I Lost All of My Senses
Prologue
Normal is an adjective that designs something that is conforming to the standard or the common type. It's something that is usual, not abnormal, regular and natural. That wasn't me.
One thing I learned in life is that nothing ever comes easy. You always have to fight for what you want, for your dreams and your ambitions. People will always try to bring you down, to make you feel like you're not good enough. They'll push you until you faint, until you can't even stand anymore. They'll insult you on every part of you that you already hate and they'll make you doubt about the little details you once were sure of. Humans, horrible creatures. Why do we keep calling them the most intelligent and evolved forms of life on this planet when all they do is destroy lives, crush dreams and bring you down? If humans were as bright as we pretend them to be, they would realize that words can cut like knives and that a single sentence can make everything crash. You can't trust them.
I hate humans, always did and always will. They always made me feel like I was worth nothing, like I wasn't even worth a cent. Their laughs have always been my worst nightmares, hunting me everywhere I went. I wanted everything to stop; I just wanted to have a normal life. But that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. For years, I wanted to stand in a crowded room and scream in a voice people couldn't ignore. I wanted to just stand there and tell them about all the pain they put me through. But I couldn't. I wanted to, but I couldn't. Because life didn't give me the opportunity to do such a thing, life didn't give me a voice that would make a change.
My name is Alan Ashby and I'm mute. I've been mute since the day that I was born, not a single sound ever came out of my mouth since then. I've never been ''normal''. Humans always loved to define what was normal and what wasn't. I never matched their definition of normality. No matter where I went, I never felt accepted. I never felt like I was part of something. People would find me weird and stupid because I couldn't talk. I never made friends because who would want to hang with a kid who can't even speak a word? Who would want to waste their time with someone they can't even have a real conversation with? People from all ages made front of me, even insult me when I was right beside them. I was mute, not deaf. I could hear them. I could hear their words that caused me to cry myself to sleep every day. I could hear their critics, I could hear everything. They wanted me to be somebody else. But unlike most people, I couldn't change.
I knew I was never going to be normal. I would never have a normal job. I would never have tons of friends. I couldn't even attend a normal school. I had to attend one for people like me, as they liked to say. I had to attend a special school for mute and deaf people, because we didn't fit anywhere else. My life wasn't easy and it was really hard to handle for a 17 year old who just wanted to be normal and happy. The only friends that I had were people who were also mute. They actually were the only persons that I could have a normal conversation with other than parents who probably felt forced to learn the only way I could communicate by. Again, society wouldn't have agreed that using signs was a normal language. I guess I never had a normal conversation after all. Nothing in my life has ever been normal. I wasn't a casualty and I was never going to be one even if I tried my hardest.
Many times in my life, I heard people around me say that being different is a great thing, that being different makes you unique. I heard them say that we should use the things we love the less about ourselves to go use, that we should use them to make us even more beautiful. I didn't believe them, I never did. If being different was such a good thing, people would never have made fun of me for being mute. They would never have treated me like I was some sort of monster, some sort of alien. If being different was such a great quality, I wouldn't have felt ashamed of being who I was. I would have been proud to be the guy that I was, with my qualities and perks. But it wasn't the case. I hated myself, I hated everything about me. I was just a mute teenager lose who was never going to go far in his life. And humans were once again the only ones to blame for making me believe that
I didn't see the point in going to school when I was never going to have a successful job. What was the point of wasting my time in class when I was just going to spend the rest of my life making no money at all? I wanted to drop out, but my parents were forcing me to stay. And since I wasn't 18 yet, I didn't have a word to say about what I wanted to do. I knew why they wanted me to stay in school. It wasn't that they wanted me to have a good job when I would be older. It wasn't that they knew that I could go far if I worked hard. I knew that the real reason was money. My parents were good people and were great to me. But, they still had some flaws; being obsessed with money being one of them. Truth is; the Government would send my parents some money every month as long as I stayed in school. It was a special program for parents who had children like me. It was an amount of money to help them pay for my special education. It just added to the list of how people treated us differently only because we weren't normal.
I sighed as our teacher, Mrs. Momsen kept explaining some algebra things that I couldn't understand. And by explaining, I mean that she was using signs as she spoke. Since some students in the class were either deaf or mute, Mrs. Momsen would use both languages so it could please the most students possible. Even though I could hear her, I paid more attention to her signs since I was so used to communicate by those since nobody who could properly talk ever took some of their time to sit with me and just talk about whatever. I just wished that I could meet someone that would be there for me. I just wished that I could meet someone that would pay some attention to me, someone that would treat me like I'm worth something. I wished that someone would come into my life and make me like I'm special. I wished that I could meet someone that wouldn't consider me different, someone that would treat me just like an ordinary boy. But I guessed that it was too much to ask. Because life was never easy for people like me, for people who are different. Life only made gifts to those who matched the standards, to those who could be considered perfect.
''Students, I would like you to meet our new student, Austin Carlile. Please make him feel welcome; he came all the way from California. Austin, please take a seat next to Alan, the ginger guy in the back,'' our teacher said, pissing me off. I didn't even look at the new student; I didn't want my eyes to meet with my teacher. I felt so much anger building inside of me. When I wasn't the mute guy, I was the ginger one. I had everything to make me the happiest guy in the world, right?
''Hello, I'm Austin, you're Alan right?'' a voice said coming from the seat next to mine I turned around and saw a guy sitting next to me. It felt like forever since someone actually sat next to me. It felt good to have someone talk to me for once.
''Yeah, I guess that it is me. Nice to meet you Austin,'' I replied using my hands. ''Nice to meet you too, I'm pretty sure that we'll become great friends,'' Austin replied also using his hands as he smiled at me.
I couldn't help but smile back. He barely talked to me, but I felt like he paid more attention to me than anyone did in the past years. He seemed to be a nice guy and I hoped that he was right when he said that we would become great friends. Because I was starving for friends, I was starving for affection and attention. But not only did Austin seemed gentle, he also looked very good. He was very tall, so tall that I felt like I was a dwarf next to him. He had some tattoos that covered his body, tattoos that all probably had some special meaning to him. And finally he had a gorgeous smile. It could light up an entire room and was brighter than the Sun. But there was no way that a guy like him could like someone like me. Other than both being deaf or mute, we had nothing in common. He was beautiful while I was ugly. But I wasn't going to complain about it. I was going to accept Austin's potential friendship. Maybe he could be that special someone to me. Maybe he could be that one person who would actually make me feel like I'm worth something. Maybe he would be the first person to make me feel like I'm not abnormal. Maybe he would be the one to make me feel proud of my flaws. Only time would tell. Until then, I was going to try to focus on my math lesson and maybe, glimpse at Austin occasionally.
One thing I learned in life is that nothing ever comes easy. You always have to fight for what you want, for your dreams and your ambitions. People will always try to bring you down, to make you feel like you're not good enough. They'll push you until you faint, until you can't even stand anymore. They'll insult you on every part of you that you already hate and they'll make you doubt about the little details you once were sure of. Humans, horrible creatures. Why do we keep calling them the most intelligent and evolved forms of life on this planet when all they do is destroy lives, crush dreams and bring you down? If humans were as bright as we pretend them to be, they would realize that words can cut like knives and that a single sentence can make everything crash. You can't trust them.
I hate humans, always did and always will. They always made me feel like I was worth nothing, like I wasn't even worth a cent. Their laughs have always been my worst nightmares, hunting me everywhere I went. I wanted everything to stop; I just wanted to have a normal life. But that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. For years, I wanted to stand in a crowded room and scream in a voice people couldn't ignore. I wanted to just stand there and tell them about all the pain they put me through. But I couldn't. I wanted to, but I couldn't. Because life didn't give me the opportunity to do such a thing, life didn't give me a voice that would make a change.
My name is Alan Ashby and I'm mute. I've been mute since the day that I was born, not a single sound ever came out of my mouth since then. I've never been ''normal''. Humans always loved to define what was normal and what wasn't. I never matched their definition of normality. No matter where I went, I never felt accepted. I never felt like I was part of something. People would find me weird and stupid because I couldn't talk. I never made friends because who would want to hang with a kid who can't even speak a word? Who would want to waste their time with someone they can't even have a real conversation with? People from all ages made front of me, even insult me when I was right beside them. I was mute, not deaf. I could hear them. I could hear their words that caused me to cry myself to sleep every day. I could hear their critics, I could hear everything. They wanted me to be somebody else. But unlike most people, I couldn't change.
I knew I was never going to be normal. I would never have a normal job. I would never have tons of friends. I couldn't even attend a normal school. I had to attend one for people like me, as they liked to say. I had to attend a special school for mute and deaf people, because we didn't fit anywhere else. My life wasn't easy and it was really hard to handle for a 17 year old who just wanted to be normal and happy. The only friends that I had were people who were also mute. They actually were the only persons that I could have a normal conversation with other than parents who probably felt forced to learn the only way I could communicate by. Again, society wouldn't have agreed that using signs was a normal language. I guess I never had a normal conversation after all. Nothing in my life has ever been normal. I wasn't a casualty and I was never going to be one even if I tried my hardest.
Many times in my life, I heard people around me say that being different is a great thing, that being different makes you unique. I heard them say that we should use the things we love the less about ourselves to go use, that we should use them to make us even more beautiful. I didn't believe them, I never did. If being different was such a good thing, people would never have made fun of me for being mute. They would never have treated me like I was some sort of monster, some sort of alien. If being different was such a great quality, I wouldn't have felt ashamed of being who I was. I would have been proud to be the guy that I was, with my qualities and perks. But it wasn't the case. I hated myself, I hated everything about me. I was just a mute teenager lose who was never going to go far in his life. And humans were once again the only ones to blame for making me believe that
I didn't see the point in going to school when I was never going to have a successful job. What was the point of wasting my time in class when I was just going to spend the rest of my life making no money at all? I wanted to drop out, but my parents were forcing me to stay. And since I wasn't 18 yet, I didn't have a word to say about what I wanted to do. I knew why they wanted me to stay in school. It wasn't that they wanted me to have a good job when I would be older. It wasn't that they knew that I could go far if I worked hard. I knew that the real reason was money. My parents were good people and were great to me. But, they still had some flaws; being obsessed with money being one of them. Truth is; the Government would send my parents some money every month as long as I stayed in school. It was a special program for parents who had children like me. It was an amount of money to help them pay for my special education. It just added to the list of how people treated us differently only because we weren't normal.
I sighed as our teacher, Mrs. Momsen kept explaining some algebra things that I couldn't understand. And by explaining, I mean that she was using signs as she spoke. Since some students in the class were either deaf or mute, Mrs. Momsen would use both languages so it could please the most students possible. Even though I could hear her, I paid more attention to her signs since I was so used to communicate by those since nobody who could properly talk ever took some of their time to sit with me and just talk about whatever. I just wished that I could meet someone that would be there for me. I just wished that I could meet someone that would pay some attention to me, someone that would treat me like I'm worth something. I wished that someone would come into my life and make me like I'm special. I wished that I could meet someone that wouldn't consider me different, someone that would treat me just like an ordinary boy. But I guessed that it was too much to ask. Because life was never easy for people like me, for people who are different. Life only made gifts to those who matched the standards, to those who could be considered perfect.
''Students, I would like you to meet our new student, Austin Carlile. Please make him feel welcome; he came all the way from California. Austin, please take a seat next to Alan, the ginger guy in the back,'' our teacher said, pissing me off. I didn't even look at the new student; I didn't want my eyes to meet with my teacher. I felt so much anger building inside of me. When I wasn't the mute guy, I was the ginger one. I had everything to make me the happiest guy in the world, right?
''Hello, I'm Austin, you're Alan right?'' a voice said coming from the seat next to mine I turned around and saw a guy sitting next to me. It felt like forever since someone actually sat next to me. It felt good to have someone talk to me for once.
''Yeah, I guess that it is me. Nice to meet you Austin,'' I replied using my hands. ''Nice to meet you too, I'm pretty sure that we'll become great friends,'' Austin replied also using his hands as he smiled at me.
I couldn't help but smile back. He barely talked to me, but I felt like he paid more attention to me than anyone did in the past years. He seemed to be a nice guy and I hoped that he was right when he said that we would become great friends. Because I was starving for friends, I was starving for affection and attention. But not only did Austin seemed gentle, he also looked very good. He was very tall, so tall that I felt like I was a dwarf next to him. He had some tattoos that covered his body, tattoos that all probably had some special meaning to him. And finally he had a gorgeous smile. It could light up an entire room and was brighter than the Sun. But there was no way that a guy like him could like someone like me. Other than both being deaf or mute, we had nothing in common. He was beautiful while I was ugly. But I wasn't going to complain about it. I was going to accept Austin's potential friendship. Maybe he could be that special someone to me. Maybe he could be that one person who would actually make me feel like I'm worth something. Maybe he would be the first person to make me feel like I'm not abnormal. Maybe he would be the one to make me feel proud of my flaws. Only time would tell. Until then, I was going to try to focus on my math lesson and maybe, glimpse at Austin occasionally.