Lost Haven.

8 months old.
*Christmas Eve*
The snow fell silently as it once had. It felt less menacing this time around; no one was running after us to make our lives a living hell. And, well, the us I was referring to was different, too.
Evangeline and Riley set up a fire in the fireplace while I keep my eyes fixed on happy gurgling Angela, moving toward the small table we'd put in the living room area. She was just starting to crawl, but she was a fast learner. It was cute to watch her get excited when she realized how quickly she could get to where she needed, before plopping onto her stomach.
"Are you sure the child will be safe with that big tree, dear?" Ev asks me, eyeing the added decoration that I'd covered in ornaments in the far corner. I'd been the one to suggest celebrating the holiday in the first place. As you can imagine, fallen angels didn't really do Christmas. But they had agreed when I explained that I wanted Angela to have a semi normal life, and for holidays on her first year to be special. It only felt necessary to give her something that other babies got to experience, even if she wouldn't remember it. I chose to keep it small, to not overwhelm her with bringing our friends over. In a way, it felt like it was just the family.
"I've got my eye on her, she'll be fine," I assure them. I've become an expert at baby-proofing things, so there was a small fence blocking Angela off from the tree.
"Don't be too sure, she is her father's daughter, after all," Riley chuckles, a moment too late before realizing what a bad idea it was.
I shrug lightly as I look up at the clock. It was just around eight.
Just then, there's a knock on the door and I bound to my feet, grinning. My grin widens when I open the door to Chris, a few gift boxes tucked under his arm and a teddy bear in the other.
"Hey, you made it!" I welcome him inside and he drops the gifts down on the kitchen table to give me a gentle squeeze. "Merry Christmas Eve, Lexi!" he says cheerfully. I can't help but laugh at his enthusiasm and hug him back Over the last months, the two of us had gotten extremely close. He understood what it felt like for a huge aspect in your life to not be there anymore. I looked to him as a friend as I did Riley, someone I could turn to or talk to if I needed it. He really made it easier to move past John's leave, and his support was beyond helpful.
Having an extra babysitter as backup wasn't so bad, either.
Chris greets Ev and gives Riley's hand a shake before sighing. As he kneels down beside Angela, he gives her an exaggerated smile. "Hi, Angel. I've got something for you!" She coos out in delight, crawling toward him and making him smile softly. The baby adored him, and he adored her just as much.
Riley laughs when Angela starts to chew on his pant leg. "I think she's hungry."
"Angie, baby no," I scolds, picking her up. Chris laughs good humoredly. "She's free to eat me, I don't mind."
I chuckle when she wiggles and kicks in my arms. "I think she wants you anyway."
"Awww, give her here," he coos, reaching out and playing with her in his lap, smiling as if he were greeting her for the first time again.
I watch her for a few minutes before deciding we should at least let her open her presents before she began to get sleepy and had to go to bed. Most of them were for her, so she had some work to do.
As we place the first gift in front of her, she stares at it curiously, patting at the bright red bow. Chris takes her arms gently and waves them over the boxes, guiding her. He even demonstrates and makes the first rip and she gasps at the tearing sound. She grabs a hold of the paper and goes into a fit of giggles when she gets the hang of it. We help her open it the rest of the way, shaking the new toy at her. It was a little alphabetical lion that sang the ABC's if you squeezed its nose. Which she did various times. Repeatedly.
We move Angela onto the next present, one by one unveiling her new things. But the one thing she didn't put down was Chris's teddy bear, after he shook it in front of her and let her hold it in a death grip. She was so fascinated with it, stroking its fur and nibbling and drooling onto its ear. I could tell by her loud shrills and coos that she was very happy.
Ri takes all of her new toys and stuffed animals into her crib in the room, cushioning the sides even more and adding to her collection. Chris and I exchanged her as we played a bit longer. He would lift her in the air and blow her cheek, causing her to squeal. Giggling, I tickle her sides as she squirms around in his arms, her mouth quirked open in a laugh.
"She's such a cute kid," Chris muses, taking a hold of her hands and helping her stand on wobbly legs. Smiling, I lean over to kiss her nose. She was the greatest thing I could ask for.
"She's an angel, alright," I tell him, watching her admiringly.
"Well she has an angel for a mother," he says softly, his blue eyes piercing into me like ice. With a grin, he adds, "Bet she'll be a looker too."
By the time she was sleepy and began to fuss, it was past ten. I took her into the room to soothe her, rocking her and gently patting her back. She whimpers and squirms for a bit, but I hand her her pacifier and in just a few minutes, her eyes grow heavier and drift closed, lulling to sleep. My lips brush against her head before going to lay her in her crib. I watch her, my lips lifting as she splays out on her back, little lips pursing around the pacifier. If it were up to me, I could stay here all night and never take my eyes off of my tiny angel.
I return to the living room a while later, closing the door quietly behind me.
"Lex, just in time," Riley says with a smirk. "You've got gifts."
"But it's not midnight yet," I point out as I slide back down to the floor.
He raises an eyebrow. "You really gonna tell an ex angel to wait?"
"Hey, we're all ex angels here," Chris reminds him, chuckling. "How come she gets to go first?"
"Cause it's ladies first."
From the kitchen, Ev grunts. "In that case, I will be the first to take my gift." She brings over a tray with mugs and places it on the table. "Sleep. My bed is waiting for me. Try not to make a ruckus."
Ri laughs and rises to his feet, slinging an arm over her shoulders. "Oh, Ev. Have I told you how much I appreciate you? I promise us ruckus makers will keep it down."
She grunts again and says goodnight, waddling off to her room with her cane.
The three of us listen to the fire crackle before Riley hands off a present to me. "This one's from 'Mal and the guys.' They figured they'd collaborate, I guess."
I smile and rip it open, touched that they would think of me and take part in a holiday they of all people most definitely didn't celebrate.
The box was filled with packs of onesies and little shirts, all with funny sayings or angel references. I laugh at a few of them and at the framed photo of Angela on Halloween. I'd decided to go with a ladybug. It just didn't feel right to label her as one or the other.
"I'll have to tell them thank you," I muse, placing the items back inside. Chris holds out a small bag and smiles shyly. "This is yours, too."
I peak inside, moving the tissue paper around and pulling out something soft at the bottom.
"I know it's really not anything, but I was sort of already in the baby aisle and it reminded me of you," he mumbles rubbing the back of his neck.
I pull out a small blanket at first, a little bear's head with a halo and wings attached to the center. Then, at the bottom, I feel the cooler more metallic item and tug it out, sucking in a breath. He most certainly didn't find this in the baby aisle.
The silver bracelet jangles as I observe it, inspecting the small charms. There was a baby carriage, a tiny house, a bear, a bottle, one resembling a pair of booties, and a single pendant that looked a lot like amethyst.
"Chris," I whisper, clutching the bracelet. "This is beautiful."
He shrugs and I pull him into a hug. His breath hits my shoulder, making me shiver.
I move away and take a sip of the warm hot chocolate from one of the mugs before rummaging through the pile of gifts and handing them theirs. "These are for you two."
They both stare at the gifts in surprise, wondering what could possibly be inside. Riley even looks baffled. "You didn't have-"
I shake my head. "I had to do something with those paychecks. Which by the way, are more than a bit generous." I shoot him an accusing look and he takes the box with his cheeks slightly pink. They tear open their presents, both very different sizes but equal in value. Riley grins as he opens the white box and pulls out the jean jacket. "Nice, denim! How'd you guess my size?"
"Good guess," I chuckle, which meant I had taken a peak at the tags on his shirts when doing laundry.
Chris was staring at his gifts, eyebrows drawn. I frown as I worry that he might not like them and feel the need to explain. "I-I was at this antique shop, and you mentioned how you and your friend were in the war together. It just felt right." I bite my lip as I stare at the pair of gold medallions and the antique coin from that time period that it came with. "One for each, ya know? If you ever wanted to give it to him."
"Lexi, I..." He looks up, his eyes so full of emotion that I think he might cry. "Thank you."
I smile and nod, turning to Riley. He's looking into the distance toward Angela's room, his mouth in a hard line.
"Ri? You okay?" He snaps out of his focused trance and looks at me. "Yeah. Yeah, sorry, was just thinking."
"Pretty deeply if you ask me," I mutter, concerned.
He shrugs and puts on a weak smile. "Just wish there was someone else here, ya know?" To clarify, he adds, "Xiri loved this stuff."
I reach over and squeeze his shoulder. It was funny, really; we were all missing a part of us. Each of us understood what it was to go through loss and wish we were somewhere else in the world.
But we had each other to become a stronger piece of a messed up whole.
"So...should we make a ruckus?"
*************
John's P.O.V.
It was Christmas. I never celebrated anymore, but I remember a time when I did. I should be with my family.
But instead, I was shrouded by dark as I make my way through the Abyss, closing my eyes and letting it take me. Hopefully somewhere I could forget about all of this.
I ended up right back at the cabin, snowflakes landing on my nose. After all, the shadows always took you to the place to the dark corners in your heart that you most desired. I couldn't avoid it if I tried.
From the hilltop, I could see that people were awake, moving about inside. My feet drag through the snow, careful not to slip as I make my way down. I hardly had to make an effort to move; my heart tugs me toward them like a magnet.
My eyebrows furrow at the extra body in the room. Their back was to me, and he had broad shoulders and had brown hair.
He didn't look like anybody I recognize.
I clench my jaw tightly when I feel like my chest has been split open. There's Ev in the kitchen, busying herself with pouring hot water into some mugs. There's Riley, smiling away at something Angela did. And there was Angela, bending her knees as she bobbed up and down as they held her up.
And there was Lexi, holding wobbling little Angela as she moved between the two of them. She would be close to walking any one of these days.
My stomach churns, hurting at the thought that I was missing it all. Who knows how many precious irreplaceable moments I've missed already?
It should be me in there, I think. It's all I could think.
Riley walks out of the room with all of Angela's toys, leaving the three of them alone for a moment. I see the way she smiled at him. She looked...content. They all did. Even Ev, she wasn't yelling her head off like she would at me and Riley when we were together. Must be nice, having that kind of change.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I watch as Lexi gets up to take Angela to the room, returning a while later. She smiles at the mysterious figure and I can't bare to watch anymore. My eyes were stinging pathetically. What a fool I was to think that she wouldn't move on. She has that right. She deserves something better. Someone better that won't put her through hell every time something goes wrong.
I form with the shadows to find my way into the old room, feeling nostalgia wash over me once again. My gaze falls on the empty bed, then toward the crib, where the mobile was gently playing and turning. I look inside, seeing Angela laying on her back, sucking on a pacifier and her eyes closed peacefully. My vision grows hazy and rub my eyes. "Merry Christmas, babygirl," I whisper, reaching into my jacket for the toy. I had been wandering a few stores and everything I saw made me think of my two girls back home, so I bought something.
I place the duckling in the midst of the rest of her stuffed animals, tucking it in and sighing. She looked so beautiful and I just wanted to hold her, but I couldn't bring myself to disturb her sleep.
The pacifier slips from her lips. I watch as her face puckers, gentle whimpers leaving her. She begins to squirm and fuss, so I quickly return the pacifier to her mouth, running a finger along her cheek to soothe her. She relaxes instantly, going back to her still sleep. It pains me that I haven't seen those pretty eyes while they're open since all those months ago. I miss seeing my babygirl smile at me, to look at me and know that I was the one that's supposed to protect her, not some guy.
I guess I didn't need to stop by anymore. I shouldnt be anyway. But I'd held the smallest ounce of hope that one day they'd find me, that Lexi would understand and forgive me and ask me to come back, but I knew that wouldnt be happening. I wasn't needed. I didn't even have to come back to check up on them. Riley and whoever this guy was, they were doing a good job of keeping her happy, and keeping them both safe. They're getting the love they deserve. Everyone is doing just fine without me. It was my job to eliminate the last threat in their life, and then leave for good.
I was convinced I was the biggest danger of them all.