Sleepwalking

{Jack}

I stared at the white door, waiting patiently for someone to walk through it. Alex was here for visitation -- Martha had told me before she called me down to the main meeting room -- and he was taking forever to finish whatever he was doing.

I was angry. I was sad but angry and done. It was an accident. I didn't mean for it to happen, but it did. It happened and I don't think I needed to be here. Not for this reason. I had no control over the situation.

"Jack, holy shit." His words were rushed and shaky. I looked up from the floor to see Alex standing two feet in front of me. Everything seemed silent, but I knew that there was continuously loud chatter throughout the room. Everyone else in the room was chatting away aimlessly with whoever came to visit them.

I looked up at him and sighed quietly. "Hey, Al." I said, standing up. He sighed and wrapped his arms around me. I rolled my eyes and hugged him back. I was mad but he was still my best friend.

"I'm really sorry." He said as he pulled back and sat next to me.

I shook my head and shrugged. "Don't be sorry." I said, playing with my fingers. I felt a little awkward knowing that everyone looked at me like this now. They looked at me as some messed up charity case.

"How is it in here?"

"It's okay, I guess." I mumbled, crossing my arms over my chest awkwardly. I felt like I was under constant supervision. I didn't need it. I needed to go home and sleep in my own bed.

I had only been in that place for 24 hours and I was already miserable and wanted to go home. Everything was so sad and bland.

The way he spoke was like water over glass. It was smooth and calming. "Jack, it's only for a little while. Until we can figure out the best way to help you."

"There's nothing wrong with me!" I snapped at him, my eyes rolling again. No matter how calming his words were, I was angry. "I'm not insane. I don't belong here."

"You're right. You don't. You're not insane. You're fine. You're great. But listen to me..." He stated, leaning closer to me and lowering his voice. "If you were as fine as you say you are, you would have remembered." He muttered, standing up and grabbing his jacket from the back of his chair. "I love you, Jack. You're my best friend. I only want what's best for you, but for fucks sake, you're only going to be in here longer if you keep pretending that nothing happened the other night. Grow up, Jack." He said, shrugging his jacket on and turning to walk out.

Alex was only there for five minutes. He left after five minutes because once again, I messed up. I made him mad and now he wasn't going to come visit me anymore.

I slugged my way to the front desk where Martha was sitting. I signed out of the visitation papers and made my way back to my room. There was still nearly two hours left of visitation, nearly two and half left until I had private therapy.

I sat on my bed and grabbed my notebook from my bag under the bed. I grabbed a pen and pulled my knees up. Alex never let me write songs very much because he claimed it was his forte. I still did, though. They were pretty good when I tried hard enough. I figured that while I was stuck here, I could at least do something music related, even if it was just writing. Maybe I could bounce ideas off of Alex when I got out.

Humming softly, I wrote various words and phrases down, trying to tie them together. It didn't really work though because there was a knock on the door.

It was Max/Zach/Jack. "Hey, Jack." He greeted, walking in and shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Hey." I said, smiling and sliding my notebook under my pillow. I sat up and raised an eyebrow at him.

"Is there any way you'd want to come play Monopoly with some of us in the rec room?"

"Sure, yeah." I said, standing up and following him into the rec room. I sat next to him and across from James -- who I hadn't even noticed wasn't in our room.

I sat silently for nearly two hours while we all played Monopoly. I ended up almost winning, only to be beat out by a guy named Toby who looked like he spent most of his free time playing board games. I thanked the guys and left, deciding to get to private therapy early. Maybe I could get in and out faster.

I found the room labeled "Dr. Oberst" and knocked softly. A woman opened the door. I hadn't met Dr. Oberst before and I was kind of nervous to be spilling my deepest secrets to a lady whom I'd never even met. She was short with greying brown hair, a tight smile and a friendly aura.

"Ah, you must be Jack, yes?" She had a sweet, thick Australian accent to top it all off. I nodded and she stepped to the side to allow me entry. "Hello, dear. I'm doctor Amelia Oberst. Please, sit down."

I looked around her small, yet cozy office. I found a seat against the wall on a small couch with fluffy pillows. The dark red walls of her office and homey vibe was something I could get used to. It was a deep contrast against the white and baby blue walls of the rest of the facility.

"It's nice to meet you. Sorry I'm early."

"Oh, no. It's okay. I'm actually glad you're early. I was reading your information and you're honestly extremely fascinating, Mr. Barakat." She said politely. "You're a rock star, yeah? In a big band. Pretty successful?"

"Yes ma'am. I'd say we're doing well." I said with a small smile.

"Good, good. I've listened to some of your stuff, before. You guys are talented. I'd love to see you live sometime." She laughed

"Yeah? Maybe if I get out of here before the Baltimore show, I can get you some tickets." I said with a smile. She was sweet, I could tell. I didn't think it was some fake, doctor-y sweet, either. I thought she was genuine.

"I'd like that." She hummed gently, opening a file folder with my name in bold, black letters on the label. "Okay, now, Jack... Let's begin so you can get out of here, yeah?"

"Please." I sighed

"Right. So, your bandmate and best friend, Alex?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Right. He said you had somewhat of an outburst the other night?" She asked.

"No ma'am. Not an outburst, per say. It was more of a- uh- yeah.. Kind of an outburst. I got scared and honestly I didn't know where my head was at.."

"Explain to me what happened?"

I sighed and nodded. "Alex thinks I'm schizophrenic or something. I got a phone call that brought back a few memories that I didn't know I didn't know.. Does that make sense?"

"Memories that you didn't know you had forgotten about?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Like, they're things that you wouldn't normally forget."

For the next however long I was there (we lost track of time and went over our session time) I vented and ranted and told her the truth about everything on my mind and how I felt about things. I gave her excruciating details about my past, my life, my love life -- everything she and I thought would help.

She told me to not be mad at Alex -- that he did a good thing by convincing me to check in. She said he helped me and that this place would help me. I didn't believe her though, no matter how much I wanted to. I wanted out.

I wanted to leave and return to my normal life, though I wasn't sure I'd be doing that anytime soon.