Status: in progress
The Moment I Said It
No more anguish
I was breathing heavily.
My vision became blurry.
He’s here. Oh my god, why is he here? How is it that he’s here when I am here?
“—ail, you’re alright?”
What?
“Are you alright, Abigail?” Jennifer had been holding my back. She looked worried.
No, I’m not alright. Not at all, since this beautiful, charming frie—fucker appeared. Oh god…
“Marlon, un agua por favor!” ¹
“I don’t need any wa—“
“Abigail, you’re pale! Actually, you’re less than pale, even. What happened? Did you see a ghost or what?”
In a way, yes.
“Discúlpame, por favor! Aquí está el agua, pero un hombre esperando que quiere hablar con usted!” *
A man waiting outside? Could it be…?
“Quién es?” ²
“Sólo dijo que quiere hablar con la señorita Abigail.” ³
No.
“Abigail, shall I—“
”Señor, no se permiten en aquí!” 4 I heard someone call out, and as I turned around towards the door, he was alerady standing in the door frame.
Everyone get out right now…
He looked at me, and I looked right back at him.
I could feel it – he made my blood curdle. It became quiet; Jennifer and Marlon took their step backwards, until they were out of the room, as did everybody else.
Just you and me. Now, what?
Tom didn’t move an inch, but I saw it in his eyes – he wanted to come closer, to touch me, to hold me.
I stood my ground, my gaze fixed on his face, hands clenched into fists.
I wanted to scream at him, beat him, and tell him to fuck off.
I awaited something dramatic; some Shakespearean’ sonnet that he had learned just to tell me how bad he felt or what the heck, but instead, he simply smiled.
That did it for me – I burst into tears. I stomped towards him and slapped him flatly across his handsome face.
“Tu Puerco! 5 You son of a bitch! How dare you come here? How dare you? Go away! Just go the fuck away! Te odio!” 6
I didn’t mean it the way I said it, but I didn’t know that he knew that I did not.
He just wrapped his arms around me, pressed me close to his chest, kissed the top of my head and breathed softly into my hair.
Sobbing, I clutched his shirt and began to speak up, though I failed miserably.
“Y—You’ve… all the t—time… d—do you have any idea w—wha—?”
“Ssshhh,” he whispered soothingly as he held me tight, “it’s alright, Abigail. It is too much, isn’t it? That our paths crossed, that I reappeared into your life all of a sudden?”
I nodded my head wordlessly.
“I know, and I’m so—so fucking sorry, Abigail. If I had known that I would get to see you, I—maybe I wouldn’t have come here. But when I—when I saw you, my dear,” he paused for a moment, inhaling deeply, “I would have felt guilty if I had not talked to you.”
“You’re an idiot.” I muttered as I had calmed down a bit.
The raspy chuckle that rumbled in his throat vibrated against my skin. “I know,” Tom hooked a finger under my chin, but before his ocean blue orbs reached my dark brown ones I averted my gaze, “as long as I’m your idiot, darling. And now look at me, please.”
I couldn’t. I couldn’t because I knew.
I would lose myself again.
But I wanted to see him. I wanted to melt like ice cream on a hot summer day, I wanted my heart to beat faster when he would look into my soul, and I wanted my knees to give out when he would smile at me.
I licked my lips – which were, surprisingly, dry as a desert – and slowly raised my eyes.
I see you.
I released a breath I realized I had been holding back for too long; it felt as if all that weight upon my shoulders had fallen off.
Why did I fear you so much?
My palms found themselves on each side of his face, roaming over light rosy cheeks, his chin, his nose, his lips…
“Abigail—“
I silenced him with a finger that rested on his lips, and he closed his eyes when I kept on discovering every feature of him.
You’re a grown man now, and I never got the chance to see you age.
I saw a tear roll down his cheek, but I caught it with my thumb and brushed it away.
“You don’t have to cry,” I whispered, when meanwhile I had to fight against my own tears.
And then, he pushed me up against the partition, grabbed my wrists and looked so deep into my eyes.
There it was again, this—feeling. The feeling of thousand little ants running through your stomach. The feeling of someone’s fingers dug into your ears that make you hear barely anything. The feeling of your feet being swept off the ground and the feeling of your throat burning all the words that you just had on your tongue a second ago.
We were both panting from the previous movement – me heavier than him. I couldn’t even form a coherent thought again when I felt his lips brush past my chin until they were laid up on my own.
I can feel you.
It was short, but it felt like eternity, and as we parted again he rested his forehead against mine and whispered “I’ll never let you go. Never again.”
__________________________________
¹ engl.: Marlon, bring us some water please!
² engl.: Who is it?
* engl.: I beg your pardon. Here’s the water, but there is a man outside asking for permission to talk with you.
³ engl.: He said he would only talk to Miss Abigail.
4 engl.: Sir, you’re not allowed to come in here.
5 engl.: You pig!
6 engl.: I hate you!
My vision became blurry.
He’s here. Oh my god, why is he here? How is it that he’s here when I am here?
“—ail, you’re alright?”
What?
“Are you alright, Abigail?” Jennifer had been holding my back. She looked worried.
No, I’m not alright. Not at all, since this beautiful, charming frie—fucker appeared. Oh god…
“Marlon, un agua por favor!” ¹
“I don’t need any wa—“
“Abigail, you’re pale! Actually, you’re less than pale, even. What happened? Did you see a ghost or what?”
In a way, yes.
“Discúlpame, por favor! Aquí está el agua, pero un hombre esperando que quiere hablar con usted!” *
A man waiting outside? Could it be…?
“Quién es?” ²
“Sólo dijo que quiere hablar con la señorita Abigail.” ³
No.
“Abigail, shall I—“
”Señor, no se permiten en aquí!” 4 I heard someone call out, and as I turned around towards the door, he was alerady standing in the door frame.
Everyone get out right now…
He looked at me, and I looked right back at him.
I could feel it – he made my blood curdle. It became quiet; Jennifer and Marlon took their step backwards, until they were out of the room, as did everybody else.
Just you and me. Now, what?
Tom didn’t move an inch, but I saw it in his eyes – he wanted to come closer, to touch me, to hold me.
I stood my ground, my gaze fixed on his face, hands clenched into fists.
I wanted to scream at him, beat him, and tell him to fuck off.
I awaited something dramatic; some Shakespearean’ sonnet that he had learned just to tell me how bad he felt or what the heck, but instead, he simply smiled.
That did it for me – I burst into tears. I stomped towards him and slapped him flatly across his handsome face.
“Tu Puerco! 5 You son of a bitch! How dare you come here? How dare you? Go away! Just go the fuck away! Te odio!” 6
I didn’t mean it the way I said it, but I didn’t know that he knew that I did not.
He just wrapped his arms around me, pressed me close to his chest, kissed the top of my head and breathed softly into my hair.
Sobbing, I clutched his shirt and began to speak up, though I failed miserably.
“Y—You’ve… all the t—time… d—do you have any idea w—wha—?”
“Ssshhh,” he whispered soothingly as he held me tight, “it’s alright, Abigail. It is too much, isn’t it? That our paths crossed, that I reappeared into your life all of a sudden?”
I nodded my head wordlessly.
“I know, and I’m so—so fucking sorry, Abigail. If I had known that I would get to see you, I—maybe I wouldn’t have come here. But when I—when I saw you, my dear,” he paused for a moment, inhaling deeply, “I would have felt guilty if I had not talked to you.”
“You’re an idiot.” I muttered as I had calmed down a bit.
The raspy chuckle that rumbled in his throat vibrated against my skin. “I know,” Tom hooked a finger under my chin, but before his ocean blue orbs reached my dark brown ones I averted my gaze, “as long as I’m your idiot, darling. And now look at me, please.”
I couldn’t. I couldn’t because I knew.
I would lose myself again.
But I wanted to see him. I wanted to melt like ice cream on a hot summer day, I wanted my heart to beat faster when he would look into my soul, and I wanted my knees to give out when he would smile at me.
I licked my lips – which were, surprisingly, dry as a desert – and slowly raised my eyes.
I see you.
I released a breath I realized I had been holding back for too long; it felt as if all that weight upon my shoulders had fallen off.
Why did I fear you so much?
My palms found themselves on each side of his face, roaming over light rosy cheeks, his chin, his nose, his lips…
“Abigail—“
I silenced him with a finger that rested on his lips, and he closed his eyes when I kept on discovering every feature of him.
You’re a grown man now, and I never got the chance to see you age.
I saw a tear roll down his cheek, but I caught it with my thumb and brushed it away.
“You don’t have to cry,” I whispered, when meanwhile I had to fight against my own tears.
And then, he pushed me up against the partition, grabbed my wrists and looked so deep into my eyes.
There it was again, this—feeling. The feeling of thousand little ants running through your stomach. The feeling of someone’s fingers dug into your ears that make you hear barely anything. The feeling of your feet being swept off the ground and the feeling of your throat burning all the words that you just had on your tongue a second ago.
We were both panting from the previous movement – me heavier than him. I couldn’t even form a coherent thought again when I felt his lips brush past my chin until they were laid up on my own.
I can feel you.
It was short, but it felt like eternity, and as we parted again he rested his forehead against mine and whispered “I’ll never let you go. Never again.”
__________________________________
¹ engl.: Marlon, bring us some water please!
² engl.: Who is it?
* engl.: I beg your pardon. Here’s the water, but there is a man outside asking for permission to talk with you.
³ engl.: He said he would only talk to Miss Abigail.
4 engl.: Sir, you’re not allowed to come in here.
5 engl.: You pig!
6 engl.: I hate you!