Status: Been working through editing but still active!
Baby Blues
Katey
Monday
10:30am
I sat down in the waiting room, alone. Darren didn’t feel like coming because he wanted to spend time with his sister. I actually took my mother’s offer of driving me to this appointment. I’m actually excited to move back in with her and my dad. Yes, I’m moving back in with my parents… This morning, I had an argument with Sia because she said the baby wasn’t Darren’s. It just made me sick; how the fuck can you just say that to someone?
Well, according to Darren, I ‘should have just shut the fuck up’; His words exactly. I groaned as I thought back to these last couple of days, they had been a mixture of loved up hell, I suppose. I really did like Darren, but I couldn’t handle Sia because of how obnoxious she was. I just knew she would eventually ‘wreck’ our relationship, and everything we had …Who am I kidding, Darren and I had nothing. Ever since last night, things have been difficult and I can't even understand why, it tore me apart...
I looked up to notice a woman coming towards me; she sat herself on the chair besides mine; I forced her a smile.
“Hello”, she smiled, “What are you here for?”
“Gender reveal!” I chuckled, waving my hands in the air.
“Same, it’s so nerve wracking”, she laughed. “It sucks because, well, I’m doing this alone ya’ know …baby daddy left the scene when I told him I was pregnant …dickhead”, I kind of felt like I could relate to her. Darren was there to support me. for now and I just didn't know what the future had in store for us. I sighed as I looked back up at the woman, who was now fumbling with the key chain on her handbag.
“Yeah, things aren’t going well for me right now”, I sighed.
“Well, we should catch up”, she suggested. “I’m Leah; it would be great to have someone who knows what I’m going through”. She fumbled in her handbag and pulled out a pad and a pen. “Write your number here”, I nodded my head and jotted my number down.
“Hey, would you mind giving me a lift?” I questioned. “My mum’s meant to be picking me up but-”
“Stress less”, Leah laughed. “I’ll take you home alright”.
“Thank-you”.
“Are you Ms. Katey Mason”, my face fell flat as I stared up at the angry nurse in front of me. “I have been calling your name Ms. But you were too busy chatting”, she scolded, I stood up and waved at Leah and walked off with the nurse. Seriously, she had a face to make you cringe; it was so intimidating…I maintained eye contact with the cream colored tiles on the floor. I followed her into a small room, with a bed in the middle of the room.
“I’ll get you to lift up your dress, and lay down”, she waddled off into the corner of the room. “Ill be with you in a sec', just filling out this paperwork”. I maneuvered my dress under my boobs, and immediately felt uncomfortable, this should be fun. I had never been used to ‘human contact’, I just shuddered at every touch; it frightened me, in a way. I suppose it was because of my ‘lack’ of self confidence.
I sighed as I held my dress, and laid down on the bed. The cold leather surface sent tingles down my spine, it was rather cold in here. Don’t hospitals always have that ‘vibe’? They can just make you feel ‘different’. I stared at the white ceiling, as I heard the nurse shuffle back over besides the bed.
“Alright, have you had any troubles?” she glanced up from her notebook.
“No, I haven’t”, I looked up at her face, it retained the same stern look I had been confronted with earlier.
“And you are sixteen?” I nodded my head. “Is the father around? And have you considered parenting classes?” I felt nervous as she flooded me with various questions.
“I’ll be honest with you, things have been rather rocky with my partner”, I sighed, closing my eyes, as she turned the lamp on beside me. “But, I have considered parenting classes”, Okay, so I had thought about parenting classes, however I just didn't have the energy in my body to contend with nurses who seem to think they can raise my child better than me. I grimaced at the nurse, who was now standing above me, eyeing me off; I was terrified to say the least.
“My name is Trudy”, she spoke again. “I admire your strength, but this isn’t going to be easy alright”, Well I already knew that; I nodded my head once again. “So, we are going to check your baby’s heartbeat first to make sure it is in its correct rhythm”, Trudy assured, carting the CTG machine closer to the side of the bed.
She began attaching the device to my stomach, as she tuned in the frequency. It felt as though she had moved it all over my stomach trying to find the heart beat, but it was there. The sound ignited the room, and bought a smile to my face. “That’s awesome”, I chimed, it really was. It was all the anticipation from there being no sound, but now I could hear my baby's heartbeat.
“Little bit of trouble”, the nurse laughed. “But your baby has a good heartbeat, there isn’t anything we can pick up on right now. Although, it was rather hard to find so we will just monitor that as per usual”, she pushed the machine away, and sat down in the chair besides me.
“So, next step, what have we got here?”
I forced a smile as she applied this blue gel to my stomach, and flicked on the ultra sound machine. The screen flickered on as she began tracing my stomach with the probe. “Important things first, it looks like your having a little girl”, what. It was my dream to have a daughter as my first child. I honestly didn't know the reasoning, but it was definitely something I had thought about.
“That’s great”, I chimed.
“Here is her face, looks like she has her hand on her head”, Trudy laughed. “She's already a little character”, I looked over at the screen and saw my baby girls face, I think I fell in love at that point. I finally felt some sort of ‘connection’ towards my child and all it took, was seeing her face.
“Here are a few mementos”, Trudy smiled, passing me a pile of images she had captured from the scan. “I’ll get you cleaned up and you’ll be on your way”.
“Do I need to make another appointment?” I questioned, as Trudy handed me a pile of tissues.
“Well, you’re close to six weeks aren’t you?” I nodded my head, as I focused my attention towards getting this sticky blue gel from my stomach; it was disgusting.
“Then you shouldn’t have to have another one till your about due, or unless there is complications; You should be fine”, she assured.
“I’ll let your GP know anyway”, I stood up from the bed and straightened my dress up.
“Have a good day”, Trudy smiled.
“I will, thank you for everything”, I assured, picking up my satchel and walking out of the door, I seen Leah at the end of the hallway; I walked up besides her.
“Hello”, I chimed, adjusting my satchel as it slipped off my shoulder.
“Hey, I’m having a boy!” she exclaimed. “What a day...”.
“Little girl for me”, I answered, passing Leah the pictures in my hand.
“She's beautiful”, Leah smiled, flipping through the pictures. “Well, did you want to head off?”
“Yeah sure”, I nodded my head, and followed her towards the exit.
3:00pm
I decided to stay with Leah tonight. I just couldn’t bear the thought of going home, even though I wanted to. There was just something in my body which prevented me from going; I felt restricted. I had just met Leah but she was a beautiful soul. She was only twenty-three, but her partner had abused her during their relationship …I really felt for her. Leah was three weeks further than I was, so I felt comfortable knowing we would become mothers fairly close together.
I thought back to Darren, I had texted him with the news but he didn’t care. I hadn’t heard a response from him all day; he must be enjoying Sia’s company a little too much. I groaned, and slumped back into the couch. I unlocked my phone, and stared at the wallpaper of Darren and I.
“What’s up?” Leah sat beside me, and stared down at my phone. “You miss him, don’t you?”
“Well, I do but at the same time, I don’t”, I explained. “Does that make me weird?”
“No”, Leah chuckled. “Personally, you shouldn’t waste your time. I know you’re having a child with him but aye’, not even I had a daddy growing up”, she sighed.
“Mama raised me perfectly, and that’s what our kids need”. I appreciated that Leah was into the whole ‘single mother power’ scene but it wasn’t about that. I actually wanted my daughter to grow up with a father; I guess that’s just too much to ask.
My phone chimed, it was Darren. I noticed the text was rather long and that puzzled me. I clicked on the message, and stared at it in disbelief … Leah looked over my shoulder.
katey we need to talk,
i am happy we are having a baby together but I cant do this,
sia and i arent related, shes my ex … i want to be with her,
cause she kissed me today, things just happen, im sorry katey,
hope youll forgive me, & im here for our baby girl 2 xx
I fell on Leah; the tears flowed like a waterfall. I didn’t even believe that someone could produce that many tears in a split second. I threw Leah the phone and sobbed, what the fuck else do I do? Darren had just abandoned me for some girl? I knew deep down that Sia wasn’t his sister but I actually have faith in people. Maybe he had a sister all those years that we had known each other. All I'm saying is, I have never met her within those years. I suppose I am just really scared to lose those close to me. I wiped my nose, and flicked the hair away from my face.
Another fucking heartache…
I hate my life; If it wasn’t for this child, I probably would have given up by now. It made me question, what else was Darren hiding? But I just couldn’t think about that right now, I just had to calm down. But fuck, I just couldn’t.
Ugh…
10:30am
I sat down in the waiting room, alone. Darren didn’t feel like coming because he wanted to spend time with his sister. I actually took my mother’s offer of driving me to this appointment. I’m actually excited to move back in with her and my dad. Yes, I’m moving back in with my parents… This morning, I had an argument with Sia because she said the baby wasn’t Darren’s. It just made me sick; how the fuck can you just say that to someone?
Well, according to Darren, I ‘should have just shut the fuck up’; His words exactly. I groaned as I thought back to these last couple of days, they had been a mixture of loved up hell, I suppose. I really did like Darren, but I couldn’t handle Sia because of how obnoxious she was. I just knew she would eventually ‘wreck’ our relationship, and everything we had …Who am I kidding, Darren and I had nothing. Ever since last night, things have been difficult and I can't even understand why, it tore me apart...
I looked up to notice a woman coming towards me; she sat herself on the chair besides mine; I forced her a smile.
“Hello”, she smiled, “What are you here for?”
“Gender reveal!” I chuckled, waving my hands in the air.
“Same, it’s so nerve wracking”, she laughed. “It sucks because, well, I’m doing this alone ya’ know …baby daddy left the scene when I told him I was pregnant …dickhead”, I kind of felt like I could relate to her. Darren was there to support me. for now and I just didn't know what the future had in store for us. I sighed as I looked back up at the woman, who was now fumbling with the key chain on her handbag.
“Yeah, things aren’t going well for me right now”, I sighed.
“Well, we should catch up”, she suggested. “I’m Leah; it would be great to have someone who knows what I’m going through”. She fumbled in her handbag and pulled out a pad and a pen. “Write your number here”, I nodded my head and jotted my number down.
“Hey, would you mind giving me a lift?” I questioned. “My mum’s meant to be picking me up but-”
“Stress less”, Leah laughed. “I’ll take you home alright”.
“Thank-you”.
“Are you Ms. Katey Mason”, my face fell flat as I stared up at the angry nurse in front of me. “I have been calling your name Ms. But you were too busy chatting”, she scolded, I stood up and waved at Leah and walked off with the nurse. Seriously, she had a face to make you cringe; it was so intimidating…I maintained eye contact with the cream colored tiles on the floor. I followed her into a small room, with a bed in the middle of the room.
“I’ll get you to lift up your dress, and lay down”, she waddled off into the corner of the room. “Ill be with you in a sec', just filling out this paperwork”. I maneuvered my dress under my boobs, and immediately felt uncomfortable, this should be fun. I had never been used to ‘human contact’, I just shuddered at every touch; it frightened me, in a way. I suppose it was because of my ‘lack’ of self confidence.
I sighed as I held my dress, and laid down on the bed. The cold leather surface sent tingles down my spine, it was rather cold in here. Don’t hospitals always have that ‘vibe’? They can just make you feel ‘different’. I stared at the white ceiling, as I heard the nurse shuffle back over besides the bed.
“Alright, have you had any troubles?” she glanced up from her notebook.
“No, I haven’t”, I looked up at her face, it retained the same stern look I had been confronted with earlier.
“And you are sixteen?” I nodded my head. “Is the father around? And have you considered parenting classes?” I felt nervous as she flooded me with various questions.
“I’ll be honest with you, things have been rather rocky with my partner”, I sighed, closing my eyes, as she turned the lamp on beside me. “But, I have considered parenting classes”, Okay, so I had thought about parenting classes, however I just didn't have the energy in my body to contend with nurses who seem to think they can raise my child better than me. I grimaced at the nurse, who was now standing above me, eyeing me off; I was terrified to say the least.
“My name is Trudy”, she spoke again. “I admire your strength, but this isn’t going to be easy alright”, Well I already knew that; I nodded my head once again. “So, we are going to check your baby’s heartbeat first to make sure it is in its correct rhythm”, Trudy assured, carting the CTG machine closer to the side of the bed.
She began attaching the device to my stomach, as she tuned in the frequency. It felt as though she had moved it all over my stomach trying to find the heart beat, but it was there. The sound ignited the room, and bought a smile to my face. “That’s awesome”, I chimed, it really was. It was all the anticipation from there being no sound, but now I could hear my baby's heartbeat.
“Little bit of trouble”, the nurse laughed. “But your baby has a good heartbeat, there isn’t anything we can pick up on right now. Although, it was rather hard to find so we will just monitor that as per usual”, she pushed the machine away, and sat down in the chair besides me.
“So, next step, what have we got here?”
I forced a smile as she applied this blue gel to my stomach, and flicked on the ultra sound machine. The screen flickered on as she began tracing my stomach with the probe. “Important things first, it looks like your having a little girl”, what. It was my dream to have a daughter as my first child. I honestly didn't know the reasoning, but it was definitely something I had thought about.
“That’s great”, I chimed.
“Here is her face, looks like she has her hand on her head”, Trudy laughed. “She's already a little character”, I looked over at the screen and saw my baby girls face, I think I fell in love at that point. I finally felt some sort of ‘connection’ towards my child and all it took, was seeing her face.
“Here are a few mementos”, Trudy smiled, passing me a pile of images she had captured from the scan. “I’ll get you cleaned up and you’ll be on your way”.
“Do I need to make another appointment?” I questioned, as Trudy handed me a pile of tissues.
“Well, you’re close to six weeks aren’t you?” I nodded my head, as I focused my attention towards getting this sticky blue gel from my stomach; it was disgusting.
“Then you shouldn’t have to have another one till your about due, or unless there is complications; You should be fine”, she assured.
“I’ll let your GP know anyway”, I stood up from the bed and straightened my dress up.
“Have a good day”, Trudy smiled.
“I will, thank you for everything”, I assured, picking up my satchel and walking out of the door, I seen Leah at the end of the hallway; I walked up besides her.
“Hello”, I chimed, adjusting my satchel as it slipped off my shoulder.
“Hey, I’m having a boy!” she exclaimed. “What a day...”.
“Little girl for me”, I answered, passing Leah the pictures in my hand.
“She's beautiful”, Leah smiled, flipping through the pictures. “Well, did you want to head off?”
“Yeah sure”, I nodded my head, and followed her towards the exit.
3:00pm
I decided to stay with Leah tonight. I just couldn’t bear the thought of going home, even though I wanted to. There was just something in my body which prevented me from going; I felt restricted. I had just met Leah but she was a beautiful soul. She was only twenty-three, but her partner had abused her during their relationship …I really felt for her. Leah was three weeks further than I was, so I felt comfortable knowing we would become mothers fairly close together.
I thought back to Darren, I had texted him with the news but he didn’t care. I hadn’t heard a response from him all day; he must be enjoying Sia’s company a little too much. I groaned, and slumped back into the couch. I unlocked my phone, and stared at the wallpaper of Darren and I.
“What’s up?” Leah sat beside me, and stared down at my phone. “You miss him, don’t you?”
“Well, I do but at the same time, I don’t”, I explained. “Does that make me weird?”
“No”, Leah chuckled. “Personally, you shouldn’t waste your time. I know you’re having a child with him but aye’, not even I had a daddy growing up”, she sighed.
“Mama raised me perfectly, and that’s what our kids need”. I appreciated that Leah was into the whole ‘single mother power’ scene but it wasn’t about that. I actually wanted my daughter to grow up with a father; I guess that’s just too much to ask.
My phone chimed, it was Darren. I noticed the text was rather long and that puzzled me. I clicked on the message, and stared at it in disbelief … Leah looked over my shoulder.
katey we need to talk,
i am happy we are having a baby together but I cant do this,
sia and i arent related, shes my ex … i want to be with her,
cause she kissed me today, things just happen, im sorry katey,
hope youll forgive me, & im here for our baby girl 2 xx
I fell on Leah; the tears flowed like a waterfall. I didn’t even believe that someone could produce that many tears in a split second. I threw Leah the phone and sobbed, what the fuck else do I do? Darren had just abandoned me for some girl? I knew deep down that Sia wasn’t his sister but I actually have faith in people. Maybe he had a sister all those years that we had known each other. All I'm saying is, I have never met her within those years. I suppose I am just really scared to lose those close to me. I wiped my nose, and flicked the hair away from my face.
Another fucking heartache…
I hate my life; If it wasn’t for this child, I probably would have given up by now. It made me question, what else was Darren hiding? But I just couldn’t think about that right now, I just had to calm down. But fuck, I just couldn’t.
Ugh…