White Noise

I half sat, half laid, beside Lila, stroking her hair while she cried herself to sleep. Softly, I sang to her. “Have faith in me. Cause there are things that I’ve seen I don’t believe.” I played the song in my head, and sang quietly. Soon, her body wracking sobs were reduced to sniffling weeps. “So cling to what you know, and never let go. You should know, things aren’t always what they seem.”

I was shoving every single emotion I had about tonight down deep into my chest. After Lila and Holland were asleep, I’d go hide in the showers and have my breakdown. For now, I had to put all of my focus on them.

“I said I’d never let you go, and I never did. I said I’d never let you fall and I always meant it. If I didn’t have this chance then I never did. You’ll always find me right there, again.” I continued singing my way through the song as I sifted through my thoughts.

The previous moment with Holland made me realize it was time to let go of the ‘don’t get attached’ memo pinned to the forefront of my mind. At least for now. I had to care. I had to get attached. Because they needed me.

And, honestly, I needed them.

“I said I’d never let you go, and I never did.”

It was time to hold tight to my group. It was time to remember I had humanity.

“I said I’d never let you go, and I never did.”

There was no reason to push them away anymore. Not after all of this.

“I said I’d never let you go, and I never did.”

They were my family now.

“I said I’d never let you go, and I never did.”

And I’d protect them.

***

Logan found me in the bathroom, leaning against the sinks. I had gone through two panic attacks, one determined rant out loud to myself, one hysterical cry, and was now in the final phase. Planning.

“Hey.” She sat down in front of me, legs crossed. “How you holdin’ up?”

I shrugged. “Better than Holland and Lila.” I sighed deeply, and ran a hand through my hair. “Honestly, I don’t know if we’re going to get Holland back after this. He seems…he just seems gone.” I shook my upper body, shaking off the thought. “But I’ll worry about that later. Right now?” Logan cocked her head to the side. “I’m going hunting.”

“Hunting?” she asked, leaning forward like she hadn’t heard me correctly.”

I was chewing angrily on my tongue and cheek. “We can’t sit by idly and wait for Gabe to find a moment to attack. And we can’t act like this didn’t happen.”

Logan thought for a moment, watching me carefully as the gears turned in her head. After a moment, “I’m coming with you.”

Yeah, I saw that coming. “You should stay here and protect your people. Protect my people.”

She shook her head. “No. Gabe was my responsibility. Trudy was my responsibility. Baby Trudy was my responsibility.” Her voice broke for a second, but she spoke again with more determination. “I have to come with you.”

I nodded slowly. “Okay. I’ll get Sasha, Nat, and Peter to watch after Holland and protect Lila.” She agreed. “Now, do you have any possible idea where fuckers one and two could be?”

Groaning, Logan leaned back against the stall door, smacking her head against it. “I have a good guess.”

***

Holland and Lila were still laying still on the cots when I walked back out after making plans with Logan. Peter was passed out in a chair near them, and Natalie was making some feathery craft. One of the ladies in the factory group had a small stash of feathers, cord, beads, and such items. She and Nat were fast acquaintances.

Natalie glanced up at me. I mouthed Sasha’s name and raised an eyebrow. She smiled at me and pointed upstairs. I smiled back at her awkwardly. Things felt weird with Natalie and Peter. It was useless to think about the jealousy pang from the other day right now. There was other, more important things to worry about. I signed thank you and then headed upstairs. Sasha was in the room with all the clothes, mulling about.

She grazed her fingers across different shirts, jeans, and jackets. Sasha didn’t say a lot. She didn’t speak a lot about her life, before. She didn’t show many emotions outside of worry and love. I’d never seen her angry. I’d seen her scared, but never in a panicky way.

“Sash.” She turned with a smile as I entered. There was only a couple of tears in the corners of her eyes but they were there. “Do you need to talk?” I asked gently. She shook her head, still smiling.

“I’m okay. Only wishing we had a moment to breathe.”

“Soon, Sash. I’m going after Gabe. I’m taking him down, and then we can have some time to breathe.”

Her smile faltered and she gnawed her lip. “Scar, the horde.”

Fuck. My reassuring smile fell into disbelief. I had completely forgotten about it in the midst of all of this hectic shit. Sasha scrunched her face up in worry.

“Okay, how about this, do you think you could team up with a couple of the factory squad and come up with a plan in case the horde heads this way?” Sasha stood up a little straighter. One thing I’d noticed about Sasha, is that she had to keep busy. She was always organizing, cleaning, and focusing. If she didn’t have things to keep her hands and mind busy, she’d get anxious and hunt for something to do.

“I can do that. On two conditions.”

“Okay, what’s up?”

“You kill Gabe, and you come back alive.”

“Scarlett.” Logan had appeared in the door behind me, gasping for breath. “Jason is here.”

“Fuck.” I turned back to Sasha. “I’ll get him, Sash. And I’ll be back.” She nodded. I nodded back. Logan nodded in agreement.

“Cool, we’re all bobble heads. Logan, where is Jason?”

“Outside. With a gun. Demanding Emma bring Crissy outside.”

I thought for a second. “Is there an openable window facing him?”

“Yes, in the room across the hall.”

I yanked on the archer glove that Logan had given me. I was done negotiating with people. It didn’t work the day Ryan died, and I knew it wasn’t going to work today. There was negotiating. There was only Jason begging for medical care that would get him to turn on Gabe.

I was going to get him to tell me where Gabe is.

Once in the room, with the window opened wide, I aimed an arrow down towards Jason. He had one of the kids standing to his left, with a gun pointed at him.

If you’re going to hold someone hostage, hold them in front of you.

He was holding the kid, (Todd?), to his side, which gave me a clear shot at him. I aimed to the left, and released a steel tipped arrow. With a whoosh that sent tingles down my spine, it flew through the air, embedding itself into Jason’s left shoulder. He screamed, dropping the gun and grabbing his shoulder.

I turned back to Logan and Sasha. “Alright, let’s go ask our boy some questions.”

***

“Jason said he’d be in the place I expected him to be.” Logan whispered to me. We were stalking around carefully outside of a small run down cabin buried deep in the woods. It was a two hour hike to get here, and now I was even more angry and annoyed than before. My new boots were covered in mud and leaves. I’d hit my head on two branches.

He had murdered our friend, and her unborn child. And he was hiding in the middle of nowhere. He knew he couldn’t come back to the factory, but he was still after Chrissy and Lila. There was no reason for this before, but now there was really no reason for it.

Logan and I had our bows out, arrows nocked. He probably wouldn’t be paying much attention, what with his drinking problem and his cocky problem. He probably didn’t think we’d be able to find him. He was laying low, relaxing and waiting for Jason to return with a baby for them to murder. I was shaking. Vibrating with a certain kind of fury that comes when someone is killing babies and threatening your friends.

One of the factory squad had come with us. Someone Logan trusted to have our back. A man named Ryland, who was upset over Trudy, good at listening, and had saved Logan’s life twice before. Though, Logan made sure to point out she’d saved his life five times.

We crept closer.

“Okay.” I muttered to Logan. “I’m going over this way, lure him out. Ryland, you check the back and if there’s a door, make sure he doesn’t get away.” Ryland nodded, and silently moved around the side of the building. Somehow he didn’t even make the dead leaves crunch.

Logan and I nodded to each other. Bobble heads. I moved around to the side, bow aimed towards the door, hand ready to draw the arrow back.

“Gabe!” Logan shouted once she was sure I was ready. “Gabe I know you’re in there!”

“Not quite, sweetheart.” Logan whirled, Gabe had appeared a few feet behind her, gun pointed at her head. “What can I do for you?” Gabe sneered.

I could see, from my hiding spot, Logan open her mouth for negotiations. I wasn’t having it. “Hey Gabe!” My intended shout came out more as an infuriated roar. I stood, pulling an arrow back as he turned to see who was screaming at him. He opened his mouth, but the mocking laugh was cut short by an arrow embedding itself in his heart.

He grabbed the arrow, smiled up at me, and crumpled to the ground.

Ryland appeared beside me. “That was anti-climactic. I thought there’d be a conversation, and begging.”

I let my hands fall to my sides.

“I never did.”