Head First, No Regrets

Everyone knows that it’s going to happen eventually.

Oh, come on, don’t look so surprised. You must have known too. Even if you never owned up to it, the idea was always there. It always thrilled you, excited you. Scared you. There’s no use in lying. You’ve been falling since the day you met him.

No need to worry about the past, though. We’re here to tell you about the future. How it’ll all happen.

Before we start, I should warn you that you won’t be able to fight any of this. It will happen. Yes, we’re fully aware that he’s your best friend. That doesn’t change anything. Nobody can help who their soulmate is.

You still want to hear what we have to say, don’t you?

Of course you do.

The first possibility starts out as a terrible cliché. We’d avoid them if we could, I promise you. After all, nobody likes a predictable ending. You must know the feeling of boredom when the inevitable happens. Or the feeling that you’ve wasted precious time waiting for something different, something exciting, only for it to turn out exactly how you imagined it would. We do apologise, but sometimes these things can’t be helped.

As I said, many people would think this one was typical, but we think that it’s one of the most unlikely scenarios. Not impossible, but unlikely all the same. It all starts in a club. A stiflingly hot club. So hot, that you keep ordering drink after drink, hoping that it will refresh you, and make you want to stay just a little bit longer.

Of course, you’ll want to stay there anyway, drink or not. He’ll be there, with his goofy grin and various beverages spilled down the front of his shirt. He’ll catch your eye every so often, and you’ll blame the alcohol for the blush that will instantly appear across your cheeks. You’ll have to look down at the floor every time it happens.

Across the room, he’ll be disappointed every time you look away. He’ll be drunk, but won’t be too far gone to forget everything that he feels. Don’t worry about it. He won’t be distraught, he’ll just be a little disheartened, and you’ll be able to fix that soon enough.

You’ll have had two more drinks before it finally happens.

He’ll saunter over to you, smiling lopsidedly. It will be the first time you’ve spoken to each other in hours, but the conversation won’t flow as easily as you imagine, despite the fact that you’ve both had several alcoholic drinks. He’ll talk about the music, or the people, or how one of your friends just threw up. In fact, he’ll talk about anything and everything, apart from the one thing that he actually wants to say. It’s difficult to say exactly what you want whilst perched at a crowded bar, surrounded by strangers, so don’t blame him. It’s not as if you’ll be saying anything particularly worthwhile either.

You’ll be watching him carefully as he stands there, and you’ll occasionally laugh at something he says. You won’t know if that’s because he’s genuinely funny, or because of your nervous, alcohol-fuelled energy. His ridiculous grin will get wider whenever you laugh, as if he’s been seeking your approval. You’ll feel content. You certainly won’t feel as though your life is about to change forever.

He’ll take a step closer. You’ll hardly notice it at first; not until he touches your wrist. You’ll both laugh it off, but he won’t pull his hand away. More importantly, you won’t say anything to try and make him move.

You’ll convince yourself that it’s simply a friendly gesture. You’ve always been closer than other friends. Something will change after that, though. Your conversation will begin to die down, because you’ll be so focused on the hand on your wrist. It’ll make you feel uncomfortable, we’re sure, but deep down, you’ll want more. You’ll want him to touch you everywhere. Obviously, you won’t admit this out loud. You’ll struggle to even come to terms with the thought, but it’ll be there, whether you like it or not.

He’ll ask you if you want another drink, and you’ll say no. If his hand wasn’t so close to yours, your answer would be different, but you’ll want to keep the contact between you. He’ll nod, and you’ll immediately wonder if you’re overreacting. You’ll wonder why he seems so calm, when you’re so anxious. You’ll have a realisation that maybe this means nothing to him. You’re just best friends. Have been since you were teenagers, and will be for the foreseeable future. Oh, how wrong you’ll be, Alex.

The next part is predictable, but bear with us. It’s just getting good.

Somebody will push past him, causing him to take another step closer. His face will be inches away from yours. It doesn’t take a genius to work out what will happen after that.

For a while, you’ll try to maintain eye contact. You won’t dare to even glance at his lips. You don’t want him getting the wrong idea.

Except you do.

And it’s hardly the ‘wrong’ idea. It’s just an idea that you never want him to find out about.

He’ll be one step ahead of you, though. He doesn’t spend as much time thinking about the consequences of his actions. He’s more reckless, more spontaneous. You always thought that was a bad thing, but you’ll reconsider when you find out what happens next.

He’ll think something along the lines of ‘Oh, fuck it’ and then he’ll kiss you.

It won’t be the best kiss of your life. It won’t even feel like the start of something special, but it’ll be a surprise, to say the least.
You’ll kiss him back desperately. It’ll be hot, but not in the way that you’re imagining. Not in the good way. It’ll feel sticky and wet, but you won’t pull away. You’ll feel so relieved that it’s finally happening, yet terrified that it will just be a one-off. You’ll feel as though you have to make the most of it, but don’t worry, there’ll be plenty more kisses after that one. That one will always be memorable, though.

He’ll be the one to pull away. You won’t say anything at first, you’ll just stand there, gauging his reaction. Your thoughts will be muddled, and you’ll want to say a million things. When you finally open your mouth to speak, though, he’ll flash you that ridiculous grin, and you’ll completely lose your train of thought. That’s when you’ll realise that you’ve fallen for him.

He’ll murmur something about needing the bathroom, and you’ll watch him go. That sounds awfully dramatic, doesn’t it? You won’t be sad, though. In your intoxicated state, you’ll just be thinking something like ‘Huh, that was weird’. You’ll get on with your night, but your unusual encounter with him will be all that you’ll be able to think about. You won’t take your mind off it until you’re taken by sleep, in the early hours of the morning.

That’s not the end of this particular story, though.

The next morning, your head will be pounding. Somebody will be playing music, for reasons that are beyond you, and you’ll be forced to get up so you can tell them to be quiet. Of course, you’ll know who’s doing it, even before you manage to pull yourself out of bed. There’s only one person you know who’d be stupid enough to play such loud music at such a ridiculous time of day. When you finally find out where the music is coming from, you’ll be confronted by a familiar face. He’ll be grinning at you as though he’s done nothing wrong, and you won’t be able to do anything except stand there, frown on your face.

You’ll both remember the night before, but neither of you will say anything about it.

Instead, he’ll bound over to you and take your hand. By this point, you’ll be very confused. You’ll want to tell him that the previous night’s incident shouldn’t have happened, that you didn’t mean to kiss him back. By then, it’ll be too late, and you won’t even try to protest. You’ll be in far too deep.

Oh dear. You’re not going to throw up, are you, Alex? You look very pale.

We didn’t think that it’d be this hard for you to hear.

Anyway, this one’s nearly over now. Do try to pay attention. It’s important.

He’ll smile at you, and you’ll smile back, but only because you’ll feel like he’s expecting you to. That’s the thing with you, Alex. You never want to disappoint him. He’s the one person in the world that you don’t want to let down.

And that’s why you’ll lean forward to press your lips against his.
It will be infinitely better than the kiss you shared the night before. For a start, you’ll both be sober. You’ll also both be sure of what the other wants. Whilst neither of you will explicitly express what exactly it is you want, it will be rather obvious from the way that you’re behaving.

The kiss won’t last as long as your first one. You’ll be the one to pull away first. For a second, you’ll consider telling him that he’s got it all wrong, and that just because you kissed him, it doesn’t mean that you want to be with him. Those words will never surface. Instead, you’ll just smile, and give him a nod of approval.

That will be it. You’ll be inseparable from then on.

You’ll rarely talk about that morning. When people ask how you got together, you won’t always give them the truth. Partly because you won’t quite remember everything that happened, and partly because you never really agreed to get together. It just happened.

See? That doesn’t sound so bad, does it? In fact, it sounds quite pleasant.

There are no uncomfortable conversations involved, and you don’t have to do anything too drastic, like confess your love whilst presenting him with a dozen red roses.

But like we said, that one’s unlikely to happen.

Where are you going, Alex? We’ve still got lots more to tell you.

That’s it. Sit back down.

You’re going to like this next one. It’s awfully dramatic. It’s the one in which you get very jealous.