I'm Not a Fan of My Father

Mother's sickness lasted for weeks. I was mostly found at the hospital everyday after school. Even dad was there... His 'buddies' came there usually. I still haven't learned their names well. I often mixed up my own uncles' name with the short, quirky one. The huge afro guy... His name is Ray, I think. The blond one with a piercing on his lip is... Bob? Sometimes they would come in and converse with my mom and Gerard. Talking about the old days or the birth of the band. Bob was mostly left out... Okay, he was always left out when they were talking about the past. I usually conversed with him. He's particularly a quiet guy. Not talking much, which I was really on good terms with. I already knew that I was going to be fast friends with Bob.

That short guy irritated me most of the time. Ray, the guy with the huge afro, was quiet like Bob. Mikey and Gerard chatted amongst themselves about comics and what not. The short guy just chatted freely with my mom. And he went on, and on, and on. I would just sit there, staring at them, studying them... Trying my best not to get short tempered and explode. They were okay I guess, I just couldn't get over the fact my dad acted like a... No, is a drag queen.

- - -

Today was like any other day... But when walked in her room, the first thing I saw was an empty bed. I didn't panic, I was thinking maybe she's outside- getting fresh air. I walked over to the nurse stationed there and asked her where my mother was. She checked her records. She paused and looked at me... I waited, waited for her to say, 'she's outside with this man with blond hair.' Instead, she said those words in a whisper and my whole world crumbled.

"She's dead."

This is was the first time in years I cried so hard. My body was in a state of shock. Just yesterday my mother looked healthy. Just yesterday she talked happily with that midget. I stood there, looking at the nurse, tears forming at the edges of my eyes. I wasn't going to deny it. This wasn't a prank, a sick joke- it was reality. My mom is dead. I backed away, my stomach churning and my lungs trying to breathe easily. When my back hit the wall, I slowly dropped- staring at her in horror, tears in my eyes. I was on the floor now, crying my eyes out. I held tight to my legs and swayed my self forward and backward- not caring how it pained my arched back to hit the wall.

"I'm sorry, sweetie," the same nurse said. Her hands were on top of my head now. I didn't look up to her, I cried and cried. Memories of her and me started flashing and I cried even harder. Even if I was a tough girl, most people feared in high school, I still had feelings. I deeply love my mother, I care about her. She was the only person on Earth that mostly understood me, was patient about my attitude, and was able to make me smile no matter the situation.

I held on to myself tighter, trying to imagine my mother hugging me and cooing me when I was eight. Telling me monsters didn't exist. How I always drooled for her cookies. How she acted out the stories she told me at bed time. Now they were all just memories. Mother was gone, I wasn't going to deny that.

"Belle?" an annoying, familiar voice called out my name. I looked up- my eyes red and full of water. Gerard, I glared at him when I saw him. "I'm sorry," he said. I stood up and he opened his arms. I stood there, wondering if I should go for it or not. I need to hug someone, anyone. But I hesitated, I dislike him. Without thinking, I lunged myself towards Gerard and hugged him. Trying to imagine it was mom I was hugging, not him.

- - -

Gerard and his little flamboyant band sang at the funeral. My mom's family members came and hugged me. Telling me that everything is going to be fine, that now I have a dad and all that crap. What irritated me was that my mom's family accepted Gerard with open arms. They should hate him. After he left mom pregnant with me, raised me alone, and here he comes- thinking he's a hero for saving me before I go to an orphanage or to live with Uncle Ian or Aunt Meriam. I hate him, no doubt about it. I don't I'd ever accept him as my dad. After what he's done? It won't take weeks.