The devoted heart

"They say that pain is inevitable but suffering is optional. If I learn to accept that pain is part of life, I will be better able to endure the difficult times and then move on, leaving the pain behind me"

Maybe it was just me, but when the psychologist said this to me on my very last session I shook my head, laughed in his face then cut our very last session short- walking out almost three quarters of an hour earlier than I should have. Ooooh boo!

I'm sick shit of listening to all this stupid bullshit. Especially shit that as sure as hell will get me no where in this god damned fucking life. Mr. Driscoll, that horny, perverted, bloody ignorant psychologist expects that I'll pick myself up and start from where I left off. Nice of him to think that, isn't it?

What he doesn't know is that my life is heading nowhere. I have nowhere to go, nowhere that I want to go, and nowhere I can see myself staying for more than three boring days.

Pain isn't inevitable! Suffering ISN'T optional and I'm SICK SHIT of enduring difficult times. Doesn't anybody else feel this way?

Cant I have a stupid little break? Feel a little bit of.. What's that word again? Oh yeah- Happiness. Can't I feel just one ounce of fucking happiness, or is that just too much to ask?

I- alone in my sour humour, the same humour I'm in after every Session with Mr. Driscoll would get into my car. My late mothers, old, 1999- grey, three door, Honda Civic. I'd light up a cigarette, take one drag and then throw it out the window, cursing because I've been trying to quit.

That's how she died. Throat cancer- she got it from smoking all those shitty cancer sticks. Good enough reason for me to stop quitting. But it's just too bad I cant.. Stupid, addictive.. Lovely.. Cigarettes. Cries

I guess I should begin this crummy story huh? That is what you're here for, right?
Oh well I guess I'll take you back to the beginning

It all started when..