Bad Luck Hannah

Josh POV

fuck fuck fuck.
I hated libraries.
Like how the hell was I supposed to know how to find this book? It was on a dead person, now what? Could I check it by who it was about? How the hell did I do that?
In our old school you just asked and the librarian showed you exactly what you wanted. In this one, he directed you to the computers to some weird fucking search engine that didn't make any damn sense whatsoever and hadn't been able to help me.
Fuck.
I sighed, staring hopelessly at the books; if it wasn't for the fact that I literally had to pick out a book for class, I wouldn't even be in this place where Hannah could pop up at any moment and look at me like she wanted to send me into the seven pits of hell.
Though she would be really useful right now.
I glanced at the stairs, knowing that's where she would be considering this was last block. She'd be in that little hidey-bole she had in the very back surrounded by thesaurus' and shit that no one ever used.
Basically no one went over there for any reason whatsoever.
I scowled at the bookshelves in front of me.
I really did need a book.
And the librarian guy really wasn't helpful.
Aww hell.
Hannah it was.
I trudged resentfully to the stairs, quickly taking the gray carpeted steps two at a time until I reached the second level, and then I made a beeline for the back, glancing through the aisles to make sure she wasn't in one of those and saw me first.
If she did, she'd run.
I slowed down as I saw the little area come up, and I could see her from here, light hair and headphones like usual, leaned over a book, her pencil tapping an anxious beat against the paper; she was frustrated over something, probably math again.
I figured she couldn't be too upset over the bad date, she'd helped us out the other day, right? Sure, it had probably been more for Chris because I think she actually thought of him as a human being and me slime off some aliens foot.
But so did my dad, so at least they would have a lot to discuss.
Not thoughts that needed to happen right now.
I stepped up to the shelf, tapping my fingers anxiously against the book spines as I looked at her. I could hear Mister Wives blaring from her headphones from where I stood, so I knew she had no idea I was there.
She was wearing her black jacket again, the hood purple checked and the strings were purple too; I was pretty sure it was her favorite since she wore it all the time. Her skinny jeans had holes in them, and her converse looked old and like they had seen better days.
Her hair didn't look as straight as usual, and was pretty messy, like she kept running her hands through it or something.
She sniffled.
Shit, was she crying? I definitely didn't want to be here if she was having a breakdown or something. Not only was I the last person she wanted to see on earth right now, but I'd never been good with girls crying, all the snot and runny makeup just didn't do it for me.
But then again, maybe if I saw her in her weakest moment looking terrible I'd stop feeling the need to want her to like me so much.
And I'd never been known to make good decisions.
So I just fucking went for it.
I stepped forward, forcing myself to walk confidently to the chair beside her instead of dragging my feet. I plopped down, and tugged on her headphone again, much like I had before.
She jerked immediately, her wet eyes flashing to my face before she sat completely back in her chair, not caring this time if the other headphone fell out or not.
She kept her face down, her hair flowing quickly to obscure her expression, though I could still see her trembling lips.
"Hey..."
She ignored me, and I could tell all she wanted was for me to go away.
"Hannah, what's wrong?"
I wanted to grab her hand or something, but I knew she would freak out. I chewed my cheek nervously, and the silence merely built.
Oh fuck this.
"Look, Hannah, I know you hate me and shit, and I'm probably the last person you wanna see right now, but... Are you okay? I mean, do you need anything? Can I help?"
What had made her cry?
What happened?
Hannah shook her head fervently, sniffling again, and after a moment she reached up to mop at her face.
"Shit, Hannah!"
She cringed immediately, dropping her hands hastily.
Her wrists were bruised again, but that wasn't what had caught my attention. I stood immediately and stepped toward her, and she shrunk away from me in horror but she didn't have a choice at this point. I leaned down to her level and brushed her hair behind her ear before she could have a panic attack.
The left side of her face was bruised, and she looked like she had barely avoided getting a blackeye, though they were red and swollen from crying. She'd tried to cover it with makeup but there was only so.much you could do to hide bruises like that.
"Hannah," I hesitated, cupping her face so I could see the damage, and to my surprise she actually let me. I could feel her tears against my palm, and I wasn't sure if she was crying because it hurt or because she hated the fact I was touching her.
"Hannah, who did this to you?" I asked softly. "Was it your brother? When did this happen?"
"I --- I fell in, in t-the show-wer." she managed after a moment, and I rolled my eyes.
"Did the sponge attack you or something?" I muttered, leaning back on the table, keeping a hold of her face. "You don't gotta lie to me.."
"I ---."
"Hannah," I scowled at her. "I'm not as stupid as I look."
She just shrugged her shoulders, staring intensely down at her notebook, where I could see the tear stains splattered across its surface, and my chest tightened a little bit.
"Do you... Wanna get out of here?" I asked after a moment, letting my hand fall from her face. "I'll take you wherever you wanna go. Not my house, not your house --- just anywhere, okay? You wanna do that?"
I was keeping my voice gentle, treating her like a dated little mouse, which was exactly what she was.
And she needed someone to take care of her.
She hesitated, nervously clenching her fingers in her lap, and then nodded. She raised her eyes to mine, and I felt my gut clench a moment as I looked at her.
God, I was such an asshole.
"Cmon," I mumbled, hastily leaning away from the table. I grabbed her books, shuffling them all hastily together before forcing them into her bag, which I jerked over my shoulder; I would just text Ricky to get mine from the classroom.
She slipped to her feet, running her sleeve across her face as she tried to wipe her tears away, and I quickly guided her downstairs and out the back of the library before anyone even noticed we were gone.
We walked hastily towards the parking lot where my car waited, and I glanced around the empty school front, for once glad the school was too cheap to even get cameras, they'd probably think I was kidnapping her or something.
I shook my head, then ushered her into my car, setting her stuff in the back seat before quickly going around to the drivers side.
I had a good idea where i wanted to take her.
It was somewhere that I went that made me feel better. I hadn't been there in a while, at least not since the start of summer, but it was just one of those places you went and you could just feel peaceful.
It was on the other side of town, though, so I hopped she didn't mind driving through the shabbier part of it.
I glanced at her as I started down the road.
It was somewhere that I went that made me feel better. I hadn't been there in a while, at least not since the start of summer, but it was just one of those places you went and you could just feel peaceful.
It was on the other side of town, though, so I hopped she didn't mind driving through the shabbier part of it.
I glanced at her as I started down the road.
She was just sitting there, staring down at the floorboards, not even gazing out the window as we drove through. she wasn't moving, just sitting perfectly still.
"Hannah?"
She glanced over after a moment.
"We're here."
She looked up, and I leaned back in my seat as I looked at her. Her right cheek reaching back into her hair was bruised, and though she'd try to cover it up with makeup, the bruises were still pretty prominent, and her mascara was running paths down her cheeks where she'd been crying it off unchecked.
"Come on," I said after a moment, getting out of the car and walking to her side. I opened her door, and offered her my hand. She looked up at me, her entire body tense as she debated on whether or not to accept my help.
I know she didn’t like me, I'd done nothing to make her even want too, but I really did want to help. She didn’t deserve what her brother was doing to her, and if I got my hands on him I was going to beat him down so hard he would never be able to use his hands again.
I felt her cold fingers brush mine as she accepted my help, and that helped me relax a little as she stood. god, she was so small, so much shorter then me, I couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to hurt her.
I shut her door, then stepped to the drunk, unlocking it quickly to grab a few blankets out so we wouldn’t just be on the ground.
Not many people came out here, and I didn’t blame them, I wasn’t sure why I even did.
This place was just open, most of the trees had been farmed for one use or another, so mostly it was just grass in an open field. All the times I'd come out here, no one else had ever been around, so I was assuming it was basically forgotten. I would come out here when things got rough at home, my mom was too sick or my dad too pissy because he didn’t want to raise me himself.
Or he didn’t know how too, whichever.
I hadn't been out here since summer, not since I learned my uncle was going to let me move into his house with my friends so I could get away from Dad and Sarah. Before that, I came out here a lot, stayed the night here when I couldn’t make it to my friends. That's why I always had blankets in my car; it got cold out here at night without them.
"Come on," I said, stepping around Hannah where she stood stiffly by the hood of the car, her arms curled protectively around herself. I started forward, and she followed me after a moment, obviously wondering what we were doing here.
I got to about the center of the field, following the path that I had beat down in it from walking through so much. The grass was all brown this time of year, but it was still tall, so we wouldn’t be visible to anyone who came through unless they found the trail.
I flicked out the blankets, letting them flutter across the ground before I sat down, patting the spot beside me. Hannah sat down carefully, curling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms tightly around them.
I hesitated, then wrapped the extra blanket around her shoulders, her thin jacket probably not enough to keep her warm in the long run.
I looked down at my hands where they rested in my lap, not quite sure what I wanted to say to her. Usually the shit that came out of my mouth was the wrong thing to say, and she freaked out on me and ran off.
I never knew what the right thing was to say to make people feel better, so I didn’t say anything. I just sat there with her, leaning back on my palms as I looked up at the sky, watching the clouds drift through with the wind, trying to make shapes out of them to myself.
This is what I would do for hours, and here, I didn’t mind not talking.
You could be peaceful here, you could think here without all the noise.
I sighed, expelling the pent up breath I'd been holding.
"You okay?" I asked after a moment, hearing her sniffle slightly.
She nodded, her hair curtaining her face as she stared steadily at the ground, and I think she was shivering.
I looked over, my brows drawing together. I wanted to ask her what happened, why Jason had hit her again, why she didn’t say anything or stand up for herself --- but I didn’t dare. She wouldn’t answer me, I knew that, and I would only make things worse for her.
But I wanted to help, I really did.
"Is there... anything I can do?" I bit my lip, and she merely shook her head again, her hair slightly moving.
Well, fuck.
I leaned up, propping my elbows on my knees as I looked at her, and she turned her face away more, obviously trying to hide the fact she was still crying.
She was curled up on herself, hunching as she tried to make herself smaller.
That wasnt going to make it better.
Everyone needed comfort, everyone needed someone to be there for him, and I don’t think Hannah had anyone. She wouldn’t let anyone in, she made sure there was a wall up that kept them all out.
And I couldn’t figure out why.
Other then Jason, her life seemed fine. She had nice parents, a nice place to live, her grades were probably good and she could probably get into a nice school one day...
So why did she keep allowing him to hurt her?
Why did she let him do that to her?
And why did she keep everyone out so much?
What was the big deal?
I kept trying to get in because of the bet, which I knew was shitty because I knew she had a hard time and I was only going to make it worse on her.
But I hadn't brought her here because of the bet.
I'd brought her here because she needed somewhere to go away from all the bullshit, and this was the only place I knew that did it for me.
I let my eyes trace her outline, and I reached forward hesitantly, lightly letting my hand rest on her shoulder. She bristled instantly, but I ignored it, squeezing.
"It's okay, Hannah." I said softly. "It's okay."
She didnt respond, just curled her knees tighter, pressing her face against them as her shoulders started to shake.
Aw, hell.
Did I make it worse?
I hesitated, then sighed, and let my arm wrap tightly around her shoulder, bringing her against my chest despite the fact she didn’t want to be there. She strained away from me, but I kept her tightly curled in my arms, rubbing her shoulders.
"Don’t fight me, Hannah. Just... just cry," I muttered, feeling her body shake as she tried not to sob out loud. "Just let it out."
She tried to resist for another second, but then a loud sob tore from her lips, and I felt her fingers clutch as my t shirt as she finally wept out loud, holding onto me tightly.
There we go.
I rubbed her back soothingly, feeling a little relieved.
Everyone needed comfort, no matter how much they resisted.
She needed it just as much as a normal person.
"It's okay," I murmured, rocking her back and forth in my arms slightly, aware I almost had her sitting in my lap the way I'd twisted around. "It's gonna be okay."
Her arms started to curl around my neck, and I felt her face press against my collarbone, her tears hot as they met my skin, soaking through my gray t shirt.
"Shh, its okay," I whispered, stroking my fingers through her hair. "It's okay."
I know I kept repeating myself, but I didn’t know what else to say, and I know I needed to say something, anything. She never responded to me, just cried, her sobbing trailing off before picking up again, and she was shaking so hard it was all I could do to hold her.
"I'm here, I'm here, Hannah, it's okay," I tightened my grip on her, afraid if I let her go for a second she'd shatter, and I felt my throat swell up slightly.
Fuck.
I wasnt sure how long I held her, I just knew she cried the entire time, though after a while it dwindled off into occasional hiccups, then shuddery breaths.
"There we go," I whispered, tightening the blanket around her. "That's better, isn't It?"
She didnt answer me, but it wasn't like I'd expected her too.
Her arms flexed where they were locked around my neck, and I shuffled her slightly, pulling her completely into my lap, wrapping the blanket around her almost like you would a child. I wanted her to feel safe, and I didn’t want her to be cold or feel uncomfortable, either.
I didnt say anything else, I just sat there with her, petting her hair and rocking her when I felt like she needed it, as stupid as that sounded.
She just... needed to be held or something, I guess.
It seemed to make her feel better, at least.
When she finally leaned away from me, her face was red, eyes puffy and void of makeup now, and I was pretty sure all of it was on my shirt. She looked embarrassed, and stared down at my chest, her fingers coming to rest on my shoulders.
"Feel better?" I asked, and she shrugged in response, sniffling. I caught the end up the blanket, blotting at her face easily. "I usually feel better when I come out here. It's one of the few places where the noise of town doesn't reach. You can just kind of get away, yknow? No friends, no family, nothing but quiet. I always came out here when I had issues with my family or whatever, and it just kind of helps you calm down, and, um, yknow."
Why the fuck was I rambling?
She didnt care.
Her eyes flicked up to my face, lashes still wet with a few teardrops.
God, her eyes were so blue it was ridiculous.
I looked down at her, forcing a smile.
At least she was letting me touch her, even if I had kind of forced it again.
I brushed her hair behind her ear absently, not realizing what I was doing until she sort of winced. I pretended not to notice, my eyes trailing over the bruises on her swollen cheek.
It looked like he'd hit her pretty hard.
"It doesn’t look that bad," I told her after a moment. "You could always say you got into a fight and they should see the other guy."
I was trying to lighten the mood, but it didn’t seem to be helping, and I grimaced as I realized how stupid I sounded.
God.
Why couldnt I just shut the fuck up?
Hannah wiped at her face a little, and I didn’t doubt her eyes were raw from so many tears. She grimaced as she touched her skin, then sniffled again. She seemed to be getting ahold of herself now, which was good.
And meant she was probably going to sacrifice me to the wolves for even touching her.
To my surprise, she just mopped at her face a few times before pressing it back against my chest, her hand hesitantly resting over my heart. I curled my arms back around her, and let my chin rest on her head, content to just sit here with her.
Whatever she needed.
I wasnt a complete asshole all the time.
I did care.
And I did want her to be okay with being touched, it wasn’t right she was so afraid of it all the time. Not all touch was bad or painful, some of it was nice and, and comforting, and I was sounding stupid as fuck again, even to myself.
Thank god I wasn’t talking out loud.
I wasnt sounding very manly right now.
I let my fingers trail absently down her back several times, tracing shapes against the material. I wanted to comfort her, and holding her was apparently what was doing it, despite the fact my legs were going to sleep, that annoying tingle spreading through them.
"I know you don’t like me," I said after a few minutes, needing to get the words out there before they came out on their own in a mess. "And I don’t blame you, but... if you're ever in trouble, or just need anything, you can call me, or text me or whatever. i'm not a complete douche."
She sniffled.
I glanced down at her, but her hair obscured her expression again, and I was pretty sure her eyes were closed.
Well, a nap was always a plus, I suppose.
I could use a nap if I wasn’t sitting up like this.
Would she notice if I just kind of shuffled down onto my back?
Might as well give it a shot, because if I didn’t, I would have no feeling left in my legs.
Her eyes flicked open warily as I shuffled, laying down carefully on my back with her curled against my chest rather than on it. I felt her kneels press against my hip as she pulled them to her, and I tucked the blanket around her again, the black and red checked material bright against the brown grass around us.
She let her head rest on my shoulder, her hand returning to its former position, and I relaxed, seeing she wasn’t running away from me. I propped my head up on my arm, my fingers trailing over her shoulder. Her eyes were closed again, though she sniffled here and there, reminding me she was actually awake.
Poor thing.
She just needed someone to take care of her.
"Hannah?"
Her eyes opened slightly.
"You okay now? Or, at least better?"
She nodded, and actually shuffled closer, probably after my body heat because I knew it was getting colder as the day grew on. I could feel my phone buzz occasionally in my pocket, letting me know school was probably over and I hoped one of the guys had grabbed my stuff out of the classroom for me.
I let my eyes drift up to the blue sky again, watching the shapes.
This was the first time someone had ever been here with me.
I kind of liked It.
I glanced down at her face, her breathing evening out enough where I figured she'd actually fell asleep at this point, and I didn’t dare move or do anything that would wake her up.
She needed some sleep.
I would just wake her up if it started to get too late or something.
I let my arm rest over my eyes, blocking out the sunlight for a few minutes.
Damn.
What a turn this day had taken.