White Noise

I stared at the bags that we’d previously packed all of our belongings in; what we had amassed since leaving Tim’s house wouldn’t be able to fit. Once again, I would have to narrow down only to the bare necessities. We wouldn’t have enough room in the van for all of our belongings like we had in the past.

There was a flurry of activity through the house as we were packing up and preparing for yet another exodus. It was so strange to think that only a week ago I’d saved these strangers. That only hours ago, I’d lost my best friend. That only minutes ago, Scarlett took the reigns.

I asked Peter to go join Sasha in the tower. I needed to do this alone.

My brain was numb, even though my body was moving fast. I flitted past Natalie and Peter several times as I ran in and out of bedrooms and bathrooms to gather Lila’s belongings first. I’d decided I’d make sure she had more, even if I had less. Because she wasn’t just one person anymore, she was carrying the child of my best friend, and I’d be damned if I didn’t take care of them. I found an extra suitcase, small enough that it wouldn’t take too much space in the van, but large enough that I could fit all of Lila’s sewing, knitting, and crocheting supplies within it.

While looking through drawers and closets to see what I could find, I found a box of baby clothes hidden at the top shelf of a linen closet in a hallway. It may have been early, but I wanted to be somewhat prepared, so I stashed that box with the rest of our belongings and made a mental note that at some point I needed to talk to Scar about…all of this.

The thought, however, made me draw back within myself. I didn’t want to think of it anymore, because I didn’t want to think of Lila going through this alone. I didn’t want to think about Ryan. I didn’t want to think. I consciously turned on autopilot, let my subconscious take over. My brain started running numbers, looking over lists of inventory I’d taken that I’d stuck carefully within the pages of a leather-bound journal.

I overheard Scarlett giving orders and Sasha throwing updates down the stairs as to the location of the hoard. I tuned out the rustling and bustling as I gathered the last of the items that we had gathered. I zipped our bags and managed to balance carrying everything we had down the stairs, and out the door, and into the van.

I checked every inch, nook and cranny of the kitchen. I checked the lists, checked the numbers, matched items to the bins and bags that Scarlett and Darren had packed away.

“How are we looking?” Scarlett asked from behind.

I shrugged. “Two weeks at the most, as long as we’re careful.” I bit my lip, debating for a moment. “That’s not counting the fact that Lila is eating for two.”

She continued to stand behind me, and I could feel her gaze on my back as my shoulders slumped forward.

“I saw that you found that box of baby clothes…” she trailed off, as though contemplating what to say next.

“Scar…not now, okay?” I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, and I couldn’t let myself feel.

“Hol, I—“

“Scarlett!” Natalie yelled from another room.

“Shit,” she muttered, before I heard her exit the room. I sighed before shaking my head and trying to get the math right. I could cut half my portion to make sure Lila had enough.

“Shit.”

“SHIT!”

A cacophony of shouting cascaded down the stairs, along with the thundering footsteps. I looked up to see Peter first, then Sasha, both calling for Scarlett. Before passing, Peter leaned his head into the kitchen. “Holland, you need to come here…”

I followed them into the living room, where Scarlett stood at attention. “What’s going on?”

Natalie and Lila poked their heads out of a bedroom, and Darren leaned in from the front porch.

“Scar,” Sasha breathed heavily, “They’re moving really fast. They’re about two miles away. We…gotta go. We gotta go now.”

Scarlett’s brow furrowed, I could see the gears turning in her head as she decided what to do. She looked at me, and I matched her gaze. I slightly nodded, signifying to her that it’s her call. I trusted her. I trusted her to take care of Lila.

She nodded back at me, and then addressed the group. “If it’s packed up, load it up. Any last minute things you can grab in three minutes, grab them. Holland,” she turned to me. “Help me load the van. Help me make some order out of this. There’s eigh—seven of us. We need to figure out how to fit our stuff, and us.”

I nodded, heading for the door before she grabbed me by the shoulder. “Holland, trust me.”

I looked her in the eye. “I will.”