Hollow Mind
No Density
He rolls over and falls asleep as I lay next to him in his bed. I feel hollow again. I hop down and walk to his bathroom. The mirror shows the face of someone I’m not sure I know. When I sit on the toilet and pee for what seems like forever, I can’t shake this feeling. After my hands are washed and dried, I search the depths of his messy floor to find my clothes again. I just want to leave as fast as I can. I want to run until my lungs burn.
My uber arrives, and I slip inside. The drivers turns onto the main road as I just stare out blankly at the lights. I wish I could be lying amongst the stars, being cradled by lightness, but I ended up lying in bed with another guy who probably was not worth my time. Inside though, it satisfied my insecurities. My uber pulls up to 73 Parkway Drive, my nest. The driver looks back at me and into my eyes, as if knowing everything I’m feeling, “You’ll be okay.” I almost throw myself out while saying, “Thanks. Goodnight.”
The minute I get into my room I slam the door and fall on the floor. I feel so empty inside. I feel unworthy of anything good. I’m not of value to anybody. Only my body is of value for men to use it. They don’t want me for anything I else. I’m not interesting in any other way. There has just been so many instances where I have not been good enough, where I’ve been of no worth to guys and have been told to my face. My personality is nothing of worth. I have no other talents other than using sex to get attention.
I’ll never be okay. Sorry, Mr. Uber, but I’m not worthy of anything as I cry myself to sleep at night, as a guy I’ve asked on a date calls me ugly and laughs in my face, as my roommates only talk to me about their relationships. I’ll never be okay.
My uber arrives, and I slip inside. The drivers turns onto the main road as I just stare out blankly at the lights. I wish I could be lying amongst the stars, being cradled by lightness, but I ended up lying in bed with another guy who probably was not worth my time. Inside though, it satisfied my insecurities. My uber pulls up to 73 Parkway Drive, my nest. The driver looks back at me and into my eyes, as if knowing everything I’m feeling, “You’ll be okay.” I almost throw myself out while saying, “Thanks. Goodnight.”
The minute I get into my room I slam the door and fall on the floor. I feel so empty inside. I feel unworthy of anything good. I’m not of value to anybody. Only my body is of value for men to use it. They don’t want me for anything I else. I’m not interesting in any other way. There has just been so many instances where I have not been good enough, where I’ve been of no worth to guys and have been told to my face. My personality is nothing of worth. I have no other talents other than using sex to get attention.
I’ll never be okay. Sorry, Mr. Uber, but I’m not worthy of anything as I cry myself to sleep at night, as a guy I’ve asked on a date calls me ugly and laughs in my face, as my roommates only talk to me about their relationships. I’ll never be okay.