The Beard

VII.

TRIGGER WARNING: BEFORE YOU READ THIS CHAPTER INCLUDES FAT SHAMING

I couldn’t believe I was really this nervous…over a radio interview. No one would be able to judge me from the way I look, just the way I sounded. Okay that was a justifiable reason to be nervous I guess. I sighed. I really didn’t want to be here. I’d rather be back at home watching all of the Final Destinations with a bowl of popcorn and some orange juice.

“Come on Karmen, relax. Everything is going to go alright just remember everything we went over.” Whispered Louis as he grabbed my hand.

“I don’t know if I can do this Lou, I mean I feel like I’m lying to the entire world and that’s not right.” I lied. I couldn’t do this simply because everyone was expecting me to do it. The pressure itself to get everything right was getting to me. It was the reason I left L.K.A., the pressure to lose weight was too much. I heard Louis sigh before standing in front of me.

“You’re going to be fine.” He smiled before leaning over and whispering in my ear. “Especially if you want to keep your house.” I gasped as he turned and walked away.

What the hell was that?

I felt tears come to my eyes as I stomped out of the radio station and towards the entrance. I’d find another way to get the money for the house. No one was going to hold it over my head like he just did. I’m sure the paps would love an exclusive about how a nobody like me became part of a girl group and started dating Louis Tomlinson out of nowhere. They’d eat it up and I’d have more than enough money for my house.

“Karmen! Karmen wait up!” I turned to see Louis jogging towards me and I sped up. I didn’t want to be around him or anyone else right now. “Karmen please?”

“Stop right there. I don’t need someone like you constantly reminding me of what you did. I can go out there right now and make enough so that your reputation would be tarnished and your career over. However I won’t, because I’m nothing like you.” I spat turning back around and heading towards the entrance. I needed to get out of this place and the sooner the better.

“Karmen wait. Look I’m sorry, I’m stressed because the label has been on my ass about this thing and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m trying. I’m trying so fucking hard, but it’s like nothing is working. Trust me; I’m not usually like this. I’m not a bad guy, I’m just stressed. Forgive me?” I tried to fight back a smile as I stared into the beautiful pleading eyes. I sighed knowing already that I was going to give in.

“Fine, you’re forgiven. Couples do fight, I guess.” I laughed jokingly.

“Then they make up and all is forgiven.” He joked back pulling me into a hug. I laughed as I pressed my face into the front of his shoulder. Even with my heels on he was still was a great deal taller than me. “I really do apologize.” He whispered into my hair.

“I know Lou and I really do forgive you.” I whispered back. After what felt like a while we pulled back as he grabbed my hand and we headed back to the room where our radio interview was being held.

“By the way you look beautiful.” I smiled as I looked down at what I was wearing. I simple skintight black dress that stopped at the middle of my thighs and had a love v that exposed the sides of my breast. As trashy as it sounds it actually covered more skin than it showed. My hair was straightened and for once streak free and I was wearing my favorite gray heeled ankle boots and a gray vest to complete the look.

“You don’t look so bad yourself Mr. Tomlinson.” I laughed. Completely by chance he was wearing a pair of gray trousers and a black v-neck t-shirt that fitted him perfectly. “If I didn’t know any better I’d say you planned this.”

“I knew you saw me looking through you hotel room window.” He laughed.

“And here I was thinking that it was bird that I spooked.” We continued to joke about random things as we walked back. Admittedly we had taken longer than we should have. By the time we got there it was time for the interview to start and everyone looked pissed at us. All expect Harry who was looking at us in a knowing way with a small smirk. I raised a questioning eyebrow at him to which he just shook his head and shrugged.

“Alright guys we’re about to start.” Said the guy whose name I didn’t know as we all sat around the mic. “Ready in 3...2… hello, hello, hello. Today we have special guest One Direction with us, but that’s not all. Wait for it.” he paused and pressed a button that played crickets. “We have the one and only Lilac Duvall who seems to have hooked up with some old friends. That’s right L.K.A is in the building.” I sighed. I was hoping people didn’t remember us, but it seemed more and more unlikely. We had only one album out before we broke up. I guess we were bigger than I thought. “Let me start off by saying how great it is to see the three of you together again. You’ve been missed. How’s things been for you? What happened?” We looked at each other as I gestured for Anna to start off.

“Even though it pained me to give up a great opportunity I got accepted into my dream school with a scholarship and it proved to be a full time commitment.” Said Anna as she glanced at me. “It was hard to be away from these girls, I mean they’re my best-friends. I’m just glad that we’re together again.”

“As you know I kept going.” Started Lilac and I had to refrain from rolling my eyes. “I definitely missed them, but I understood they needed time. Things came up and other things happened. Even on tours they knew if they needed me I’d still have their backs.” She too glanced at me and I suddenly felt like I was about to have a horrible case of word vomit. Swallowing my stomach, I sighed.

“I missed being home. My parents weren’t too well and things were getting complicated. After about three years of them suffering from their sickness they died. It wasn’t until recently that I felt the need to come back and pursue my dream. Like they said we’re best-friends and it’s hard to stay away from each other for too long.” My stomach was in knots as the words left my mouth, but I admit it felt good to call them my friends again. Even if it was all a lie.

“Karmen Champagne, is that you? It definitely is people and may I say she looks better than ever. I see you lost that weight. No longer the biggest one in the group anymore, huh?” I felt a lump form in my throat as the guy laughed. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me as I blinked back the tears.

“Guess not.” I laughed awkwardly.

“It’s a good thing too. Lately you’ve and Louis over here has been everywhere. I don’t know how you did it, but you seem to have him wrapped around your finger. Now that you’ve lost the weight what’s next, lipo to suck out the rest?” again he laughed. I ripped the headphones off my ears as I left the room. “Looks, like you someone’s a little sensitive. We’ll be back after this with L.K.A and One Direction.” That was the last thing I heard as I ran out the room and away from the building. I knew this was a bad decision. Whatever possessed me to think that because I was different now that the business would be. Everyone still saw me as that same insecure girl. Just as I made it towards the entrance I heard my name being called. I turned to see One Direction heading towards me. All with grim expressions on their faces. Niall was struggling to hold back a red-faced Anna and Liam had a screeching Pterodactyl by the name of Lilac over his shoulder.

“That was some wanker.” Spat Harry.

“No that was the reason I left.” I cried as Anna and Lilac stared at me guiltily. “That’s what has been happening since we broke up. That is what you left me to deal with alone. I WASN’T EVEN THAT BIG AND THAT STILL HAPPENED. People were saying good riddance and calling me all kinds of names. So thank you. Thank you so much for causing me so much hell in my life.”

“Wait how is this their fault?” asked Louis confusedly.

“My weight was made an issue on TV. We were doing an interview and the topic of changing up our sound and look came up. Anna over there made a ‘joke’ saying the thing about our look that needed to be change was me and my weight. They cut it out though, but someone recorded it and made it go viral. That’s why back in the dressing room she said it was her who made it an issue. I didn’t know they wanted me out front, but she was saying don’t blame Lilac for it.” I paused as I turned to them my make-up completely ruined. “Anna said it and Lilac agreed. She gave me an ultimatum. Either my career or the weight. So I left.”

“You can’t keep blaming-”

“Who else is there to blame?!” I yelled. “I wasn’t an issue, my weight wasn’t an issue until you opened you’re fucking mouths. You want to sit here and act like it never happen I just got humiliated in front of thousands. He said my fucking name and basically said Louis deserved someone better before calling me fat. How the hell am I suppose to feel Anna? You guys did this to me and there’s nothing you can say to change it.” I sighed as I lowered my voice and wiped my eyes. I still had my dignity to maintain. “You two are dead to me. Don’t speak to me unless it’s work related.” With a sigh and a shake of my head I turned and left out the building heading to cars that we’re already waiting. Needless to say it was a very quiet ride back to the hotel.
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I know I've been away for a while and then i come back with this. i truly apologize and will try to make the next one better.