Bad Luck Hannah

I wasn't sure I really even wanted to go to this "get together" thing now. Things were still kind of awkwardly off between me and Josh, despite both of us kept apologizing and trying to make it better.
I sighed, sitting in his car as he drove from my house to his. My dad wouldn't be home until Sunday, and my mom was working the night shift and didn't get off until eleven tomorrow morning, which meant I actually had the entire night to hang out with Josh, among other things.
Yeah, like there was going to be any other things.
I glanced at him from under my lashes, seeing he was being careful as he drove, the rain in full blast tonight.
It was around five now, and he said a lot of his friends wouldn't be around until seven, so that was going to make it a little easier. Maybe they would all come over slowly and I wouldn't have to meet all of them at one time.
Not that it really mattered.
I wasn't his girlfriend, he'd never officially asked me out, though any time someone asked that's what he told them.
So... was I his girlfriend?
I frowned, propping my chin on my hand as I gazed out the wet window. He'd never officially asked me out, and I think even one time I'd commented I didn't want to be his girlfriend, and I hoped that hadn't hurt his feelings.
Had he not asked me because of what I'd said?
Did I even want him to ask me?
Well, maybe. I mean, we basically acted like we were dating, didn't we? And anyone who knew Josh at school thought of me as his girlfriend anyway, so...
Huh.
"What's with the face?" Josh asked, and I glanced over at him.
He looked good today, his long hair over his shoulders, and he was wearing one of his better t shirts, even though it was still a band shirt; I was starting to think that was the only clothes that he owned.
And he still smelled good.
"What face?"
"The one you're wearing. What are you thinking about?"
"Nothing important." I wasn't about to tell him and he think I was stupid or something. If he wanted to ask me out, he would, wouldn't he? I mean, why else would he be going through all this effort to hang out with me and act this way around me if that wasn't what he was going for in the long run?
It didn't make any sense to me otherwise.
Obviously sleeping with me was out of the question after how I acted yesterday.
So it wasn't just about that, was it?
I was so confused.
"Hey, don't be nervous about meeting the guys or anything," he said, turning onto his long driveway that looked like something out of a horror movie. "They're all totally chill, and I'm sure some of 'em will bring their girlfriends. I know Jess and Kylie are gonna be here."
Jess?
I looked at him curiously.
"You mean Jessica? Ricky's girlfriend?
"Hmm? Yeah, her."
That was weird, okay.
He was so.... weird, today. He wouldn't quite look at me, and though he was relaxed, I could tell there was something that was bothering him that wasn't just what had happened yesterday.
Weird.
Just weird.
But then again maybe it was just because I was nervous.
And I hadn't been nervous about meeting his friends until now.
What if they didn’t like me? I mean, what if they thought I was weird or something and Josh agreed with them and ---.
"Did I not just say not to worry?"
"I'm not worrying."
"I can see it all over your face, Hannah," he sent me a slight smile, trying to put me at ease. "Remember what I said? If you don't like it, we can go up to my room and chill instead, not a big deal."
Yeah, because I totally wanted to be alone with him in a room with a bed.
I rolled my eyes as I looked away, crossing my arms as I leaned against the seat, watching the house get bigger and bigger, other cars parked that I didn't recognize from anywhere.
"Guess some people are here early," Josh commented, pulling his car off the gravel and in front of the shed, where his Dad's truck had been parked before. "I'm not surprised. Any time you mention Tommy is gonna be around, people flock for some of his handouts."
"His... handouts?" I asked, unbuckling.
"Yeah, Tommy's.... oh." He suddenly hesitated. "Um. Well, uh, Tommy is who... Ricky buys his stuff off of," he explained, turning off the car. "He's a good friend of ours, and he makes some really good stuff. It's clean and a lot safer then what others sell, so don’t look at me like that."
I wasn't looking at him in any way.
I frowned, then got out of the car without another word, a little annoyed.
He kept acting like I was judging him or something, and I wasn’t. I was just listening to him.
I started around the front of the car, but Josh stepped up, his brows furrowed. I paused automatically, glancing up at his face warily.
"What?"
"Are we good?" He asked suddenly, glancing over at the porch where I could see a couple people standing. "I mean, you're not..."
"I'm not what?"
He looked a little chagrined.
"We're... I dunno, it's... tense. So are we okay, or...?"
"We're fine."
We were fine, he just kept being annoying about it. If he would just let it go and pretend it hadn't happened, everything would be so much easier and I wouldn’t feel so awkward.
"You don’t seem fine."
"Because you keep bringing it up," I huffed, putting my hands on my hips. "You're the one who won't let it go."
"So you're saying it is my fault, then?"
What was wrong with him? I stared up at him, feeling myself frown even more. Was he trying to start a fight with me over yesterday? I really wasn’t appreciating this, and if he was going to be like this the entire night then I could just walk home.
He must've read that in my expression, because he gave a heavy sigh, a ran his hand through his hair as he leaned on his heels.
"Fuck, sorry, I'm being an ass, aren't I?"
"Yes."
He grimaced. "Sorry. I just... I feel bad."
"Well, you shouldn't okay? There isn't anything to feel bad about," I mumbled, flushing at the memory of it. "You can just drop it."
"But ---."
"Just drop it!"
"Fine," he snapped, and I bristled immediately. I clenched my hands, then glanced over at the woods. It was probably only about a fifteen minute walk from here to the house, and the rain was only sprinkling right now; I could probably make it home and not be really wet.
I wasn't going to stay here if it was going to be a miserable experience.
"Yo!" I heard someone call from the porch, and we both looked over, seeing Ryan leaning over the railing into the rain, waving at us. "You guys gonna come in or what?"
'"In a minute," Josh called back, waving his hand. "Go on."
"Fine. But you're missing out! You'll never guess who got here early!"
Josh didn’t look interested, and he looked down at me, but I refused to meet his gaze, instead studying the ground, nudging some rocks with my shoe.
This was going to suck.
We stood there a moment, neither of us saying anything, and then he sort of sighed.
"Come on, we'd better go," he mumbled, slipping his hand through mine and pulling me after him. I went obediently, though really I was sort of dreading going inside now.
We stepped up on the porch and started to the door, but he abruptly stopped, so quick I almost rammed into him. I glanced up at him in annoyance, and he turned around, dropping my hand.
And then he was kissing me, over and over, so quick that I hardly got a chance to even do anything.
"Mmmph --- Josh!"
"Don’t be mad at me," he muttered, kissing me again. "I'm sorry I'm a dick, but don't be mad at me."
"I'm not --- mad --- at you," I managed, pressing at his shoulders.
"You seem like it."
"Because you keep getting huffy with me."
"I'm not huffy."
"You're huffy."
He frowned down at me. "Am not."
"Are too!"
He was being incredibly huffy, and he shouldn't be.
"Look," I sighed, looking at my nails where they pressed against his shirt, "don't feel bad about yesterday, okay? That wasn't your fault, it was, it was mine."
"And how was it yours?" He scoffed, shaking his head. "I pushed too much."
"No, you didnt," I muttered, shaking my head, keeping my gaze down, my cheeks heating again. "I... I kind of... freaked a little."
He brushed at my hair, not saying anything immediately, and I could hear the laughter from inside the house, the bubble of chatter that was from the den. It sounded like there was quite a few people in there already, and it wasn't even time for anyone to get here.
"Hannah, why would you freak out? I thought ---."
"Because! Just..." I sighed, lowering my head even more until I was looking at the ground. "Because I... Josh, I've never... done anything before, I..."
This was so mortifying.
"That's not your fault," he murmured, his thumb brushing my cheek. "And it's nothing to be ashamed about, either."
But I... I guess I kind of felt that way. I mean, other girls my age were already past this stage, and I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. They probably wouldn't have reacted that way towards him, but I...
I was stupid.
"Hannah, baby, look at me," he sighed, his hands cupping my face, and he forced me to look up at him. "You shouldn't feel bad about a single fucking thing, okay? There is absolutely nothing wrong with you." He gave me a slight kiss. "You're perfect the way you are. I don’t care if you haven't done anything, that's not the point. Besides, there's plenty of time to mess around, we don't have to do anything right now."
But... didn’t we?
I hesitated, gazing up at him.
I guess he was right....
But...
"I just... other girls wouldn’t be this way," I mumbled, shrugging my shoulders. "You wouldn't have this issue."
"Yeah, but I don’t want other girls who are gonna literally throw their clothes at me," he snorted, looking a little amused. "If I did I would be dating Jessica."
"Josh!" I smacked his shoulder lightly, pressing my lips against my smile; that wasn't funny.
He chuckled, letting his hands slip off my face to my waist, and he held me lightly. "Don't worry about other girls, or whatever the hell theyre doing, got it? It just matters what we're doing."
What we were doing?
I hesitated, and pursed my lips as I glanced up at him, my eyes meeting his for a split second.
"What are we doing?"
"What do you mean?"
I needed to go ahead and say this before it nagged me to death.
"I mean, what... Josh, I don't even know what, what we are," I sighed, barely managing to get it out, and I felt him still slightly. "You’ve never asked me out, but you tell everyone I'm your girlfriend, and I'm just ---."
"Confused," he sighed, shaking his head. "Yeah, I know, I --- I kind of skipped over that, huh?"
I shrugged, letting my eyes trail away again.
"I just... well, I wanna date you," he said after a moment, tucking my hair behind my ear. "But you said you didn’t want to date me."
Dammit.
So that was the issue.
"That was before," I mumbled, shrugging my shoulders. "I didn’t like you then."
"But you like me now?"
"It's still kind of debatable."
He laughed, and then pulled me against his chest, hugging me. I smiled slightly, a little pleased with myself.
I liked making him laugh, it was nice.
"So, do you... wanna be my girlfriend then?" He asked lightly, his fingers lightly running down my back.
"Are you asking me or are you just asking me?" I frowned, and I swear he rolled his eyes.
"Don’t overthink it, Hannah. Just yes or no."
"Well... I guess it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world."
"You don’t make anything easy," he grumbled, taking a step back from me, but he looked amused. "And so there. Now, we're officially official."
"I don't think it makes that much of a difference," I chuckled, threading my fingers through his. "Everyone already thinks we are."
"Yeah, my bad," he gave me a sheepish smile. "It just seemed easier to explain that way."
I suppose it did.
I just shrugged, my eyes flicking to the door.
Did we really have to go inside where everyone was?
I mean, honestly I would just rather hang out with him, not with all the rest of his friends, though I didn't want him to miss seeing them.
"So, you ready to go in and meet everyone?" Josh asked, pulling on my hand, and I nodded reluctantly. He raised his brows at me, his hand hovering on the knob.
"Do you not want too?"
"No, I do," I said quickly, forcing a smile. "Go on."
He hesitated, and then a slight smile overcame his lips. He turned, and leaned down, pressing his lips against my ear.
"How about... we skip them and head straight upstairs, huh? We can... watch some movies or... something," he murmured, his fingers trailing up my arm, and I bit my lip. "Celebrate our being officially official."
"I don’t know how much something," I mumbled, flushing, and he smiled slightly.
"As much something as you feel like doing."
I chewed my lip thoughtfully.
"Okay," I acquiesced, and he grinned down at me devilishly, tugging on my hand. He opened the door quietly, tugging me in behind him. He glanced towards the den, then back at me.
It sounded like everyone was really involved with themselves, so I doubted they would notice us slipping by. We walked quietly by the opening, and I stepped up on the stairs, aware I had never been to his room and had absolutely no idea where it was.
I turned to let him go by first, realizing at this height I was just about as tall as him.
"What is it?" He whispered, trying to stay quiet, and I just shrugged, letting my fingers trail across his shoulder before I leaned forward, pressing my lips against his.
Just because I was this height.
He chuckled, as if he knew what I was doing, and kissed me back, his tongue taking over immediately like always. I felt his hand roam from my hip to the back of my jeans, slipping into my back pocket, making sure I was quite aware of what his "something" meant if we could ever make it up the stairs.
So far it wasn't working out well for us.
I started to take another step back.
"Wh --- well, hey there, Balz!"
"Goddammit," Josh muttered against my lips before he pulled away, glancing over his shoulder at the guy standing in the doorway of the den, a soda can in his hand. He'd probably been heading to the kitchen.
"Hey, Tommy."
Tommy?
So that was the famous drug dealer?
He was brown-headed, it ending in curls around his ears and eyes, and even from here I could see his eyes were the size of the moon. He dressed a lot like Josh and the guys, band shirts and skinny jeans.
"Ryan said you were here, we were wondering why you hadn't come in yet. Now I get why," he chuckled, and I flushed instantly.
"Er, right. Tommy, this is Hannah. Han, Tommy," Josh mumbled, gesturing between us, and he took a step up onto the stairs. "We were gonna head up, we'll be back in a bit ---."
"IS THAT BALZ THAT I HEAR?" A voice suddenly squealed, and Josh looked like someone had punched him.
"Is that ---?"
"Ash? Yeah. Had to bring the girl along," Tommy laughed, and I glanced at the door where his "girl" stepped up.
Jesus.
She was ridiculously pretty.
She was dark haired and tall, slim but not too skinny like I was. Her hair was pretty and flowing around her face, and the heels she wore gave her plenty of height.
She was really intimidating.
"Balz! Oh my god, it's been so long!" She gushed, quickly wrapping him up in a hug, though his hand never left mine.
"Ah, hey, Ry," he muttered, his cheeks tinging red as he pulled away from her. "It's been a while, huh?"
"A WHILE? Try a year," she snorted, taking a step back to stand beside her brother, who was glancing between the two of them curiously. "We haven't seen you in a while!"
"Er, yeah, been a lot of shit going on." He informed her, rubbing the back of his head. "Ry, I want you to meet Hannah," he then said quickly, and her eyes roved to mine. "My girlfriend."
I thought Tommy was going to choke on the soda he was drinking.
"Girlfriend?" He burst, looking shocked, and I felt my face redden even more. Why was that so surprising? Was it that weird he would date me?
And they didn’t even know me.
"Yep. Girlfriend. Officially." Josh sounded incredibly nervous, and my eyes swept to his face, narrowing slightly. "So we'll be upstairs ---."
"No way!" Tommy's girlfriend protested immediately. "You gotta come down and chill with us!"
"But we kinda already ---."
"Don’t be a spoil sport!" She scolded him. "Get off those stairs and get your butts in that room! Everyone else is already there!"
"Everyone isnt supposed to be here till seven," he replied, shaking his head. "And ----."
"Dude, you can't hide your lady away upstairs, if that's what you're thinking," Tommy informed him, stepping up to his girlfriend's side. "So get your asses in that den and get to puffing before all the rejects get here and want the good stuff I so graciously brought for the fun of it."
Josh glanced at me hesitantly, and I shrugged; it didn’t sound like we had much of a choice.
Right.
He sighed as he stepped off the stairs, clenching my hand so we wouldn’t get separated as Tommy ushered us into the den.
Everyone else was already inside, and the entire room looked like something you'd see out of a movie, it was so smokey. The coffee table had a ....
Was that an actual bong?
I had never seen one up close before, and it was actually pretty.
Illegal in our state.
But pretty.
Ricky, his girlfriend, and devin were all sitting on the couch, Kylie sitting between Devins thighs with a cigarette between her fingers, laughing at something Ryan was saying where he sat on the couch across from her. We were shuffled down beside him, and I was more then relieved Josh put me beside the arm and took the middle so I wouldn’t have to sit beside him.
Tommy and his girlfriend took the floor on the end of the table.
"You finally made it!" Ricky chuckled as he looked at us through the thick smoke. "We thought you would be outside forever arguing."
"We werent arguing."
"You guys looked like you were arguing," Ryan said, leaning forward as he took a hit off something burning in the glass ashtray. "There was definite arguing."
"They weren't arguing when I found them on the stairs," Tommy grinned at Josh from where he leaned back on his hands. "It looked far from arguing to me."
"Oh yeah?" Devin looked at him, as if curious. "Really?"
I shuffled slightly, the odd-smelling smoke making my nose feel numb. Jeez, I was going to smell awful by the time we got out of here; it was like we were standing in a marijuana sauna or something.
"So, you guys wanna hit up?" Tommy asked, fumbling through his pockets. "I actually got everyone their own little gift bag since you guys got shit and had to go to that bitch ass school."
"Oh, thanks," Josh caught it, glancing down at the white packet before shuffling it into his pocket. "But ---."
"So, Hannah," sweet god no don’t talk to me, "do you smoke?"
"No, she doesn't," Josh shook his head at Tommy's question. "She's not into it."
"She's not into it and she's with you?" His girlfriend looked surprised.
"Don’t sound so surprised, Ash," Tommy nudged her hip. "Not everyone likes to chill like we do. They can't be a perfect couple like us."
"Please," Kylie snorted, sounding amused. "You guys? Perfect? You're like Bonnie and Clyde!"
"Sure, Cruella," his girlfriend rolled her eyes. I was really confused on her name. Josh had called her Ry, but Tommy called her Ash?
Rash?
Huh.
God this smoke was strong.
I wrinkled my nose, shifting and scooting back on the couch, and Josh's hand closed over my thigh when I crossed my legs, absently patting it as he and Tommy caught up a little bit. I propped my chin on my hand, letting my gaze rove over everyone.
They all really did seem chill, like they didn’t have a care in the world.
They looked relaxed.
Really, really relaxed.
Ricky looked like he was about to fall asleep where he sat, Jessica sitting in his lap now, snuggling up against his chest. I could feel her eyes flick to me every now and again, almost like she was smug over something.
I frowned, getting a little annoyed.
What was her deal?
I heard a car door slam, and after a little while more people filled in. All of them were from Red, I was pretty sure I was the only student who actually had went to Greneth that was even in the house.
But after everyone really started getting stoned, I doubted anyone even cared what school they went too.
"Hey, Hannah!" Ronnie grinned at me as he stepped over people, coming to sit at the end of the coffee table on our side, Andy Radke on his heels. They were best friends, and even in classes they were hard to separate.
I gave him a slight smile as he plopped down, immediately taking the bong away from Devin and taking a hit off of it.
"So, Josh, this was such a great idea," Andy said, lighting up what I assumed was a joint; at this point, it was so smoky, everything was starting to look the same to me. "We haven't got together in forever."
"I know, man. But it was Rick's idea," Josh motioned at where him and Jessica sat on the couch, their lips locked together. "You can thank him when he gets done."
Ricky flipped him off.
Josh chuckled, his arm slipping back around my shoulder, feeling a lot more relaxed now then when he had when we'd first come in. I shuffled, and let my head rest back against his shoulder, his fingers playing with the end of my hair.
"I'm hungry!" Ryan complained. "Who ordered food?"
"Pizza should be on the way," Tommy informed him, having trouble with his lighter now; I really didn’t think he needed to be smoking anyway, he was already so high when we'd first got here.
"So, how long have you two lovies been dating?" Tommy's girlfriend suddenly asked, struggling to open a bag of chips.
"It's... not been that long," Josh answered after a moment, glancing wryly at my face. "Pretty recently."
"Well, considering you've only been at Greneth two months, it would have to be recent," Tommy chuckled, opening the bag of chips for his woman. "At least you got a pretty one."
I blushed.
"Oh, so are you saying I'm not pretty?"
"Ash, you're stunning. All I'm saying is that ---."
"Do you think she's prettier then me?"
Josh chuckled, and he shuffled over a little bit, trying to accommodate more people onto the couch; the house was really starting to fill up.
"Here, up a minute," he mumbled, and I stood hastily. Ryan grumbled as he scooted more, letting some others pile up in his previous spot.
Josh tugged, pulling me down across his lap, and I shuffled to where I could sit comfy and my legs not go to sleep from the angle. I leaned my head against his shoulder, his hands resting on my legs.
If someone had told me a month ago I would be sitting in some guys lap at a stoner party, I would have thought they had lost their mind.
Yet, here I was.
Sitting in Josh's lap in front of a bunch of people I didn't know.
All of them smoking weed and other things.
Chris wasn’t down here, though. I would've figured he would have been around by now, seeing all of his friends and having a good time.
Was he really that upset about the other day?
I know it wasn’t really his fault, he had been high after all, though maybe I should have been a little more careful, too. I just hadnt expected him to kiss me --- but there again, he'd just done the same thing to Kylie and Devin, hadn't he? Though from the way Josh told it, she had kissed him back.
Poor Chris.
He was just having a hard time.
"Yo, Montana, you want a hit or what?" Ryan asked me, flicking me on the knee, and I scowled at him, shaking my head quickly; I'd never done any of that, and way too many people had been puffing on that bong for me to even remotely think it was sanitary anymore.
"Aww, come on, don’t be lame. Relax a little bit, stiffy!"
I glared at him.
I.
Wasn’t.
Stiff.
"Ryan," Josh rolled his eyes. "Back off, man."
"Hey, I'm just trying to help you out," Ryan replied, shrugging his bony shoulders. "Some of us ---."
"PIZZAS HERE, BITCHES!"
I glanced over, seeing Ricky and Devin appear from the door, holding at least four boxes of pizza each, grinning from ear to ear.
When had Ricky even gotten up?
I glanced at the couch, but different people were sitting where he and Jessica had been.
How had I not seen them get up?
Could you get high by just being in the smoke?
I didn’t think you could.
It was probably just the fact the smoke was so thick you could barely see your hand in front of your face.
"Yo, Josh, here," there was shuffling, and then Tommy was sitting down in front of us, perching on the edge of the coffee table, offering a brown, rolled up joint in his direction. "This is some new shit I've concocted. And because we're bros, I figured you could help me out, tell me how it goes."
"Uh, do you want me to die or something?"
"Nah, dude, it's not like that. Just an off version of my other shit, a little cheaper. You wanna try or no?"
"Yeah, sure," Josh shrugged, and reached out a hand. He didn’t even hesitate to take a puff of it, and he exhaled slowly, as if analyzing the smoke or something. "Huh. Pretty good, man."
"I know, I'm the best," Tommy looked pleased as he took back the joint, his eyes flicking to my face. "You wanna try some?"
I shook my head quickly.
I'd never tried it, and I really didn't want to try it in front of everyone for the first time and make a fool out of myself, whether I coughed myself to death or what. I'd never even smoked a cigarette before; the smell from Jason's room was so pugnant and disgusting, I wasn't sure why anyone smoked.
"Are you sure? It's a good way to relax," he told me, his voice sing songy, and Josh chuckled, completely at ease now it was almost...
A good way to relax, huh?
My eyes flicked warily to the burning joint.
I really did hate being tense all the time...
Plus I wasn’t sure Josh would even want me too.
I glanced at his face, seeing his attention was off at the door, and he was talking to Ryan about something Devin was doing out of my sight.
"Psst, hey, if you wanna try," Tommy leaned close to me, his voice low, "I won't tell Joshie poo over here, if that's the deal."
I wasn’t sure if Josh would even care, to be honest.
But, what the hell, yknow? This was a party, wasn’t it? I was supposed to be having fun, and... well, I wasn’t. I was kind of bored, I didn’t know anyone, and I was so incredibly socially awkward I wasn’t about to start a conversation with someone here that I didn’t know well. Sure, all of Josh's friends knew me, but I wasn’t exactly friends with them, either.
Now I was coming off kind of pathetic, wasn’t I?
I sighed, then shrugged, quickly taking the joint he offered me before my brain could catch up with itself. Hesitantly, I put it to my lips, taking a very small puff, and I wrinkled my nose instantly.
"That's awful!" I handed it hastily back to him, shaking my head with a grimace. "How can you stand that?"
Oh god the taste.
In my mouth.
It was awful.
But I was incredibly proud of myself for not coughing. i'd handled that quite well in my opinion, but then again I'd also taken such a small puff I wasn't sure if it even counted.
Tommy laughed. "So you do talk after all! I was starting to wonder."
I grimaced, glancing at Josh, seeing he was looking between me and Tommy, raising his brows.
"Did you get her to try that shit, man?"
"Maybe," Tommy eyed him a moment, the joint lazily burning between his fingers, his nails uneven and honestly a little dirty. "It depends. Are you mad I'm influencing your girlfriend?"
Josh frowned. "You didn't cough."
"She's a natural, man," Tommy suddenly grinned. "Not like you bitches. The first time you tried my shit, you coughed for like two hours afterward. You should be proud of her." He patted my knee, and I flushed instantly, starting to shift away from his touch automatically.
Just because Josh touched me, I still didn’t like other people doing it. Josh wouldn’t hurt me, he never had intentionally, and I almost trusted him inexplicably.
Especially when it came to stuff like this.
This was his area of expertise, not mine, and I was really hoping he would kind of take care of me while I was here; that sounded incredibly stupid, even to myself, but I really wasn’t... I was comfortable here, I....
"Hey, you can't call me a wuss over that. That shit you discontinued!" Josh snorted, his hands closing over my legs when Tommy moved away from me, fingers splaying across the rips in my jeans. "So you can't even say shit about that, man."
Tommy just grinned.
"So, you wanna smoke the rest of this up, Hannah? Josh?" He asked, offering the joint back to us. "Because I think I've about hit my limit for the night, and I don’t want this to waste."
"Hell, sure," Josh took it without hesitation, quickly placing it against his lips and inhaling, and I almost rolled my eyes.
"Tommy!"
"What?"
"C'mere!"
The drug dealer, who I actually sort of liked (in a weird sort of way he was pretty chill), huffed as he stood to go find his girlfriend in the maze of people and smoke.
"So, you wanna puff?" Josh asked, and I shifted slightly, glancing at him.
"Are... are you sure?"
"Yeah. I mean, if you wanna try it, I'm here," he shrugged. "I won't let anything happen to you. Just don’t inhale too much at once, okay? Take a few easy puffs, and exhale, don’t hold it in or you'll cough."
"Okay."
I did exactly as he'd told me, taking easy puffs and then quickly exhaling, grimacing at the awful taste it left in my mouth. "Ugh, does it have to taste so bad?"
"Are you kidding? This is some of the better stuff," he chuckled in response, taking a long drag off of it. "You would've hated his earlier stuff; this is almost perfection."
"You talk like you've been smoking for a while."
How long had he been doing weed, anyway? That was what we were smoking, right? I didn’t even know.
What the hell was wrong with me?
What was I doing, sitting here doing drugs with a guy I'd barely known two months and hardly knew anyhting about?
Had I lost my mind? This wasn’t like me at all.
Which is probably what I liked so much about it.
I felt so, so awkward all the time, out of place and, and just... uncomfortable. I didn’t like being in crowds, let alone talking to a lot of people or basically being noticed whatosever.
I had this intense fear of people making fun of me, of something getting back to Jason and he coming after me.
But here... I don’t think anyone even knew my brother.
And I trusted Josh when he said he would take care of me, that he wouldn’t let anything happen to me. So as long as I stayed around him, would it matter if I got high?
It might be a more pleasant experience then everyone seemed to make it out to be when they were trying to get you to not do drugs.
I could almost understand why people did, though.
Well, fuck, I was doing it now, wasn’t I?

"You should giggle more often," Josh murmured, pressing his lips against my ear so I could hear him, and my lips twitched. "It's extremely cute."
I smiled, flushing, and turned, giving him a quick kiss. "I think you're just cute regardless."
"Oh really?" He grinned at me. "That’s it? I'm just cute?"
"Well, when you're not being an ass."
Ryan laughed.
I glanced over at him, suddenly remembering he was sitting beside us, my knees pressed against his. I was still sitting in Josh's lap, and I felt really warm now, the smoke almost too much in the room.
"I think I like it when she's high," he said, turning around to face us, his eyes almost as big as Josh's.
Whatever had been in that stuff Tommy had offered us, it was beyond strong. It hadn't taken but probably a couple minutes until I could feel myself relaxing, almost sleepy in a sense. Josh kept cracking jokes, and he was actually funny right now.
And I was just so relaxed.
None of my muscles were tensed, and I was leaning against Josh's chest, enjoying the fact I didn’t care that I was in a room full of people I didn’t know, everyone talking and doing everything illegal under the sun a high school student could do.
"I like her all the time," Josh sighed, giving me a squeeze.
"Yeah, I bet you do," Ryan snorted, flailing himself along the back of the couch, narrowly missing Devin's face with his hand. Devin sent him a disgruntled look, and I blinked, suddenly realizing Kylie wasn’t around him.
That was odd.
Where had she gone?
"So, do you think its better then the old one?" Ricky suddenly asked, appearing in front of us with red solo cups, handing Ryan and Josh each one.
"Think what is what?"
"Think that the old Batman movies are better then the new ones."
"Oldies are always the best, man." Ryan snorted into his amber liquid. "Like the Spiderman movies? No, man. I haven't even seen the new ones, the oldies are the best."
"That's what you said about Transformers," Josh rolled his eyes. "You wouldn't watch the movies because you said they would ruin the cartoon, but you loved them."
"I loved the first two," Ryan corrected him, slinging his hand in the air. "But once you change up my characters, I give two fucks less."
"You rarely give fucks, man."
I sighed, leaning back against the couch, stretching my arms up above my head; I was so warm, and tired, and my body was quickly growing stiff from sitting here for so long.
I pressed my face against Josh's neck, nuzzling the warm skin there, feeling my eyes starting to drop.
I was sooo tired.
"Looks like someone's passing out on you, man."
"Yeah, she's not used to the hard stuff," I felt Josh pet my hair slightly. "I better get her upstairs."
I felt Josh shuffle, and then he was making me get up, taking my hand tightly in his.
"Sleep well, Montana!" I heard Ryan call after us, and I rolled my eyes, really wishing he would shove it.
"Yo, where you two going?"
"Upstairs, she's getting tired."
"Ah, fine," Tommy sighed as he leaned in front of us, propping his arm on the rail of the stairs, blocking our way up. "I didn't think about it knocking her out like that. Guess you two aren't having any fun tonight."
Josh rolled his eyes. "We would've been having fun earlier if you hadn't interrupted, you ass."
Tommy just grinned. "Hey, it was cool seeing you though, bro. Next time?"
"Next time," Josh nodded, bumping his fist with his friends, and Tommy took a step out of the way, letting the two of us pass.
I glanced back at him curiously, seeing his pretty girlfriend wrapping her arms around him as we started up, giggling at whatever it was he murmured in her ear.
"What's Tommy's girlfriends name?"
"Uh, Ryan, why?"
"Because he calls her Ash."
"Oh. Well, technically its Ryan Ashley, I guess. I've always just called her Ryan, but I think he likes to call her Ash since its more girly."
Made sense, I guess.
I yawned again, and we topped the stairs, Josh pulling me behind him.
What was that sound?
My eyes flicked over, and then I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks as I recognized it.
Welp.
"What the hell?" Josh looked annoyed as he glanced at the closed door across from his.
"Who's room is that?" I asked, trying to keep the sleep out of my voice as Josh nudged his door open, flicking on the light and hustling me inside.
"Chris's."
"Chris's? Does he have a girlfriend?" I asked curiously, letting my eyes wander around the bedroom.
"Um, no."
Oh.
I flushed, then decided it was probably better not to think about it.
He had a cool room.
It was really big, twice the size of mine, and he actually had a four poster bed, blankets and quilts tangled at the bottom, an old timey looking trunk holding more of his things. His TV was directly across from the bed, games and controllers littering the floor around the stand, and I could see a wardrobe against the wall, a keyboard in front of it, so I wasn’t sure if he actually used it or not. I glanced behind me, seeing there were two other doors, one half open where I could see a bathroom, so I assumed the other one was probably a closet.
Josh had his own bathroom?
Cool.
"You play keyboard?" I asked, stepping across the carpeted floor to where it was, and Josh followed.
"Yeah, here and there."
"That's so cool," I murmured, letting my fingers run across the slick keys. "I can't play anything to save my life."
"Ah, I bet you can," He chuckled, slipping his arms around my waist. "Or I can teach you to play."
I wrinkled my nose.
"I'll leave it all to you."
He smiled, and I felt him press his lips into my hair, working his way down to my neck, and I shivered automatically, hunching my shoulders.
"When's your mom gonna be home tomorrow?"
"Eleven."
I think.
That was the only reason I'd been able to come over tonight and get away with it. Jason would never notice I was even gone, so I wasn’t worried about him ratting me out or anything.
I had literally all night.
I heard a really loud thump, and my eyes flicked back to the hallway.
Chris was... really having fun.
"Is he ALWAYS that loud?" I asked, moving away from Josh. His bed looked extremely comfy, and I just kind of wanted to get on it and jump. As it was, I flopped down face first, throwing my arms out in front of me.
"Usually he doesn’t have a girl in there," Josh responded, and I felt him tug on my shoes. "He's not... well, yknow."
"Mmph. Do you think it's Kylie?"
"What?! No way."
"Well she wasn’t downstairs," I sighed, rolling over onto my back, gazing up at his ceiling, where I could see some band posters tacked up. "I didn’t see her with Devin."
"That doesn’t mean shes up here fucking Chris, though," he informed me, sitting on the edge of the bed with his back to me as he unlaced his shoes. "She doesn’t like him like that."
"I dunno. You said she kissed him back before."
"Yeah, but... high, remember?"
"Oh, so she's not high now?" I rolled my eyes, pushing myself up onto my elbows. "Like seriously?"
"Okay, you have a point," he sighed, turning to glance back at me. He kind of just looked at me a moment, and then away quickly, his own cheeks turning red.
Why was he blushing?
I glanced down, wondering if something was wrong with my clothes.
I was wearing a sweater, black stripes running through the cream-color over my dark skinny jeans and converse. My white tank top's lace peeked a little above the top of my sweater, and I had thought it was a really cute combination. It wasn’t low cut, but it did show a little bit of boob.
I mean, I didn’t have a lot to show anyway, but still.
I had put effort into this.
Did he not like it?
I frowned, and then sat up, scooting across his bed until I was sitting beside him. I bumped his shoulder with mine, and his lips twitched as he looked over at me.
"What?"
"Watcha thinkin' about?"
"You?"
"Me?"
"Yep," he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
"What about me?"
"Just how pretty you are," his eyes met mine. "And sweet. And genuine. And just nice in fucking general."
I flushed. "I'm not that nice."
"I think you are," he murmured, kissing my shoulder. "And you look adorable tonight."
So he did like my outfit!
I brightened a little at the thought, and then turned my face to his, kissing him quickly before I lost my nerve.
He didn’t hesitate, his hand rising to cup my face.
His tongue parted my lips, tasting of alcohol, a harsh taste I wasn’t particularly fond of.
Not that I really cared.
He could have tasted of onions and I still would've enjoyed kissing him.
But I didn’t like this angle.
I pulled away after a moment, piqued.
"What is it?" He murmured, eyes slipping down my neck.
I didn’t respond, but shifted, brazenly crawling into his lap, straddling him quickly before kissing him again, my fingers slipping into his thick dark hair and locking there. I felt him grin against my lips before he kissed me again, attempting to take control away from me, but I wouldn’t let him.
It was my turn.
I pushed, and after a second he landed on his back against the covers, my lips never leaving his. I felt his hands rise to my hips, roaming up to cup the back of my jeans, squeezing lightly.
I crushed my lips against his eagerly, liking how it felt.
I liked his hands on me, but I didn’t want him to think he was the boss this time.
I wanted to be the boss for once.
And he was going to like Iit.
I giggled at the thought, lifting my lips from his to his cheek, trailing down until I got his neck, where I bit lightly, his fingers abruptly digging into my skin.
"Hannah," he growled, "not the time to start that."
"And why not?" I purred, kissing the mark. I let my fingers slowly run down his t shirt, knowing exactly what I wanted out of him. I wanted to make sure I could affect him like he could me, get some kind of reaction out of him.
It made me feel a little empowered to know I could turn him on.
And I didn’t even feel stupid thinking that.
My fingers reached the hem of his t shirt, and I abruptly decided I didn’t want him wearing it anymore. I tugged it up his chest, forcing him to sit up where I could toss it to the end of the bed and out of my way.
He even had a chest tattoo!
I gazed at it for a moment, a little fascinated, before I decided to kiss it too.
Everything needed to be kissed right now!
"God, Hannah, wait," Josh suddenly gasped, and I raised my eyes to his.
"Why?" I whispered, kissing his nose quickly. "I want to kiss you."
"Baby, I know, but ---."
"Do you not wanna be kissed?" I pouted, my brow furrowing immediately, and I sat up unhappily.
Josh suddenly looked pained, and I felt his hands flex around my thighs before he rose up to his elbows, a flustered look overcoming his face.
"I just --- I don’t want this to go too far again, yknow?"
Too far?
"What if I want it too?"
"Hannah, you're high."
"Not THAT high," I huffed, letting my lips trail across his jaw. Besides, if I wasn’t high, I wouldn’t be confident enough to do any of this. I didn’t have the balls to touch him and feel him like this normally, but right now, I didn’t have any inhibitions stopping me --- I wanted to know all of him.
He groaned as I bit his neck again, and then he was jerking on my sweater, pulling it and my tank completely off me and out of my line of sight. I giggled, and kissed him quickly, my tongue darting into his mouth.
"Yo, Josh, can I borrow --- shit!"
My head jerked up, and we both stared at Chris for several seconds before it registered he was standing in the doorway.
Josh suddenly pushed me off behind him, literally shoving a pillow at my chest and holding it there for me, his face a blend of surprise and anger.
"WHAT THE FUCK, CHRIS? KNOCK FIRST, YOU ASSHOLE!"
"I'm, i'm sorry!" Chris looked horrified, and I peeked around Josh's chest to see him. His hair was completely tousled, and he wasn’t wearing a shirt at all, just some pajama bottoms. "I didn't realize ---."
"That's why you knock!"
"Hi, Chris!" I smiled at him, and his dark eyes went from Josh to me, his nicely shaped brows furrowing.
I really wanted nice brows like him.
"Er, hi, Hannah?" He rubbed the back of his head, and I let my eyes trail behind him, seeing a dark flash of hair quickly dart out of his room.
"I TOLD you it was Kylie!" I gasped, feeling suddenly triumphant.
I KNEW IT!
"Hannah, hush," Josh muttered, flicking a blanket over my face.
"Hey!"
"Is she high or something?" I heard Chris ask as I struggled with the blanket, unable to get it off of me immediately.
"Er, a little. Tommy got her to smoke some."
"Oh. Oh. Josh, man, don’t ---." Chris abruptly stopped, and I finally managed to get the blanket off, my hair all in my face. "Er, I mean ---."
"Look, what did you want?" Josh snapped, looking pissed off. "I'm kind of busy."
"Ah, right, I just, I needed to, um," Chris was beyond flustered at this point, and it was really kind of amusing to see. I chuckled, and attempted to roll over, but Josh was still pressing the pillow against my chest and I really couldn’t move much.
I started to pout again, wiggling around.
I really didn’t care about modesty right now.
"Hannah, stay," Josh abruptly warned me, grabbing his t shirt from the end of the bed. He wrestled it over my head, giving me a warning look as he got to his feet. "I'll be back in a second."
"Ugh, FINE." I flopped back unhappily, watching as my boyfriend and Chris stepped from the room, shutting the door firmly.
Hehe, I had a boyfriend.
Id never had one of those before.
And he actually liked me, it wasn’t some cruel joke orchestrated by someone else.
I smiled, hugging the pillow to my chest, smelling his scent all over it. He always smelled so nice, which was really great.
Normally guys his age had some serious issues with B.O.
I started to curl my legs to my chest, and scowled, feeling how restricting my jeans were. I really wanted them off of me, and I looked down, seeing my stupid socks were still on too.
And it was so HOT.
UGH.
My eyes flicked over as the door opened, and Josh stepped back inside, shaking his head. He stepped to his dresser, fumbling through it for a minute before tossing whatever he'd gotten back out into the hallway.
"There," he muttered, and then shut the door a little harder the necessary. I watched curiously as he flicked the lock shut, and then flicked the light off, sending everything into darkness.
"I can't see!" I gasped, flailing immediately.
"Calm down," I heard Josh chuckle, and then a sudden light bloomed behind me, and I lolled my head, seeing he'd turned on a lamp.
Oh.
How'd he get across the room so fast?
I let go of the pillow, reaching for him, and he crawled over to me immediately, shaking his head.
"You're so high right now it's cute," he chuckled, kissing my nose as he leaned over me. "And you have no idea what you're doing."
"Excuse you, I have EVERY idea," I corrected him, booping him on the nose with my finger. "So don’t even get sassy."
He raised a brow at me, looking amused.
But I didn’t want him to be amused.
That wasn’t the mood id been going for.
"What did Chris want?" I asked, wrapping my arms around his neck and nuzzling closer.
"He just needed to borrow something."
"What?"
"It's not important."
"But I wanna know," I complained, feeling his hand slip down to my waist and beneath his t shirt, which was really big on me.
"He just needed some guy things, okay?"
He didn’t have to be so vague.
"It was totally Kylie, wasn’t it?"
"Han ---."
"It WAS!"
"Yeah, I dunno," he huffed, sounding like he was getting a little agitated, but I knew exactly how to fix that. I squirmed, and pulled him over me, forcing him to brace himself over me or fall.
"Hannah ---."
"Shut UP already!" I growled, growing annoyed. "Just shut up and let me kiss you."
And I didn’t give him a chance to argue.
I rose up, forcing my lips against his, and he sighed as he gave in, kissing me back, and I felt triumph well in my chest.
Yes.
I was the boss right now.
Bossybossy boss boss.
I giggled at the thought, and squirmed again, feeling how restricting my jeans were.
I REALLY wanted them off of me.
And I think Josh did too.
"Off," I mumbled against his lips, feeling his hands slip to my hips again.
His lips hesitated against mine. "What?"
"My pants. Off."
I think his face flushed.
"You... what?"
"Take. My. Pants. Off." I ordered, staring up at him, my eyes not wavering from his. "I want them off. Right now."
"I ---," Josh's hands hovered suddenly, as if he suddenly didn’t know what to do, and he floundered for a moment as his eyes flicked down to the bronze button on my black jeans. "Um. Hannah ---."
"Fine, I'll do it myself," I huffed, and reached down. Josh's hand suddenly curled around my wrists, and he pinned them above my head, his eyes suddenly glittering.
"You sure you want them off?" He murmured, his voice suddenly dark, husky, and I hesitated, abruptly unsure if I really did or not.
I bit my lip, then nodded, my eyes not leaving his.
I definitely wanted them off.
"Don’t move," he murmured, slowly releasing his grasp on my wrists, and I felt his lips graze my collarbone through the material of the shirt. He kissed his way down my chest, my stomach, finally to my hips, his tongue lightly flicking out at my belly button.
I sucked in a breath, unable to take my eyes off him as he kissed along the hem of my jeans, and then back up, the shirt rising with him.
Finally his lips met mine again, and I kissed him eagerly, feeling his cold hands suddenly at my jeans, and I felt the button pop. I lifted my hips, letting him roll them off me and kicking them into the floor, the cool air rushing over my skin.
Oh thank god.
I whined as his lips left mine, reaching for him automatically.
"Ah, ah, I said don’t move," his fingers slipped through mine, pinning them beside my head again. "Stay right here."
Dammit.
Fine.
I frowned, and he chuckled, kissing my lips briefly before my neck, shoulder, very quickly down to my hips again.
I bit my lip, feeling my stomach tighten nervously. My fingers curled into his sheets as he kissed above my panty line, then completely bypassed them, lifting my thighs instead. His lips were so soft, barely brushing my skin before moving on to another spot, like butterflies.
I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling his lips close to the spot I wasn’t sure I wanted him to kiss just yet.
I was suddenly getting kind of nervous now.
Where had all my bravery gone!?
Maybe I should have smoked a lot more.
I felt his fingers slowly walk up my thighs, his lips on my stomach again.
Oh man.
I was getting tense.
Dammitdammit dammit.
"Easy," he suddenly murmured, wrapping his hand around my hips to hold them still. "Don’t change your mind on me now, Han."
"I'm --- I'm not," I gasped, my chest tightening.
I felt his lips twitch against my skin, and then he was rising over me, his dark hair curtaining his face where it fell on either side.
His eyes were a smoldering blue, dark and mesmerizing and I couldn’t look away at all.
His lashes were dark, and they cast shadows across his cheeks as he looked away.
He was already between my thighs, and I almost wished he would just get completely naked and we could just, just get this over with and I wouldn’t have to worry about it so much.
And then on the other hand I was absolutely terrified.
"Kiss me," he suddenly murmured, and my eyes flicked to his.
Kiss him?
Okay.
I did obediently, rising to meet him halfway --- his fingers were abruptly slipping in my panties, and I gasped in surprise, his tongue darting into my mouth. My hands flew to his shoulders, my thighs starting to close automatically around his hips at the unfamiliar invasion.
"Relax," he whispered, slowly slipping one finger inside of me, my entire body tense. "Relax, Hannah."
Oh I was trying.
He nuzzled my neck, biting and suckling the skin there just the way I liked it, and I closed my eyes, feeling the tension slowly drain from my shoulders.
He was so gentle.
It didn’t hurt at all.
I felt the rest of me relax, and he slipped a little deeper inside of me, his thumb brushing the rest of me, causing a ripple of warmth to shoot to my stomach. I gasped in surprise, my fingers clenching against his skin.
"It's okay," he whispered, his breath hot in my ear, "I won't hurt you."
I knew that.
I trusted him.
And it was starting to feel really good.
I clasped my arms around his shoulders, his lips roving my neck, leaving marks all over the sensitive area.
Oh god it felt so good.
My stomach tightened, the warmth building there, and I swallowed, trying hard to be quiet, clenching my jaw against the sudden urge to moan.
Did it always feel like this?
This felt... amazing.
"That's right... nothing to be afraid of," he murmured, kissing me. I kissed him urgently, tangling my fingers in his hair, my hips suddenly shifting.
I couldn’t stop the moan, the warmth in my stomach so intense, and it was only building, become hotter, and hotter, and hotter, and ---.
"Moan for me," he breathed, a second finger already inside of me, forcing my thighs wider to accommodate his as he pressed against me, his thumb circling the part of me that seemed to make everything escalate.
"Oh, fuck, you're so tight," he groaned against my neck. "Fuck, Hannah!"
Was that good? I didn’t even know.
I just know that it felt good, and I tilted my head back, my lips parted in the pleasure I was feeling.
And I was pretty sure I was moaning.
I couldn’t stop.
I dug my nails into his shoulder, feeling the warmth start to cover my entire body, rushing over my skin until I was flushed, and my breathing escalated so much I could barely keep a breath.
"That's right," he moaned, my muscles suddenly clenching around his fingers. "Come on, Hannah. Cum for me."
Was that what was happening?
My entire body was tingling, and the base of my stomach was so tight it almost hurt. It was like waves of heat kept sweeping over my skin, stronger and stronger until I didn’t know how to handle them.
Oh my god.
"J-Josh!"
I couldn't help it.
I arched my hips against his hand instinctively, my nails digging into his shoulder as everything seemed to explode in front of my eyes. I gasped, feeling like everything was shaking, and it felt amazing, all over my body, and I never wanted it to end.
I went limp, gasping for breath, my body suddenly weak.
Oh, my, god.
Josh chuckled, his face buried in my neck as I gasped for breath, and slowly he pulled his fingers out of me, careful still not to hurt me.
"Is it, is it always like that?" I whispered, the spots in front of my eyes starting to clear. I felt so... naïve, asking that question.
"Not always," he murmured, lifting his face from my neck. "But I try to make it like that all the time."
My lips twitched, and I was so... limp.
His body was pressing down on mine, and I was very sure the pressure against my thighs wasn’t a phone in his jeans.
Was I sweaty?
I definitely felt sweaty.
I swallowed, my mouth a little dry, and then bit my lip again, rolling my face to Josh's.
Did he... want to do more now?
I wasn’t even sure.
I don’t honestly know if I could.
I leaned forward, kissing him quickly, deciding to just let him take control now. If he, if he wanted to do more, we... we would.
It had to happen some time, right?
Right.
He kissed me back, almost lazily, as if he knew I was tired and I wouldn’t be awake much longer.
And I could feel it around the edges of my vision, the darkness slowly creeping in, and I nuzzled closer to him thoughtlessly, curling myself around him.
I don’t think anything had ever felt that good.
I, well, I never messed around with myself, I felt too awkward, and I never imagined anyone would ever be able to make me... feel... like that. Sure, movies and books and all that made it seem like guys made girls feel that way all the time, that it was easy, but it wasn’t.
Or it wasn’t supposed to be.
Yet Josh hadn't had any trouble, it hadn't felt like. He hadn't hurt me once, he'd just surprised me.
A lot.
I sighed against his neck, feeling my skin cooling off, and he suddenly shifted, lifting me up and turning me where I was actually laying against the pillows and not longways across his bed. He shuffled, and I heard his jeans hit the floor after a few seconds before he curled his body against mine, pulling my back against his chest.
My eyes were already closed.
"Josh?"
"Hmm?"
"What about you?"
"What about me?"
I was trying really hard to keep my eyes open, and I rolled my head, letting them rove to meet his.
"Don’t you need too...?"
"Don't worry about me, Hannah," he chuckled, his face a little pink again. "Just... sleep."
Okay.
That was fine with me.
I closed my eyes, and I felt his lips graze my cheek before everything suddenly went dark.