Lush

The bathroom was a really perfect place for Alex. Which may sound strange, but you’ve got to understand why. It could be the walls that he took upon himself to paint a pretty yellow. And the nice scented candles that were nearly always burning in there - courtesy of Rian - definitely contributed to it also. But, anyone who knew Alex knew that none of those things weren’t really what had that boy spending more time in there than with his own family. It was his Lush products. The ones that lined the bathroom shelves, hid in his cabinets when guests came over and emptied his wallet. The ones that took over his life.

Alex had a problem. Though, according to Alex, he did not have a problem.

So what if he sometimes spent half of his paycheck at the store rather than on groceries and bills? He just had a thing for his Flying Fox shower gel, and his American Cream conditioner. And don’t even get him started on bath bombs, either, because you know how much kids hate taking baths? That’s how much Alex loved being in them.

The only person that really knew the full extent of it was Alex’s best friend Rian. And since there was no one else Alex could run to after making another purchase and adding to his ever-growing collection, Rian was forced into a not-so-pleasant situation. Particularly, one where Alex constantly talked his ear off every time they went to the mall, shoving his carefully planned out Lush shopping list in his face. And where he was forced to always smell the strong scents of honey and vanilla (two of Alex’s favorites) that just weren’t as nice as his candles. And, of course, the biggest downside to being the best friend of the world’s biggest Lush product whore, was the bathtime pictures.

Now, normal people see baths as private time. But not Alex, not really. Whether he was soaking calmly in a purple bath thanks to his Twilight bomb, or singing loudly to music with Brightside turning his water fun oranges and yellows, he was always in the mood for pictures. Sure, he was naked, but each time Rian tried to express that seeing Alex in the nude and in the privacy of his bathroom so often was discomforting, Alex would just reply with a, “Whatever, you love it,” and send yet another picture of his hair in a shampoo-mohawk on his head. Rian did not really love it.

It wasn’t even that he got nude selfies of his best friend at least once a week that was the worst part. It was that Alex tended to have a sort of nocturnal sleep schedule. Which Rian told him was horrible, but Rian also told him that owning over fifty Lush products was horrible too, but nothing seemed to stop that boy. So, not only did Rian get woken up in the middle of the night by his phone buzzing incessantly with texts next to his ear, but it was never even important- just Alex sending him useless pictures of himself scrubbing his chest with one of his many body scrubs.

Rian used to text back with tired eyes and a half-hearted grin, rolling his eyes and telling his friend he was going to turn into a walking raisin if he didn’t stop staying in the water for the majority of his life. Either that or he’d maybe develop gills; Alex had said he’d make a pretty mermaid. But soon enough, the extent of the problem was revealed, and the naked pics didn’t stop flooding in at one in the morning. Rian gave up. He became accustomed to the buzzing of his phone, stopped waking up frantically in the middle of the night wondering if maybe Alex had actually drowned himself this time whilst submerging himself and, “Trying to become one with the bath.” It didn’t change much, because Alex still kept on and Rian still had to see everything he didn’t really want to see in the morning. But that was okay, there were no problems. Alex could live his foamy, bubbly, honey-vanilla life all he wanted, and Rian would let him. But, what if it wasn’t Rian seeing his bath pictures?

Rian broke his phone. It involed a tree, an angry squirrel, and a very terrified Rian. He didn’t want to talk about it- that’s all that he revealed to Alex, so Alex, being the good friend he is, dropped it. And totally didn’t have fun throwing sunflower seeds at him at the park just to watch him flee in fear from all the hungry squirrels bounding towards him, because that would just be mean. (And really fucking funny.)

So he got a new phone, obviously. And as soon as Alex had put in his new number into his own phone, he was right back at it again, without wasting a second- because the five minutes he’d spent deciding whether to use his Honey Bee bath bomb or his Ultraviolet bubble bar wasn’t a waste of time, it was a serious, extreme crisis.

violet, you’re turning violet!

Alex sent his text with a picture of his legs under the purple water, smirking at his own joke and movie reference. But he just couldn’t stop there.

my skin is so smooth ri, you should feel it ;)

omg i think i just heard a noise outside, what if i get murdered in the bath and the police have to see me naked??

it smells so good, if i could fuck a bubble bar, i would

hahahahah bubble beard!!!!

He finished off his texting spree with a face shot, chin adorned with plenty of bubbles to put even Santa’s beard to shame. And then he figured Rian deserved a little rest, setting his phone off to the side so he sit and enjoy his time in the water. It wasn’t weird that Rian wasn’t replying; Alex understood that the boy needed his beauty rest - as Alex needed his beauty baths - and that was okay, because he’d see the messages in the morning. What was weird though, was being in his Ultraviolet bath, surrounded by bubbles, relaxing with his eyes closed, and hearing his phone buzz next to him.

It was quarter past two, who the hell was talking to him? Obviously Rian, probably not able to get to sleep and harboring a bitchy attitude, texting back to tell Alex aggressively (as aggressive as one can be over text) to go the fuck to sleep. But as Alex lazily opened his phone to see what all the fuss was about, he was confused at what he saw.

I don’t have any bubbles :(

Attached was a picture of something horrifying to see. Not only was the bathwater completely plain and clean and untouched by Lush products, but there were legs under the water. And as weird as it sounds, Alex knew Rian’s legs. Those hairy motherfuckers definitely did not belong to his best friend. He was quick to tap out a reply, his fingers fumbling and heart beating a little faster because yeah, he definitely just sent some naked bath selfies to a complete stranger.

holy shit, sorry, wrong number!

He sat there feeling stupid for putting in Rian’s number wrong. At least it was over, though, right? Wrong. Only a minute or so later, his phone vibrated again and fuck, this could not be good. Maybe this guy felt the need to reciprocate Alex’s actions, thought they were both on the same page? A page potentially involving pictures that exposed something way more than a hairy chest covered in bubbles. He prayed for anything but a shriveled up, old man’s dick as he opened the next message.

It’s okay, but can I just ask why you’re sending pictures of yourself in the bathtub to anyone at 2 in the morning?

Well, shit.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s kind of cute as fuck, but you’re what- 25? And you’re taking naked pics of yourself in the bath… with a bubble beard

Okay, well when you put it like that it sounded stupid. But this guy just didn’t get it, okay? What Alex and Rian shared was a mutual understanding that Alex was a giant dweeb that had an extensive Lush collection and a need to express his love for baths. It wasn’t that weird, when you thought about it.

Except, it totally, really was.

i… i don’t really have an explanation.

Alright, I’m just going to assume you send these kinds of pictures to random numbers all the time, hoping to find a bath buddy

dude, no i just got the wrong number, seriously. and i was trying to send them to my friend rian, who’s actually asleep right now

Does Rian love seeing you in the bath?

Alright, so this guy was cheeky as fuck.

no! no, i mean, we’re not like that. i mean… he’s said he feels weird about seeing me in the bath, actually…… but i have no one else to send stuff to :( and i know he secretly loves it anyway

Within less than ten minutes Alex found himself telling his whole life story to some dude he didn’t even have a face or name to. He had just his legs; which, unsurprisingly enough, was enough to make Alex spill. It felt kind of weird at first, because shouldn’t he really just be saying goodnight, turning off his phone and letting the stranger be? But it wasn’t as weird as it should have been, because the guy was playing right along. It wasn’t like when he fed all his facts about essential oils and body butters to Rian and the other boy couldn’t give two shits. It was nice to have someone new and nice to talk to- or, at least a pair of legs.

Well in that case, I feel really weird about seeing you in the bath (secretly loves it)

you don’t even know me, haha

I know that you’re actually really cute, enjoy bubbles, and that you’re sitting alone in a purple bath on a Friday night and trying to text someone that you know won’t respond

Sounds like a keeper to me

At that point, Alex was trying his best to convince himself that this was all just too strange and that he didn’t want to keep it up anymore, but he was actually just like Rian. Secretly loving it. Except it wasn’t much of a secret, because every time his screen lit up again he just couldn’t help but send out another reply. He sort of wished he could stop, because he had a strong feeling that when he would eventually tell Rian about it, he’d be told how “weird” and “wrong” it was. But that didn’t mean he actually wished something would make him stop.

“Holy shit, fuck!” He half-whispered, half-yelled as his phone finally slipped from his fingers, into the violet soapy depths of his bathwater. The irrational part of him (that was really actually most of him) stupidly hoped that it’d be fine, that the little swim his phone just took hadn’t completely ruined it. But as he searched frantically for it under the suds and finally picked it up and out of the water, the screen was black. And it definitely wasn’t turning back on. At that, he sacrificed the rest of his beloved bathing time to play lifeguard and try to save his phone, draining the tub and half-heartedly patting himself dry with a towel.

After a fumbled ten minutes of not having any clue what to do, though, Alex - never being one for patience or brains - gave up. He sat the drowned thing on his dresser, now significantly less cheerful than he’d been before.

But he could easily just buy a new phone- why was he feeling so down?

/////

A week or so later Alex and Rian were downtown, walking along the pavement, looking for something to do. Or rather, Rian was being dragged along as Alex whined and pleaded in his ear, because he knew exactly what he wanted to do.

“Dude, I don’t want to go in that place. It’s just full of hipsters and douchebags.” Rian rolled his eyes, shrugging his friend off of his arm for the fifth time. Alex just clung back on again though, trying all too desperately for Rian to go along with his plan.

“But you love coffee! Look, we can just get it to go if you want- everyone’s been telling me this place is really good and we’re already here and-,”

“Fine, but you’re paying.” Rian finally submitted himself to Alex’s wishes, before being yanked into the coffeehouse so forcefully he was surprised his arm didn’t get ripped out of it’s socket. He didn’t think Alex meant to pull so hard- he was just excited. But he still felt like he should be in a bad mood just so Alex didn’t think he’d won. After managing to detach himself from the needy leech that was his best friend yet again, he slunk off towards the back, looking for a place to sit and avoid any and all interaction with all the people in the store. He was right; hipsters as far as the eye could see.

Alex stood patiently in line, looking excitedly at all the different flavors they had. Vanilla, caramel, pistachio… It didn’t take long for his mind to wander, though. Strawberries and creme? He’d never tried anything like that before. Maybe Lush had some strawberry scented-

“Hey, bathtub guy!”

Confused and caught off guard, Alex’s eyes fell away from the menu board to instead focus on the coffeehouse cashier stood in front of him, all wide-eyed and beaming at Alex like they’d known each other for years. But, what the fuck? Alex didn’t know him at all, let alone know him well enough for this stranger to have any idea about his… frequent bathing habits. Did he maybe smell like the melt he’d used the night before? Or maybe Rian had gone around spreading rumors, building him a reputation around town as the guy that just couldn’t put down his twenty dollar body wash. Honestly, that wouldn’t be such a horrible rep to have, but it was still weird being confronted by a guy Alex had never even seen before.

“Excuse me?” Alex replied, eyebrows furrowed as he laughed a little bit, because it was just sort of ridiculous to be addressed as “bathtub guy.”

“You texted me like last week or something, remember? You had a bubble beard and everything. But, yeah, I guess you’d know me better by my legs. My name’s Jack.” The guy smiled, but Alex’s discomfort wasn’t just melting away; it was building. Okay, so great, this guy knew he spent the majority of his time away from other humans in his bathroom, and he’d seen him naked and covered in bubbles. When his phone had first dropped in, Alex thought it was for the best, because while it was fun while it lasted, he’d never actually want to meet the wrong number guy face to face- it’d be too awkward. And oh look, here he was, blushing while this boy in an apron with a knowing grin just let the awkwardness overtake him. He’d been fucking right- now what was he supposed to do?

“Oh, uh, well that’s weird, um, I’m Alex, and to be honest I never really thought I’d meet you.”

“Me too actually, but I’m glad you’re here because now I can confront you in person. You never texted me back, you bitch!” The boy grinned playfully, and though Alex was still feeling way more embarrassed and flustered than he should’ve, it helped ease the slight nervous twisting in his tummy.

Just then, Rian appeared behind Alex, placing a hand on his shoulder and making his friend jump. Just another way to make a fool out himself, another reason to feel humiliated- fucking thanks, Rian. The cashier just giggled at the little yelp that sounded from a wide-eyed Alex, though, the one that had been ever so embarrassingly caught up in just staring the coffeehouse guy down that he hadn’t even heard Rian sneak up behind him.

“Hey, we need to go man, some girl just tried hitting on me and I will not stand for flirting with them. I’ll tolerate them, but she tried talking to me about vintage stuff and thrift stores to break the ice and-,” He shuddered exaggeratedly, making Alex roll his eyes with a small smile, “I need out of here.”

With that he left the store, leaving Alex alone again with the guy that knew his not-so-deep-or-dark secret.

“So, I guess this is goodbye, then. Rian’s orders.”

“Well, wait, you never answered my question. I thought we were having a pretty good bathtub bonding time the other week.”

“Right, sorry, um I sort of dropped my phone in the bath. But you can- uh, you can give me your number? If you want? I won’t drop my phone in again, promise.”

With that Jack laughed, nodding and accepting the phone Alex held out to him over the counter to type his number in. A decent line had started behind Alex now, and he could hear the people huffing and sighing, could almost feel all the eyerolls and glares he was receiving for flirting with the coffeehouse boy. Rian was right- hipsters were scary.

“Alright well, thanks for not buying fucking anything and, I expect your bubble bath pictures by no later than eight tonight, got it?” Jack called after Alex as he made his way towards the door, taking the nod and giggle he got in response as an acceptable answer and letting Alex slip back outside to the cranky Rian.

“Dude, it’s fucking hot out here, what were you doing in there? Oh god, did that girl with the dreads try and hit on you too? That was the girl that talked to me too, shit, she’s so creepy. She like, touched my shoulder and shit. Weird.”

With a rather confused yet amused expression, Alex shook his head, motioning for his friend to follow him down the sidewalk again, in search of another place to avoid the heat and something exciting to do. He decided not to mention then that he was trying to hook up with the cashier of the place Rian despised, just because vintage dreadlock girl had apparently already put him on edge. But whatever, he had a perfect way to let him know down the line- naked bathtub selfies, plus Jack.

He knew Rian would secretly love it.