Lost Haven.

I wake up to the sound of a gentle cooing and gurgling, and a low murmur. I listen to the continuous soft trill as the voice grows more recognizable.
"I told her either you or the sun would wake us up. Turns out you beat the sun to it. You shoulda seen how much trouble it was to decide where your crib should go. Shit, to think that was only yesterday. Wait I shouldn't curse. You can't talk and you won't remember that but forget I said that."
I swoon at the two of them, smiling to myself as I watch him without his knowledge. John was leaning against the crib, baby in his arms, and he was moving her little fist up and down. Angela looked absolutely entranced by her father speaking. Even this early in the morning, her eyes were already so big and violet.
I hold the pillow closer and sigh dramatically. "You gonna share?"
He looks over his shoulder and smiles his slanted smile, approaching the bed. "Well look at that, jelly bean. The sun's finally up."
I roll my eyes and pat the spot next to me. I shoot him a pout. "I want in on the love."
He chuckles, dropping beside me with the baby secure in his arms. "You can get all the loving you want, momma."
"Don't call me that," I laugh.
"Hot momma?"
"Okay, Johnny Bravo."
"Whoa, you were around for that cartoon?! And here I thought you weren't born yet."
I pinch his thigh and bring the baby up to my shoulder, supporting her head as she mumbles away. I pat her bottom. "Keep it up and you're going to be the first one to change her."
John scoffs, prying her from my arms once again. "Please how hard can it be?" He meets Angela's eyes and coos. "Ain't that right, angel? There's no demon getting into your diapers anytime soon." He raises her carefully and sniffs, wrinkling his nose. "Okay, but maybe something else is."
I throw my head back bursting into laughter. It was so cute to see him trying and doing the full baby talk. Just seeing him with her on the bed was enough to make me melt.
I watch him struggle changing the diaper, trying to hide my giggles. "I thought you learned about this. What happened to all those pregnancy books you stole from the library? Shouldn't you be an expert in all things baby?"
"I didn't exactly read them," he mumbles before he looks up at me with a glare. "And I didn't steal them. I borrowed. Gladly returned them when I realized all the space we were gonna need."
"My hero," I tease as he uses a wipe for the mess, then tucks it away inside the old diaper and discards it after changing her into a fresh new one. He'd even folded it up right when he threw it away.
He huffs and leans down, grinning over her tiny frame. "There. You'd give daddy an A, wouldn't you?"
She breathes out a sigh before grabbing each side of his face, stretching out her legs. He kisses her cheek repeatedly, causing her to guffaw happily. He blows onto the side of her neck and I can't help myself from watching it all unfold. I could watch them for the rest of the century and still have the same smile on my face.
I'm brought out of my daze when Angela gets a hold of his dog tag necklace, making grabby hands for it. She grabs onto the chain and squealing. I chuckle when she pulls it into her mouth. Well the diaper was one thing taken care of, but she still had to be fed.
"She's hungry," John chuckles, reading my mind. He stands and waits for me to pick her up before laying a kiss on both our heads. "Whaddya say we pay Evangeline a visit later?"
I nod, comforted by the idea. It had been a while since we'd seen her and I don't think she had yet to hear about the baby.
"Sounds perfect," I mutter and he stares at me longingly before leaning in for a passionate kiss. He pulls away leaving me breathless and I wait for him to bring his mouth back to mine.
"I love you," he whispers, grinning and looking down at Angela. "And you too, my little munchkin," he says in a quiet nasally voice. It warmed my heart nonetheless.
"I love you, too," I sigh. "Always."
~
Ev opens her door with an extravagant gasp. "Goodness gracious, is that a child in your arms!"
"No, Ev, that's a sack of grapefruits we brought you. Your sight's starting to fail you," John says playfully, his smile half a mile wide.
She scoffs. "Oh, no one's talking to you. Come in, Lexi, come in! Oh, she's beautiful!"
I chuckle and nod respectfully in thanks as I step inside. "Thank you. I thought you might not know."
Ev shoots John an accusing glare before pulling out a chair for me. "Well, thank you for thinking of me, child. Tea?"
"Please," I hum, watching the way John was still trying to get in, standing by the doorway. Evangeline swats his arm and he finally steps through, mouthing an 'Ow' as he rubs at the spot.
As I retell the events of yesterday to Ev, I let John look after the baby, rattling some child's toy that resembled a giraffe at her. It squeaked in her hands and she chews on it often. That tiny little ball of happiness was in my belly twenty four hours ago. I felt empty not having her as a part of me anymore, but at the same time I felt complete. She was a part of me in a whole new way.
"It's a shame you didn't have time to come here," Ev muses. "You could've saved yourself the trouble."
"Yeah, unfortunately, but we couldn't risk it," I explain, smiling at the two splayed out on the blanket on the floor. Angela was on her back and John was propped up on his elbow as he chuckles, not a care in the world.
"And it was no trouble," he chimes in, bouncing the toy on her tummy. "I took care of things."
"And how carelessly did you take care of things this time?" she scoffs begrudgingly.
John smirks. "You know I'm not always a fuck up, you old hag. I can do good sometimes."
His phone rings in his pocket and he scoops Angela up to hand to me before taking it. I feel her suckle and drool over my chest, indicating she was hungry again.
"Hello?"
Evangelina leans forward, whispering, "Five bucks it's the hospital calling."
I laugh and wait for a response. John rolls his eyes at her. "Yeah, what's up?"
I couldn't hear who was on the other end but he seemed to know who he was talking to.
"Oh sure. I'm at Ev's, I'll stop by later. What? No, I'm with Lexi. You're coming over? It can't wait?"
"Damn," she grumbles. "Another one." I chuckle and pat her knee, but continue trying to listen to his conversation. What was so urgent that needed to be dealt with?
He hangs up after a few minutes and sighs. "It was Riley. He said he needed to talk to me about something."
My eyebrows furrow but I don't get to question it before Angela begins to squirm and fuss in my arms whimpering. I rise from the seat and excuse myself to Ev. "I'll be back in a bit, I just have to feed her."
She nods as I turn to leave, not surprised when John follows me in. The door clicks as it shuts softly and I sit on the edge of the bed. "What did he need to talk to you for?" I ask curiously, resting Angela on her back. John blushes when I remove my shirt to make it easier and clears his throat. "He didn't say. Whatever it is, I'm sure it's nothing."
8 raise an eyebrow. "It's not nothing if he has to come here right away to tell you. It has to be important." I bite my lip nervously, worried that something was about to begin. What would we be up against this time.
He notices my dismay and walks over, pressing his lips to my forehead. "No matter what it is, I'm going to keep you safe," he says as he looks me directly in the eye. "I'm going to keep us safe. Knowing Riley, he's probably making a big deal out of something minor, so quit worrying. Alright?"
I nod and he kisses the crown of my head again before meeting my lips. He shrugs off his jacket then, draping it over my shoulders. With a smirk, he adds, "Don't need you getting cold."
I roll my eyes as he leaves me to finish feeding Angela. I watch her in awe, completely infatuated with her big eyes and curling fingers. She was so beautiful and I already loved her so much more than I thought I was capable of. And it's only been a day.
"We're gonna take good care of you, baby," I whisper. "You're never going to be alone and we won't let anything bad happen to you. Cross my heart, little one."
She raises her hand to her face, rubbing at her cheek and I watch the way her hands clench and unclench, and I try to fathom how she had my heart in her tiny little palm.
***********************
John's P.O.V.
I smile as I watch Lexi kneel before the bed, waving the noisy plush toy over Angela laying on the bed. I couldn't picture my life more perfect than this.
"You're such a cutie, yes you are," she gushes, tickling her with the toy. Angela makes a sound of delight. Her arms wrap around her mother's hand, capturing her and the toy.
Mother. It was such an endearing word, and it made me all the more in love with Lexi. She was more than a wife now. That was the woman that stayed with me through all her mood swings, when I thought she was sick of me. That was the woman that put up with the insanity that was pregnancy (and labor - holy shit). That was the woman that gave birth to my daughter and that I would do anything for.
My thought drifted back to Riley's phone call. He sounded a bit uneasy and that worried me. After all, the words, "I need to talk to you as soon as possible" never amounted to anything good. It only resulted in disaster.
But I trust that Riley would know what to do, whatever the situation may be. He always did.
I'm brought out of my thoughts by a hand on my shoulder and I look over. Speak of the fallen angel.
Lexi giggles at Angela wiggling around on the bed before looking up. "Hey, Ri."
He smiles sweetly at her, indicating that whatever was going on, he was trying his best not to show it. Lex might buy his facade but I could see straight through it.
"Good to see you, Lex. Mind if John and I talk alone for a bit? I'll only steal him for two seconds," he muses and I glance at him wearily. The last thing I wanted to do was make her worry or get suspicious that something was up. Then again, I didn't even know what was up.
She merely nods and stands, bringing the baby up to her shoulder. "Two seconds? That's not enough," she teases with a wink. I shoot her a sly grin.
"But feel free. I was gonna take a nap with Angela here, but-"
"Oh, I'll let you be then," Riley interjects, almost welcoming the idea that we'd get to talk without any interruptions.
"D'you want me to take her?" I murmur, eyeing the kicking child in her arms. There was no way she was sleeping anytime soon. She was wide awake.
Lexi smiles softly, standing in front of me and leaning up for a kiss. "That would be lovely. Just give her her pacifier and she should calm down."
I nod as I crouch down for another kiss before taking Angela from her. She needed to rest; she's spent all afternoon with the kid and I feel bad for a moment before remembering that I was the one that woke up before the angel could burst into tears and wake her mother too. That made me feel slightly less guilty about it.
Riley and I move outside, my eyes on the baby sucking energetically on the pacifier. I look up at Riley and he was watching her too, a bit sadly. He was smiling but I'd known him for a century; nothing got past me.
"I don't like that look, Riley. What's that look," I hiss.
"John," he sighs. "You can't go back."
"Go back where? Hell? Is Lucifer throwing a tantrum?"
He shakes his head. "No, I don't know about what's been going on down there. Not a clue since you guys escaped. I meant back home. Your apartment."
My eyebrows furrow strangely. "What do you mean I can't go back? It's our goddamn apartment."
"It's been torn apart."
I freeze, and it feels like the only sound I can hear is my heartbeat and Angela's gentle breathing.
Ri won't meet my eyes but I keep staring at him. "What?"
"They wrecked it. Everything. I got there in time to salvage a few of the baby's things, but-"
"What are you talking about? Who? Why the fuck are they in my apartment?!" I could feel my patience and temper dwindling. I knew I shouldn't curse, but right now I had good reason to. Who ruined our home? How the fuck did they find where I live? What where they looking for?
"John, I need you to listen to me," he says in an even tone, too calm for my liking. It angered me. How did he want me to listen? He still hasn't told me anything. I don't fucking know anything yet. "Xiri...she came to me."
My eyes nearly bulge out of my head. I always thought the moment I heard those words it would be a normal day and I'd feel happy for him. It's a good thing isn't it? It's what he's been fighting God for all these years, but he'd never gotten anywhere close. I want to congratulate him, but I can't bring myself to. All I can feel is worry.
"I saw her. Twice," he breathes, still amazed himself, as if he couldn't believe it had happened. He looks at me, his face hard. "But it wasn't to tell me we could be together. A few months ago was the first tim she showed up, and she told me that your family was in danger."
My stomach churns, knowing that this had been coming, but it made my heart sink to hear the reality. Why were we in danger? What did we do wrong this time?
"Well who is it?" I spit, quickly growing panicked.
"Do you remember when you were trying to find someone, anyone, to send you to hell, and you wound up in that bar?" he asks pointedly. How could I forget? That was the moment I knew I had to get Lexi back, because I finally found out she was alive. After endless weeks of thinking she was dead and existing in nothingness, there was hope of fixing every wrong I'd done. It hadn't been easy, but it was so worth it.
I clench my teeth and glare at him. "What does that have to do with anything?"
Riley returns the look, closing his fists. "Think about it, John. Who was it you ended up stumbling across? Because he was more than happy to kill you when you spilled the beans that you got rid of his brother."
A knot forms in my throat as I let his words sink in. Zachariah had betrayed me, and I'd been forced to send him back to hell. When I ran into his brother Taylor, I'd used that as a way to get him to send me to hell in order to save Lexi. Kind of ironic, in a cynical way.
"Taylor's looking for revenge," I say in a measured voice, more of a statement than a question.
Riley nods, confirming my doubts. "I guess he found out you two made it out of there after all. Hell, who wouldn't know about your escape from Lucifer's very grasp? And now that he's hunted you down..."
Angela's pacifier falls from her lips and begins to writhe in my arms, whining and whimpering softly. It only added to the way I felt everything come clicking into place.
He was inside our home. He saw the crib, and everything else.
He knew.
"No," I breathe, my eyes stinging. I feel my hands begin to shake and hold on firmer onto my little girl, afraid to drop her, but also afraid that something could take her away. I clumsily pick up her pacifier to give to her, and as normal as I may have looked to her, I was a wreck. We were in danger again. No; except this time there was more at stake.
My family was in danger.
I could feel my thoughts swimming, my mind all over the place. How were we going to get out of this one? Taylor was after me to make me pay for what I said about and did to his brother.
"Riley, I can't lose them," I blurt out weakly, desperately. "I-I...no. Fuck, no." I bring Angela up to my shoulders, no longer able to support her with both arms. I hug her tight against my chest as I clench my teeth. I'd made such a big mistake. Such a careless, desperate mistake, and it was coming back to haunt me. That always seemed to be the way it worked. No matter how hard I tried to leave my past behind, it ran after me.
My mouth pulls into a snarl. "How can I stop him? Lexi and Angela-" My throat tightens at their names and I swallow thickly- "Th-They have nothing to do with this. They're innocent."
"I know that," Riley sighs, pushing a hand through his hair. "But to tell you the truth...I really don't know."
"You don't know?" I ask, raising my voice and causing the little one to jump slightly. "Riley, you talked to Xirelda, for fuck's sake! She was the one that predicted this would happen! She had to have told you what to do!"
He shakes his head wearing a forlorn expression. "It's not that simple, John. There's no easy way to say this, but you have to be the one to stop this. You have to decide what's best for them. And if you want to stop him, you need to find him."
I stare out into the backyard, my stomach in knots. I wasn't going to make Lexi worried. I couldn't. She had the idea that nothing could ever harm us again, and I didn't want to crush that illusion for her. But Riley was right. The only way I could put an end to this without her knowing-
"I have to leave."
Ri looks almost shocked that the words even left my mouth. He had to have known this is the right choice. I didn't want to put them in any danger, and as much as it killed me thinking I would be apart from them, I had to stop this thing from ruining our lives again. Lexi...
Lexi. She couldn't know. She would always be left not knowing the reason I'd be gone. She'd think I didn't want any part of their lives.
She'd never forgive me.
But this was bigger than the two of us. We had Angela to think of now, and I was putting my family first before anything.
Even if it meant destroying any ounce of happiness in my life.
Even if it meant breaking a promise.
"She can't know," I say sternly, shooting daggers. "You have to promise me. If the last hundred years have meant anything to you, promise me you'll keep her safe." I bite my lip, meeting Angela's big violet eyes, so much like her mother's. "Both of them."
Riley grips my arm in assurance. "I'm with you, John. Even if that means...you won't be here."
"You'll protect them, right?" I whisper. I couldn't bring myself to try to talk at normal volume. My mouth was dry.
"With my life," he says softly.
I nod and look down at the the new angel that had come into my life. To think how drastically hers and mine were going to change.
We were safe, at least for the time being, so I let myself indulge in this moment, in my beautiful daughter. She had this plump little mouth and small nub for a nose. I smooth down the little hair she had, which was a soft light brown. With her full eyebrows and wide violet eyes, she looked just like her mother.
How could I ever manage to leave this angel and this life behind?
"Hey, babygirl," I whisper, my throat tight, getting ready to say everything I've wanted to since the day at the hospital that she came into the world. "We'd been waiting so long to meet you, y'know. And I mean more than nine months. It feels like you were a century in the making and now you're finally here. I promise I'm always going to do everything I possibly can to make you happy, baby doll. I'm going to try, anyway. I hope you'll like this life, different as it may be. I'm going to keep you safe, sweetheart. Protecting you and your mommy...it's what I set out to do for the rest of this little eternity of ours. Just know you're my own heart." I chuckle and kiss her forehead. "And your mother's my soul."
Cradling her in my arm, I wipe my eye with the palm of my hand before moving it back beneath her. "Your life and safety means more than anything to me and I'm going to make sure you have that," I croak, feeling my chest begin to tighten. This was just the beginning of goodbye.
I take one look over at her mother, sleeping peacefully on the same bed where we'd faced many other feats, as oblivious and innocent as the little girl in my arms. My stomach turns to knots. How could I continue to spend time around knowing I would have to leave them? How could I look Lexi in the eye and pretend to share the joy of our newborn child when I'd soon change everything?
There are steps behind me and I see Riley, giving me a knowing and sympathetic smile. I turn away, watching Lex as I ask, "Can I really do this to them, Riley?"
He sighs. "You've done so much for Lex in the past, John, that I wouldn't put it past you." He pauses. "You don't have to go. If you want to stay, I'll help you find a way to-"
"That would be putting them in an infinite danger and you know it," I mutter, my eyes falling onto my cooing angel. She wraps her tiny fist around my finger and it makes it that much harder knowing I'd have to tear myself away from her before she could even know me.
I feel the tears spilling over before I realize they were even gathering. The hollow feeling fills me more than anything. I didn't want to leave them, but this is what I had to do. I wouldn't risk anything happening to either of them because of my mistake.
My chin involuntarily quivers. "I hope you don't grow up to hate me. Though your mom probably will."
Every corner of my heart shrivels at thought of every spoken and unspoken promise I'd made to Lexi. Our wedding vows, my words to keep her safe, my mere presence-
I was breaking her love as much as I was breaking those promises and I hate myself for it.