Six Feet Under the Stars

The crispy Autumn wind blew through Alex's hair as he stumbled his way to Baltimore's cemetery- there was more than one, but this one was the first one to be built and the biggest one, that's how it got the name.

No one was in the streets, it was a Tuesday, 12 PM. Which meant that everyone was either at school or work.

He took a large gulp of the stinging substance in the clear glass bottle that was clutched tightly in his hand, and leaned against the entrance gates of the silent place. He tried to regain his balance and maybe sober up a little by shutting his eyes and taking deep breaths- he wasn't the one who's supposed to have no common sense, he thought.

He took swigs of his Jack every so often as he stumbled around tombstones to the one he knew the way to, by heart. It was also the spot he's been spending most of his time in, for the past two years.

He thought that alcohol would take some of the pain away, but it only made everything worse once he's sober.

Soon, he figured, why be sober? Alcohol burns all your memories and pain away for some time, but that didn't help either. How could someone forget their best friend? Their soul mate?

For him, soul mate meant a person with whom you have an immediate connection the moment you meet -- a connection so strong that you are drawn to them in a way you have never experienced before. Your soul mate understands and connects with you in every way and on every level, which brings a sense of peace, calmness and happiness when you are around them. And that person was Jack. It will always be Jack, he thought.

"Hey Jack" he dropped his body next to the black stone with the golden writing.

JACK BASSAM BARAKAT

1988-2010

A son, best friend, boyfriend, and role model to many.

"How have you been?" Alex chuckled dryly at his stupid question.

"I've been horrible ever since you left. I've been drinking all the time to forget the pain. It worked, at the beginning. But i guess I've become immune to it, because i could forget my own name while i'm shitfaced, but that day never leaves my head." he let out a bitter laugh.

"I miss you, everyone does. That day, I've seen Zack cry in public for the first time ever, you know how he is. The tough guy and all. 'It's funny seeing the buff guy cry' he said. I see him silently cry sometimes when he's over trying to control my drinking. As well as the others, but that didn't work" he took a sip of his drink.

"Rian and Cass were holding each other and crying the whole time. It broke my heart to see them like that. Holly's moved on six months ago, she's seeing someone. I'm happy for her, she's got the strength to pull herself out of her misery. I don't think you still had that spark though, you told me yourself, three months before the accident. You said that the spark is long gone. And when i asked why were you still with her, you only shrugged and continued to sip on your coffee. I think i know why, it's because you wanted to feel loved, wanted, needed. Even if your feelings weren't mutual- she did give you that though, with the kisses, hugs, cuddles, late night calls."

"Can i tell you something? I i don't like you Jack, i never did, as a friend. I had a crush on you at first, i thought it's just a temporarily thing, so i didn't do anything about it. But with all the Jalex thing going on, and the on stage kisses, and cuddling, it grew bigger. These small things we used to do for the fans became something much more to me, it was the only way i could kiss you or cuddle with you and not let my feelings slip. I didn't act upon my feelings because i knew that to you, i was your best friend. You didn't share the feelings." He covered his hand with his mouth to muffle a sob.

"I should've told you, maybe then i would've had that chance to make you feel loved, cherished, wanted, needed. But there was always the possibility that our friendship would've been ruined, and it could've affected the band.

We don't play anymore. I mean, yeah. We could've just gotten a new guitarist, but you're irreplaceable Jack, there's no All Time Low without you. It's just not the same."

"Sometimes when im still sober, or slightly tipsy and can still function like a normal human being, i like to think that you're one of the stars up there, or you're just sitting on a fluffy cloud, looking at everyone and wearing that cheesy smile of yours." He looked up the sky and waved with a small smile on his whiskey flavored lips.

Right after the small greeting, the wind blew a little bit stronger, causing the colorful leaves on the ground to scatter everywhere. A chuckle escaped his lips.

"I'll take it as you've seen me wave at you" and for the first time in two years, Alex's smile was real, from the heart.

"You know Jack. The smile you gave me that day, it still haunts me. It's like you were happy, calm almost. I always had a feeling that you wanted to die. Not commit suicide, just die.

It proved my point that day when the pair of us decided to pick a random cliff and just sit there. I don't remember where was it exactly as it happened four years ago. But you kept coming closer to the edge, and kept pretending to fall , then you'd laugh like it's the most normal thing to do. It's like you were having fun with it. I was terrified that day. It was the first time i thought that i'd lose you forever. Oh the irony!" he chuckled, a bitter chuckle, mixed with a muffled whimper.

"That day, you said 'Everyone dies Lexy! And one day..." you then tripped over your feet and almost fell, but i grabbed you by the shirt and pulled you close. You chuckled and continued 'Poof! I'll be gone.' I cried afterwards, and you tried to make me feel better.

People always called you crazy. But i think it's just you being you. Ya know, cracking dick jokes- i actually miss hearing those all the time, they were funny even though i'd usually lie to you and tell you they're lame-, i remember you always talking with you mouth full whenever Cass decided to join us for a meal just to gross her out, and you always calling yourself a princess" he chuckled at the last bit.

"The fans miss you a lot too. They want to know what happened exactly, but none of us has the heart to tell them. The news of your death alone shook them, but they're strong. Stronger than me at least.

Anyway, they do this thing on your death anniversary. All of them dress up in black skinny jeans and your signature BONER t-shirts. I think it's really sweet of them, they still remember you. You're a legend. Just like you always said you'd be.

I have a feeling that i know why you wanted to die. Maybe it was that your parents thought you were gay because of all the on stage and off stage kisses and stuff between us. Or maybe it was the guys and i telling you that you can't play, as a joke of course, maybe we were breaking you but you never showed it, always laughed with us and insulted us back. Or it could be the insults and the hate you always got on the internet. But i think it was those three, piled up along with many other things to the point where it was all too much and you couldn't handle it anymore, and felt trapped. I know i would've felt that way." he bit his lip hard, his teeth digging into the flesh of his bottom lip, it was too much.

"I think i'll be joining you soon. I've been drinking for two years none stop, and my health's getting worse with each day, or maybe i'd just do something about it.

Will you welcome me with hugs and kisses? Or will you be disappointed in me? I wish i knew the answer, i wish i could find out somehow. But whatever it is, i'm going to be buried next to you. It'll be just like before, the two of us against the world. Jack and Alex. Alex and Jack. One day i'll join you, and it will be the both of us, six feet under the stars" he snickered at the not so puny pun, and wiped the salty tears off his cheeks.

"I love you" and with those three words spoken, he got up and left home, going home. But he knew it was just a house he lived in, not home. Home was where the heart is, and that's with Jack. So Jack was and to Alex, always will be home. Jack's home, he repeated over and over in his head.

Two days later, he sat on his black leather couch in his empty apartment. Baz and Payton were at Rian's since Alex could barely take care of himself, let alone the dogs. They were better off there anyway.

Liquor bottles and cans were everywhere, along with take out and pizza boxes. The furniture and the carpets reeked of alcohol, and the place was generally dirty.

He stared at the cans of beer and bottles of Jack, along with a bottle of anti-depressants that sat on the table in front of him, as he pulled the sleeves of Jack's old Blink-182 hoodie to cover his hands. It was the only thing he had that still smelled of Jack. And it was comforting, which was exactly what he needed at the moment.

But before doing anything, he remembered the day he lost his best friend, his rock, the only person he truly loved.

Jack was making dinner, or trying to. Being on tour all the time meant take outs and stops at diners on the road. But days off tour meant trying to eat some real food for once. So that's what the raven haired man was trying to do. He also invited Alex over to see how it turns out.

When Alex got there, there were police men, paramedics and fire men all over the place. Jack's apartment was on fire, and without thinking, Alex ran into the building, pushing past everyone who tried to stop him. He needed to save Jack. He had to.
"JACK!" his voice bounced off the burning walls, as his lungs got filled with the poisonous smoke, but he kept calling, hearing no response from Jack. And that only made his head spin faster, and heart beat faster, he was scared of losing Jack, he couldn't lose Jack. He wont let it happen, he thought.
He soon ran into the kitchen. The flames were eating everything in their way, Jack was standing there, the flames biting at his flesh, but he made no yelp of pain, he just stood there. Tears were streaming down his cheeks, and a smile on his pink lips- one that Alex have never seen before.
But what really caught his attention as two fire men dragged him away, were Jacks big brown eyes.

There was a spark of pain, that was quickly replaced with relief when he watched Alex get dragged out. And a sign or reassurance, as if he was trying to calm the blonde man down, trying to tell him it was what he wanted for a long time, reassure him that everything would be fine, not to worry so much. But it only made Alex struggle against their grips more. There was also a sign of love and adoration, and a glimpse of guilt for leaving Alex alone.

Alex sobbed on the side walk as fire men ran in, trying to put down the fire and get everyone out safely. Only one person didn't make it. Jack. The fireman told him that he breathed in too much smoke, and died in the process.
What caused the fire was a towel somehow catching fire and burning down the whole kitchen, the rest of the apartment afterwards.

So here he was, writing a quick note to whoever would find him the next morning. Then, he swallowed every single pill, and chugged down all the alcohol he could find.

Sure enough, he left, he went home, to Jack. to a place where everything is possible and pain is un-real, to a place where he might tell Jack how he really feels about him, and maybe, just maybe, get their happy ending.

Matt was the one to find Alex's lifeless, pale, and cold body. He came by to check up on him. A tear rolled down his cheek as he read the former lead singers' messy handwriting:

"You & I Forever. Six feet under the Stars"