America's Suitehearts
It's something wrong with me
2002
Nora never had any luck with men—boys—she should call them what they are, because that’s how they acted in the end, like boys who thought they could just have whatever they wanted without any consequences. Though the only consequence only ever seemed to be losing Nora, and they didn’t seem too concerned about that.
She thought things would change when she met Pete. He was slightly older, 23 to her 19. She believed she had found someone who could truly understand her and who was actually mature, her previous boyfriends paling in comparison to Pete.
And for a while everything was great. Pete adored her, held her hand, kissed her the right way every time, made her feel more alive than she had in a while. She got along with his friends, especially Patrick.
If Nora wasn’t the way she was, she could have dated someone like Patrick—she just found Pete instead, who took her as she was. She remembered one night, with Pete, his lips against her throat hot and sweaty, he mumbled, “I think Patrick loves you.”
She just laughed and held Pete closer. But after that night she could see it in the way Patrick would look at her. She knew he saw perfection, but that just wasn’t her.
She was far from perfect. Nora drank too much, flirted too much, dropped out of college, disappointed her parents, disappointed herself…
Perfection just didn’t exist in her world, and she wished it didn’t exist in anyone else’s because she knew eventually that she would just let them down.
She was always looking for happiness in the wrong places, hoping that her new choices wouldn’t lead to further disappointment. Honestly, she thought she deserved a break, that she’d finally find some semblance of happiness.
But these things always reached their peak, tipping off the edge of a cliff faster than she could catch it. She found Pete buried between the legs of a different blonde. She found a half empty bottle of vodka to drown her sorrows. She found a sweet boy who adored her and she kissed him, hoping for a taste of something she could never have. She left him and everything behind, with only the bitter taste of liquor and a faint trace of mint on her tongue.
---
2011
Not much in Nora’s life had changed over the last few years. She was still being let down and letting other people down. She just decided to care less about life’s disappointments as she had realized they just couldn’t be avoided no matter how hard you try.
Let’s take her fiancé for instance. A decent man, working as a lawyer making decent money—enough money to buy Nora a gorgeous diamond engagement ring which he gave to her 3 months ago when she returned from a work trip (she works in a local art gallery and was looking for new artists to showcase from other cities). And for once, Nora can’t help but think: “Everything worked out perfectly.”
But of course, she spoke too soon. She damns the moment she thought those words. Wishes she could swallow them whole and make them disappear, but she thought them and now they’re stuck.
Three months after the engagement, she left the gallery tired and wanting to change into comfy clothes, but instead she decided to visit her fiancé at his office where she knows he’s working hard.
And she wishes she hadn’t, as anyone can tell where this is going. She should realize by now that her life is the definition of cliché. But she goes anyway, grabs some Chinese takeout from a place she knows he loves, and struts into his office, thinking about ditching the food and giving him something else to eat.
Of course, there he is, pressed pants around his ankles sitting in his office chair with some bimbo straddling his lap, moaning like a cheap porn star—Chinese is definitely on the menu, just not takeout.
“This is just perfect.” He jumps at her voice, and really, “perfect” is the best word for this situation because this would happen to Nora.
He’s trying to stand up and she’s halfway to the elevator. He’s calling her name and she’s telling him to fuck off.
She’s in the back of a taxi before she knows it, goes to their apartment and collects some clothes. Finds his credit card on the counter where she left it after going grocery shopping the previous day. She takes it and finds the best hotel in town and checks into the nicest room she can get at the last minute. She enjoys the mini bar and watches re-runs of old sitcoms until she falls asleep.
When she wakes up, there’s no more humor in the situation. She cries, let’s the disappointment wash over her.
She eventually goes down to the hotel bar, not caring what time it is, orders a couple shots of vodka and downs them quickly one right after the other. Breakfast of champions—or losers. She felt more like a loser.
She turned around, thinking she might go buy some really expensive things with her former fiancé’s credit card until he caught on, but instead found herself face to face with someone she wasn’t expecting: That sweet boy from what seems like ages ago who thought she was perfect.
“Of fucking course.”
She heard him utter her name and she wondered if he still thought she was so perfect—Nora wanted to prove him wrong.
Nora never had any luck with men—boys—she should call them what they are, because that’s how they acted in the end, like boys who thought they could just have whatever they wanted without any consequences. Though the only consequence only ever seemed to be losing Nora, and they didn’t seem too concerned about that.
She thought things would change when she met Pete. He was slightly older, 23 to her 19. She believed she had found someone who could truly understand her and who was actually mature, her previous boyfriends paling in comparison to Pete.
And for a while everything was great. Pete adored her, held her hand, kissed her the right way every time, made her feel more alive than she had in a while. She got along with his friends, especially Patrick.
If Nora wasn’t the way she was, she could have dated someone like Patrick—she just found Pete instead, who took her as she was. She remembered one night, with Pete, his lips against her throat hot and sweaty, he mumbled, “I think Patrick loves you.”
She just laughed and held Pete closer. But after that night she could see it in the way Patrick would look at her. She knew he saw perfection, but that just wasn’t her.
She was far from perfect. Nora drank too much, flirted too much, dropped out of college, disappointed her parents, disappointed herself…
Perfection just didn’t exist in her world, and she wished it didn’t exist in anyone else’s because she knew eventually that she would just let them down.
She was always looking for happiness in the wrong places, hoping that her new choices wouldn’t lead to further disappointment. Honestly, she thought she deserved a break, that she’d finally find some semblance of happiness.
But these things always reached their peak, tipping off the edge of a cliff faster than she could catch it. She found Pete buried between the legs of a different blonde. She found a half empty bottle of vodka to drown her sorrows. She found a sweet boy who adored her and she kissed him, hoping for a taste of something she could never have. She left him and everything behind, with only the bitter taste of liquor and a faint trace of mint on her tongue.
---
2011
Not much in Nora’s life had changed over the last few years. She was still being let down and letting other people down. She just decided to care less about life’s disappointments as she had realized they just couldn’t be avoided no matter how hard you try.
Let’s take her fiancé for instance. A decent man, working as a lawyer making decent money—enough money to buy Nora a gorgeous diamond engagement ring which he gave to her 3 months ago when she returned from a work trip (she works in a local art gallery and was looking for new artists to showcase from other cities). And for once, Nora can’t help but think: “Everything worked out perfectly.”
But of course, she spoke too soon. She damns the moment she thought those words. Wishes she could swallow them whole and make them disappear, but she thought them and now they’re stuck.
Three months after the engagement, she left the gallery tired and wanting to change into comfy clothes, but instead she decided to visit her fiancé at his office where she knows he’s working hard.
And she wishes she hadn’t, as anyone can tell where this is going. She should realize by now that her life is the definition of cliché. But she goes anyway, grabs some Chinese takeout from a place she knows he loves, and struts into his office, thinking about ditching the food and giving him something else to eat.
Of course, there he is, pressed pants around his ankles sitting in his office chair with some bimbo straddling his lap, moaning like a cheap porn star—Chinese is definitely on the menu, just not takeout.
“This is just perfect.” He jumps at her voice, and really, “perfect” is the best word for this situation because this would happen to Nora.
He’s trying to stand up and she’s halfway to the elevator. He’s calling her name and she’s telling him to fuck off.
She’s in the back of a taxi before she knows it, goes to their apartment and collects some clothes. Finds his credit card on the counter where she left it after going grocery shopping the previous day. She takes it and finds the best hotel in town and checks into the nicest room she can get at the last minute. She enjoys the mini bar and watches re-runs of old sitcoms until she falls asleep.
When she wakes up, there’s no more humor in the situation. She cries, let’s the disappointment wash over her.
She eventually goes down to the hotel bar, not caring what time it is, orders a couple shots of vodka and downs them quickly one right after the other. Breakfast of champions—or losers. She felt more like a loser.
She turned around, thinking she might go buy some really expensive things with her former fiancé’s credit card until he caught on, but instead found herself face to face with someone she wasn’t expecting: That sweet boy from what seems like ages ago who thought she was perfect.
“Of fucking course.”
She heard him utter her name and she wondered if he still thought she was so perfect—Nora wanted to prove him wrong.
♠ ♠ ♠
I wasn't planning on doing an overlapping chapter, but then I changed my mind. Not sure if I like how this turned out either. Bleh. Whatever. It's hot out and I'm tired.Thanks for reading, reccing, commenting, subscribing!
~Sally