What He Didn't Know

“So, you have decided to show your face here again, hmmm?” His voice held more rage than I had ever heard before, his eyes were cold, callus, unforgiving. He raised his hand high above his head and let it collide with my cheek, sending me crashing to the ground.
I put my hands out, trying to take the pressure off of my stomach as I stood again, “Joke, listen I nee—” My sentence was cut short when his fist connected with my jaw, sending blood splattering around the room from my busted lip. I let out a whimper of agony as my hand shot up, trying to alleviate the pain.
“DON’T YOU DARE CALL ME THAT!” He looked at me with repulse and disappointment, but his eyes held a pang of hurt. I wanted so badly to tell him, to stop him and explain, but he wouldn’t have it.
The room was silent other than the sound of our heavy breathing; I straightened my back, placing a hand absentmindedly over my stomach and looked at him.
He took me up by my hair, throwing me across the room with one flick of the wrist. I crashed roughly into the wall, my back screaming in protest as I rolled over onto my side. Dust swirled in the air and I coughed, trying desperately to breath.
I heard the echo of his feet thumping against the floor as he stalked over to where my battered body had landed.
“Please! Just liste—” My sentence was cut short when his boot impaled my face, I could feel the pain of my broken nose as the blood poured down in a steady stream. Hot tears welled inside of my eyes, escaping down my cheeks, leaving warm tails through the blood as they descended to the ground.
He picked me up again by my neck squeezing so tightly that I could feel each individual fingerprint form immediately around my throat. I looked at his face, it held no remorse only frenzied rage as his grip tightened with each staggered and labored breath I attempted to take. My nails clawed desperately at his gloved hands, trying to rid my throat of its entrapment, but it was to no avail.
“I could kill you right now and not feel a thing.” His eyes began to glow as he continued to watch me struggle.
“Please.” I managed to choke out, causing him to release his grip, allowing me to fall to my knees on the unforgiving floor. I coughed uncontrollably, trying to catch my breath so that I could tell him, tell him that I was pregnant with his beautiful baby boy, tell him that I officially left Myles, tell him that I was here for him.
Just as I caught my breath, I looked up into his bottomless, black eyes and opened my mouth. But no words came out.
I felt a sharp pain in my stomach as he kicked me maliciously.
Laughs erupted from his mouth as he looked at me, fear spreading across every feature on my face, my arms wrapped protectively around my unborn child.
Suddenly a sharp pain erupted from inside my stomach and I screamed out in pain, “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!” I had angry, pain-filled tears in my eyes as I looked up at him. He stared for a moment in amusement, but it quickly disappeared as he looked down to my legs, which were coated in crimson.
“What…? What is going on?” He looked at me, confusion clear on his face as I attempted to stand, only causing more blood to seep down my legs to the blood-coated floor.
“I am pregnant, Joke. With your son.” I said through gritted teeth as I rose up my shirt to reveal my small, protruding stomach to him.
He did not move, his face was void of all emotions as he looked over my entire body. All the pain from the beating hit me at that exact moment and I felt myself gravitating towards the ground, I reached out for him, and he was there to catch me in his strong arms.

~Gotham General~

I heard the distinctive sound of a heart monitor beeping beside me as my mind finally came around.
“She is doing well, she is lucky that you stepped in to save her.” I heard a voice outside of my door say.
The door opened with an audible creak, and a man with curly, blonde hair strolled into my room, his face looked pale, and he did not speak.
“Can I help you?” I questioned as he sat on the bed beside me, that’s when I saw the faint scars beneath the makeup. “Joke?” I said in disbelief, his eyes connected with mine, his held more sadness than I had ever known a human to hold.
“Joke, what’s wrong?” I reached my hand out and stroked his naked cheek tenderly; he melted into my touches, kissing my palm affectionately as he looked back into my smoky eyes.
“You lost him, Ash.” I felt my breath catch in my throat. All at once the world seemed to be crashing down around me.
“I….I lost him?” I felt tears swell up inside of my eyes and I laid back into the bed. I felt my entire body shake as the information truly sank in. I placed my hand over my still swollen belly and cried harder as I thought of my son.
“I…I will never get to hold him, I will never get to kiss him, I will never get to take him to his first day of school, or teach him how to read.” I cried harder, feeling completely alone for the first time in my entire life. The Joker climbed into the bed beside me and wrapped his arms protectively around my small frame, something that should have comforted me.
“You…you killed our son.” I spat with so much venom that I could feel the acid on my tongue after I had said it. “You’re a murderer!!” I screamed as I thrashed about the bed, trying to rid myself of his embrace. “LET ME GO!!” I half screamed half begged as he tightened his grip around me. I felt hot tears on my shoulder as his body shook behind me. I turned over and looked at his agony-riddled face. His cheeks were littered with aching tears as he curled into me, wanting nothing more than the satisfaction of human contact.
“I am so sorry, Ashley. I am so sorry.” He continued to cry into me as he placed his hand tenderly on top of my belly, “I am so sorry.” I could feel the truthfulness in his words as he said them. I could feel the pain in his voice as he said each word over and over again. I said nothing to him, I just continued to cry, continued to think of the small life that once lived inside of me, continued to morn my sweet boy who never got a chance at life.

~Weeks later~

“Ash, you have to get out of this bed. You can’t just lay around all day, it’s been weeks.” He said delicately to her as she rolled over to look at him. She had been lying in the same place he had placed her in two weeks ago. She would not eat, she would not drink, she simply lay in bed crying or sleeping.
Her hair had begun to fall out, first just strands at a time, but as time progressed it was more apparent. She had lost so much weight that her cheeks sunk into her face, making her age far past her years. She was no longer the Ashley he knew; she was now just a hollow statue.
“Why should I?” She snapped back at him as she looked coldly into his eyes. The eyes of the man that murdered her innocent baby boy, “Why shouldn’t I just sleep the pain away, Joke? HU, why the fuck shouldn’t I?!?!” She screamed at him with so much anger that it physically knocked him back.
“Please.” He placed a hand delicately on her soft, pink cheek. He pleaded with his words and his eyes, willing her to get up and continue on with her life.
“I…I just can’t.” She started to cry as she turned away from him, her frail body wrapped deeper in the blankets.
He sighed, and climbed into the bed beside her, pulling her body flush against him, he could feel the consequences of her diet as his hands ran over her protruding rib cage and hipbones. His heart pinched at the idea that she was willingly doing such horrific things to herself because of something that he had done. He was killing her….no….he had already killed her.
“Ash, just come eat some breakfast with me, please?” He kissed her neck tenderly, as she rolled over to look at him.
She didn’t answer for a long time, then she finally looked over to him. “Okay. Just give me a few minutes.” His face lit up as she smiled wearily. He left her then, and walked down to the kitchen. He opened the stainless steel fridge and took out the milk, eggs, sausage, and bacon. He wanted her to have her fill before she regressed back into her depression; he felt a twinge of guilt as he cooked. He never meant for any of this to happen, he didn’t know.
He growled under his breath at the thought, he knew he was a monster who didn’t deserve forgiveness.
He had finished cooking breakfast and setting the table, but Ashley had yet to come downstairs from their bedroom.
He made his way up stairs to and slowly pushed the door open. Ashley was standing on the opposite side of the room, a piece of paper in one hand, a gun in the other.
“Ash?” His voice was calm, but it had an undertone of panic as she slowly turned around to face him.
She smiled through the tears that were cascading down her face, “Hey, Joke.” She waved the gun-equipped hand at him. She knew exactly what he was thinking, but she didn’t care. She couldn’t take the pain, the guilt, the thoughts, the voices.
“I can’t do this anymore, Joke. I hurt everyday thinking about him. I hear voices and they blame me for what happened.” She began to cry again as she pressed her hand against her forehead, feeling defeated, wanting so desperately to be free.
“Ash, don’t do this. I am here for you, we can make it through this.” He took a measured step closer to her. His palms were beginning to sweat as he watched her cock the gun.
“I need this to end.” She pointed the gun at her head and pulled the trigger.
The Joker froze where he was, unable to move, unable to breath. He looked at her lifeless body as it lay in the dirt-covered floor.
“No.” He said aloud after what seemed like hours. “No…Not her.” He kneeled beside her lifeless body. She looked so at peace, she finally looked free.
He picked up her body and held her in his arms, squeezing her tightly, trying to bring her back, “Please, Ash!!!! I can’t do this without both of you!!” He screamed at the top of his lungs as tears escaped his eyes.
He looked to her hand and saw the note. He picked it up and read the words she scribbled onto the paper.

Joke,
I forgive you.

He felt his heart break inside his chest as he read her four words over and over again. How could she forgive him for what he had done when he didn’t even forgive himself?
He set her body back down where he had originally fallen and took the gun from her lifeless hand, inspecting it in as he held it in his grasp.
“Why even bother?” He put the gun between his teeth and pulled the trigger. His body slumped over beside Ashley’s, the life drained from them both.

~Elsewhere~

“Wake up, my love.” He heard her beautiful voice in his ear, cooing to him. He opened his eyes and there she was, standing before him. Her hair cascading about her face in the most angelic way, she was the Ashley that he remembered.
“Ashley.” He stood before her, his arms reached out for her immediately and she quickly engrossed herself within them. He inhaled deeply as he kissed the top of her head.
“Come with me.” She smiled as he released her, taking his hand tenderly in hers as she walked out of the room they were in. They entered into a hallway that was brightly lit; sconces were mounted every few feet on golden painted walls.
She stopped before a door that was a few feet down from the one they had just exited, Ashley gently pushed the door open and ushered him inside.
The room was painted a vibrant blue with thin, green stripes, in one corner was an old, wooden rocking chair, and in the other was a crib with a spinning mobile that was playing the melody of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star in a slow, pleasant tone. He looked upon the walls and saw the name Marcus written in a cursive script above the crib.
Ashley released his hand then, and smiled as he walked hesitantly towards the crib. When he reached it, he looked down. His eyes filled with tears as he saw him for the very first time, his son. He had his father’s flowing blonde locks, but his mother’s smoky eyes, his skin was a flawless and beautiful shade of pink. The Joker leaned over and took the small baby into his arms, pride beaming from every feature on his face as he walked back to where Ashley was waiting.
“He’s perfect.” He stated to her as his son laughed and took his father’s finger into his grasp.
“Yes, he is.” Ashley kissed her son’s forehead tenderly, then looked up at The Joker, “Everything is going to be okay, Joke. I love you.” She kissed his lips gently.
“And I love you.” He kissed her back, then looked back into his son’s glowing eyes.