Status: Completed

As Planned


I took a deep breath as I stared at my reflection in the mirror. Today was the day. I cast a glance at the small empty pill bottle I seem to be clutching for dear life and winced. Yesterday I took the very last pill for my old treatment. The one that kept me alive, walking and from spitting up blood. Beginning today I`m screwed. Finished. Done. Fucked. Dead.

For the rest of the school week I let my old medicine drain from my system and then this weekend I go to the hospital to get evaluated. And if everything goes well, by Tuesday I get to start my new treatment. Unfortunately this time around its going to be a mix of shots and pills where as last time it was just pills. If only it was the same this time. God I hate shots...

"Come on, Amelia. You`re going to be late for school!"

That`s right, I have to go to school while going through this process. Iv`e detoxed medicine from my system before so I could start new treatments and let me tell you something, that process is very painful. You get weak, your stomach feels like its being torn inside out, it gets harder to breathe, and you start coughing up blood. And then you can start new treatments. And the worst part? Its all in that order.

"Amelia!" Aunt Sarah yelled while banging on the bathroom door.

I winced and yelled back, "I`m coming!" I swear, ever since we dropped off aunt Lauren at the airport last night she`s been in a mood.

After saying goodbye to my mother and my aunt I left the apartment and made myself walk down the stairs slower than I normally would. Now that my medicine is draining from my system I have to try and preserve as much of my strength as I can seeing as I won`t have any by the end of the day or tomorrow if I`m lucky. And unfortunately I`m not very lucky.

Because of going slower than normal I was ten minutes late for school. But thankfully after a whispered conversation with my teacher as to why I was late she understood and I didn`t get in trouble. I think she`s been the most understanding actually. And thankfully Neela didn`t question me being late. That`s one conversation I do not look forward to having but I`ll have to have it by Friday. There`s no way I`ll be able to hide everything I`m about to go though. Especially from her. Oh god. I`m going to have to tell Twinkie. I suppose I could always tell them at the same time.

"Amelia?" Morimoto hissed from beside me, quickly glancing at the teacher before looking back at me. "Are you okay?"

"I`m fine," I whispered back, keeping my gaze on the teacher in hopes we wouldn`t get caught talking in class.

"You were late for class."

"I overslept."

As much as I don`t like to lie to people, though I have done it twice since I moved here, I don`t feel like explaining in the middle of class of all places. That conversation is best served in private with Neela and Twinkie present. And hopefully I can put it off as long as possible. I dont want to see their sympathetic or disappointed faces. Iv`e gotten so tired of seeing those kind of faces. That or being pushed away because they don`t want to deal with making a friend only to lose them in a few months. And in a way I can understand wanting to keep yourself from that pain. But that can really hurt, you know? Your friend is supposed to be someone that`s always there for you, especially when your going through something and you need their support. It gets even harder when you no longer have that person. I would know, I went through it with my first and only boyfriend. I`m just glad I didn`t have to go through it with the girls. Now that would of broken me.

"Are you going to the races?" Morimoto whispered.

I frowned and glanced at him, "Aren`t those on Friday`s?"

He smirked and nodded, "Just wait to summer. We do it almost every night."

Oh if only I`m going to last that long. If this treatment doesn`t work I may not even last until graduation. Though I hope I can at least hold on long enough to see the cherry blossoms bloom. Iv`e always wanted to see those. Alex`s mom used to say that pictures never do them justice. I`d love to see if she`s right.

"Morimoto?" I murmured as class ended.


"When do the cherry blossoms bloom?"

He chuckled, "Around the end of march. Why? Do you want to see them that badly?"

I nodded and followed him out of the class room. "I hear that pictures don`t do them justice."

"They really don`t."

By lunch I was beginning to feel weak, something I was dreading would happen at school. Did I mention how unlucky I am? And of course Twinkie noticed right away that something was up the second I sat down in front of him.

"What`s wrong with you?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Nothing," I replied. "Really. I`m fine."

"Then why do you look so damn tired?"

"Twinkie," Neela scolded gently.

"What?" He question. "Its the truth."

"And maybe she doesn`t want to talk about it," She said before looking at me. "You are okay though, right?"

"I`m fine," I laughed. "I`m just tired."

"I thought you said you overslept," Morimoto said as he sat down in front of me.

"I did," I defended. "I just had a rough night, that`s all." And the lies just keep coming...

"I was gonna invite you to come to Han`s garage with me after school but if your too tired.." Twinkie trailed off with a shrug.

I caught myself frowning at his words. Why would he want me to go with him to Han`s garage of all places? It`s not like that man likes me. Hell, he ignored me the whole time I was at the races last Friday. "Why would I go there?"

"Earl and Rieko!"


Neela laughed, "They`re students here that we`re friends with. You haven`t met them yet because of a two week suspension."

I nodded to show I understood. So they wanted me to meet more of their friends? "Wait, won`t Han be mad?"

"What do you mean?" Neela questioned slowly.

"He doesn`t seem to like me very much," I confessed.

Twinkie chuckled and shook his head, "You`re fine, girl. Trust me. Han acts that way with everyone at first."

"Oh," I breathed, feeling my face heat up as a blush covered my cheeks.

Morimoto snickered and patted my cheek. "I need to start making you do that often."

"Morimoto!" Neela scolded while he rolled his eyes.

Twinkie chuckled at them before looking back at me, "So what do you say? You coming or not?"

I shook my head. "Not this time, Twink. I`m just too tired today."

He nodded, "Alright. Next time then."

"Next time," I agreed.