Status: Its not yet done.
What Was Once Me
Chapter 1
4 Years Later.
I stared at the wall laying sideways from my bed, the birds were chirping outside and the sunlight was coming in through the blinds. My eyes were dry and my pillow was wet, possibly from drooling. I quickly flipped my pillow over imaging the spit was never there and went back into my thoughts, it’s been four whole years since me and Axel ran away from Germany to Poland. It was very sweet of him to take me in after what we have been though, his family also died from the bombing and looking at the news just made it more depressing. Hitler was making things worse in Germany, as the other countries started to join the war attacking Germany. Every night it’s frightening if the others found out that we were german, what would they do to us if they had known just frightened me and made me realize one thing. No matter where me and Axel went, we would always be targeted. I quietly stirred in bed and was surprised by Axel’s voice from the doorway of my room, “ Are you okay Lin?”. I turned around and looked at him. He was wearing a gray shirt with a black baggy pant with socks, his eyes were pretty red possibly from grieving over his family and the lack of sleep he’s had. I guessed my hair looked pretty messed up because when I sat on my bed his expression changed from tired to weirded out. I motioned him to come over and sit next to me, and he obediently came. “Can you braid my hair?”, I asked him giving a soft smile, “Of course honey”, he replied with a small laugh. As he braided my hair I started to get memories of my family again, my mother used to braid my hair and my dad would always make fun of my hair. I missed them so much, I couldn’t possibly imagine the pain Axel has gone through, but over the four years we’ve been living together has brought us really close to each other. I thought of him as my father a lot and loved him for taking care of me and not abandoning me these four years. After he was done braiding my hair he went to my dresser adjacent to the window and took a small mirror and gave it to me. I took it and angled it where I could see my braided hair, I was quite surprised he had done a really good french braid on my hair, even my mom couldn’t do that before. “Okay then”, he mumbled, “breakfast is ready, come down and eat”, he started to exit the room but I stopped him. “Can I hug you?”, I asked shyly looking at his feet, I couldn’t believe I blurted that out but I just couldn’t stand it. I haven’t hugged or been close to a loved one for four years and Axel was the closest thing I had as a family. I looked up at him surprised to see him smiling at me. He sat down on the bed right next to me and hugged me tightly. I put my head on his shoulder as he rubbed my back gently, the tears started to come out of me. The pain just doesn’t go away, it never does. I could still see myself crying next to the block of stone on my mom, and seeing another flight of war planes fly by. I could still remember the last time I looked back at that block, as me and Axel ran for our lives from the explosions, there were more screams of pain and crying happening all around us. All that was in my head was why us? My family had been against the beginning of world war one and Hitler the whole time, the whole town possibly including Axel’s. But why did they have to die? Why did my mom have to die, why did Axel’s family had to die out of all those that supported Hitler?! The tears came rushing out of me soaking partially on Axel’s shirt, he pulled apart and gently held my shoulder. I looked up at him as he held me and I too saw tears in his eyes, he leaned his head on mine and nudged me softly. “E-everything is going to be alright”, he spoke through his soft teary voice, he kissed me on the forehead and hugged me again. We hugged for a long time to get the pain out, he then pulled away and got up, “alright now, the food is about to get cold” , he chuckled and left the room. I got up and changed into a pair of jeans and an old t shirt, feeling happy for the first time in four years. I walked out of my room into the hallway, it was really dilapidated with worn out wallpapers of flowers on both sides and a small window at the end. I walked to the staircase and headed down the stairs. I walked into the kitchen, it was small but cozy with a small window next to the small table where we ate. I smelled the sweet aroma of food as I sat down, I looked out the window at the busy streets of Poland. Cars coming here and there, the momentarily honking and the soft sound of the wind blowing against the curtains. I turned as Axel placed a small porcelain plate in front of me, I looked at delightfully at the scrambled egg with a side of smoked sausage and a small stack of hash browns on my plate. I wolfed it down completely forgetting all my troubles, I looked up at Axel watching me smiling. "You like it?", he asked, "of course I do!", I replied chuckling, "it's the best I've ever tasted", "thank you". After me and Axel were done chatting I helped cleaned the dishes with him, it became a routine slowly as we grew closer and closer together. "Let's go for a walk today", he proposed after we put all the dishes away, "it's a beautiful day today and I was wondering if....you'd","I would like to", I cut in seeing, the relief of Axels face. I walked towards my room asking, "where do you want go?","I just thought it'd be nice to walked around town", "ok just a sec'." I through on a black shirt along with a dark red skirt, I looked at myself in the mirror satisfied with how I looked. Axel appeared at my door wearing the same thing he wore in the morning with a blue cap, "are you ready?", "yeah, let's go". I walked out the front door with him as he closed the door behind us. Today really was a beautiful day, the sun was high in the sky, the streets were filled with children’s laughter along with the chirps of birds nearby. We headed toward town a just a couple minutes away from where we lived, we passed some small shops and restaurants here and there. I held Axel’s hand and walked closely with him, we walked down the street towards a small lake where the elderly were throwing pieces of bread to the birds, and the kids were playing a game of what seemed like hide and seek. We finally reached the farmers market where Axel went about picking vegetables and fruits while I wandered off in obliviously. I came upon a couple of kids my age who were playing with wooden airplanes and small paper dolls, they were laughing and screaming joyfully as I walked closer to watch. As I got closer the yells and laughs became clearer too, one of the boys were making bullet noises and saying remarks like 'die!' and 'to hell with you!'. I walked closer only to see what the had been laughing about, the paper doll was drawn with crayons and pencils resembling a poorly drawn hitler. There wasn't any drawings on the wooden planes they were playing with but it was for sure not a german plane. One of the kids slammed in the wooden air plane into the paper doll and made bombing noises, they all laughed together as I watched not knowing whether to laugh with them or to watch in astonishment. They were possibly about four years younger than me and they had already begun to play such violent games and behaviors. I turned to leave only to slightly bump into Axel who was watching behind her also, we looked at each other awkwardly not knowing what today and headed back home. The walk back home was longer than the walk to town, we strolled together not making a single comment or remark of what we just saw. I turned to see a couple of dresses displayed on wooden figures by the window by a shop. As I passed through I skimmed each of the patterns and stitching not finding one that I was satisfied with, I turned to see Axel walking ahead so I sped up to match the same pace he was. I turned to look at him as he stared at the ground walking, I've never seen him so quiet before, possibly either mourning the loss of his family or just thinking about something really deep and important. I decided to not ask him about it, he's been through a lot already and with me making him cough it all up isn't going to help at all. As we reached our house he handed me the bags of groceries as he fumbled for the keys in his pocket, I held the groceries watching him as he opened the door, I was really indeed worried about him. He had been more and more quiet lately, as if he had been driven by sadness or grief........or guilt.
I stared at the wall laying sideways from my bed, the birds were chirping outside and the sunlight was coming in through the blinds. My eyes were dry and my pillow was wet, possibly from drooling. I quickly flipped my pillow over imaging the spit was never there and went back into my thoughts, it’s been four whole years since me and Axel ran away from Germany to Poland. It was very sweet of him to take me in after what we have been though, his family also died from the bombing and looking at the news just made it more depressing. Hitler was making things worse in Germany, as the other countries started to join the war attacking Germany. Every night it’s frightening if the others found out that we were german, what would they do to us if they had known just frightened me and made me realize one thing. No matter where me and Axel went, we would always be targeted. I quietly stirred in bed and was surprised by Axel’s voice from the doorway of my room, “ Are you okay Lin?”. I turned around and looked at him. He was wearing a gray shirt with a black baggy pant with socks, his eyes were pretty red possibly from grieving over his family and the lack of sleep he’s had. I guessed my hair looked pretty messed up because when I sat on my bed his expression changed from tired to weirded out. I motioned him to come over and sit next to me, and he obediently came. “Can you braid my hair?”, I asked him giving a soft smile, “Of course honey”, he replied with a small laugh. As he braided my hair I started to get memories of my family again, my mother used to braid my hair and my dad would always make fun of my hair. I missed them so much, I couldn’t possibly imagine the pain Axel has gone through, but over the four years we’ve been living together has brought us really close to each other. I thought of him as my father a lot and loved him for taking care of me and not abandoning me these four years. After he was done braiding my hair he went to my dresser adjacent to the window and took a small mirror and gave it to me. I took it and angled it where I could see my braided hair, I was quite surprised he had done a really good french braid on my hair, even my mom couldn’t do that before. “Okay then”, he mumbled, “breakfast is ready, come down and eat”, he started to exit the room but I stopped him. “Can I hug you?”, I asked shyly looking at his feet, I couldn’t believe I blurted that out but I just couldn’t stand it. I haven’t hugged or been close to a loved one for four years and Axel was the closest thing I had as a family. I looked up at him surprised to see him smiling at me. He sat down on the bed right next to me and hugged me tightly. I put my head on his shoulder as he rubbed my back gently, the tears started to come out of me. The pain just doesn’t go away, it never does. I could still see myself crying next to the block of stone on my mom, and seeing another flight of war planes fly by. I could still remember the last time I looked back at that block, as me and Axel ran for our lives from the explosions, there were more screams of pain and crying happening all around us. All that was in my head was why us? My family had been against the beginning of world war one and Hitler the whole time, the whole town possibly including Axel’s. But why did they have to die? Why did my mom have to die, why did Axel’s family had to die out of all those that supported Hitler?! The tears came rushing out of me soaking partially on Axel’s shirt, he pulled apart and gently held my shoulder. I looked up at him as he held me and I too saw tears in his eyes, he leaned his head on mine and nudged me softly. “E-everything is going to be alright”, he spoke through his soft teary voice, he kissed me on the forehead and hugged me again. We hugged for a long time to get the pain out, he then pulled away and got up, “alright now, the food is about to get cold” , he chuckled and left the room. I got up and changed into a pair of jeans and an old t shirt, feeling happy for the first time in four years. I walked out of my room into the hallway, it was really dilapidated with worn out wallpapers of flowers on both sides and a small window at the end. I walked to the staircase and headed down the stairs. I walked into the kitchen, it was small but cozy with a small window next to the small table where we ate. I smelled the sweet aroma of food as I sat down, I looked out the window at the busy streets of Poland. Cars coming here and there, the momentarily honking and the soft sound of the wind blowing against the curtains. I turned as Axel placed a small porcelain plate in front of me, I looked at delightfully at the scrambled egg with a side of smoked sausage and a small stack of hash browns on my plate. I wolfed it down completely forgetting all my troubles, I looked up at Axel watching me smiling. "You like it?", he asked, "of course I do!", I replied chuckling, "it's the best I've ever tasted", "thank you". After me and Axel were done chatting I helped cleaned the dishes with him, it became a routine slowly as we grew closer and closer together. "Let's go for a walk today", he proposed after we put all the dishes away, "it's a beautiful day today and I was wondering if....you'd","I would like to", I cut in seeing, the relief of Axels face. I walked towards my room asking, "where do you want go?","I just thought it'd be nice to walked around town", "ok just a sec'." I through on a black shirt along with a dark red skirt, I looked at myself in the mirror satisfied with how I looked. Axel appeared at my door wearing the same thing he wore in the morning with a blue cap, "are you ready?", "yeah, let's go". I walked out the front door with him as he closed the door behind us. Today really was a beautiful day, the sun was high in the sky, the streets were filled with children’s laughter along with the chirps of birds nearby. We headed toward town a just a couple minutes away from where we lived, we passed some small shops and restaurants here and there. I held Axel’s hand and walked closely with him, we walked down the street towards a small lake where the elderly were throwing pieces of bread to the birds, and the kids were playing a game of what seemed like hide and seek. We finally reached the farmers market where Axel went about picking vegetables and fruits while I wandered off in obliviously. I came upon a couple of kids my age who were playing with wooden airplanes and small paper dolls, they were laughing and screaming joyfully as I walked closer to watch. As I got closer the yells and laughs became clearer too, one of the boys were making bullet noises and saying remarks like 'die!' and 'to hell with you!'. I walked closer only to see what the had been laughing about, the paper doll was drawn with crayons and pencils resembling a poorly drawn hitler. There wasn't any drawings on the wooden planes they were playing with but it was for sure not a german plane. One of the kids slammed in the wooden air plane into the paper doll and made bombing noises, they all laughed together as I watched not knowing whether to laugh with them or to watch in astonishment. They were possibly about four years younger than me and they had already begun to play such violent games and behaviors. I turned to leave only to slightly bump into Axel who was watching behind her also, we looked at each other awkwardly not knowing what today and headed back home. The walk back home was longer than the walk to town, we strolled together not making a single comment or remark of what we just saw. I turned to see a couple of dresses displayed on wooden figures by the window by a shop. As I passed through I skimmed each of the patterns and stitching not finding one that I was satisfied with, I turned to see Axel walking ahead so I sped up to match the same pace he was. I turned to look at him as he stared at the ground walking, I've never seen him so quiet before, possibly either mourning the loss of his family or just thinking about something really deep and important. I decided to not ask him about it, he's been through a lot already and with me making him cough it all up isn't going to help at all. As we reached our house he handed me the bags of groceries as he fumbled for the keys in his pocket, I held the groceries watching him as he opened the door, I was really indeed worried about him. He had been more and more quiet lately, as if he had been driven by sadness or grief........or guilt.
♠ ♠ ♠
Finish this chapter.