Inside the Lie

It was a month before Andy made Austin laugh. It was a shock, and at first he couldn't quite believe he'd done it. It wasn't even an actual attempt - he'd just made a very dry, sarcastic comment on something and Austin had burst out laughing. His smile was wide, his eyes turned bright and creased up at the corners. It was strangely beautiful. They became closer and closer friends, although Andy's feelings had begun to develop into something more. And then one day Austin was hauled out of the cell - to a meeting he clearly didn't know he was having - and Andy was left, worrying, for hours.

When Austin returned he slumped against the wall.
"What is it, for gods sake?" Andy blurted out after ten minutes of agonising silence.

"I'm....being executed. The last re-trial I had....didn't go in my favour." Andy gaped at the other man.

"I'm being...transported to death row when the paperwork's all gone through - probably a month or so. Then...I don't know." Andy knelt down opposite Austin who, for the first time, was an open book of a kaleidoscope of emotions. Dazed fear was at the top of the list. Andy put a hand on one of Austin's raised knees.

"I'm sorry, Austin."

"They were right...when they all told me I'd get the needle...they were all right..."

"Austin-" The taller man suddenly pulled Andy against him. For a moment, he was scared, but then Andy felt his arms wrap round him and his heart racing through his scrubs, and he realised Austin was hugging him. He was reaching out for help. At last. Andy hugged him tighter than he'd ever hugged anyone, and tried not to imagine how he'd cope once Austin was taken.

"Andy...you gotta do something." Lionel mumbled to him as he failed, for the twentieth time in five days to make Austin leave the cell.

"I've tried everything, Lionel. I don't know what to do anymore."

"I need to find his family....get someone from his life to help." Andy nodded.

"That's a good idea. Let me know how you get on...at this rate he's gonna die before he gets executed." Lionel nodded grimly and left them alone again.

Andy stared at Austin as he meditated in that familiar, pained state with his eyes closed.
"I need you to snap out of this, Austin. Talk to me. Tell me something. Anything. Tell me about your life, about the people you knew. Tell me what happened to you to land you in here. Tell me! Say something!!!" He didn't respond. Andy watched him, and that seemed to stir him. He opened his eyes over an hour later and glared at Andy.

"Quit staring at me."

"No. Not until you say something." A muscle in Austin's jaw jumped in irritation and Andy remembered the reputation he had. He had it for a reason. He knew he shouldn't push him, that he could easily have his head smashed in by the other man, but he didn't care.

"Fuck you - how's that?"

"Not exactly what I meant."

"What the fuck do you want from me?" He growled in a threatening whisper.

"I want you to understand that you have people here who actually give a shit about you! You're not on your own, Austin." He jumped down from the bunk, Andy held his ground.

"I don't need a kid like you giving me psychotherapy."

"Clearly you do." Austin grabbed hold of him by the throat and slammed him up against the wall.

"Uh- fine....strangle me!!...cause you'll really be able to live...with yourself more if...if you do that..." Austin released his trachea, but slammed him again, Andy winced at the pain in the back of his head but ignored it.

"Do something. Anything, scream, talk, punch me - just don't do this on your own-" Austin threw him aside and paced up and down the cell.

"Get on your bunk." Andy looked at him fearfully.

"Do it!" He did as he was told, albeit hesitantly, and Austin paced angrily. He was like a caged, baited beast. And Andy was the weak, blind rabbit that had been fed to him.

"You're messing with my head. How I do things. Don't you see that it's better when I can do this by myself?!" He screamed at Andy who flinched, despite his best efforts.

"How am I messing-"

"Just....just shut up. Just let me do this my way." He sat down in the corner and covered his head with his hands. Rocking back and forth, he looked like he should've been in an asylum and not a jail.

Lionel came rushing in then, and the moment the gate was opened, Austin practically sprinted from the cell. He looked inside to Andy.
"Kid - you ok? He didn't hurt you?" He asked breathlessly.

"No...no I'm fine." He nodded, somewhat shocked, and followed Austin.

"Lionel....would Austin hurt me?" Andy approached the guard in the yard that afternoon. The other man looked at him apprehensively and nodded.

"He hurt his last cell mate....then beat himself up about it for months. That's why he's been alone for over a year." Andy swallowed and looked to where Austin was, sitting by himself, staring out of the barbed wire fence.
"To be honest, kid...this morning when I heard there was a disruption....I was sure he would've done the same to you."

"Done what?"

"Look, kid. Most of the guys in here are watched carefully to stop them having weapons, or making shanks....Austin don't need anything but his bare hands to kill a man with ease. I'm not saying this to scare you, kid. But to warn you. But I gotta say....you're the only person he's been friends with since he got here. He doesn't let people in."

"He let you and your family in." Lionel put his hands on his hips and nodded, scanning the yard for any signs of trouble.

"I thought that would've helped him....it just makes him hurt more, I know it does. But I can't take my family away from him, either. We're the closest thing he's got to the real deal." Andy frowned sadly.

"Lionel, what did Austin do?"

"Sorry, kid. I can't do that to him. If he wants you to know - you'll know." He walked away and as Andy was walking over to his cell mate, he saw Metal approaching him. He heard him taunting him and quickened his pace as Austin lost it.

In the ten-second period it took him and several of the guards to reach them, Metal had blood covering his face, and Austin was wild with rage. The guards pushed them apart and Andy tore Austin back. He lashed out, not realising who it was, and accidentally elbowed Andy in the mouth. He keeled back, and Austin turned just in time to catch him.

"Stop it! Austin, Austin stop. It's not worth it - he's not worth it! Stop...stop it-"

"I can't die, I can't die Andy, I can't die-" Austin dropped to his knees and howled against Andy's chest as he clutched him to it. He ignored the throbbing pain in his mouth and held Austin as tightly as he could.

"I know. I know....." Austin cried against him. The guards took Metal to the medical unit, and then dragged Austin to solitary confinement. Lionel took Andy to the medics too, and tried to talk some sense into him.

"It was good you were there, Andy."

"I didn't get there quick enough...he's gonna be penalised even more for this, isn't he?"

"No. We both saw and heard it happening, it was Metal's fault. I'll make sure everyone knows that." Andy nodded and cringed as he saw the medic grab a needle from his kit and head toward Andy's top lip.

"He can't handle solitary confinement, Lionel. He's gonna completely retreat - I just got him talking to me, and now he's gonna...."

"I know. Look, if you're ok, I'm gonna go try and lessen the time he has to spend in there." Andy gave him the thumbs up with a shaky hand and tried not to concentrate on the painless, yet odd sensation of the needle being dragged through his anaesthetised skin.