I Don't Wanna Be Friends

I sighed as more people looked at me while I walked by. They were all staring and whispering about me. “He tried to kill himself,” someone said as I passed. I sighed and turned towards my locker.
“He jumped in front of a bus,” I knew people would be talking about me, but I hadn’t expected this. However, they had put me on the fucking news.
Granted, I hadn’t expected to be at school today, so it never crossed my mind that I would most-likely become the teenage sob story.
The local news was playing it off like I had just mistakenly walked into the street; as if I wouldn’t have noticed the massive fucking CAT bus coming down the street. I had planned all of it, in the hopes that I would never have to see another day. But, unfortunately for me, someone pushed me out of the way. There had been a biker that had apparently seen me and he pushed me away before I could get hit.
Figures, I would be the one person to nearly get run down and come out of it without a scratch. “Kellin?” I looked up from my near empty locker at the last person I would have expected to talk to me. Vic.
He looked near-angelic as he stood next to me; the light shining in from the doors behind him. His hair fell against his shoulders in bouncy brown curls, matching his luscious eyes.
It had been a while since I had looked at him this close, and damn had he gotten good looking. “What?” Vic gave me a small, sad smile before the look of concern returned to his face.
“I um, I know we haven’t really talked for a while, I just…are you okay?” he asked softly. I met his eyes for a moment, kind of confused by his question. I didn’t think Vic even remembered my name, let alone cared enough to ask how I was. “What?”
He blinked nervously and bit into his pink bottom lip. “Um…I heard about…you know. I wanted to make sure you were okay,”
I nodded slightly in understanding before taking out my math book. “Yeah. I’m fine,” I replied emotionlessly. “Are you sure?” I sighed and looked back at him.
“Mhm. I’m just peachy,” I walked right past him and towards my class, trying to fight down the little flutters in my stomach. I had had a crush on him when we were kids and those feelings fought to come back every time he spoke to me.
I knew he didn’t really care about me anymore, but I cared about him. He had been my best friend and I had to admit, it was heartbreaking when he got new friends; better friends.
We had never had much in common, other than the fact that we were friends. I didn’t know how I had even gotten lucky enough to be his friend for the few years that I was. Vic was a charismatic, alluring, and versatile person, and I was just blah.
He had joined the soccer team when we were in the eighth grade and become friends with all of the other soccer jocks. It got worse when we started high school.
Vic had made even more friends and got a senior girlfriend our freshman year. She was already popular and it only helped Vic to replace me. He had made older, cooler friends and forgotten all about me.
Vic had dated Erica Lindsay; a blonde, blue-eyed girl that every guy in school wanted. She was the head cheerleader and the captain of the school’s gymnastics club. Basically, she had the body of a sports illustrated model. They dated for over a year before Vic dumped her.
I sighed and walked into class, passing more people as they stared at me. “Suicidal freak,” someone muttered as I sat down and pulled my hood over my head.
It was mostly quiet for a few minutes before someone called my name. I looked up at Mr. Roberts as he smiled. “It’s good to see you Kellin,” he said softly while I disagreed in my head.
I had really meant it when I jumped in front of that bus. I’d had it all planned and then that guy just fucking ruined it. I wanted to die.
“Thanks,” I replied before lying back down on my desk. I didn’t mean it though. I wasn’t thankful to be here. If it were up to me, I would never see any of these people again.
But apparently it wasn’t up to me.
The news actually had called it an accident, like people wouldn’t figure it out. I had even left a suicide note at my house.
It as three pages long, each one addressing a different person; my mom, dad, and Vic. I knew it was probably creepy or weird to leave him a note, but he was the only other person that I could think of that would really care.
I knew he would miss me or anything, he hadn’t in years, but I had at least hoped that he would care whether or not I was dead.
So I had written him one, thanking him for being my friend. I really appreciated the years that he had spent with me, and it just felt right to say goodbye to him. I had even told him about my little crush on him, but of course, I hadn’t expected to ever see him again when he read it.
My parents had thrown those papers away, probably in the hopes that it would erase the memory. They knew the truth; I had tried to kill myself, and I wasn’t sorry about it either. Maybe that was selfish, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. I had a right to die if I wanted to, right?
I loved my parents, my mom at least, but I loved the idea of finally being at peace more. It wasn’t like they were bad parents or anything, I just wanted to be dead. Maybe I needed help….