Dear God

I can't believe I let this happen. I can't believe that I'm pregnant. All because of a drunken hookup with Synyster Gates, my brother's best friend and bandmate. I don't even know how I'm going to tell my best friend that her sister's husband got me pregnant. I was always so careful so this wouldn't happen. Just when my band is at the top of our game, this has to happen. How do I even explain this to everyone? This is going to ruin so many lives. Mine, Brian's, my bands, his band. All because we got drunk and had sex.

"Kendall, are you okay?" Katie asks in concern snapping me out of my thoughts.

I take a shaky breath, "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Okay. I'm just letting you know that Matt and the guys and their wives are here, and so is Michelle." She says begrudgingly. "They want to have a barbecue and because we start the tour in 3 days."

I sigh, "Okay. I'm almost finished. Give me 5 minutes."

"Okay."

I hear her walk away and just let the tears come. How could this happen? I'm so ashamed of myself because of this. I hear Brian ask where I was. It's time to face the music and hope my face doesn't show that I was crying. I would be lying if I didn't say that I had a thing for Brian. The whole problem with me being pregnant with his baby is I'm in love with Brian. It's now or never. I walk down the stairs and I'm automatically bombarded with arms and legs and I smile.

"Kendall my love muffin! Where have you been?!" Jimmy exclaims squeezing me.

I gasp, "Jimmy! Can't. Breathe." I say pounding on his back to release me.

He giggles, "Sorry." He says releasing me from his tight grip.

I feel air rush back into my lungs, "I've been busy." I shrug.

He narrows his eyes at me and studies my face, "Walk with me." He says putting his arm over my shoulders and walking outside, "We'll be back." He yells over his shoulder.

As we are walking, I notice that he's quieter then normal like he's thinking something. Not even 5 minutes into the walk he asks the question I've been dreading. Leave it to Jimmy to figure it out without even saying anything.

"What's going on Kenny? This isn't like you. It's like you're avoiding something or should I say someone and you're breaking Jim-Jam's heart." He asks.

I bite my bottom lip figuring out on how I'm going to say this. Oh well, might as well say it anyways. He's going to figure it out anyways. He always does.

"I-I'm pregnant Jim-Jam and Brian's the father." I stutter with tears running down my face, "It was when you had that party and we were all drunk and Brian and Michelle were fighting and she went home and I went and talked to Brian and then one thing led to another and we had sex. I kept forgetting to take my birth control and of course with how drunk Brian was he forgot a condom and I got pregnant." I say wiping my tears away.

"Whoa." He says shocked, "I wasn't expecting that."

"What do I do Jimmy?" I plead with him, "This is going to ruin his life, his marriage, everything." I sob into his chest. "How could I have been so stupid? The bad part about it, I'm in love with him." I scoff.

"First off, it's not going to ruin his life. And second, his marriage is already being ruined bye Michelle. Can I tell you something?" He asks and I nod. "He's in love with you too." He says holding up his hand seeing that I'm getting ready to protest, "Yes he does. I've known Brian my whole life and when I say he is he is. That man is so in love with you that he's already talked to Matt about being with you and he's in the process of getting a divorce from Michelle so he can be with you." I look at him in shock and he continues, "Michelle is dragging him down and the only time he can be himself is without her around, and when he's around or with you, he's so full of life. Like he can breathe again. Do you have any idea how fucking excited he's going to be when he finds out he's going to be a daddy?" I shake my head, "He's always wanted kids and when he found out that Michelle doesn't want them, he was devastated." He says rubbing my back, "You're not stupid. You just made a bad decision and that decision will be the greatest blessing you've ever had." He says smiling.

"I guess so." I smile, "Besides, who's going to teach him or her to play drums and be their favorite uncle which you have to fight Matt over for the title of favorite?" I ask him smirking.

"Duh!" He sasses. "Me! I'm always the favorite uncle." He says smugly. "You ready to head back? My phones been blowing up with text messages from everyone asking where we are."

I nod, "Yeah. Let's go put them out of their misery." I smile, "Thanks Jimmy. I really needed that." I say hugging him.

"That's what I'm here for Baby Girl." He says hugging me back. "I could tell this was eating at you and you needed to get it out. Do you know when you're due and how far along are you?" He asks.

"Yeah. I'm due July 31st. Matt's birthday." I say with a weak smile. "It was your Halloween party that I got pregnant. I went to the doctor last week because I wasn't feeling well and that's when I found out, and I'm 7 weeks and 3 days."

"This is going to throw a monkey wrench into this whole thing because we don't stop touring until September 15th." He frowns.

I shake my head, "No, you guys are done touring September 15th. Missing Since Monday is done touring April 17th."

He shakes his head, "I guess Larry forgot to tell you then. Your tour is over when ours is over. We're headlining together and we have a European tour." He winces.

I stare at him incredulously, "What do you mean a European tour?!" I exclaim. "I'm fucked then."

"Calm down. We'll think of something." He says trying to soothe me but it isn't working.

"I hope so." I scoff and roll my eyes.

"You know what's funny?" He asks and I shake my head, "Your brother is the lead singer for Avenged Sevenfold, but yet, you're the lead guitarist for Missing Since Monday. How did that happen?" He asks amused.

I shrug, "I've always wanted to play guitar more then I wanted to sing. Matt's the singer, not me."

"Huh? Who would have thought." He chuckles and I smile, "You ready?" He nods towards the house which I didn't even realize we were already there.

I sigh, "I don't have a choice do I?" I smile weakly.

"It'll be fine." He says. "Come on." He says opening the door. "We're back." He yells.

Brian smirks, "Damn Jimmy already stole her away from us before we could even say hi or anything." He laughs. "Hi Kenny." Brian says hugging me.

"Hi Brian." I whisper.

"Kendall Grace!" Matt yells and I wince. "What the fuck?! Brian gets a hug before your big brother?!" He chuckles and holds his arms open.

Did I mention that the lead singer of Avenged Sevenfold is my big brother?

"Hi Mattie-bear." I smile and walk into his arms. "I missed you." I sniff.

He pulls back and looks at me, "Are you okay?" He asks in concern.

I shake my head, "No. I'm pregnant." I sob into his chest.

"Shhh." He coos and rubs my back, "It's Brian's, isn't it?" He whispers in my ear.

I nod, "Yeah." I whisper.

"It's okay." He says rocking me side to side. "So River's going to have a cousin huh?" He smiles.

I pull back, "Yeah." I smile and wipe my tears away. "July 31st."

He looks at me shocked, "Seriously?!" He grins.

I laugh, "Yeah."

"What's going on?" Johnny asks confused.

"I'm going to be an uncle." He announces proudly.

I watch everyone's faces and the one that broke my heart is Brian walking away.

"I'll go talk to him." Matt whispers to me and kisses my temple walking away.

"Do you even know who the daddy is Kendall?" Michelle says snidely.

"What the fuck is your problem with Kendall, Michelle?" Val snaps and holds me. "Get the fuck out of my face, and out of this house before I have you carried out." She warns.

Michelle leaves and slams the door in the process.

"What's a barbecue without some drama?" Zacky says nonchalantly.

Everyone laughs. This is going to be another insane barbecue like always, but I wouldn't have it any other way.