Bad Luck Hannah

Why was I going home with Josh ? Like was this the biggest mistake I could possibly make ever? Yes, yes it was.
But then again.
I tapped my pencil impatiently against my desk.
I couldn't believe he'd kissed me, and then kept kissing me like that. I had to admit, I liked it. I mean, I'd gotten this big fear of it played up in my mind that it was impossibly hard and that if you were bad it was traumatic and stuff and --- it wasn't.
It was amazing.
Well, okay, I was getting a little exaggerated now.
I sighed, propping my chin on my hand.
And he'd kissed me this morning like it was just normal for him...
Not that I'd minded it, but... Did normal people do that?
I couldn't be that good at it, I mean it's... But...
Dammit.
Why was I stressing about it?
Was it because he'd been My first kiss?
That had been kind of sweet the way he'd done it, and it had taken my mind off my face and all that.
Had he kissed me because of that?
I was almost afraid to go to his house after school, honestly. What did he even want to do? Obviously the last time we hung out there it hadn't ended well.
Hell, almost every time we'd hung out hadn't ended well the more I thought about it.
Except last night.
Where he'd been so nice and caring towards me instead of his usual snarky self.
And then he'd been open to me later on, telling me a little bit about his family, which did kind of help me understand him a little more.
I mean, his mom had died of cancer his freshman year and he and his dad didn't get along... He must have felt so alone...
But he had so many friends now...
Poor Josh.
Great, now I felt bad for him and I wasn't even sure if I liked him at not.
I mean, he had been so... Stupid, to begin with. But last night he'd been so sweet and open and had let me sleep and hadn't said a word to his friends about what he'd been doing...
Dammit.
I.think I did like him.
Like that.
Which was stupid.
Really, really stupid.
Because he didn't like me like that, did he?
Well, I suppose he did, in his way, considering he was kissing me and wanting to hang out with me and all that.
Could he really like me then?
And it wasn't because of some stupid dare or whatever, he just genuinely liked me?
That would be... Nice.
Really nice.
I glanced up as the bell rang, signaling the end of second period and the beginning of lunch. I stood hastily, hardly hearing the teacher remind us about our essays due on Friday; eh, I hadn't even looked at the book for it yet.
I wasn't sure why I was hurrying, anyway. I never ran into Josh on my way through to my locker, I wasn't even sure what direction he came from. He was usually already at the table when I glanced into the cafeteria.
I guess I would just see him after school.
Which for some reason disappointed me.
Because for some reason he was all I was thinking about, and I think I was actually... Excited... To hang out with him.
Which made me so lame, right?
I sighed as I opened my locker and dropped my books off, nudging one of them onto the top shelf.
This was probably a mistake and I would end up humiliated at the end of it like always.
My locker shut abruptly, and I cringed, looking at Jasons hand where he pressed it shut, his obnoxious gold class ring pressing against it.
"So where were you last night?" he asked, arching his dark brows upward. "You didn't get in until late."
I just stared at him, taking a step back. I didn't want him near me, I didn't want him anywhere close to me where he could touch me or talk to me or, or ---.
I was starting to panic.
"You know you can't be off so late without Dad finding out," Jason said, fiddling with the ring that had really hurt when it had connected with my face; I could feel myself paling as he twisted it, and he knew exactly what he was doing, reminding me.
I hated him so much.
"And I don't like you out late either," He continued, stepping close to me, towering over me, and I cowered back against the lockers, my entire body starting to shake.
Get away from me, was all I could think, and my throat tightened painfully. I wanted to tell him to leave me alone, to go away, but I couldn't make my voice work, and I was so afraid, all I could do was look at him with wide, frightened eyes like something pathetic .
His fingers plucked at my jacket before clenching in it, dragging me a little closer to him. I dug my heels into the tiled floor below me, but it didn't stop him from pulling me forward.
I swallowed in panic.
"S-stop,Jason!" I tried to jerk away from him, but he merely tightened his hold, his face becoming aggravated.
This wasn't going to end well for me.
"Get the FUCK away from her!"
We both looked over in surprise, and I could see Josh storming toward us, his fists clenched furiously with Chris hot on his heels. The other students around us, who'd been streaming by obliviously before, all turned to look curiously.
"Get your hand off her before I break all your fingers," Josh snarled, shoving Jason away from me so hard my brother stumbled back, a stupid look on his face.
He hadn't expected that.
Josh stepped in front of me protectively, his entire body rigid. Chris stepped up beside him, tall and grim-looking, and between the two of them it was obvious Jason stood no chance.
At least to me, anyway, considering the fact I could barely see over Joshs shoulder.
"What the hell, man?" Jason snapped, flexing his letterman jacket. "That's my sister and ---."
"Well shes my fucking girlfriend, and I swear to god I see one more bruise on her I'll break every bone in your hand until you can never use them again," Josh was snarling at him, and he wasn't being quiet about what he said, either.
I stared at the back of his head in horror.
Oh my god.
He did not just say that.
Now everyone would know and they would tell and ---.
"Jason?" a shrill voice demanded, and I looked over, seeing Hayley standing amongst the onlookers, all of them eagerly waiting for the fight between the Greneth jock and the Red stoner. "What's going on?"
"Josh," I whispered, wrapping my fingers around his arm, feeling how tense his muscles were, ready to move at any moment, "please. Stop."
He glanced back at me, then at my brother, who glared furiously at him before turning to look at Hayley.
"Nothing, babe, don't worry about it. Just one of a Hannah's friends trying to start something," he snorted, stepping over to her and squeezing her shoulder. "Come on, let's go get lunch, huh?"
"Are you sure? Is Hannah okay---?"
"Hannah's fine. Her friends the asshole. Now let's go," he tightened his grip on her shoulder as he steered her toward the lunchroom, and Josh watched him go stiffly, not relaxing until he was out of sight the the crowd had started to disperse.
I blinked
"Are you okay, Hannah?" Chris asked me gently after a moment, his eyes studying my face. "When did he do that to you?"
"It's fine now," Josh muttered, turning to look at me. "She's fine."
Chris glared at him. "Her face ---."
"It's fine," Josh hissed, standing in front of me, keeping himself between me and Chris like he was still trying to protect me. "I said not to worry about it!"
"Is this why you skipped out yesterday?" Chris demanded, and I winced. I didn't want them fighting over this, especially not out in the middle of the hall where people were still looking on curiously. "Because you were with her?"
"It's none of your business ---."
"Please stop," I said, my voice small but at least audible. "He was with me yesterday, okay? He was, was helping me b-because ---."
"You don't have to explain," Josh muttered, shaking his head quickly, and I felt his fingers slip through mine. "Come on, I'll walk you to the library."
"But ---."
"It'll see you in a few minutes," he informed Chris, whose brow was furrowed as he looked at us, and I could tell he was extremely irritated, though I wasn't sure why he was so upset over this.
His fists were clenched at his sides, and he stood rigid, his hazel eyes burning with an anger I didn't understand. His dark hair only made him look paler under this light, and he was almost scary to look at when he was so mad.
Josh was right about that.
I just looked at him, and it was like he had to force himself to relax, slowly uncurling his fingers as he saw my expression. He forced me a smile, then turned on his heel and quickly walked away, disappearing into the cafeteria.
"Is... Is he okay?" I asked after a moment, letting Josh lead me forward by my hand. "Why... Why is he so angry?"
"Don't worry about it," he grunted, making me clear it wasn't something to be discussed. I let it drop immediately, but it did make me wonder.
We walked in silence towards the library, and I noticed he didn't let go of my hand, despite I didn't hold it back.
Girlfriend?
Had that just been for show?
Because that was definitely too much for me and I didn't want to be his girlfriend.
I'd never had a boyfriend before, hell, I'd never even been remotely romantic with anyone, obviously.
This was too much.
So I was definitely praying he'd just said that for effect.
I could see the library getting closer, and I chewed my lip nervously. Josh had been so mad, I'd never seen him like that before, though I didn't need him running to my rescue every minute of the day.
Even if I did appreciate it.
A lot.
Because Jason scared me so much.
"So, um, we still on for later?" Josh asked, pausing by the library door almost like he was nervous. He had his dark hair pulled back today into one of those man buns, and it really worked for him; he looked adorable.
Beyond adorable.
I nodded my head, my eyes lingering on his angel bites before flicking away.
"Cool, good. I'll just meet you outside the door when the bell rings then..the outside one. Kinda like before."
I nodded again, my eyes tracing the faded red logo on his hoody.
That had to be his favorite hoody, he wore it all the time.
"Hey," I felt his fingers nudge my chin, forcing me to look up, "he didn't hurt you, did he?"
I shook my head.
"Good. Look, I didn't mean to storm in like that, I just lost it when I saw him trying to bully you like that and ---."
"Thank you," I interrupted him quickly while I could get it out. "For, for that."
I didn't want to be the damsel in distress, but I knew I would never stand up for myself, and I really did appreciate him coming in like that to help me.
His face softened slightly, his blue eyes looking tired but...
Nice.
He was being so nice to me and I appreciated it so much.
"Hey, it's gonna be okay, yknow?" he murmured, tapping me on the nose, and I wrinkled it automatically. he chuckled, and then leaned down, kissing my cheek before stepping away from me. "I'll see you later, Hannah."
I nodded, flushing.
I watched him go, his stride confident as he made his way down the hall, his whole demeanor a warning to others not to mess with him.
I had to admire that.
Why couldnt I be as strong as him?