I Lost All of My Senses

I woke up feeling more tired and depressed than ever. I didn't even catch a single second of sleep. It was already hard to sleep when the nurses would keep coming in my room to give me some pain medication every once and again...but I was also overthinking about everything that happened the day before, about how my life would be changed forever, how things would never be the same again. Some people say that change is good, for me it wasn't. I felt like I had lost everything, that I had lost all of my senses. Why was this happening to me?I cried silently during the entire night while Austin was fast asleep next to me. I didn't want him to worry about me so I waited until I was sure he was asleep before letting the tears fall from my eyes. I didn't want him to feel anymore guilt, to feel responsible for my sadness. It wasn't his fault and I hoped that he was convinced about that. He was a very great guy and I felt so lucky to have him by my side, the boy that I've met a few days before and who already managed to make me fall for him. At the moment, Austin was my strenght. He was the reason I wanted to fight even though all I really wanted was to give up. I wanted to keep my head up for him and not let life win over me.

''Are you awake Alan?'' a familiar voice asked.

I nodded and gave him a small smile that didn't feel so forced like the ones I gave him the day before.

''Why are you so far away from me? Come cuddle with me,'' Austin said as he grabbed me cautiously and brought me next to his body.

I rested my head on his chest while he put his arms around me. I felt secure in his arms, I felt like nothing bad could happen to me anymore. There was something about Austin that could make me feel good and happy, something I could not describe. I smiled a little before placing a soft kiss on his cheek, making him blush a little. Nothing was spoken after that, we just kept cuddling and it helped forget about the pain and my new nightmare for a little while. That was until my assigned doctor, Lynn, came in the room.

''Glad to see you're awake Alan. Good morning to you as well Austin. So, I'm here to talk to you a little about readaptation and physiotherapy before I let you go back home. I called your parents and they should be here in around an hour. Do you want to stay Austin?'' Lynn explained.

''Yes, I don't want to be anywhere else but here,'' the handsome guy by my side answered.

''Alright then, let's begin. There won't be much to do in the first week, Alan. We'll be able to begin a real readaptation when we take off your bandage next Sunday. Until then, just try to rest. It might be hard for you not to be able to do what you used to do before, but it will get better through the weeks. Once we take off your bandage, we will be able to create a special prosthesis using your other arm as a model. Once it will be done, we will actually start physiotherapy sessions where we will actually give you advices on how to use your prothesis and other useful stuff like that. It will be a one step at a time thing, but in the end, I know that you will be okay. I know that Austin there won't give up on you so easily and I'll also be there for you during the entire ride,'' Lynn said.

''That sounds all good but how will he be able to communicate until he gets his prothesis? He usually uses his two arms to say something, how will he do that now?'' Austin asked nervously, probably because of his guilt thing. He actually was more anxious that I was and I thought it was cute.

''Oh yeah, excellent question Austin, I almost forgot. The hospital is going to give your a special device that allows you to type everything you want to say by using the movements of your head. Once you're done typing what you want to say, it will be spoken out loud by a computerized voice, a little bit like Siri but less annoying. Maybe you will have some issues using it at first, but you'll see that it is easier than it looks like. I actually have it with me right, want to try it?'' my doctor replied.

I nodded. I was very curious about this device that was going to be my new voice, a voice that didn't belong to me. I heard about those devices before but I always refused to use it. I figured that I didn't really have a choice anymore. I knew how to use it which, you could say, was a good thing. They taught me how to use it once in some therapy sessions I used to attend. I placed the small device on my knees and began typing with my head the first thing that came to my mind.

''I really need to use to bathroom,'' the masculine computerized voice said.

''Well sounds like your device is working well. Want me to go with you or do you prefer Austin to go with you?'' Lynn asked. I looked at Austin with puppy eyes and she got her answer.

''Alright, well I'll let you both alone for now. I'll be back to get you once your parents get here. Come search for me if you need me until then,'' she added before leaving my room.

Austin quickly got out of bed and walked to my side to help me stand up. I was feeling very dizzy so I held on to him very tightly. I felt like I was going to fall, but Austin was keeping me safe right next to him. With his help, we walked in the hospital's hall that was overcrowed towards the nearest bathrooms. Once we got there and made sure it was empty, Austin opened the door for me. When I thought he was going to wait for me on the other side of the other, he got in as well. That was akward to me. I didn't want my crush and possibly future boyfriend to see me taking a dump. So I smiled timidly at him, wishing he would get the clue to leave me alone and he didn't. So I used my device hoping he would get it this time.

''I don't want to sound mean, but could you leave me alone please? I don't want you seeing me in this position. It's akward. Wait for me on the other side of the door, okay Austin?'' the computerized voice said.

''Oh eum, yeah sure. I-I just wanted to make sure that you were okay. I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to my ginger kitty,'' Austin replied.

''I'll be okay Austin, I'm just using the bathroom,'' I typed on my device that repeated my thoughts.

''Okay sure. Just knock on the door when you're done so I can walk you back to your room,'' he said before opening the door and leaving me alone to do my business.

While doing so, all my thoughts were about Austin. You would say that it is weird thinking about the boy you like while taking a dump, but to me it wasn't. I always had that habbit to think about happy stuff while using the bathroom. And Austin was the thing, or should I say person, that made me the most happy at the moment. I loved how he cared about me and was ready to do anything to protect me, even watching me poop. I loved how great I felt into his arms and how I loved the sound of his voice. He was absolutely perfect and was glad to have him in my life. Even if I should, I didn't regret going on that date with him even though I lost my arm. I didn't regret it because I had the time of my life and everything felt magical. Something bad happen, but life is life. Nothing is always black or white. Once I was done with my business, I washed my hand and knocked on the door to inform Austin that I was ready to get back to my room. As soon as I knocked on it, the door opened revealing a worried Austin.

''Took you long enough, I thought you like passed out on the toilet seat... oh my god Alan you don't smell like rose do you?' Austin said.

I rolled my eyes and put the only arm I had left around his waist while he put his right arm around my neck. Together, we walked back to my room where he helped me get ready to meet my parents in a few minutes. I was very worried to see them. I was nervous about their reactions and how my new life would be with them. I didn't want to go back home, all I wanted was to stay with Austin and never leave his side. But that wouldn't happen. I started crying again as Austin held me tight against him.

''What's wrong beautiful?'' Austin asked as he kissed my forehead.

''I just don't want to go back home with my parents Austin. I want to stay with you, I want to go to your place. I know it's stupid but your give me something that nobody else can. I need you,'' I typed on my device. Austin gave me a small smile before kissing me tenderly, his lips still fitting perfectly on mine, like they were meant to be together.

''Don't worry Alan. I will visit you everyday. I will call you every hour. And I will think about you every seond of the day. I'll be with you at all your medical appointments. I'm not going to leave you alone anymore. You will be stuck with me for a long time now Alan Ashby. You're my ginger kitty and I really like you,'' Austin said, making me feel better.

''I love being your ginger kitty. And you're my Austie. I love having you by my side because you make me feel better. You make me happy,'' I typed down.

''Listen Alan, I know that we've known each other for a little time, but like I said, I really really like you. I like every single details about you, you're unique, you're special and you're perfect. I almost lost you once and it scared me to death. You say that I make you feel better, you do the same for me. I need you in my life Alan Ashby; that is why I want you to be mine. Will you be my boyfriend?'' Austin asked nervously.

I nodded happily and crashed my lips on his. He was all mine now. Austin Carlile was officially my boyfriend. Boyfriend. The worded sounded so perfect to me, just like Austin. I couldn't believe what was happening to me. When I believed everything was dark and horrible, something good happened. Austin happened. We kissed for a while until we were interrupted by Dr. Gunn.

''I'm sorry but your parents are waiting for you in the waiting room, Alan. Just get there as soon as possible please,'' she demanded. I nodded before giving Austin one last peck on his sweet lips.

''I want to be your first everything,'' he whispered.

'' I want to be your last first kiss, '' I replied via my device.

Austin grabbed my hand in his and we walked together to where my parents were waiting for me.

''Alan baby we were so worried about you, how are you- why is he with you?'' my mother said angirly.

''I'm here because-'' Austin went to reply but was soon cut by my pissed off mother.

''I told you to protect my son. I told you to take care of him. But you didn't. He lost an arm, do you know how bad this is?'' my mother asked angrily.

''I never meant for this to happen Mrs Ashby. Everything was going fine until-'' Austin said but couldn't finish his sentence, the memory hurting him too much. I couldn't take anymore, so I began typing everything that was on my mind.

''How dare you stand next to my son after what happened, you-''my mother said.

''Will you both stop it?'' my new voice said. '' Mother, stop blaming Austin. It wasn't his fault. He saved me and I owe him everyting. You're yelling at him like he is a piece of shit when he is not. He's been there for me all night while you weren't. He took care of me while I cried myself to sleep while you didn't. And now, instead of actually hugging me and asking me how I am, you say nasty things to my boyfriend. Yeah, boyfriend. So act like a good mom and take me home and leave Austin alone.''

''I-I'm sorry Alan, you're right...it's just...whatever. Let's go home. Say goodbye to Austin,'' my mother said. I kissed Austin tenderly, maybe too long for my mother's pleasure. But I couldn't care less if she liked it or not.

''I'll see you soon ginger kitty, I promise,'' Austin said when his lips left mine.

I smiled and pecked his lips one more time because they were so addicting. I gave him a hug before walking towards the exit with my parents. It wasn't even a minute since I said goodbye to Austin and I was already missing him. It showed how much I needed him in my life, how much I needed him more than anybody else. My boyfriend, my gardian angel.