Keep Cool, Stay Tough

“You know, I think I’m actually sad to see you go, Senna,” Cristiano admitted.

I smiled and looked up from my phone at him.

He almost looked as if he was repeating his words in his head when he quickly added, “Karim snores.”

“I’ll see you around,” I spoke with a laugh, shoved my phone into my back pocket, and waved him goodbye.

He waved and jogged off to catch up with his teammates who were walking down to dinner together. His footsteps echoed against the marble walls as I stared after him for a lot longer than I cared to admit.

I kept my word to Carlota on Saturday and invited her to have dinner with Mina and me at the hotel’s restaurant. Martha had gone to take a shower and relax already in her hotel room leaving us to our own devices. If I was being completely honest with myself, there were way nicer places to have dinner than the hotel’s restaurant, but curiosity had me gripped and convinced to set up our dinner at the much smaller table across from where the team was seated.

“Is that the Real Madrid team over there?” Carlota asked as she glanced behind her.

I nodded, “This is where we’re all staying this weekend.”

Carlota gave an appreciative smile, “It’s a pretty swanky place.”

“It’s one of my favorite hotels,” Mina agreed.

Mina and Carlota broke into a conversation about hotels in Barcelona and Madrid that they’d stayed in, and my attention wandered off of our table and over towards the team’s table. I was facing their table, and he was facing ours. I saw Cristiano glancing sparingly towards our table; he stopped his eyes on mine when he noticed me looking and gave the smallest nod and smile. I returned the gesture as the waiter arrived and temporarily blocked my view.

By the time the waiter had taken our orders and walked away, Cristiano had diverted his attention towards an intense conversation shared with Gareth and Karim. I sighed, and tuned my attention back to my own table.

“I’m an only child, but lately with Senna staying in Madrid, it feels like I have a sister to share all this craziness with,” Mina admitted.

I smiled, picked up my glass, “Aw, I’ll drink to that.”

“To crazy siblings,” I clinked my glass against theirs.

“Here here!” They chimed back.

I coyly took another fleeting look towards the table, and Cristiano was sharing a laugh with Sergio and Toni.

“You should come out to Madrid, Carlota,” Mina proposed.

My expression froze for a second as Mina made the suggestion, but thankfully neither of them were paying any attention to me. I composed my features to a more relaxed expression, and took a generous sip of wine, choosing not to make a comment myself.

“I would like that actually, sometimes the shopping is way better in Madrid, thank you,” Carlota politely accepted.

I couldn’t properly gauge whether or not she was serious about coming to Madrid, but she was definitely right about the shopping. The waiter arrived with our food, and I made to go to the bathroom to wash up.

Somehow I managed to take a wrong turn, and I wound up back at the hotel’s restaurant entryway.
I frowned and looked around for someone to ask about the bathrooms.

“You look lost.”

I laughed, and glanced up at Cristiano’s amused expression, “That’s because I am. Do you know where the bathrooms are?”

He wrapped his hand around my elbow, leading me away from the glass doorway, towards the hallway that housed the restrooms I had been looking for. He continued to glance towards the glass door to make sure there were no familiar faces making an early exit like him.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“I need to talk to you,” He whispered.

I lowered my voice to match his, “Ok, but why are we whispering?”

His eyes widened, his voice somehow managed to drop even lower so I had to lean in closer to him to hear, “That’s what I wanted to talk about.”

And then we heard the voices, loud, boisterous, excited, voices approaching us, I stared at Cristiano, who in turn, was staring at the glass door that was seconds away from being held open for a few Real Madrid players. He let go of my elbow.

“Later?” I suggested.

He nodded, and we went our separate directions.

Later never actually came. I tried not to be too bothered by it, but I was still curious what the sudden urgency was about. The night ended pretty early for all of us, and we went back upstairs to get some rest for tomorrow was going to be a big day. Apparently the team curfew applied to Mina and me as well as to the players.

It wasn’t until Sunday that I finally caved. I had sent a text to Carlota asking if my dad and Joie had come back, and they hadn’t. Worry creased over my frustrations, and I finally picked up the phone and called him. I know, it was lame, but I was a little surprised that my dad actually picked up.

“One guess where I am and where you aren’t,” I greeted.

He gasped, “Oh the Clásico, of course you would come to town for that. You treat those days better than you treat Christmas.”

“Oh so you do remember your daughter, funny, I was a little worried there for a second,” The sarcasm heavy on my tongue.

“Sorry, Sen, I didn’t pay attention to the team’s schedule,” He eventually relented.

“So you aren’t coming to the match?” I asked.

“No, I won’t be able to make it.”

“Why not, where are you?”

He sighed, “I’m in Berlin, visiting with your uncle."

“The week before the Clásico, you’re in Berlin?”

“I have a great substitute, so I’m not worried about the players.”

“But why?”

“Your uncle isn’t feeling too great; we’ve been seeing some doctors.”

“That’s a lie.”

“No it’s not.”

“If it’s true, then why wouldn’t Martha know? Fine, you’re not overly fond of me right now, so you wouldn’t tell me, but you would at least show some courtesy to your younger sister.”

“She knows, of course she knows,” He assured.

“Give me just one second, dad.”

Martha was down on the pitch and there was no way she would have her phone on her. I jogged down as quickly as I could, flashed my pass towards security and pounced in front of Martha who took a few seconds to register that I was there.

“Where’s my dad, Martha? He says he told you where he is, so where is he?”

“Umm, uh,” She started stammering, before realizing she had an out, “I can’t talk right now, the team is stretching.”

Martha stomped off towards where Karim was kicking a ball towards Iker, leaving me gawking after her with the phone still pressed against my ear.

“She has no idea where you are, dad. You’re lying to me, I don’t know why you are, but I can practically see you do the thing,” I exclaimed.

“What thing, I’m not lying to you, Senna,” He insisted, “She must have just forgotten that I had told her I was going to see James.”

“You have the thing you do, and your sister has the thing she does when you guys try to lie, I won’t tell you what it is, so you don’t stop doing it, because I’m pretty sure it’s a subconscious thing, but I can practically see you doing it right now, and fine, don’t tell me, that’s fine, but I just hope it’s worth it,” I explained in a single breath.

“Senna, I’ll come see you in Madrid, and we can talk properly then,” He wagered abruptly.

I ignored him, my voice was beginning to grow shaky and I hated it, I lowered my voice hoping to disguise the tremor, “Joie’s there too, isn’t she? Whatever it is, she’s in on it.”

“I’ll see you on Monday,” He repeated as if it was now magically set in stone because he said it twice.

“Don’t bother; you’re busy enough as it is with James and Joie.”

Feeling the frustrated tears prick at my eyes, I shoved my phone in my back pocket, kept my head down, and headed towards the nearest exit as quickly as I could.

“Hey, what’s wrong? What’s with the face?” Cristiano had to shake me by my shoulder to pull me out of my thoughts.

“Nothing, good luck with your game, I got to go prep something or someone,” I mumbled incoherently; my eyebrows were knitted together so tightly I was starting to get a headache. I was so focused on not crying, I didn’t really fully understand what I was saying.

“Whoa, okay, something is definitely wrong,” Cristiano tried to make a joke, but something on my face made him stop short.

“Go stretch,” I ordered, looking him straight in the eye for the first time, “I can’t do details right now, I do details, I cry, and I’m not, this day…it was supposed to be a good day. Go do your thing, so I can get up on the stands and cheer against you.”

Cristiano grabbed me by the shoulders, forcing eye contact as I held back a sniffle, “I know it’s hard, but you need to keep cool right now, the second someone even thinks something’s amiss with you, you’re screwed, ok? If you don’t want to talk right now, that’s okay, but you need to keep cool.”

“Okay,” I breathed and nodded my head.

“Breathe, keep cool, stay tough,” He ordered as he gave my shoulders a comforting squeeze before dropping his hands down to his sides and stood straight.

“You’ll be okay,” He wasn’t asking, he was telling.

I took a deep breath, squeezing my fingernails into my palms to stop the shaking. My anger was leaking out of me, and all I had to cling to was the disappointment of not seeing my family.

Cristiano was already stepping backwards, silently watching me as I tried to figure out something to say, but after these last few days thank you just didn’t seem fitting enough.