My Chemical Romance Is What?!

"Alexis we have some news from Chicago County Jail," the other man said in an urgent tone, he was about Gerard's height and held two envelopes in his right hand. I took a shaky breath.

That's wheremy mom Sasha is being held. What's going on?

"Y-yes?" I stuttered. Dad came forward and gave the cops a strange look as he put a hand on my shoulder.

"Um. You might want to sit down for this miss," the other cop said. Frank motioned for everyone to follow him. We sat down on one side of the dining room table and the two men sat across from us. I knew the guys were listening from the kitchen but I couldn't care.

"Alexis. Your mother has passed away. Suicide actually," the taller man said. My breath caught in my throat and Dad took my hand, giving it a squeeze.

"We were sent to give you the news and these." The cop placed the envelopes in front of me and I looked at them with curious eyes.

"The smaller envelope we found at the scene and it was addressed to you so no one opened it. The other one was given to her lawyer a month ago. He gave it to us when he heard the news and told us to give it to you. We don't know if he opened it so there is no sure fire way to tell," the taller man explained. I wearily looked at the items on the table as Dad asked the men to leave. Soon everyone was sitting around the table, Dad and Gerard on either side of me.

"Are you okay Lexi?" Dad asked quietly but I didn't answer. Instead I picked up the envelope that had my first and middle name written on it. I ripped it open and tooked out the notebook paper. As soon as I unfolded it I saw it was written by Sasha.

"Dear Alexis. I know I'm probably the last person you want to hear from but I have to tell you this. I know you probably hate me for what I've done, probably don't want to call me your mom. I truly, truly am sorry. I know I should have said this years ago, never threatened to...kill you before getting shoved into that cop car. I know you were just doing what you needed to be protected. I went all these years without my little girl and now I know I've made a terrible mistake. I needed my baby girl, even if the man I loved left me. Your father really care for you he was just so young and was scared. I know you may not buy this at all but it is the truth. I found out, I was getting let out early for good behavior about a month ago but I had nothing to go home to. My baby was gone, hated me, and they'd never let me near you. I didn't think it was worth it. I wrote a song for you, for how I feel right now. It's included in a envelope I gave my lawyer and hopefully he followed my instructions to give you it too. I wanted to tell you everything before I left this earth, possible to go with your father if he was in the great beyond. I just want you to know, I will always love. Forever and always, your mother."

"Lexi?" Gerard asked quietly after I sat there in silence for a minute, reading it over. Suddenly I felt the tears brimming my eyes no matter how much I tried to blink them back. Mikey looked alarm and Dad quickly pulled me into his chest as I started to silently cry. I did believe her, something in my gut told me she was honest. Now that she was gone, it hit me hard. I felt myself slipping back into that depression like I did when I was ten.

"Frank let me take her up," I heard Gerard say before I was being carried up the stairs in two strong arms. Gerard soon placed me on my bed and I cuddled up to him, my tears creating a wet spot on his shirt. I sat straight and wiped away my fallen tears after a good five minutes.

"Thanks Gee," I whispered as I hugged him.

"No problem hun," Gerard replied. I smiled at the pet name he'd given me and looked around. Dad sent me a warm smile before I clung to him.

"I miss her Daddy. I really do," I whispered, starting to break down again. He pet my hair cooing sweet nothings to me. I finally couldn't produce any more tears so I sat up hugged my Dad tightly around the neck.

"Better?" Dad asked quietly.

"Yeah. Where's the envelopes?" I questioned. Dad picked them up from my bedside table and handed them to me. I carefully placed the letter to the side and opened the closed one. Inside was music sheets with lyrics and notes. I stood and zombie walked down the hall to the music room, Dad and Gerard following me. I sat down on the window seat yet again and stared at the notes curiously. I began quietly trying to hit the notes as Dad and Gerard watched. About thirty minutes later it all was together for me. I began singing the song all together for the first time.

"I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared
After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here
So if you're asking me I want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I made
I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you
So if you're asking me I want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside you learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside you learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are

I can't be who you are." My voice faded off as I finally took in the meaning behind the lyrics. I took a deep, shaky breath, refusing to break down for a third time today. I stood and ran down the hall, quickly jetting out the back door. I dashed and hopped into the pool, not caring that I was completely soaking my clothes. This was the best way for me to calm down before I lost control of my bottled up emotions again. I quickly resurfaced as my heels hit the bottom of the nine feet. I took a deep breath and saw everyone looking at me worriedly. I just smiled weakly before climbing out.

"Lexi, are you sure you're okay?" Mikey asked. I nodded before heading upstairs, probably soaking everything. I shut my door and tossed my wet clothes in my hamper. I hopped in the shower and got out thirty minutes later. I tossed my wet hair into a ponytail before stepping into my room. I pulled on undergarments, some black booty shorts with skelanimals on it, a black tank, and a black hoodie that almost went pass my shorts. I laid down on my bed, playing "Cemetery Drive" into my ears. Wow, just what most kids expect me to do minus the fact I'm not slitting my wrists. Fucking stereotypers.

"Lexi?" I barely heard through my ear phones. I pulled my blanket over my head, hinting I wanted to be alone. Whoever it was sighed before shutting my door. The last thing I heard was Mayday Parade starting the song "If You Wanted a Song Written About You, All You Had To Do Was Ask".