Blurred Horizons

News of Donovan's death was the last thing Scarlett needed to hear. She could feel herself getting sick all over again, and this time, Ben looked ready to hold her hair back if he needed to. She just pursed her lips and looked down at her hands folded in her lap, staying silent. Whatever she was going to do, she wasn't about to cry. Scarlett didn't cry. She wouldn't let anyone see that weak side of her. Ben, however, saw right through her. It was no use trying to fool him. He could tell how suddenly overwhelmed she'd become.

"There's no one but me in this room," he reminded her. "No one can see you."

She didn't say anything, and she certainly didn't cry, but she did lean over to rest her head on Ben's shoulder as he wrapped an arm around her, holding her there and running his fingers through her hair until she stopped trembling. She didn't even know she was trembling until he held her. She caught him staring a bit with an incredibly concerned look on his face. More than anything in the world, Scarlett hated when other people worried about her.

"Maybe it was just him," she suggested. "Donovan, I mean. He always seemed like a good man to me, but the binding contract between the amulet and those held to it is done in blood. It's said that disloyalty ends in death."

"Perhaps," he said, still combing his fingers through her hair.

He seemed like he had more to say, but was holding back. Scarlett didn't push him. She could tell he was trying to help calm her nerves before she got sick again, and she was grateful for that.

Scarlett didn't experience that nausea again until a couple days later after Donovan's body was left behind in the sea. It was a simple goodbye. Few words were spoken, and no tears were shed, but the same respect went out to him. Scarlett suddenly felt sick to her stomach and leaned on Ben, making it look as if she were doing it for comfort rather than because she felt lightheaded. That night she found herself suddenly waking up and panicking for no apparent reason, the pace of her breathing quickening until she broke out into uncontrollable sobs. Despite her attempts to shut herself up, or muffle the crying at the least, Ben still woke up with a start and pulled her in, letting her cry into his chest until she had no tears left and his shirt was soaked.

"Did you have a nightmare?" he asked.

"N-no, I d-don't know what happened," she stammered, hiccuping between words.

"Oh, Madi, what's gotten into you?" Ben muttered as he pulled her in again to hug her tightly, kissing the side of her head.

"Don shouldn't have died," Scarlett sniffed. "It's my fault."

"Did you kill him?" Ben asked.

"No."

"Then it's not your fault," he concluded. "I've never seen you like this. Is something else wrong?"

She thought about telling him what she saw happen to the amulet, but decided against it once more, shaking her head.

"Then go back to sleep, alright?" he said, gently pushing her back down and pulling the covers up over her. "You'll feel better in the morning."

But Scarlett didn't feel better in the morning. In part because when she was standing out on deck, she found Ivan the swabbie with a gash on his cheek that he was wiping blood away from. Ivan, like others, wasn't supposed to bleed. He seemed angry at first as he approached Scarlett, but whatever he saw when he got near made him soften up and shift awkwardly.

"Well, it doesn't really hurt that bad, cap'n," he told her.

She reached out to lightly touch his cheek, biting her lip. "Anything other than this one?"

"Just some bruising, ma'am."

"I see."

She must have looked like she was about to faint again, because Ben cut in rather suddenly, slipping an arm around her waist.

"Scarlett, if I could have a word with you after I take care of this," he said, nudging Scarlett towards her room and putting a hand on Ivan's shoulder, leading him towards Doc.

Scarlett sheepishly went back to her room, sitting on the edge of the bed for a few moments until Ben finally came in, giving her a concerned look.

"I'm fine, Ben. I don't know why you worry this much about me," she argued. "I'm. Fine."

"You've been acting strange," he said, shaking his head. "I'm not the only one who's noticed. The crew has been talking. They're saying you've gotten weak. That you've gone soft."

"Who said that?" Scarlett demanded, shooting up from her seat, anger bubbling up within her. How dare her filthy crew talk like this behind her back?

"It doesn't matter who said it," Ben said.

"Fine, I'll figure it out myself," she grumbled, pushing past him.

He grabbed her arm and pulled her back, and without thinking about it, she suddenly whipped around and slapped Ben hard across the face with an audible smacking sound. He gaped at her in utter shock, holding his cheek where the red mark was starting to appear, though it faded quickly. Scarlett realized all too suddenly what she'd done, her hands flying up to her mouth.

"Ben, I'm sorry," she squeaked.

"Madeline Pearl Triggs," Ben said slowly.

"I didn't mean it! I swear on my life, I'd never hit you!"

"There is something wrong, and we are going to get to the bottom of it," he said, dropping his hand. "I'm getting Doc."

"No, Ben, I'm fine!" Scarlett said, about ready to drop to the floor and grab Ben's leg so he couldn't get away.

"If you're fine, then there's nothing to worry about, is there?"

"Are you angry with me?"

"No, but I will be if you don't let go of my arm," he warned.

Scarlett let go and sat back down, watching as Ben looked her up and down with one more worried gaze before leaving. Scarlett impatiently bounced her knee until Ben came back with Doc, so he could check her over. He felt Scarlett's forehead for any sign of a fever, glancing at Ben every now and then.

"Perhaps I could have a moment alone, Captain?" he asked Scarlett.

Ben didn't need to be told twice. He backed out of the room reluctantly, and Doc waited until his footsteps moved away before turning to Scarlett again.

"You've been feeling nausea?" he asked.

"No. I'm perfectly fine."

"Captain, I can't help you if you don't tell me the truth," Doc said knowingly, raising an eyebrow.

"Sometimes," Scarlett admitted reluctantly, keeping her voice low in case Ben was listening at the door. "I'm never like this. I've gotten sick over the back of the ship about five times in the last few days."

"I see," Doc said slowly, looking her over. "And Ben tells me that your mood is everywhere at once?"

"I don't see it. But if he says so, I suppose."

"May I ask you one more thing?" Doc asked hesitantly, as if he were afraid Scarlett would hit him. "How long has it been since your last... well... cycle?"

Scarlett wrinkled her nose, finding it to be a very strange question, but felt the color drain from her face when she realized where Doc was taking the conversation. She counted the days in her head, then counted them again, and then a third time.

"That's not possible," she whispered.

"With all due respect, Captain, it's very possible," Doc said slowly. "In fact, I'm a bit surprised it didn't happen earlier, with you two."

"This can't happen."

"It can. And with what you've been telling me, it has."

"Maybe it's-"

Scarlett was about to mention the amulet, but quickly stopped herself. Doc knew nothing about the amulet, and even though he asked her to tell him everything, she couldn't tell him about it. She snapped her mouth shut and shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut.

"No, this can't happen," she whispered. "What do I have to do to get it out of me?"

"Get it out?" Doc frowned. "Captain, I wouldn't be rash. Perhaps we should call Ben back in and-"

"No," Scarlett said, cutting him off. "Do not tell Ben. Do you understand?"

"You'll tell him yourself, then?" Doc asked.

Scarlett didn't answer, looking away from him.

"Captain, you need to tell him," Doc said. "This isn't a weight you can hold on your shoulders. And soon enough, he will notice."

Scarlett wanted to snap at him, but she felt helpless, staying silent. Doc sighed and smiled at her, standing up to where he was crouching across from where she sat.

"Ultimately, it's up to you," he said. "I will not say a word. However, I do strongly advise that you discuss this with Ben. And please, don't do anything that might hurt you."

Scarlett said nothing, but nodded as Doc headed for the door. Ben was back inside as soon as the door cracked open, looking at Doc expectantly. He looked to Doc for an explanation, but Scarlett was the one to speak first.

"See? I told you I was perfectly fine, didn't I?" she said, though Ben didn't seem so sure, looking to Doc again.

"She'll be fine," Doc said quietly, though he kept his eyes locked on Scarlett as he headed out.

Ben closed the door behind Doc, walking towards Scarlett and kneeling down in front of her, tilting her head up a bit so she met his eyes.

"You're sure?" he asked.

"I'm positive."

And yet, Ben still didn't look too convinced.