Status: in progress
The Moment I Said It
Not anymore
“I’m so sorry but I—I’m afraid I can’t honestly tell you the same. There’s no love between us—at least on my end—except the friendly, platonic kind. You’re my best friend. I could never—I mean, you and me?—I’m sorry!”
I stopped myself from responding, shrank into myself, my hands clutched to my chest, eyes closed to keep the tears from rolling down my cheeks. I nodded in silence, then looked up hesitantly, gave him a carefully-constructed smile and whispered “Okay”.
With shaky hands and a broken heart, I stood up from the stool and excused myself, leaving him sitting alone in the corner of the café we had taken our lunch break in. I took small, quick steps to the door and escaped into the cramped hallway near the bathrooms. On my way down the corridor, I burst into tears before I even reached the door. It was a little single fixture with a cheap lock and I scrabbled at the stupid latch, jerking it to the locked position before I collapsed, my back was sliding down the laminate wood as I broke down sobbing.
I had been honest, but honesty had brought me pain.
***
Tom and I hadn’t spoken a word to each other in weeks. Every day seemed to hurt me more, every second I didn’t spend with him made me suffer. But life went on, I had to tell myself, and eventually, I started to get over it.
I mean, you can’t force someone to love you.
He was still my best friend. I had no other besides him.
It took us a long time to talk to each other again – mostly me, though; he had sent me several messages, asking for my forgiveness – and sooner or later – rather later – it started to feel like the good old times again.
We re-started going out to have our lunch together, resumed our incredible and hilarious movie nights and texted deep into the night, only because there was so much to talk about. We just had to catch up on so many things.
***
“Just cover your eyes, darling! It’s only a surprise!”
He chuckled as I made a pouty face, but I obeyed and closed my eyes as requested. It felt so embarrassing to be sitting in the café with my hands over my eyes when I didn’t even know what he was about to do.
I just prayed nobody would stare at us.
Suddenly, something cold hit the back of my neck. My body went completely still.
What the hell was he doing?
Behind me, I felt his fingers fumbling with… well, I guess it was a clasp or something; he seemed somewhat nervous, maybe.
“O—Okay, now you can open your eyes. But please, don’t freak out.”
As I did what he said – well, for the first part, that is – I immediately searched for my cosmetic mirror to have a look on what hung around my neck.
“Tom… You can’t be serious.”
“But I am,” he responded quietly and took my hands in his, his thumb soothingly rubbing over the back of my hand, “and I couldn’t imagine anything else to give you.”
I now wore his name, engraved on a sterling silver heart, close to my chest.
“Tom, I—I just can’t. Really, I can’t!”
Oh, but I could. And I would. The look in his eyes made it clear.
“Abigail, I was so wrong—“
And then, there was someone clearing their throat right next to us.
Why did Tom have to do this just now?
“T—Tom, this is my boyfriend, Christopher.” I replied hastily, my hands pulling away from his gentle touch.
“Abigail—“
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, my heart breaking as I saw the glint in his eyes disappearing, “but you told me to move on. You told me that there would be nothing romantic between us. It’s nothing but platonic, right?”
Before I slipped out of our embrace, he took my hand and looked up at me, sadly.
“No…not anymore.”
I stopped myself from responding, shrank into myself, my hands clutched to my chest, eyes closed to keep the tears from rolling down my cheeks. I nodded in silence, then looked up hesitantly, gave him a carefully-constructed smile and whispered “Okay”.
With shaky hands and a broken heart, I stood up from the stool and excused myself, leaving him sitting alone in the corner of the café we had taken our lunch break in. I took small, quick steps to the door and escaped into the cramped hallway near the bathrooms. On my way down the corridor, I burst into tears before I even reached the door. It was a little single fixture with a cheap lock and I scrabbled at the stupid latch, jerking it to the locked position before I collapsed, my back was sliding down the laminate wood as I broke down sobbing.
I had been honest, but honesty had brought me pain.
***
Tom and I hadn’t spoken a word to each other in weeks. Every day seemed to hurt me more, every second I didn’t spend with him made me suffer. But life went on, I had to tell myself, and eventually, I started to get over it.
I mean, you can’t force someone to love you.
He was still my best friend. I had no other besides him.
It took us a long time to talk to each other again – mostly me, though; he had sent me several messages, asking for my forgiveness – and sooner or later – rather later – it started to feel like the good old times again.
We re-started going out to have our lunch together, resumed our incredible and hilarious movie nights and texted deep into the night, only because there was so much to talk about. We just had to catch up on so many things.
***
“Just cover your eyes, darling! It’s only a surprise!”
He chuckled as I made a pouty face, but I obeyed and closed my eyes as requested. It felt so embarrassing to be sitting in the café with my hands over my eyes when I didn’t even know what he was about to do.
I just prayed nobody would stare at us.
Suddenly, something cold hit the back of my neck. My body went completely still.
What the hell was he doing?
Behind me, I felt his fingers fumbling with… well, I guess it was a clasp or something; he seemed somewhat nervous, maybe.
“O—Okay, now you can open your eyes. But please, don’t freak out.”
As I did what he said – well, for the first part, that is – I immediately searched for my cosmetic mirror to have a look on what hung around my neck.
“Tom… You can’t be serious.”
“But I am,” he responded quietly and took my hands in his, his thumb soothingly rubbing over the back of my hand, “and I couldn’t imagine anything else to give you.”
I now wore his name, engraved on a sterling silver heart, close to my chest.
“Tom, I—I just can’t. Really, I can’t!”
Oh, but I could. And I would. The look in his eyes made it clear.
“Abigail, I was so wrong—“
And then, there was someone clearing their throat right next to us.
Why did Tom have to do this just now?
“T—Tom, this is my boyfriend, Christopher.” I replied hastily, my hands pulling away from his gentle touch.
“Abigail—“
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, my heart breaking as I saw the glint in his eyes disappearing, “but you told me to move on. You told me that there would be nothing romantic between us. It’s nothing but platonic, right?”
Before I slipped out of our embrace, he took my hand and looked up at me, sadly.
“No…not anymore.”