We Took the Fall

18: It’s Just Nerves

Resting his head in his hands, Fernando let out a small noise, his head spinning from the events that had occurred that day. It had been a long shot, he hadn’t expected to be allowed anywhere near Catalina, let alone close enough to kiss her and hold her, but he doubted that he had made anything better, even if it had seemed like it for a second. He was pretty sure that all he had done was make things 10 times harder. Closing his eyes for a second, he rested his head against the palms of his hands before he moved to open the car door, padding up towards his home. He didn’t want to be there, chances were that Alicia would have some demand that he needed to fulfil, but he wasn’t in the mood. After Catalina’s rejection, he doubted he would have any sort of patience for her sister who was bound to just bat her eyelids until she got her way.

Staring at the house for a second, he took a deep breath before he stepped up towards the door, quietly making his way inside.

“Fernando” Alicia’s voice called “At last, where the heck have you been?” she posed as she stepped into the hall.

“Out” the striker replied vaguely.

Alicia offered him a slightly odd look, but quickly shook her head. “We need to get to florist. They’re having problems with the centerpieces and I want your opinion…”

“I’d rather not, Cia” Fernando interjected, shaking his head slightly.

Alicia blinked. “What?” she posed.

“I don’t want to go to the florist. I don’t want to get a suit fitted or pick out a menu of overpriced food for over a hundred people I am not sure if I know. Alicia, I am not exactly certain that I want to get married” he noted, his tone a little sharp.

Alicia blinked. “What did you just say?” she spat.

“I said, I don’t know if I want to marry you” he muttered, his dark eyes narrowing on her.

Alicia scoffed. “Now you’re just being stupid” she muttered “Fernando, it’s just cold feet, we’re just 3 weeks out and you’re panicking. But you’ll feel differently tomorrow” she explained with a little shake of her head. It wasn’t like him, the Fernando she had known had always been sure of himself and confident, but she wanted to reassure him. There was no way she was going to let her chance to get married slip through her fingers just 3 weeks before the big day.

Fernando shook his head. “You don’t get it do you?” he muttered.

“Fernando, you’re just nervous. It’s perfectly acceptable given that you’re about to marry the love of your life” Alicia quipped, a soft smile on her face.

“You honestly think you’re the love of my life?” he posed, a sarcastic smile on his face.

Alicia tilted her head.

“You honestly think that when I look at you, the whole world seems to stop or the fade out, leaving just you and me?” he added, shaking his head.

“Fernando, what are you talking about?” Alicia posed.

“I am telling you, quite blatantly, that I don’t want to get married. It isn’t nerves, I am not nervous at all about it, I just don’t want to marry you, Alicia” he muttered, his eyes glancing at her briefly. He knew that it was cold, even if at times it didn’t seem like it, Alicia clearly held some sort of affection towards him, but he couldn’t pretend that he wanted to marry her anymore. They had changed, since the engagement they had become distant, and then there was the factor of Catalina. Fernando doubted he could keep his emotions in check for much longer before his feelings towards the blonde became obvious even to Alicia who either ignored it or was completely unaware.

“You don’t?” Alicia posed.

“No” he replied firmly “I thought I did, I really did Cia, but it was a mistake proposing to you. It changed us” he mumbled.

Alicia scoffed. “Why don’t you just admit it, Fernando?” she spat.

“Admit what?” he quipped.

Alicia shook her head, a bitter smile spreading across her face. She couldn’t pretend to be surprised, she had seen the looks from the second that she and Fernando had been in the same room as her little sister, but she was a little surprised that he had actually found the guts to end things with her, especially since Catalina seemed so content with Jonathan. She’d thought he’d never do it. “You’re in love with my sister” she muttered.

Fernando shook his head. “Cia…”

“Don’t you think I see it, Fernando?” Alicia quipped “The way you smile at her, the way you look at her. I saw it from the second that you two met again but I choose to ignore it, stupidly believing that perhaps you wanted me just as much or perhaps more than you wanted her” she spat.

“This isn’t on Catalina” Fernando returned sharply “You want someone to blame, blame me” he added.

“Aww” Alicia spat sarcastically “Look at you standing up for the princess, prince charming” she snapped.

“This isn’t her fault” Fernando shot.

“So she doesn’t know that you feel that way about her? You’re doing this entirely of your own accord” Alicia hissed, her eyes trained on Fernando’s face which flinched as she spoke. “You know, she probably doesn’t even want you” she added, stepping closer to him “She’s got Jonathan now and isn’t he wonderful? He’s handsome, attentive, and from the way Lina tells it, they’re having the best sex she’s ever had” she mused.

Fernando tensed his jaw. “That’s a lie” he spat.

Alicia shook her head. “Not at all. She says he’s fantastic, better by a country mile than you” she teased bitterly.

Fernando shook his head. “She’d not tell you that” he muttered.

“But you don’t know if it is true or not” Alicia quipped “She doesn’t want you, Nando, not when she has him and you’re seriously going to toss away our shot at being happy on the off chance that my famously unreliable little sister changes her mind and leaves Jon for you?” she posed, her eyebrow arched in curiosity.

Fernando thought for a second before he nodded. “Yeah, I am” he muttered “Because 2 seconds with her makes me dizzy, something I have never felt with you. I am sorry, Cia, I really am, but I can’t keep pretending that Lina is nothing, because in my eyes, she’s all I want and all I will ever want. I know she has Jonathan, but if I don’t try, I will regret it and I don’t want to give you a marriage where all I do is pine after the one who got away” he explained, his voice a little softer.

Alicia rolled her eyes. “You’re an idiot” she spat “A soft idiot that’s too much of a hopeless romantic for your own good. She’s going to hurt you, Nando, it’s all Catalina seems to be good at, even if it is never intentional. You deserve her” she spat before she pushed past him, storming out of the house.

Fernando watched her go before he shook his head. It was the right call, ending things with Alicia, but he couldn’t help but develop a gnawing in the pit of his stomach. He doubted that that was the last he had seen of her.
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