Inside the Lie
Two
Austin didn't sleep. He stayed in the same position, sat against the wall with his eyes closed until morning. At first, the rustling of the kid wriggling about uncomfortably, unable to sleep, annoyed him. But it didn't take long for the sound to be drowned out by his grieving meditation.
Austin had finally reached a quiet, dark spot of his mind when a guard pulled him out of it.
"Carlile! Do I gotta put you back on watch again?" Anger shot through Austin's entire being, a man couldn't get a moments peace in the prison.
"Do whatever the fuck you like." He saw the kid flinch, saw the way he looked nervously from the guard to Austin who was wound up.
"You've gotta get out, Carlile."
"I don't gotta do jack shit. Now get out of my face...and leave me the hell alone..." His voice lowered to a raspy snarl and he could almost hear the kid's frightened heartbeat.
"Lionel...Lionel...yeah. Thanks." Austin closed his eyes again, prepared for another stakeout. When his emotional state became too much to bear, he'd sit and meditate, retreat into his own mind for hours, days on end. It was only when the kid was told to leave, and he refused that Austin opened his eyes again.
"See what you did, Carlile?! This is why you're such a goddamn pain in my ass!" The kid took a step forwards.
"I can't do this again..... I need your help." The fear was genuine, and somewhere through the fog of pain Austin wanted to help. He wanted to take the kid under his wing. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. When the younger man realised he had no intention of moving, his hands began to shake. He turned to the guard and then towards the door where they could hear the clatter of other inmates leaving. A caged, baited animal. Austin watched him leave and closed his eyes against the guilt, inhaling and exhaling deeply before finding the will to push himself off the bunk and to sail through the prison out to the yard.
Austin's eyes were dead, his movements devoid of any emotion. But his eyes still scanned for his cellmate. They found him, Metal was headed for him already. Austin sauntered over.
"I asked you a question!" Metal shouted, shoving the kid hard. Austin knew what that felt like. He walked straight through the growing crowd and slipped an arm around the slim shoulders loosely. Staking his claim. Metal, as well as his entourage, took in the action in surprise and dread.
"You two didn't waste any time." Austin looked at him, he didn't need to say anything. This was part of why he scared them all so much. He rarely did say anything. He didn't need to.
"Fine, but trust me, bitch. He won't be able to keep you safe for long, he'll be getting the needle soon enough." Austin let his eyes shoot up to Metal, his anger pouring out of them venemously. The bully shifted.
"Well it's true, and everyone knows it. Does your little bitch know what you did? It's a miracle they didn't read you your last rights at the trial-"
"ENOUGH!" Lionel stormed through the crowd just before Austin leapt on the bully to inflict the kind of pain they all knew he was capable of.
"I'm informing your parole officer about this. Get out of here. Now." They scattered and Austin let go of the kid like a rotten apple.
"Skip ahead to the gym, Carlile."
"No."
"I'm not letting you back into your cell until you do. You need to work this off." The young man watched in amazement as Carlile did as he was told, and left silently. The guard turned to him.
"What's he been like since you got here?" He shrugged.
"Well..he hasn't been anything really. He gave me a bit of advice about how to act. But besides that he's barely spoken. I...uh....don't think he slept last night. I think he sat and like....meditated all night. Cause he was in the same position this morning." Lionel nodded and patted his shoulder.
"Carlile will watch out for you, kid. He's like that. But you have to stand on your own feet too....don't put him in danger." With that he walked away and the man kept his eyes down, feeling guilty for relying on Austin's protection.
Austin was still running at full pace on the treadmill when the others filed back into their cells. Lionel came to find him.
"Don't push yourself too far."
"You...told me to work it off....well...it's not...off yet...." Lionel sighed and leant against the opposite machine.
"Is it ever going to be off?" Austin turned the machine off and slowed to a stop, leaning heavily on the handles.
"No..." He breathed. He lifted his head, eyes pained, and then returned to his cell silently.
The kid was jittery, and Austin utilised every ounce of his self-control not to release his frustration. He could almost feel the kid opening and closing his mouth to say things. He could feel the unspoken words in the air.
"Spit it out, kid."
"Sorry- I, uh...sorry." Austin waited and the kid stood up, wiping his palms on his thighs. Austin kept tired eyes trained on him.
"I wanted to say sorry...for...taking advantage. I'll look after myself from now on."
"Why're you apologising? I've been here longer than you. It's good sense to take someone's help if it's offered to you."
"Still...thanks, but I won't do it again. I don't wanna cause you any trouble."
"Are you thinkin' this cause of what Metal said? About me getting the needle?" Austin tensed up, anger creeping in. The kid shook his head quickly.
"No, no! That's not what I meant. But now you mention it, I don't wanna get you into trouble either-" Austin jumped off the bunk and the kid leapt back several steps.
"You think I can't handle myself? Look at me. Look at the rep I've got. If I was gonna get the needle, they would've taken me onto the Row fucking years ago!" The kid had backed away all he could and his back hit the wall. He looked terrified. Austin barely noticed any of it,
"They're not gonna give me the needle now! I don't need some pathetic little bitch like you patronising me!" The kid shut his eyes.
"I didn't mean it like that!"
"You say that now cause you're scared." His eyes suddenly flew open, he was angry too.
"Don't take out your frustration and fear on me. I'm not as pathetic as you think. FYI, I didn't mean it like that." The sudden display of strength and defiance pleasantly surprised Austin. He squeezed past Austin and sat down on his bunk. The older man leant a hand against the wall and sighed heavily.
"Sorry, kid."
"Andy....my name's Andy." Andy, Austin thought. It suited him.
"Andy...I'm sorry."
"Don't worry about it." He turned round and sat against the wall on the floor, looking up at the younger man.
"What did you do, Andy?"
"Don't wanna talk about it." Austin nodded.
"Talk to me about something. Distract me." Andy met his eyes and nodded slowly.
"Ok...I can do that."
Austin had finally reached a quiet, dark spot of his mind when a guard pulled him out of it.
"Carlile! Do I gotta put you back on watch again?" Anger shot through Austin's entire being, a man couldn't get a moments peace in the prison.
"Do whatever the fuck you like." He saw the kid flinch, saw the way he looked nervously from the guard to Austin who was wound up.
"You've gotta get out, Carlile."
"I don't gotta do jack shit. Now get out of my face...and leave me the hell alone..." His voice lowered to a raspy snarl and he could almost hear the kid's frightened heartbeat.
"Lionel...Lionel...yeah. Thanks." Austin closed his eyes again, prepared for another stakeout. When his emotional state became too much to bear, he'd sit and meditate, retreat into his own mind for hours, days on end. It was only when the kid was told to leave, and he refused that Austin opened his eyes again.
"See what you did, Carlile?! This is why you're such a goddamn pain in my ass!" The kid took a step forwards.
"I can't do this again..... I need your help." The fear was genuine, and somewhere through the fog of pain Austin wanted to help. He wanted to take the kid under his wing. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. When the younger man realised he had no intention of moving, his hands began to shake. He turned to the guard and then towards the door where they could hear the clatter of other inmates leaving. A caged, baited animal. Austin watched him leave and closed his eyes against the guilt, inhaling and exhaling deeply before finding the will to push himself off the bunk and to sail through the prison out to the yard.
Austin's eyes were dead, his movements devoid of any emotion. But his eyes still scanned for his cellmate. They found him, Metal was headed for him already. Austin sauntered over.
"I asked you a question!" Metal shouted, shoving the kid hard. Austin knew what that felt like. He walked straight through the growing crowd and slipped an arm around the slim shoulders loosely. Staking his claim. Metal, as well as his entourage, took in the action in surprise and dread.
"You two didn't waste any time." Austin looked at him, he didn't need to say anything. This was part of why he scared them all so much. He rarely did say anything. He didn't need to.
"Fine, but trust me, bitch. He won't be able to keep you safe for long, he'll be getting the needle soon enough." Austin let his eyes shoot up to Metal, his anger pouring out of them venemously. The bully shifted.
"Well it's true, and everyone knows it. Does your little bitch know what you did? It's a miracle they didn't read you your last rights at the trial-"
"ENOUGH!" Lionel stormed through the crowd just before Austin leapt on the bully to inflict the kind of pain they all knew he was capable of.
"I'm informing your parole officer about this. Get out of here. Now." They scattered and Austin let go of the kid like a rotten apple.
"Skip ahead to the gym, Carlile."
"No."
"I'm not letting you back into your cell until you do. You need to work this off." The young man watched in amazement as Carlile did as he was told, and left silently. The guard turned to him.
"What's he been like since you got here?" He shrugged.
"Well..he hasn't been anything really. He gave me a bit of advice about how to act. But besides that he's barely spoken. I...uh....don't think he slept last night. I think he sat and like....meditated all night. Cause he was in the same position this morning." Lionel nodded and patted his shoulder.
"Carlile will watch out for you, kid. He's like that. But you have to stand on your own feet too....don't put him in danger." With that he walked away and the man kept his eyes down, feeling guilty for relying on Austin's protection.
Austin was still running at full pace on the treadmill when the others filed back into their cells. Lionel came to find him.
"Don't push yourself too far."
"You...told me to work it off....well...it's not...off yet...." Lionel sighed and leant against the opposite machine.
"Is it ever going to be off?" Austin turned the machine off and slowed to a stop, leaning heavily on the handles.
"No..." He breathed. He lifted his head, eyes pained, and then returned to his cell silently.
The kid was jittery, and Austin utilised every ounce of his self-control not to release his frustration. He could almost feel the kid opening and closing his mouth to say things. He could feel the unspoken words in the air.
"Spit it out, kid."
"Sorry- I, uh...sorry." Austin waited and the kid stood up, wiping his palms on his thighs. Austin kept tired eyes trained on him.
"I wanted to say sorry...for...taking advantage. I'll look after myself from now on."
"Why're you apologising? I've been here longer than you. It's good sense to take someone's help if it's offered to you."
"Still...thanks, but I won't do it again. I don't wanna cause you any trouble."
"Are you thinkin' this cause of what Metal said? About me getting the needle?" Austin tensed up, anger creeping in. The kid shook his head quickly.
"No, no! That's not what I meant. But now you mention it, I don't wanna get you into trouble either-" Austin jumped off the bunk and the kid leapt back several steps.
"You think I can't handle myself? Look at me. Look at the rep I've got. If I was gonna get the needle, they would've taken me onto the Row fucking years ago!" The kid had backed away all he could and his back hit the wall. He looked terrified. Austin barely noticed any of it,
"They're not gonna give me the needle now! I don't need some pathetic little bitch like you patronising me!" The kid shut his eyes.
"I didn't mean it like that!"
"You say that now cause you're scared." His eyes suddenly flew open, he was angry too.
"Don't take out your frustration and fear on me. I'm not as pathetic as you think. FYI, I didn't mean it like that." The sudden display of strength and defiance pleasantly surprised Austin. He squeezed past Austin and sat down on his bunk. The older man leant a hand against the wall and sighed heavily.
"Sorry, kid."
"Andy....my name's Andy." Andy, Austin thought. It suited him.
"Andy...I'm sorry."
"Don't worry about it." He turned round and sat against the wall on the floor, looking up at the younger man.
"What did you do, Andy?"
"Don't wanna talk about it." Austin nodded.
"Talk to me about something. Distract me." Andy met his eyes and nodded slowly.
"Ok...I can do that."