It's Over When It's Over

Lily's POV:

Ricky sighs before sitting on the bed, shuffling uncomfortably, twiddling this thumbs

I sit next to him, take his hand in mine and give it a reassuring squeeze letting him know it was going to be okay, that I was there for him and he could take as long as he needed

"I'm not going to judge you Ricky, I promise" I smile looking at his sad eyes as he looks back into mine

He takes in a deep breathe before letting it back out again

"Take your time Rick" I smile

"I've never told anyone this Lil, not even Chris" he says in a nervous voice

"It's okay. I'm just going to listen alright? No judging here" I say rubbing my thumb along his hand

It was silent before he clears his throat

"Where do I even start?" he half laughs awkwardly

"Wherever you want. The start might help a bit though" I encourage

"Well, when I was about 14 my sister got diagnosed with Cancer... It wasn't anything serious to begin with, it was something they could treat, it wasn't terminal, she would be able to go back to school and live out her life like she should..."

Ricky pauses taking in a deep breathe gaining his composure before carrying on

"In that year, I found myself a girlfriend. Her name was Maria, she was beautiful. We had the same interests as each other, which is why we decided to give us a go. Everything was fine for a year before I stated to notice that she was avoiding me a lot more. So, I go over to her house to see why she had been avoiding me to find that there were ambulances outside her of her house, I run over to her and... And I -" Ricky couldn't finish his sentence as he chocked back tears

"It's okay. You don't have to carry on" I say rubbing his back

"She was dead. She had killed herself and left me a note... She was bullied a lot in school because she was anorexic... The other kids never liked her in her school, so they bullied her to the point she didn't want to live any more... After I kiss her goodbye, I go back home to my family sitting around the table with saddened looks on their faces... I knew something was wrong instantly. So I ask them and they tell me Rachels cancer was back... This time, it wasn't curable. She was terminal"

Ricky looks at me as the tears trickle down his face as he blinks them away

"At that moment, I had never felt more alone in my entire life. I was alone. My girlfriend was no longer here, my Sister was going to die, I felt like the world hated me and that was it. Me and my Father never got along, he always thought of me as the disappointment... He never once hugged me and told me he was proud of me... I had nothing to live for... A month went by and my depression grew worse... To the point where blades were the only comfort in my shitty existences... A few days later, my Sister got rushed into hospital and I wasn't allowed to go, my Father said only family was allowed. It was then that I questioned why I should be on this planet any more, when clearly everything I touched turned to stone in the end..."

"You're doing so well Ricky" I said as the tears were sliding down my face now

"I.. I did it. I took them all, pill after pill, shot after shot. I downed them all until there was nothing left but an empty bottle of Jacks and copious amounts of pills bottles on the floor... I don't remember much about that night though. I just remember waking up in the hospital bed with my Mother standing over me with worried eyes, all puffy and red where she had obviously been crying"

"Oh my god Ricky" I say pulling him in for a hug. I expected him to pull away but, he wrapped himself around me and broke down into my chest

I pat his hair softly, letting him break down until he felt he was capable of forming sentences again. Ricky sobbed and sobbed until he couldn't sob any more. He pulled away from me, sniffling still

"I felt like such a failure and I just wanted the pain to go away... I wanted to stop the hurt from consuming me any more..."

"Listen to me, you're not a failure Ricky okay? We all get to that point where enough is enough. Some go further than others because of their state of mind. You wasn't in a very good place and that's okay. Look at you now though, you're here and you have some amazing friends... Me included in that" I say grinning at him from ear to ear

"I-I'm sorry" he sniffles trying to stop his tears from falling down his cheeks

"Don't be. Sometimes, we just need that one person to listen to us and not judge us by our actions. I've always been brought up to never judge people, regardless of their past. I don't know your story, so I can't judge, and even when I do, it's still not fair to judge. I don't know how you felt, or the emotions that are running through you" I smile at him with the most truthful smile I could give

Truth was, I was also scared, scared of rejection, scared people wouldn't like me because of me own experiences in life. My life wasn't easy but, I made it in the end... We all have secrets, so in the end, we're all the same deep down

"Thank you Lily" he says then pulls me into a hug before looking up at me with a hint of a smile spreading across his lips

"Don't thank me okay? I am glad you felt you could let me in. I know how hard that must have been do that"

"Please don't tell anyone though" he says grabbing some tissue

"I promise. Your secret is safe with me Ricky..."

He gives me a soft smile before leaning back onto the bed and dragging me down with him

We both look at each other, and for the first time, I see Ricky content and not hiding behind his walls...

We stare at each other and my hear flutters a little as I get lost in his eyes (Which I know are mine but somehow, I feel as though I can see into his)

One question comes to mind when he leans into me and we both let out a content sigh

When did I fall in love with him?