I Lost All of My Senses
Chapter 1
The next day came by very quickly and I found myself being excited to go to school for the first time in forever. Usually, I would wake up and snooze multiple times, not wanting to get up. I didn't feel like getting out of my bed to go to a stupid place I didn't have a care in the world about. I would often miss my school bus by a few minutes and have my parents drive me to school, which they really didn't appreciate. They would get late to work because my school wasn't in the same direction of their workplaces. A lot of mornings I've heard them say that I was a lazy boy and that they paid a lot of money to go to school. And I never replied, because I couldn't. These were some of the major moments where I wished I wasn't mute. I hated being the kid who couldn't confront his parents, the kid who had to remain silent and let them be total jerks. Well, they weren't really jerks. I knew they were right, I just didn't want to admit that they were.
But this morning, they didn't have to yell at me so I would get out of my bed. My parents didn't have to tell me to hurry up so I wouldn't miss my bus. No. This morning I woke up ten minutes before the time my alarm was actually set at. And, I didn't even bother in drifting back to sleep. Instead, I got out of my bed and got ready. I never really cared about the way I looked when I went to school, there was nobody I wanted to impress. But things were different now. I had a certain guy on my mind and I wanted him to like me. I wanted to look good for him, I wanted to look like a nice teenage boy. I didn't want him to believe I was an ugly loser who couldn,t care less about his appearance. So, I took a shower and perfectly combed my hair. I dressed in my best clothes: a pair of black skinny jeans, a nice plain white button up shirt and a pair of black Converse. I looked at myself in the mirror and felt kind proud of my work. I really hoped it would, I really hoped that they way I looked would impress Austin so he would pay attention to me like I wanted him to do.
I waved my parents goodbye and made my way to the bus stop. I was really nervous, never before has someone had this effect on me. I didn't understand why I was being so anxious thinking about Austin. He was just a guy that I met the previous day who say that we would be friends. It wasn't like I had a crush on him...even though he was one of the most beautiful creatures that I have ever laid my eyes on. He just looked so perfect. Maybe he was some kind of God or something. Maybe he had some powers and used a spell against me to make me anxious and nervous around him. That would really make sense. Who was I kidding? I totally had a crush on that new kid who I have barely spoken to. But who wouldn't crush on a guy as good looking as Austin? I had to calm. I didn't want to act like a stupid kid around him, I didn't want him to be scared of me and not talk to me ever again. That would be a nightmare, sort of.
So, I used the best cure I knew against anxiety: music. I listened to my favorite songs on the way to school. While people wouldn't talk to me, music did. I loved how I could relate to some lyrics perfectly. I loved how I could find some solace while listening to my favorite artists. I loved everything about music. One good thing about music: when it hits you, you feel no pain. And no matter the moment of the day, music always hit me in the best way possible. I figured that music spoke where words failed because a word without music would be a mistake. I was brought back to reality when I saw other students standing up from their seats. I just was so into the new Apocalyptica album that I didn't even realize that we reached the school. I stood up from my seat and followed my comrades to class. I felt like today was going to be a good day, that something amazing would happen.
When I reached my classroom, there were a few students that were already there along with our teacher Ms. Momsen. I sat at my regular seat, not leaving my eyes off the door. I wanted a certain guy to come in and seat next to me. He was the only reason I really wanted to be sitting in this stupid classroom. I didn't care about learning new stuff. All I cared about was that tall guy whose skin was covered in tattoos. Minutes went by and other stupids took their seats in the class. But Austin wasn't among them. I really wished that he would show up, he had to. I dressed like a nice guy for him, I woke up early just for him. My wish came true when Austin entered the room one minute before the beginning of the class. I guessed I must have been staring at him a lot because his gaze caught mine and he smiled shyly as he walked towards me. He had a smile to die for, a smile I would die for.
''Well good morning Alan, how are you?'' Austin asked as he sat next to me.
''Oh hey Austin, I'm fine how are you?'' I replied using my hands as the smile on my face never faded away.
''I'm good too, thanks for asking.'' he said. ''So, am I wrong or you were totally staring at me?''
''Oh, no I wasn't. I was just staring at the board. I love how green it is. It's beautiful green,'' I replied shyly. Who said mute guys couldn't be akward while communicating by sign language.
''Yeah, the board...sure. Keep telling yourself that, Alan,'' Austin teased.
I ignored him, I didn't want him to think I was a creep or something. It would be a good way to impress him. So, I was very happy when our teacher started to speak about a project we would have to do. But I wasn't so happy anymore when Ms. Momsen told us what we wouldn't be working on our own on this project.
''This project will be worth 40% of your grade in history. You will work in teams of two. I'll make this easy for you; you'll be working with the person seating next to you. I'm going to give you the rest of the class to come up with a subject after discussing with your partners. I'll be collecting them before the end of the period,'' Ms. Momsen said in both languages this class could use so everybody would understand her.
I was going to work with Austin. It was a good thing, I believed. Or maybe it wasn't. I was afraid that I would start acting weird aroud him and that he would make fun of me and not want to be my friend. But, from the little I knew from Austin, I could tell that he wasn't the kind of boy to be mean towards people. He seemed to be a pretty nice guy who didn't love to argue.
''Lucky you, Alan. You get to work with me,'' Austin said as he moved his chair closer to mine. I had to come up with something. I couldn't just say ''Oh yes I am.'' That would have been totally weird.
''Or lucky you, Austin,'' I replied.
''Yeah, I guess I'm really lucky,'' he added smiling before winking at me.
Was I hallucinating or did he just flirt with me? I had to keep calm but it was easier said than done. It wasn't everyday that I had a stunning guy winking at me. So I just smiled and hoped that my cheeks weren't too red. Fortunately, Austin didn't make any comment about it and we started discussing about some topics we could do our project on. I loved how Austin and I could communicate. Even if we didn't speak the same language, we could understand each other perfectly, maybe because we wanted to and gave ourselves the chance to understand one another. I loved the sound of his voice. He couldn't pronounce words perfectly since he was deaf, but it was still music to my ears. He impressed me a lot.
''What would you like to work on?'' Austin asked.
''I don't know, what would you like to work on?'' I replied smiling. My eyes were on Austin's face while his were on my hands.
''I don't know, that is why I'm asking you. But, maybe we could work on some important historical character?'' Austin proposed.
I loved the idea so I simply nodded. We both individually wrote down some characters we would like to work on some sheets of paper. When we were down, we compared our lists to see if we had some in common. We had one and it turned out to be my first choice.
''I guess we have our subject,'' Austin said as he raised his hand. Ms.Momsen noticed him and walked towards us.
''Can I help you guys?'' She asked.
''Yeah we picked our subject! We're going to be working on Walt Disney,'' I replied.
Our teacher smiled and noted down our subject in her notebook. For the rest of the period, Austin and I chatted a lot. We talked about some random stuff like our families and friends before we asked each other some more personnal questions.
''What do you find the most difficult about being deaf?'' I asked.
''I guess it's not being able to hear people laugh. I know it doesn't sound like a big deal, but I don't know. I just think that people look so beautiful when they laugh, they seem to be so happy and in peace. And, I guess that the sound that comes with it has to be one of the most beautiful ones on Earth. I'd like to hear you laugh, Alan...Anyway, what do you find the most difficult about being mute?'' Austin answered.
I thought about it a little before giving Austin my answer. There were a lot of things that I wished were otherwise. I wished I could use words instead of using my hands. I wished that I could have conversations with ''normal'' people. But among everything, there was one thing that I found more difficult than everything else.
''Not being able to sing, I guess. Music is everything to me, it's my espace when reality gets too rough. I love listening to music, I love feeling artists' emotions in the songs I listen. And I wish I could do the same. I wish I could express all my sadness and anger...even my happiness by singing. But since I'm mute, I have to restrain myself to only write down some lyrics that I will never be able to scream out loud. But at least I'll always have music to make me feel better when I'm at my lowest,'' I gestured.
''I would love to read your lyrics, I'm pretty sure they're amazing,'' Austin replied.
''They really aren't,'' I said.
''I'll be the one to judge,'' Austin added as the bell rang.
As I went to collect my books, Austin made me sign to remain at my seat. A few seconds later, he handled me a small piece of paper. I would probably be later for next period but I didn't care, curiosity won over everything else. My heart melted as I read Austin's note.
''You seem to be an incredible guy Alan and I can't wait to know more about you. Thanks for listening and opening up to me today, you're a great friend. Text me? 581-742-5932''
Of course, I'll text you Austin.
But this morning, they didn't have to yell at me so I would get out of my bed. My parents didn't have to tell me to hurry up so I wouldn't miss my bus. No. This morning I woke up ten minutes before the time my alarm was actually set at. And, I didn't even bother in drifting back to sleep. Instead, I got out of my bed and got ready. I never really cared about the way I looked when I went to school, there was nobody I wanted to impress. But things were different now. I had a certain guy on my mind and I wanted him to like me. I wanted to look good for him, I wanted to look like a nice teenage boy. I didn't want him to believe I was an ugly loser who couldn,t care less about his appearance. So, I took a shower and perfectly combed my hair. I dressed in my best clothes: a pair of black skinny jeans, a nice plain white button up shirt and a pair of black Converse. I looked at myself in the mirror and felt kind proud of my work. I really hoped it would, I really hoped that they way I looked would impress Austin so he would pay attention to me like I wanted him to do.
I waved my parents goodbye and made my way to the bus stop. I was really nervous, never before has someone had this effect on me. I didn't understand why I was being so anxious thinking about Austin. He was just a guy that I met the previous day who say that we would be friends. It wasn't like I had a crush on him...even though he was one of the most beautiful creatures that I have ever laid my eyes on. He just looked so perfect. Maybe he was some kind of God or something. Maybe he had some powers and used a spell against me to make me anxious and nervous around him. That would really make sense. Who was I kidding? I totally had a crush on that new kid who I have barely spoken to. But who wouldn't crush on a guy as good looking as Austin? I had to calm. I didn't want to act like a stupid kid around him, I didn't want him to be scared of me and not talk to me ever again. That would be a nightmare, sort of.
So, I used the best cure I knew against anxiety: music. I listened to my favorite songs on the way to school. While people wouldn't talk to me, music did. I loved how I could relate to some lyrics perfectly. I loved how I could find some solace while listening to my favorite artists. I loved everything about music. One good thing about music: when it hits you, you feel no pain. And no matter the moment of the day, music always hit me in the best way possible. I figured that music spoke where words failed because a word without music would be a mistake. I was brought back to reality when I saw other students standing up from their seats. I just was so into the new Apocalyptica album that I didn't even realize that we reached the school. I stood up from my seat and followed my comrades to class. I felt like today was going to be a good day, that something amazing would happen.
When I reached my classroom, there were a few students that were already there along with our teacher Ms. Momsen. I sat at my regular seat, not leaving my eyes off the door. I wanted a certain guy to come in and seat next to me. He was the only reason I really wanted to be sitting in this stupid classroom. I didn't care about learning new stuff. All I cared about was that tall guy whose skin was covered in tattoos. Minutes went by and other stupids took their seats in the class. But Austin wasn't among them. I really wished that he would show up, he had to. I dressed like a nice guy for him, I woke up early just for him. My wish came true when Austin entered the room one minute before the beginning of the class. I guessed I must have been staring at him a lot because his gaze caught mine and he smiled shyly as he walked towards me. He had a smile to die for, a smile I would die for.
''Well good morning Alan, how are you?'' Austin asked as he sat next to me.
''Oh hey Austin, I'm fine how are you?'' I replied using my hands as the smile on my face never faded away.
''I'm good too, thanks for asking.'' he said. ''So, am I wrong or you were totally staring at me?''
''Oh, no I wasn't. I was just staring at the board. I love how green it is. It's beautiful green,'' I replied shyly. Who said mute guys couldn't be akward while communicating by sign language.
''Yeah, the board...sure. Keep telling yourself that, Alan,'' Austin teased.
I ignored him, I didn't want him to think I was a creep or something. It would be a good way to impress him. So, I was very happy when our teacher started to speak about a project we would have to do. But I wasn't so happy anymore when Ms. Momsen told us what we wouldn't be working on our own on this project.
''This project will be worth 40% of your grade in history. You will work in teams of two. I'll make this easy for you; you'll be working with the person seating next to you. I'm going to give you the rest of the class to come up with a subject after discussing with your partners. I'll be collecting them before the end of the period,'' Ms. Momsen said in both languages this class could use so everybody would understand her.
I was going to work with Austin. It was a good thing, I believed. Or maybe it wasn't. I was afraid that I would start acting weird aroud him and that he would make fun of me and not want to be my friend. But, from the little I knew from Austin, I could tell that he wasn't the kind of boy to be mean towards people. He seemed to be a pretty nice guy who didn't love to argue.
''Lucky you, Alan. You get to work with me,'' Austin said as he moved his chair closer to mine. I had to come up with something. I couldn't just say ''Oh yes I am.'' That would have been totally weird.
''Or lucky you, Austin,'' I replied.
''Yeah, I guess I'm really lucky,'' he added smiling before winking at me.
Was I hallucinating or did he just flirt with me? I had to keep calm but it was easier said than done. It wasn't everyday that I had a stunning guy winking at me. So I just smiled and hoped that my cheeks weren't too red. Fortunately, Austin didn't make any comment about it and we started discussing about some topics we could do our project on. I loved how Austin and I could communicate. Even if we didn't speak the same language, we could understand each other perfectly, maybe because we wanted to and gave ourselves the chance to understand one another. I loved the sound of his voice. He couldn't pronounce words perfectly since he was deaf, but it was still music to my ears. He impressed me a lot.
''What would you like to work on?'' Austin asked.
''I don't know, what would you like to work on?'' I replied smiling. My eyes were on Austin's face while his were on my hands.
''I don't know, that is why I'm asking you. But, maybe we could work on some important historical character?'' Austin proposed.
I loved the idea so I simply nodded. We both individually wrote down some characters we would like to work on some sheets of paper. When we were down, we compared our lists to see if we had some in common. We had one and it turned out to be my first choice.
''I guess we have our subject,'' Austin said as he raised his hand. Ms.Momsen noticed him and walked towards us.
''Can I help you guys?'' She asked.
''Yeah we picked our subject! We're going to be working on Walt Disney,'' I replied.
Our teacher smiled and noted down our subject in her notebook. For the rest of the period, Austin and I chatted a lot. We talked about some random stuff like our families and friends before we asked each other some more personnal questions.
''What do you find the most difficult about being deaf?'' I asked.
''I guess it's not being able to hear people laugh. I know it doesn't sound like a big deal, but I don't know. I just think that people look so beautiful when they laugh, they seem to be so happy and in peace. And, I guess that the sound that comes with it has to be one of the most beautiful ones on Earth. I'd like to hear you laugh, Alan...Anyway, what do you find the most difficult about being mute?'' Austin answered.
I thought about it a little before giving Austin my answer. There were a lot of things that I wished were otherwise. I wished I could use words instead of using my hands. I wished that I could have conversations with ''normal'' people. But among everything, there was one thing that I found more difficult than everything else.
''Not being able to sing, I guess. Music is everything to me, it's my espace when reality gets too rough. I love listening to music, I love feeling artists' emotions in the songs I listen. And I wish I could do the same. I wish I could express all my sadness and anger...even my happiness by singing. But since I'm mute, I have to restrain myself to only write down some lyrics that I will never be able to scream out loud. But at least I'll always have music to make me feel better when I'm at my lowest,'' I gestured.
''I would love to read your lyrics, I'm pretty sure they're amazing,'' Austin replied.
''They really aren't,'' I said.
''I'll be the one to judge,'' Austin added as the bell rang.
As I went to collect my books, Austin made me sign to remain at my seat. A few seconds later, he handled me a small piece of paper. I would probably be later for next period but I didn't care, curiosity won over everything else. My heart melted as I read Austin's note.
''You seem to be an incredible guy Alan and I can't wait to know more about you. Thanks for listening and opening up to me today, you're a great friend. Text me? 581-742-5932''
Of course, I'll text you Austin.