a door conspicuously, but Brian had had some experience. Once he was in the back room of Faith's shop, he shed the knight's clothes. He wanted to do it again. As Brian slipped into his own slim slacks, he realized he had not had so much fun in years. Part of it had been the look in Faith's eyes, the way she had warmed to him, if only briefly. Part had been the simple act of giving pleasure. How long had it been since he had done something without an angle? On a case there was constant bargaining and lies. You give me this, I'll give you that. He had to toughen himself against sympathy, against compassion to find the truth and get his way. If his style had a hard edge, it was because he had always gone for the non-guilty plea that demanded it. It had helped him forget. Now, that he had come home it was impossible not to remember.

What kind of man was he really? He wasn't sure anymore, but he knew there was one woman who would make or break him. Leaving the suit in the closet, he went to find her.

She had been waiting for him. She was ready to admit she had been waiting for him for ten years. Throughout the rest of the afternoon, Faith had made her own decisions. She had made a success of her life. Through the search had not always been easy, she had found contentment. Confidence had come with the years and she knew she could go on alone. It was time to stop being afraid of what her life would be like when Brian left again and to accept the gift she had been offered. He was here, now, and she loved him.

When he came into the house Brian found her curled in a chair by the window, her cheek resting on the arm. She waited until he came to her. "Sometimes at night I sit like this. Claire asleep upstairs and the house is quiet. I can think about little things, enormous things, just as i did as a child. You can go anywhere, sitting just like this."

He picked her up, felt her yield, then settle in the chair with her on his lap. "I remember sitting like this with you at night in your parent's house. Your father grumbled."

She snuggled close, feeling the long lean body she knew so well. "My mother dragged him into the kitchen so we could be alone for a little while. She knew you didn't like being home."

"I didn't like being anywhere without you."

"I never asked where you live now, Brian, whether you found a place that makes you happy."

"I move around a lot. I have a base in New York."

"A base?"

"An apartment."

"It doesn't sound like a home," she murmured. It broke her heart. "My mother always said you had wanderlust. Some people are born with it."

"I had to prove myself, Faith."

"To whom?"

"To myself." He rested his cheek on top of her head. "Damn it, to you."

She breathed in the scent of his cologne. They had sat like this before, so long ago. The memories were nearly as sweet as the reality. "I never needed you to prove anything to me, Brian."

"Maybe that's one of the reasons I had to. You were too good for me."

"That's ridiculous." She would have shifted, but he held her still.

"You were, and still are. Maybe that's why I had to leave when I did, maybe it's why I came back. You're all the good things, Faith. Just being here with you brings out the best parts of me. God knows, there aren't many."

"You were always too hard on yourself. I don't like it." This time she did shift so that her hands were on his shoulders and her eyes were directly on his. "I fell in love with you. There were reasons for it. You were kind though you pretended not to be. You wanted to be considered tough and a troublemaker because you felt safer that way."

He smiled and ran a finger down her cheek. "I was a troublemaker."

"Maybe I liked that, too. You didn't just accept things, you weren't afraid to question."

"I nearly got kicked out of school twice because I questioned."

The old anger stirred. Had no one understood him but herself? Had no one else been able to see what had been racing and straining inside him? "You were smarter than anyone else. You've proved that if you needed to."

"You spend a lot of time defending me, didn't you?"

"I believed in you. I loved you."

He reached for her face in an old gesture that melted her heart. "And now?"

She had too much to say and not enough ways to say it. "Do you remember that night in June, after my Senior Prom? We drove out of town. The moon was full and the air was so sweet with summer."

"You wore a blue dress that made your eyes look like sapphires. You were so beautiful I was afraid to touch you."

"So I seduced you."

She looked so pleased with herself he laughed. "You did not."

"I certainly did. You would have never made love with me." She touched her lips to his. "Do I have to seduce you again?"

"Faith---"

"Claire's having dinner next door at Marcia's. She's going to spend the night. Come to bed with me, Brian."

Her quiet voice raced along his skin. The touch of her hand to his cheek seared like fire. But ranged with his need for her was a love that had never grown old. "You know I wand you, Faith, but we're not children now."

"We're not children." She turned her face to press her lips into his palm. "And I want you. No promises, no questions. Love me the way you did on that one beautiful night we had together." Rising, she held out her hand. "I want something to remember for the next ten years."

With their hands linked they walked up the stairs. He pushed away all thought of the other man she had chosen, of the other life she had lived. He, too, would block out ten years of loss and take what was offered.

Night came early in the winter so the light was dim. In silence she lit candles so tat the room glowed gold and shifted with shadows. When she turned back to him she was smiling, with all the confidence and knowledge of a woman in her eyes. Saying nothing, she came to him, lifted her mouth and offered everything.

Her fingers were steady as she reached for the buttons of his shirt. His fingers trembled as he reached for hers. Murmuring, she waited for the brush of his hands against her skin, then sighed from the sheer glory of it. They undressed each other slowly, not tentatively, but with the quiet understanding that every moment, every instant would be treasured.

When he saw her, as slim, as lovely, as unexplainably innocent as she had been the first time, his head spun with needs, with doubts, with desires. But she stepped to him, pressed her body against his and dissolved all choices. She was stronger that she had been. He could feel it, not in muscle but in spirit. Perhaps she had changed, but the longings that were racing through him were the same as they had been in the boy on the brink of manhood. As heedlessly as the children they had once been, they tumbled onto the bed.

They didn't relive the experience. It was as fresh, as wildly thrilling as the first time. But they were man and woman now, more demanding, hungrier. She drew him closer, running her hands over him with an urgence just discovered, with a turbulence just released. She had waited so long, so very long, and wouldn't wait a moment longer.

But he took her hand and brought it to his lips. He quieted her tumbling breath with his mouth.

"I hardly knew what to do with you the first time." Gently he nuzzled at her throat until he moaned in frenzied anticipation. Raising his head, he smiled at her. "Now I do."

Then he took her places she had never been. Higher, still higher he drew her, than just as suddenly plunged her deep where the air was thick and dark. Trapped in the whirlwind, she slung. She wanted to give, but he left her helpless. Tender, soft, easy, his fingers caressed until her body shuddered. He drank in her sigh with lips abruptly urgent, ruthlessly demanding, then patiently soothed her again. Sensations rocketed inside her, leaving no room for thought, for reason or even for memories.

When they came together it was everything for both of them. Time didn't slip back but trapped them and held them close in the here and now.

He kept his arms tightly around her and they were quiet. With her eyes closed, she absorbed the unity. She loved, and for the moment there was nothing else. For him both ecstasy and contentment were troubled with questions. She was so warm, so free with her emotions. She loved him. He needed no words to know it and never had. But the loyalty he had always understood as an intrinsic part of her had been broken. How could he rest without knowing why?

"I have to know why we lost ten years, Faith." When she said nothing, he turned her head toward him. Her eyes glistened in the shifting light but the tears didn't fall. "Now more than ever I have to know."

"No questions, Brian. Not tonight."

"I've waited long enough. We've waited long enough."

On a long breath, she sat up. Bringing her knees to her chest, she wrapped her arms around them. Her hair cascaded down her back. He couldn't resist taking a handful. She had been his once, completely. No one else had ever touched her as he had. He knew he had to accept her marriage, and that he child belonged to another man, but he needed to understand first why she had turned to someone else so soon after he had gone away.

"Give me something, Faith. Anything."

"We loved each other, Brian, but we wanted different things." She turned her head to look at him. "We still want different things." She took his hand and brought it to her cheek. "If you had let me I would have gone anywhere with you. I would have left my home, my family and never looked back. You needed to go alone."

"I didn't have anything for you," he began. She stopped him with a look.

"You never gave me a choice."

He reached for her once more. "If I gave you one now?"

She closed her eyes and let her forehead rest on his. "Now I have a child, and she has a home I cannot take away from her. What I want doesn't come first." She drew back far enough to look at him. "What you want can't come first. Before somehow I never thought you'd really go. This time I know you will. Let's just take what we have, give each other this one night. Please."

She closed her mouth over his and stopped all questions.