Still Deciding

Tina stayed for a short amount of time, before the very strict nurse came back again and kicked her out.

"Visiting hours are over." She had said and rudely shoved her out of the room.

One last look through the window in the door and she was gone. The only friend I had in the world.

"And you," The nurse said, looking at me with piercing eyes, "Had better get some rest."

After Tina had left, I lay in the lumpy bed, for an unmeasurable amount of time. Hoping that I would be able to dredge up any single memory from my past. It was impossible though and I eventually fell into a dreamless, yet very restless sleep.

I woke the next morning, feeling tired and sore all over. The bright morning sun streamed in through the window across from me. I blinked my eyes a few times so they could adjust.

"Ellie! You're awake. Finally.." I looked to my left to see Tina sitting in the chair beside me. "You were allowed to leave an hour ago. I can't wait to get you home, there's something I want to show you." She said smiling.

I stared at her dopily, too sleepy and sore to think of anything to say. Tina laughed at me, "Come on! Get up. Or would you rather stay and spend time with our favorite nurse?" She looked at me smiling.

"No! No. I'm up." I said, scrambling out of bed and into the bathroom. Tina stayed sitting in the other room as I changed into my already worn clothes. They seemed quite nice. A pair of gray, skinny leg jeans, comfy enough, tightly fitted and the perfect length. A plain, navy blue t-shirt, loosely fitted. And a white, v-neck, hooded jumper. I decided then that I liked my taste in clothes and that when I remembered who I was I would definitely be raiding my closet. Last were the shoes, a pair of bright, red converses. I pulled them on quickly and took a look in the mirror.

An image flashed into my mind. It was gone just as quickly as it had come. I saw myself standing in front of another mirror and a feeling of excitement coursed through my body.

"Geez... How slow are you?" Tina said from the other room pulling me back to reality.

"Sorry." I said, slightly dazed. I tried to pull the memory back, hoping for more insight into life before amnesia but it was impossible. Realizing this, I stepped out into the other room and Tina and I went out into the hall to notify the nurse about me leaving. After half an hour of boring and pointless paperwork we were finally able to leave.

Tina and I walked out into the big, very full, parking lot. It was very sunny outside and once again I had to blink a few times so my eyes could adjust. I followed Tina through the maze of cars until we reached a bright yellow, MINI Cooper S Convertible, half in shade. There was a high pitched noise as she unlocked the doors. We jumped in and she started the engine.

Instantly music blasted loudly out of the speakers and I flinched. I didn't know what the song was but I knew that I liked it. Too long in the same place, I'm sinking into this town, I've charmed the same old snakes, I think we gotta get out, Before I break away from me, This place is my lobotomy, Imagine we were dead, Counting all the things we never did...

In that moment more images flooded into my mind. I was sitting in a classroom, next to a boy. I had my iPod out, at least I assumed it was mine. "Here, listen to this." I said to him, holding out an earphone.

Tina turned down the ear piercingly loud music, tearing me away from the flashback. "Sorry." She said as she turned out of the lot. It took me a little while to realize she was apologizing for the loud music and not for taking me away from my past.

"That's alright." I said, trying to get every detail from my memory. I didn't want to let it slip away like the other one. I knew what had happened in the last, but it was so short that it was hard to really get anything from. I scrutinized everything, mainly myself though. From what I saw, my hair was longer and it wasn't blond but light brown. I wondered when I had gotten my hair died.

Tina must have noticed my temporary moment of distraction because she asked, "What's wrong? Do you not like my music?"

I looked at her and smiled. "No. I love, love the music. I just sort of remember it is all. It kinda shocked me." I had no intention of telling her about my flash backs. Until I could figure out who I was, they were going to be my little secret.

"Oh, well that's good. Maybe it will help you get your memory back." She said and turned the music up a tiny bit louder again.

"Mmmmm... maybe." I said before turning to stare out the window at the world passing by. It didn't take long, no more than 10 minutes, before we reached Tina's apartment building. She lived in a very modern looking 3 story building. It was on the corner of two very busy roads and across the street was a very large shopping center, called The Plaza Shopping Center.

We made our way up to her apartment, taking the elevator up to the 2nd floor. Hers was apartment 21, it overlooked the almost dead garden outside and the busy road. Inside was white, plush carpeting and brightly painted, red walls. Half of the walls were windows. It was a small apartment, with a tiny little kitchen, but very homey.

"Come here, this is what I wanted to show you." Tina lead me into what was to be my new bedroom. Again half of the walls were windows, but unlike in the main room there was curtains for them. There was a queen sized bed and mirrored cupboard doors. "I hope you don't mind, I took the liberty of picking out some of the clothes from my closet for you. It's all in here. I hope you like everything!" Tina said excitedly and opened up the closet. I looked inside to see an almost completely full closet with t-shirts, jeans, shirts, jumpers, jackets and shoes.

"Oh my god! You really didn't have to do this. You've already taken me into your home." I said feeling guilty. How was I ever going to repay her for all this?

"I made you lose your memory though. What's more important than the memories we have?" She looked into my eyes and I could tell that she saw my guilt.

"Forget my memories. I've absolutely no way to pay you back for everything you're doing for me." Self-reproach poured out on every single word I spoke.

"You have no reason to feel so guilty. And there is definitely no way that I'm letting you pay me back. If anything we're not even yet. I still owe you a whole lifetime of memories." Tina said persuasively.

"Not even? I can understand you wanting to repay me but really, this is enough. I can't accept anything more. And did those clothes really all come from your closet?" I eyed the cupboard full of clothes, noticing for the first time a school uniform.

"Truthfully and promise not to get mad. No, I couldn't help myself. I went on a little shopping spree yesterday." She said and smiled.

I sighed. "Ugh..."

"You promised not to get mad remember?-" I would have cut in and said no, but she continued talking much too quickly. "-Besides, there's nothing you can do about it now. I've already cut all the tags off AND thrown away the receipts."

"Oh but there is. I'm going to get a job and pay you back for everything." I smiled at my little plan, although I had absolutely no idea where I could find a job.

"There's no changing your mind is there?" She asked defeatedly. I shook my head, slightly shocked that she had given into my argument so easily. I managed not to show it and decided to take a look at my new wardrobe.

"What's with the uniform?" I asked, pulling out a maroon jumper with a small logo on it saying Waverly College.

"Yesterday you asked about school. So, I thought I'd enroll you. You don't mind do you?" She asked.

"Seriously?" I asked. "When can I start?" I said happily. In the back of my mind I wondered though, why am I so eager to go to school?

"Tomorrow if you want. I've already organized everything with the principal, all you have to do is choose your classes." It was then I realized that despite Tina's youthful peppiness, she was very maternal. She would make a wonderful mother someday I thought.

I smiled happily. Starting school was going to be so much fun. A reaction that I realized was abnormal for a teenager. I wondered why I was so weird and whether my reactions to everything would be so odd.

The day passed by slowly and uneventfully. Tina had taken the day off work, so that she could help me settle in.

That night I went to bed - in brand new pyjamas that Tina had bought me, god they were comfy - and thought about my flashbacks. They had been so randomly triggered. But always by something "familiar", or at least similar. Even as I wondered about them I knew in the back of my mind that I'd be happier if I never got my memory back. Which I again realized was odd, why would anyone not want to return to their previous life?