Zero Gravity

There was one thing that I was not looking forward to talking about and I knew it was the one thing that Cecily was going to bring up. I’d been avoiding her all day for reasons I wouldn’t be able to figure out even if someone had asked. Talking to her about my project with James probably wouldn’t have been so bad, but Cecily was Cecily and Miles was Miles and he would surely be there too.

I spent all of my free time that day tucked away in the astronomy tower where I knew Cecily would never find me. I’d just tell her tomorrow that I had too much homework to do.

Time got away from me and when I finally realized how late it was, it was well past curfew. I had never been a rule breaker, at least not intentionally, so if I did get caught it would be my first detention and the single worst moment of my life.

Tiptoeing down the hallways, I tried my best to be as sneaky as possible, though that was never my forte either. I probably should have paid more attention to the rounds the prefects made in my time at Hogwarts, but I’d never really had a reason to until then.

I heard the distinct sound of footsteps around the corner at the worst possible time. There were no other hallways for me to duck into and all of the classrooms were locked. Whoever was on duty was most definitely going to catch me and add another detention to their log. Possibly lose some points for Gryffindor too. I should have just slept in the astronomy tower.

There was no sense in running at that point, so I stood in place, waiting for the prefect and my punishment. If I were lucky, it would be another student out past curfew, but I’d learned a long time ago that I wasn’t a necessarily lucky person.

Just as the figure was about to turn the corner, I felt a hand over my mouth, though I’m not sure I would have screamed if it hadn’t been there. The person’s other arm grabbed onto my hip and gently pulled me through a door I hadn’t heard open.

“Are you trying to get a detention?”

I recognized James’s voice immediately, hushed in a whisper. He pulled his hands away from me and shut the door quietly behind him. His hair was a mess the way it always was, but he didn’t look nearly as flustered about being out past curfew as I was.

“Well, no, I just -” I paused, tilting my head as I looked at him. “Wait, what are you doing? You’re not a prefect, are you?”

James laughed at that, practically hanging his head back. I didn’t want to assume too much, but if I had to guess, I’d say he was having a late night romp with some girl or another. It would explain his messy hair.

“Definitely not, but I know my way around this place. You, on the other hand, were about to get caught by Lacy Hawn. She makes the same rounds every night.”

“And you know this how?”

“I have trouble sleeping,” James said, shrugging his shoulders. He then raised his eyebrows at me and pursed his lips together. “You never answered my question. What are you doing out this late?”

“I lost track of time while doing some homework,” I lied. “Is it safe to go yet?”

It wasn’t that I wasn’t enjoying James’s company in an empty classroom, late at night, but I was starting to feel like he had done this whole thing many times before. Girl and all.

James shook his head. “Not quite. Lacy’ll make her round another time and then some bloke goes through. Never bothered to learn his name, though. We’ll be here for a bit.”

Of course, he knew the girl’s name and not the guy’s. And what a horrible thing for me to think. I knew that I should stop assuming the worst out of James, but it was hard when I’d heard too many stories about him for too long.

There was a silence between James and I that let me hear every blow of wind that came through the castle. It was eerie how the school could be so alive during the day and so dead during the night.

“So, you couldn’t sleep?” I asked, eager to break the silence and almost certain that he’d told a lie. Cecily would probably know if James had sleeping issues, but I’d been avoiding her all day so she hadn’t had a chance to spit out random facts about him.

“I probably could if I actually tried,” he said, “but I just wanted some time alone to think about quidditch plays and alone time really only happens at night.”

Did other people actually have trouble finding alone time? I guess I needed friends other than Miles and Cecily, but that also sounded like an awful idea.

“I usually find that the library is a pretty good place to go when you wanna be alone. The only people there are the Ravenclaws that are studying, and they usually wanna be alone just as much as you do.”

“As nice as that sounds, I can’t really have people spreading rumors that I like to spend time in the library.”

“Oh, yes, because those kinds of rumors would be the worst.”

James looked at me with his eyes tightened and his lips smashed together. He was looking at me curiously, like he was trying to figure out what I was thinking or what to say next, but I couldn’t be sure which.

“You know, in the few times I’ve talked to you, I think you’ve insulted me more than anyone else here, including Scorpius Malfoy, and that’s really saying something.”

“Well, it wasn’t meant to be an insult,” I said, only half apologetic. I took the moment to sit atop one of the desks, something I’d never been able to do when class was in session. It felt so wrong and so right. “I was just saying, people spreading rumors that you were studying couldn’t be the worst thing in the world.”

“Rumors about that as opposed to?” He looked at me and I just looked at him. When he realized I wasn’t going to speak, he sat on the desk opposite me so we were facing one another. “Go on, you can say it.”

I shrugged, suddenly unable to meet his eyes. When he looked at me, there was this small hint of the moon in them that was being cast from the window that was just too distracting. I looked at the floor, the ceiling and everywhere but him. “You know, the ones about the girls.”

James clicked his tongue to the roof of his mouth, and when I finally got the courage to look at him again, he was looking down at the floor. He must have felt my eyes on him, because he looked back up at that exact moment.

He shrugged his shoulders and leaned back a bit. “Well, I guess we’re just going to have to agree to disagree.”

Did he really think that rumors about studying were worse than rumors about girls? It only took me a second to realize that yes, that would make complete sense. Miles would feel the same way, as I’m sure every other guy on the quidditch team would. It was just a different world from the one I lived in.

“James?” I said his name finally, causing him to look at me with one of his eyebrows up. He was still caught up in the moonlight, but I forced myself to keep looking at him out of fear of being too awkward.

“Yes, Posey?”

“I don’t mean to insult you. If you, uh, want to enjoy the company of all those girls, then that’s your thing. Just don’t get mad at me when I call you on it.”

James chuckled at that, either amused by the fact that I’d said it or thinking that I was completely ridiculous. “That’s fair.”

There was a small pause before James spoke again, and I could hear the ease in his voice. “So, I’m going to guess that you’ve never snogged a guy in a deserted classroom before?”

I laughed and shook my head quickly. “No, of course not.”

James smiled at that and gave one nod of his head. “Well, this’ll be my second time.”

“Second? No way, Cecily’s told me there’s at least - wait, this will?” James said nothing, just stared at me with his lips pressed together and both his hands placed on the sides of the desk. How could he still look so cool and casual at a time like this? “What are you on about? Go on, say it.” I mimicked.

“Nothing,” he said with a shake of his head. He hopped off the desk and began moving towards the door. “Lacy should be gone about now, so we’re safe to leave.”

There was a very good chance that I was actually losing my mind and hadn’t heard what I thought I heard, or that I just misunderstood him completely, but James was always doing this dodgy-avoid thing, so I felt I had the right to question him at least a little bit.

Although, anytime I questioned him, it never ended well for me, so he was most likely going to tell me that he was set to meet a girl in here in about 15 minutes, so I better get out, like, super quick.

“Wait, no, what were you talking about?” I hopped off my desk and followed him towards the door with no intention of actually leaving the room until I got more information out of him. I told myself it was so I’d have some things to tell Cecily, but that was definitely not true.

“When?”

“Don’t play that game with me, James. Are you forgetting Miles is my best friend? You said you were going to snog me.”

James shrugged, calm and cool like I wasn’t about to have a mild freak out in front of him. “Well, only if you wanted to, and I didn’t say it like that.”

“But you’re admitting it? You did say it?”

James paused for a moment, thinking about whatever immortal gods think about when they have years of experience with girls and only like 6 girls at school they haven’t already slept with. That was a thing gods did, right?

“Yeah, Posey, I did. But, like I said, only if you wanted to.”

The fact that my jaw wasn’t dropped open was a small courtesy my body had given me considering my face was as hot as a dragon’s breath and my palms were about to prune from how sweaty they were. James. Just. What.

I could finally speak after a few moments of blubbering in my mind, and unfortunately, my speaking was blubbering too.

“Is this - what - what is this exactly? Is this like a thing you do?”

James chuckled. “Posey, why do you have to ask so many questions? If you want to kiss me, then kiss me. If you don’t, then that’s fine too. Just try, for once, doing something without having to know all the little details behind it.”

I was inquisitive by nature. I always had been, and the fact that everything about James was such a mystery despite the fact that Cecily had told me nearly everything about him was just absolutely frustrating.

“Posey,” he said my name again, bringing my attention back. “I know you’re standing there trying to figure this whole thing out, but sometimes there isn’t anything to figure out. Sometimes you just kiss a boy in a deserted classroom just because you can. And because he’s ‘impossible to resist’, I think you said.”

This whole moment was proving impossible for me to wrap my head around. In fact, everything about James was, but I knew everything I’d heard about everything James had done for all this time, and all of that felt pretty impossible to forget.

“James?”

“Yes, Posey?”

He had a faint smile on his face, like he thought he’d gotten through to me and had Posey Ellison all figured out.

“Can I ask you just one more question before I decide?”

James chuckled and almost rolled his eyes before he nodded his head. “You’re horribly indecisive. It’s a kiss, Posey. I’m not asking you to marry me. But go ahead. One more question.”

“Is this a thing that just happens for you? Like all the time? You just ask a girl to kiss you and she says yes?”

“Well, usually I don’t ask. Usually she just kisses me before I have a chance to say much of anything really. But, I guess the answer to your question would be yes.”

I don’t know if I actually expected him to say no or if I just wanted to hear him say yes, but asking did make the whole thing a lot more simple.

“That’s what I thought,” I said, taking my hand and running it through my hair as I tried to figure out what to say next. “I think I’ll pass for now.”

James nodded his head and shrugged his shoulders. “That’s fair. Now, is that because you’re afraid I have more experience than you and your kiss won’t be impressive or because you’re just really not interested?”

“James,” I said, giving him a small but cocky smile. “I know you’re standing there trying to figure this whole thing out, but sometimes there isn’t anything to figure out. Sometimes you meet a girl in a deserted classroom and she just doesn’t want to kiss you. And because she’s ‘horribly indecisive, I think you said.”

James smiled at me faintly, as he rolled his eyes. “You’re real funny, you know that?”

“I’ve been told.”

James said nothing else before he guided me out of the classroom, safely leading us on the path to the Gryffindor Common Room that wouldn’t get us caught by any prefects. Another detention barely missed.

When we got back to the common room and James said goodnight, I knew I was going to have an impossible time sleeping when I had all these thoughts running through my head. 93.3% were about James and 6.7% were about what Cecily would say about James, and 100% of those consisted of me being totally and completely confused.