Millions of Pieces

I don’t know how I did it…I just don’t know. Somehow I managed to finish all of my work duties tonight though… “William” showed up again tonight. I wish I knew how to feel, or what to believe. He showed around 3, wanting to get to know me as he had promised. We did some back and forth, but it was mostly him telling me about him. Yes, he was THAT William, but he preferred to go by Will. He enjoyed writing poetry when he was alive. I couldn’t even believe the conversation that was occurring. He was actually talking to me as if it was normal for him to be a ghost…I must be going crazy….or these work “friends” of mine really hate me and are playing the joke of the century on me. I’m scared either way. He told me that he thinks I am beautiful, and that I remind him of someone he used to know. I think he was going to say more, but he could tell I was uncomfortable. He only stayed for maybe thirty minutes, and this time he walked away. I looked down the hall he turned down, only seconds after he walked down it though, and he was nowhere to be seen. I really must be losing my mind. Nothing else makes sense….I just can’t believe that ghosts are real. The worst part of this is that I actually really like him still. I don’t know what to think anymore.



Amazingly, I actually have found a purpose for my Halloween costume this year. I was informed by my boss that we were having a “Turbulent Thirties” themed Halloween party in the hotel’s Grand Ballroom this year. Both as an employee party and for anyone else. I somehow managed to pick out the perfect costume in my Ginger Rogers choice. I have finished the dress already too…and I purchased the perfect wig online, just need to wait for it to arrive…also still need to get the shoes…but I’m almost all set for the party already.



No sight of Will tonight. I am both relieved and disappointed. I’m still not sure if I am going crazy or not. I think him not being here more lends to me being crazy…or it perfectly plays in to the cruel joke idea.



Well, I’m really upset now. I already wrote that there was no sign of Will all night…but I just got home and there were flowers waiting for me on the front porch. A dozen red roses tied together with a black ribbon. There was nothing else with them… James and Mary were playing a cruel joke on me. Those fucking assholes. They won’t even just admit it and move on either. I called Mary and told her I knew, and she played it off that she had no clue what I was talking about. If James hadn’t been moved to the hospital, as his illness isn’t getting any better, I would have called him to yell at him too.

I mean…if they really have nothing to do with this, then I am either crazy enough to have sent myself roses, and not remember….or I am being haunted….nothing makes sense anymore. Oh brain, why can’t I trust you anymore? Have I been alone for too long? Is this your coping mechanism? To make me insane, to force me to believe that there is some magical spirit guy who likes me? That is just cruel…I need to get some sleep though…work again tonight.



I saw him already tonight…it wasn’t like the other times though. I’m really scared. I was on the phone with a guest, and looking straight ahead out the front door, and I watched a body plummet to the ground below. I hung up on that guest….I’m sure I’ll be hearing about that from the boss later. I ran outside, horrified….and there was nothing there. It happened three more times before now too. It is taking everything in me to not sob right now. I am horrified. At one point I walked into the back office, and when I got back to the desk, there was a single red rose sitting on my keyboard. What is going on?



I really don’t know what to think. I’d put my journal down, and there he was…just standing there looking at me, like everything should be normal. I looked at him, silently asking him “Why?” He just gave me a sympathetic, sad smile… in the blink of an eye he was standing in front of my face, no longer on the other side of the counter. He told me he was sorry…told me that he had been dead long enough that he sometimes got caught in loops of replaying his death…it didn’t make any sense to me. That was when he touched my face…I jerked away from him, he looked sad…his touch was cold. I just. I don’t know what is going on. I am insane. I’m finding it harder and harder to believe that this is a cruel joke…and I just can’t stop thinking “Why me?”



He came to me again tonight. He wants me to believe the unbelievable. He has told me the reason he killed himself all those years ago. He told me he was engaged to a beautiful, kind woman once. But while he was on a business trip out here, he got a call from her, that her father was making her marry another. Their engagement was off. He begged her to reconsider. He begged her to disobey her father, because he loved her more than anything. She told him she was sorry, and that was the end of it. He couldn’t imagine life without her. He drank himself stupid and went up to the roof. He said his death was just as much an accident as it was a suicide. He went up there to kill himself, but when he looked over the edge, he was afraid. He reconsidered, but he was too drunk. He lost his balance and fell. Is it crazy that I believe him? The part I don’t think I can believe is the part where he told me that I am the spitting image of the woman he was in love with. I really don’t know how to feel about all this.