Bad Luck Hannah

"Mom, I don't know." I muttered, dissecting my dinner.
Jason was working, so it was just me and my parents sitting at the table tonight eating dinner, and all I wanted to do was disappear into the mashed potatoes at this point. This was the exact reason I hated having dinner with my family, they kept wanting to talk to me and ask about my "friends" and how my day had gone, and honestly I wished every day that I could just not go to school and have to face any of them.
Why couldn't I just be home schooled?
Mom kept asking me how Josh was, if he was coming back over any time soon, if he'd called me or when we were going on our next date. She kept asking questions about his family, about his friends and where he lived and what he wanted to do with his life, and I couldn't answer of them.
I didn't know anything about him.
I'd never asked.
It was awful.
And I didn't even want to talk about the date.
It had been a nuclear disaster.
And it was my fault, of course, but.... Well he wasn't going to bother me anymore, of that I was sure. He probably thought I was some kind of prude or, or nun, or just pathetic.
Basically very, very pathetic.
"Well why not? Do you not talk to him at school any?" she demanded, frowning, and I glanced up at her. "Do you not see him at lunch?"
I shook my head, wishing she would drop it.
"He's older, different schedule," I mumbled, stabbing my food a little more viciously then I'd meant too. "We don't see each other."
Or rather he'd stopped stalking me through the library.
Mom looked incredibly disappointed, but that was a normal expression when she looked at me.
I definitely wasn't the daughter she'd wanted.
I looked down, feeling my stomach tighten painfully.
"I'm not hungry," I said after a moment, "I have a lot of homework."
"Go finish it up," Dad told me, not even looking at me or Mom; he had the paper spread across the table reading, the lights glinting off his glasses, just like he did every Tuesday night when it came out.
I didn't say anything, just hastily stood and carried my plate to the sink before leaving the room, never so glad to make it into the dark confines of my bedroom ever before.
I hated I disappointed her so much, but I couldn't change who I was.
I flopped across my bed with a sigh, burying my face in the blue pillows. I could hear my parents moving around in the kitchen, Mom chattering constantly and Dad responding when she pushed, just like every typical night.
They had a good marriage, I thought, and I was pretty sure they loved each other, or were comfortable with each other... whatever love was supposed to be. I wasn't sure it even existed, I think people just got comfortable with each other, trusted each other, and called it love because there were so many romantics in the world that wanted to hope there was something worth living for.
Well, I had bad news for them.
It didn't exist.
It was just something that was made up, just like most things.
My family had at one point been religious, we even went to church every Sunday and on Easter we went to the functions, and I could remember having fun at the events and in the studies, and I could remember a lot of the verses and stories.
But now, I even questioned that.
How could someone exist and be all powerful, but let so many bad things happen to his people? How could I believe there was someone up there looking after me when there wasnt a single person here who was? When someone like Jason was able to walk around freely and never have to pay for anything, got away with everything and there wasnt any consequences?
I didn't understand.
I couldn't fathom a good enough answer to myself to feel better about it.
I sighed, squirming down on my bed, kicking my shoes off of the end of it and curling the blanket over me, a knitted one my grandma had sent up from Florida for Christmas. I'd met her a few times, but I didn't really know her.
I couldn't understand how so many families could be close when they lived all over the world.
I wasn't even close with my family and we lived under the same roof.
I grimaced.
I could hear my mom laugh, and I glanced at my door.
I didn't want to think anymore, I just wanted to listen to music and try to go to sleep.
I glanced over at my phone where I'd left it on my table, my headphones beside it. I reached for it, sliding my finger to unlock the screen.
I surprisingly had a text message.
Weird.
I wished people wouldn't talk to me.
I sighed.
How did people keep getting my number, anyway?
Josh had stolen my phone, and Chris had probably gotten it from him --- this was becoming an issue. I'd never had to change my number before, but I was seriously considering it just so no one could bother me.
Though I did like Chris, so, I mean, I could at least check it, right?
Right.

Chris: hey, wanted to thank u for earlier, saved our asses
Me: no problem, owed u
Chris: can we do something to say thanks?
Me: I don't need a thx
Chris: but you totally helped us all out
Me: consider it forgotten I just didn't want u getting in trouble
Chris: u as in just me or just Josh?

Ugh, really? I didn't even like Josh

Me: you as in all of your friends

I propped my chin on my hand, crossing my ankles and kicking them back and forth as I texted him for a few minutes, chuckling.
Chris was actually really funny.

Me: no! Van Halen
Chris: r u sure? Sounds more like cats dying

I rolled my eyes.

Me: you have no concept of music
Chris: how would uk you've never heard any of the music I like
Me: then what do you like?
Chris: misfits, Marilyn Manson, The cure, metallica, bleeding through, the smith's you?
Me: yknow girl stuff
Chris :like ?
Me; Taylor Swift 1D um... Adele Christina Aguilera

I could imagine him practically dying at that

Chris: uhh....
Me: joking
Chris: ok I was like wtf she seems so cool what happened D:
Me: haha xD no stop freaking
Chris: I'm not freaking
Me: you're totally freaking
Chris: okay I was freaking just a little

I chuckled.
"Hannah, sweetheart, we're going to bed!" I heard Mom call. "love you!"
"love you too!" I called back, kicking off my socks and letting them clunk into the floor as I rolled onto my back, holding my phone over my face as I texted Chris back hastily.

Chris: sigh I'm dying I'm gonna bed out
Me: it's like ten
Chris: ten is late for me okay I need sleep!!! I'm not this beautiful naturally
Me: rlly? I'm so disappointed
Chris: >< gnight Hannah
Me: night sleeping beauty

I chuckled, and then rolled again, plugging my phone into the charger as I sat it on the night table, my school books and headphones and some random figurines I had all decorating its top. I wasn't a neat person, so my room was pretty messy.
My bed was pressed against the wall, an abundance of pillows all over it. I had a lime green rug thrown across my hardwood floor, which was starting to look rough after all these years. My desk where my laptop and generally every notebook or sketch book I'd ever owned was on top of, the drawers full of junk I'd accumulated over the years. My closet slid open to reveal most of the clothes I didnt wear, oddly enough.
All the stuff I did usually ended up in the chair beside it, mostly because I was too lazy to hang it up, and because everything that went in my closet came out smelling musty, which usually meant I would never wear it, and then it would end up in the floor to be washed, which was what the giant pile beside the lamp was growing to be.
All my shoes were like floating around dangerously under my bed.
There was only one window in my entire room, and the green curtains (that matched the rug, I was kind of weird about that), made sure no light ever came in the room. It wasn't like there was anything to look at, there was just trees and grass and the random rose bushes my mom had planted around the house like anyone would ever see them.
It wasn't like we ever had guests unless you counted Jason's girlfriend. And as nice as she was, and as much as she liked our parents, I was waiting for the day when he would slip up and do something to her like he did to me. She would no doubt do something, get in him trouble, she wasn't the kind of person to let it go.
Maybe then he would get what he deserved?
I wasn't sure why I was so pathetic about it, why I even let it go on, I just --- I felt so bad for him. I felt like he didn't feel wanted, that no one liked him (which was honestly true), and that he took out all his hard feelings on me. Maybe he thought it was my fault his parents had gotten divorced, but I hadn't been born until they'd already been married a year. It wasn't my fault our dad had left his mom for my mother.
Maybe he just hadn't been happy, or Jason had already been a terror at such a young age he couldn't take it anymore.
But then, he had gotten custody of him, and I'd heard that his mom hadn't given that much of a fuss about it.
She'd known so much more then we had, apparently.
I heard a thunk and cringed, glancing at my bedroom door. Jason was home by the sound of it, and --- I didn't lock my door!
I flailed, jerking around and scrambling hastily out of bed in a panic. I made it just to the door as I heard him start down the hall, and I hastily locked in, leaning against it as if my extra weight would make the barrier better.
Anything was better then nothing.
I heard him stop outside my room, and I swallowed in panic.
"Hannah."