Let It All Go
One.
I started my long career of over achieving when I was seven. There was this little practice test thing the teachers gave to prepare us for all of the standardize testing we would have to do when we got a bit older, and I didn't miss one question. I remember being pulled out of class to be congratulated in private by the school's principal. My parents were so impressed, and assured me it was my legacy as a part of the Squires family. I was also congratulated later, publicly, in front of my entire first grade class. I remember feeling embarrassed, but proud of myself all at once. At that age, all of my classmates we're excited for me, and perhaps a little jealous I was getting attention from the teachers, but the best thing of all is that they all started working harder to be "smart" like me. This was the only time I was cool in my life. As soon as ninth grade rolls around, being smart isn't cool anymore. You aren't envied for being smart anymore. You can only win the honor roll award at school assemblies so many times before the coolest guy in school, Adam McGuin, starts yelling, "Let someone else win for a change!". And then the coolest girl, Ashlee Weeks starts whispering "If Julia is so smart, you think she would know how to match the color of her dress to the color of her shoes." SAT's last year were a nightmare. The day after we all got our scores back, some of the girls from my class cornered me in the hallway and tried to pressure me into telling them my score. I didn't. I only told my parents.
I guess it isn't all bad. My parents are proud of me. My parents always talk about their years at Princeton, and they light up with happiness. I guess because that's where they met. My mother was studying psychology, and my father was studying business. They both graduated with honors, and went on to grad school, both receiving master degrees in their fields, and then getting married and having me. Maybe that's why they want me to go there. Of course, the choice has always been my own, or so they tell me, but I know that's what they want, and I want them to be happy with me, so when I was thirteen, I told them I wanted to go to Princeton. My father, still a benefactor to the university, immediately started sending letters to the university about his gifted daughter after that. I started SAT and college prep at fifteen to ensure I would have a spot. I guess you could say we are pretty close, but I guess we have to be close. I am their only child, and I only have one friend, Kendra. Kendra is a lot cooler than I am. She spends every summer in England with her older brother. She always comes back on the first day of the school year, and fills my head with wild stories of her adventures abroad.
"Julia, I'm telling you, you have to come with me next year! Take a gap year with me! All of the British students do it before University. We will have the best time together, Arlin knows everyone who's anyone in London! Plus, we'll be eighteen by then, that's the legal drinking age to get into pubs and clubs!" Kendra tells me with all the excitement she can conjure up inside of her.
"Plus, all those gorgeous British boys are there. God, do I wish I could stay there forever. I met this guy over the summer named James, and one night when we were dancing together at a party, he let his hand gracefully touch my ass, and then.."
I stopped listening when Kendra talked about her many hook ups abroad in London. I wasn't sure if it made her feel better to tell someone about them, hoping I would encourage her, or if she was trying to lure me into the idea of taking a gap year by promising me several boys with the same haircut trying to grind on me at some random house party. If I wanted that, I could just show up to the annual back to school party Adam McGuin throws.
I let my eyes wander to the parking lot of the school. All of my fellow classmates were high-fiving each other, possibly on what they did over the weekend, or possibly over the fact that we all made it to senor year intact.
"Are you at least going to think about it?" Kendra asks me more seriously this time.
"Yeah, I'm going to think about it. My parents probably won't let me though. I can't throw away my scholarship to Princeton. It's been our dream for as long as I can remember, and I doubt they would do an IOU on an academic scholarship." I tell her, quietly, but honestly.
"Our dream? Shouldn't it just be yours?" Kendra questions me, like she always does.
"It is my dream. Anyway, it's almost eight, I can't be late for first period on the first day. It won't look good. Plus, don't you have choir? And ninth graders to intimidate?" I tell Kendra, ushering her to walk with me.
"Alright, alright! I can't make the Princeton Princess look bad! What is your first period, anyway?" Kendra giggles intertwining our arms together.
"It's AP Calculus. My second period is AP Literature, third is Anatomy and Physiology, fourth is AP World History, fifth I have AP Art, then its-" I was cut off by Kendra waving her hands in front of my face in shock.
She combed her dyed pastel pink hair out of her golden eyes, preparing her words.
"Your parents let you take AP Art as one of your classes? I thought they told you it was just your hobby, and shouldn't take the place of something useful like math or science?"
"Well, the problem is I've taken most of the AP classes already, it was between AP Art, or taking two study hall periods, and even my parents think two study halls would be useless." I smiled a little at Kendra. "I guess I got lucky."
"You know London has really great art schools. Maybe your parents would be more open to the idea if you attended a university there while getting completely blitzed with me." Kendra smirked.
"Absolutely, one hundred percent, not possible. They would probably rather me take a break than study at an art college." I sighed, and found myself in front of my classroom door. "Behave yourself Kendra Zebulon Dean. I will not have my best friend spending the afternoon of the first school day in detention." I wrapped my arms around her and rested my head on her shoulder.
"I promise I will not get detention today. I promise to save it for tomorrow." Kendra hugged me back, then slapped my behind before skipping back down the hallway toward the music rooms.
Sometimes I wish I could have been born like Kendra, and be talented in every musical instrument, including her voice. Of course her parents encouraged her musical dreams, and her idea of taking a gap year in London to "figure things out." My future has always been laid out perfectly before my feet. Sometimes I wish I could let it all go, and just let my destiny find me, but that isn't reality. This is reality.
I guess it isn't all bad. My parents are proud of me. My parents always talk about their years at Princeton, and they light up with happiness. I guess because that's where they met. My mother was studying psychology, and my father was studying business. They both graduated with honors, and went on to grad school, both receiving master degrees in their fields, and then getting married and having me. Maybe that's why they want me to go there. Of course, the choice has always been my own, or so they tell me, but I know that's what they want, and I want them to be happy with me, so when I was thirteen, I told them I wanted to go to Princeton. My father, still a benefactor to the university, immediately started sending letters to the university about his gifted daughter after that. I started SAT and college prep at fifteen to ensure I would have a spot. I guess you could say we are pretty close, but I guess we have to be close. I am their only child, and I only have one friend, Kendra. Kendra is a lot cooler than I am. She spends every summer in England with her older brother. She always comes back on the first day of the school year, and fills my head with wild stories of her adventures abroad.
"Julia, I'm telling you, you have to come with me next year! Take a gap year with me! All of the British students do it before University. We will have the best time together, Arlin knows everyone who's anyone in London! Plus, we'll be eighteen by then, that's the legal drinking age to get into pubs and clubs!" Kendra tells me with all the excitement she can conjure up inside of her.
"Plus, all those gorgeous British boys are there. God, do I wish I could stay there forever. I met this guy over the summer named James, and one night when we were dancing together at a party, he let his hand gracefully touch my ass, and then.."
I stopped listening when Kendra talked about her many hook ups abroad in London. I wasn't sure if it made her feel better to tell someone about them, hoping I would encourage her, or if she was trying to lure me into the idea of taking a gap year by promising me several boys with the same haircut trying to grind on me at some random house party. If I wanted that, I could just show up to the annual back to school party Adam McGuin throws.
I let my eyes wander to the parking lot of the school. All of my fellow classmates were high-fiving each other, possibly on what they did over the weekend, or possibly over the fact that we all made it to senor year intact.
"Are you at least going to think about it?" Kendra asks me more seriously this time.
"Yeah, I'm going to think about it. My parents probably won't let me though. I can't throw away my scholarship to Princeton. It's been our dream for as long as I can remember, and I doubt they would do an IOU on an academic scholarship." I tell her, quietly, but honestly.
"Our dream? Shouldn't it just be yours?" Kendra questions me, like she always does.
"It is my dream. Anyway, it's almost eight, I can't be late for first period on the first day. It won't look good. Plus, don't you have choir? And ninth graders to intimidate?" I tell Kendra, ushering her to walk with me.
"Alright, alright! I can't make the Princeton Princess look bad! What is your first period, anyway?" Kendra giggles intertwining our arms together.
"It's AP Calculus. My second period is AP Literature, third is Anatomy and Physiology, fourth is AP World History, fifth I have AP Art, then its-" I was cut off by Kendra waving her hands in front of my face in shock.
She combed her dyed pastel pink hair out of her golden eyes, preparing her words.
"Your parents let you take AP Art as one of your classes? I thought they told you it was just your hobby, and shouldn't take the place of something useful like math or science?"
"Well, the problem is I've taken most of the AP classes already, it was between AP Art, or taking two study hall periods, and even my parents think two study halls would be useless." I smiled a little at Kendra. "I guess I got lucky."
"You know London has really great art schools. Maybe your parents would be more open to the idea if you attended a university there while getting completely blitzed with me." Kendra smirked.
"Absolutely, one hundred percent, not possible. They would probably rather me take a break than study at an art college." I sighed, and found myself in front of my classroom door. "Behave yourself Kendra Zebulon Dean. I will not have my best friend spending the afternoon of the first school day in detention." I wrapped my arms around her and rested my head on her shoulder.
"I promise I will not get detention today. I promise to save it for tomorrow." Kendra hugged me back, then slapped my behind before skipping back down the hallway toward the music rooms.
Sometimes I wish I could have been born like Kendra, and be talented in every musical instrument, including her voice. Of course her parents encouraged her musical dreams, and her idea of taking a gap year in London to "figure things out." My future has always been laid out perfectly before my feet. Sometimes I wish I could let it all go, and just let my destiny find me, but that isn't reality. This is reality.