Blurred Horizons

Ben knew he should go after Scarlett as she stalked away. But he was too exhausted. Too confused. As much as he didn't want to believe anything that foul dead captain had to say, he was horrified to discover Phineas's words had made some sense. Scarlett hadn't been happy once since finding out she was pregnant. She had admitted to being reluctant about the marriage. What if she did want him to leave after the baby came? He would, of course, if that's what she asked of him. But he thought it might truly kill him.

He didn't think that she had no love for him, but suddenly he was unsure if she could truly love him completely. He'd seen a fondness in her eyes when she looked at Colton, and he remembered that they had been lovers once. And Scarlett had apparently been so devastated by his leaving that everyone believed it without question when Scarlett took the blame for his death. It was a dark, ugly thought that he didn't want to have but he couldn't shake it.

What if Scarlett's unhappiness and nerves about getting married and having a child came from the fact that she simply would have preferred those things with someone else? Maybe a part of her wished Ben hadn't chosen to stay on the Spirit. Sighing, Ben sat down in the sand. He wasn't sure he could walk anymore just then. He was feeling a bit lightheaded from blood loss. He needed to get the damn wound stitched up again, but the idea of standing just made him tired. Everything had seemed so perfect a few months ago, and now it just seemed to be unraveling.

The entire side of his shirt was wet with blood by now, and it stuck to him unpleasantly. He stopped holding the wound, finding that it didn't seem to be doing him much good anyway. He wondered if he'd even know it if he died in this place. He didn't know how long he sat there brooding but a shadow suddenly fell over him. He glanced up and squinted against the sun. An unfamiliar woman with pale silver hair and eyes to match watched him with her head cocked.

"You're not going to get out of this place, if you spend much more time here. That wound will kill you, and once you're dead you can't get back to your ship."

"I can't go back without my crew anyway," he replied. The woman sat beside him, crossing her legs and watching him with those strange liquid silver eyes. Despite her silver hair her face looked young.

"You need to kill yourself," she stated. Ben jerked in surprise, staring at her.

"Excuse me?"

"When you are alive and you die, you end up where spirits go. If you're alive and wander into it then your dream self must die to get back."

"Dream self?"

"This is a projection of your soul. You are not truly here. But you are dying from that stab wound. If your physical vessel gets too close to death, you will not be able to return."

Ben's head was starting to hurt again. "Won't we just be fine when we wake up again?"

"You won't be waking up again if you don't die here," she said, running her fingers through the sand.

"I don't care how badly Scarlett wants it, we're never going after another magic treasure again," Ben muttered. "I've had enough of other realms and their ludicrous rules to last me three lifetimes."

Then it occurred to him that Scarlett probably wouldn't want to go searching for anything with him again and he flinched. Maybe he should've left the Silver Spirit ages ago when he'd had the chance. He could have spared them both all this heartache. And he wouldn't have ruined her life by getting her pregnant. Maybe she would have been better off without him. Ben closed his eyes, suddenly really wanting to just go to sleep. All his thoughts hurt like needles and not having to think at all anymore sounded good.

"If you find my crew, can you tell them what you just told me?"

"You're the captain, are you not?" The woman looked confused.

"No," Ben said. "I'm not the captain. I'm not anything."

He desperately wanted to lie down and sleep for a million years but the part of his mind that was still functioning knew that if he laid down he'd never get up again. So he pushed himself to his feet, though it took a great deal more effort than it should have and gray spots danced in front of his eyes. The silver haired woman watched him as he struggled to walk.

"You'll never find your crew at this rate," she said.

"Thank you for your inspiring words of confidence," Ben muttered. She was probably right though. He was moving at a snail's pace and there wasn't a trace of anyone to be found.

"Who are you anyway?" Ben asked.

"I'm a guardian of this island. I help guard the gateway so that one day I can return to earth again."

Ben had to stop before long, drawing ragged breaths while he tried to resist passing out. He had to call upon the last reserves of strength and energy he had just to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

"Listen, I will go try to find other members of your crew and tell them what they need to do," his companion said finally. "You are running out of time. You'll never find them before your physical body and your dream self are no longer connected. Just wait here."

She vanished without waiting for a reply and Ben scowled. Yes, he was definitely sick of magical islands. They had no business even existing, as far as he was concerned. He'd been wounded and broken hearted on the last one too. A wave of dizziness passed over him and he swayed, finding himself sitting in the sand again, leaning back against a log of driftwood.

He knew succumbing to unconsciousness was probably a death sentence so he prodded at his side every time he felt his eyelids drifting shut. The pain left him breathless, but at least it kept him awake. There was a rustling in the trees off to his left and he hoped maybe it was some of the crew or the guardian returning to tell him they were all safe.

Scarlett stepped out onto the beach and Ben felt a strange mixture of relief and tremendous sorrow. He dropped his head as she froze and looked at him. He didn't want to see the expression on her face.

"Can you even stand?" she asked crisply.

"Not since the last time I tried it," Ben said. "Have you found the others?"

"No."

"You have to kill yourself."

"What?" Scarlett's voice was choked with outrage.

"That's how you get off the island," Ben explained hastily. "There's some sort of guardian, they told me that's what you have to do in order to leave. Something about dreams and spirits...I don't fully remember now."

"Then why haven't you done it?"

"I'm not going back before everyone else is safe."

"Well I'm the captain, so I'm not either," Scarlett snapped.

"Scarlett...I may not even be able to go back."

There was a long silence and he dared to risk a glance at her. She was frowning skeptically.

"What do you mean?"

"The stab wound. Even in our world it's killing me. It may be too late for me to make it back."

"And you intend to try and send me on my merry way and leave things like this?" she asked angrily. "With you accusing me of only keeping you around because of the baby?"

"What do you expect me to think?" Ben demanded, a small bit of strength returning.

"Not that, idiot!" Scarlett planted her hands on her hips and glared at him. "Why would you even listen to a word Phineas says, when you know he's a liar and he's cruel?"

"Because he's not entirely wrong. You would have been better off without me."

Scarlett's mouth fell open and she was so startled by his words that her arms dropped to hang at her sides. "How can you think that? You've changed everything about my life, Ben."

"Yes well that's exactly the problem, isn't it? I've changed everything. You've been terrified for the last three months, and it's my fault. I told you once that I didn't want to stand in the way of the life you wanted, but what have I done but just that? I go where you go because I can't bear the thought of going anywhere else. But you've had love in your past, Scarlett. With people who better fit into the life you wanted. And I...I don't know if I can possibly be the man you really need, or want."

All the talking had sapped the rest of his energy and Ben slumped against his log, feeling like his insides had been hollowed out. Scarlett didn't move for a moment and then she walked slowly across the sand to kneel in front of where he was sitting. He couldn't read the look on her face. Then she reached out and smacked him hard across the back of his head.