Without You.

The next morning there was a banging at the door and I opened it to find Gia standing on the other side.
"Hi." I said, genuinely surprised to see her.
"Hey," she shifted her weight from foot to foot awkwardly. "Your mom was worried and wanted me to come check on you."
"I'm okay." I replied with a nod.
"I still can't believe you're here and never told me!" She scolded.
"Sorry I was going to, I just needed some time to myself first."
"How long are you home for?" Gia asked as I stepped aside and let her in.
"I'm not sure." I shrugged.
"Oh my god it's so weird to see you after five years!"
"I know," I agreed. "Time went by so quickly!"
"I've missed you so much!" She engulfed me in a hug.
"I missed you too!" I squeezed her back tightly.

We spent most of the morning catching up with each other and by the afternoon, it felt as though no time had passed between us.

"Please come with me!" Gia begged as we sat swinging back and forth on the bench, overlooking the river.
"There'll be too many people." I groaned. "What if I see him?"
"He won't be there, now stop worrying and come pick out an outfit!"
"If I must." I muttered standing from the swing.
"It'll be fun, you need some socialization! Besides it's just down the road at the point, we can leave whenever you want." She followed me into the tiny cottage and into the bedroom.
Once we were dressed and ready, I locked the front door and we headed down the dirt road. There were so many memories here, it had been such a beautiful place to spend the summer as a child.
"I can't believe you're finally home!" Gia shrieked grinning at me.
She couldn't get over that fact.
"I know! I can't believe it's been so long!"
"I'm not going to want you to leave."
"Me neither." I sighed.
The sun was beginning to set as we reached the main beach, its rays casting an orange glow across the crashing waves. I groaned as I saw the crowd that had already gathered. I wasn't in the mood to socialize, especially with people I'd gone to high school with.
"Don't you dare leave me alone!" I told Gia, stepping beside her as I linked my arm through hers. She had always been the outgoing one, continuously trying to coax me from my shell.
"I won't," she laughed. "Stop worrying, it'll be fine!"
As we approached the crowd surrounding the bonfire, I noticed Tyler and grinned.
"Oh my god! It can't be!" Tyler yelled as he recognized me and came running. He wrapped his arms around me and spun me in a circle.
"Good to see you too!" I laughed as he put me down.
"It's been way too long! Please tell me you're here to stay."
"You never know." I shrugged.
"Katie will lose her shit when she sees you, let's go find her." That was his girlfriend and another one of our high school friends. I nodded and Gia and I followed him through the crowd, stopping every couple minutes to say hi to everyone we knew.
As the night went on, the drunker everyone got and I was most likely the only sober person there. Gia had broken her promise and left me alone a long time ago. I sighed once more as I scanned the beach. People were everywhere, sitting around the fire, standing a long the shore and some were even in the water. I needed to get away from the crowd, if only for minute. I walked the shoreline around the bend and when I was finally alone, sat facing the river.
How did I end up here? I thought to myself tilting my head back to gaze at the stars. What was I going to do? I knew I needed to get away, but did I want to stay away? I couldn't quite help but feel as though I didn't belong here, these people had never left home or seemed to grow up. Sure, Jacob and I had our issues, but so did everyone. I didn't know if I could picture my life without him.
The sound of someone vomiting broke me from my thoughts. I turned to look and saw a man a few feet away, bending over his hands on his knees. I stood and walked towards him.
"Are you alright?" I asked.
"Yeah, I'll be fine." He coughed turning his head sideways to look up at me.
I stared at him, it was Henry. Henry Aver. He was a few years older than me and had been my older brother's good friend in high school. Of course, I had the biggest crush on him that a young girl could have.
"Eva?" He frowned as he stood straight. Losing his balance, he stumbled and I reached out to grab his arm.
"Are you sure you're okay Henry?"
"I'm sure, just drank a bit too much."
I frowned, he didn't look too good.
"You want to sit down for a minute?" I asked.
Henry nodded and I helped him sit.
"It's been so long since I've seen you." He commented. "I hardly recognized you, you're all grown up!" I laughed.
"It's been five years."
"Wow that long, eh?" I nodded and turned my gaze to the moonlit river.
We sat in silence for a few minutes. I glanced at Henry from the corner of my eye, he had his knees to his chest and was resting his head on them.
"How are you getting home?"
"Not sure," he shrugged. "I came with Justin. He was supposed to drive, but he's probably just as wasted as I am."
"Why don't you come back to the cottage with me." I suggested.
What the hell was that? I thought immediately regretting it, mentally kicking myself.
"I couldn't Eva, I don't want to impose."
"No, I insist. You aren't looking so good, I'd rather know that you're safe."
Henry smiled gently at me.
"You always were a sweetheart."
I smiled back.
"Let's go find Gia so I can tell her we're leaving and then we'll go." Henry nodded and I helped him to his feet.
We walked slowly towards the party not speaking. I scanned the crowd looking for Gia, but she was nowhere to be found. Henry kneeled over and emptied the contents of his stomach once more. I gently touched his back.
"I'll just call her."
I dug my phone from my pocket and dialed her number. No answer, I sighed. Go figure. I sent her a text letting her know I was going home and would leave the door unlocked.
"Let's go." I told Henry.
We walked the dirt road back to the cottage in silence, Henry's arm slung over my shoulders as he stumbled along beside me. I helped him up the steps, through the door and into one of the three tiny bedrooms the cottage had to offer.
"The bathroom is at the end of the hall. Will you be alright?"
"I'll be fine." Henry said as he laid down. "I can't thank you enough, I'm sorry you got stuck with me."
"Don't be silly, I couldn't just leave you there!"
"You've got a heart of gold." He mumbled closing his eyes.
"Just yell if you need anything." I looked down on him, already half asleep.
The years had been kind to him, the older he grew the more handsome he became. Henry's dark hair hung around his ears in loose curls. His long eye lashes the envy of every girl. It looked as though he hadn't shaved in days and a dark scruff was beginning to grow. He had a sleeve of tattoos on his right arm and a few scattered about on his left. What have I gotten myself into? I groaned, turning off the light as I left the room.

I was awake at the crack of dawn. I couldn't sleep much anymore, no matter how tired I felt, my mind would not rest. I had so much to contemplate, but felt so drained and didn't want to think about any of it. I threw off the blankets and got out of bed. I found my sweater hanging on the bed post and pulled it over my head. The cottage was filled with familiar silence. It was the perfect place to be.
Walking into the kitchen, I took the Advil from the cupboard and poured a glass of water. I carried them as quietly as I could into the bedroom where Henry was asleep. I gently set the glass on the nightstand. Of course, being as clumsy as I am, fumbled as I was placing the bottle down and it went crashing to the floor. I flinched.
"Dammit." I muttered under my breath, bending over to pick it up.
I carefully set the pills beside the water. I froze as Henry groaned and rolled over to face me. I sighed in relief seeing his eyes still closed. As quietly as I could, I left the room closing the door and decided to go outside.
There was a chill in the air, the grass wet with dew as I walked toward the edge of the bank. I stared out at the sheet of fog hanging over the water, the sun just beginning to rise. Sitting on the bench, I began to gently swing back and forth embracing the serenity. I jumped in shock as there was a blanket draped across my shoulders.
"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." Henry said with a smile as I looked up at him.
"That's alright, thank you." I returned the smile.
"Do you mind if I sit with you?"
"Of course not!" I replied and moved from the middle of the bench to give him some room.
"You're up early." He commented as we began to rock. I shrugged.
"Couldn't sleep."
"Thanks for the Advil by the way." I groaned turning to stare at him.
"I'm so sorry! Did I wake you up?"
Henry laughed, even hung over he was beautiful.
"Sweetie, I should be the one to apologize! Geeze, I haven't seen you in years and this is the first impression I make!"
I could feel the blush creeping its way on to my cheeks.
"That's alright, you weren't any bother." I shrugged.
"I'll make it up to you, I promise."
"There's no need!"
"You know, that blanket wasn't just for you." Henry teased, changing the subject as he grinned at me and tugged it from my shoulders.
"Sorry." I mumbled turning my gaze to the rising sun, its rays colouring the fog orange.
"I was just teasing." He chuckled.
"Well maybe I don't want to share." I retorted and he nudged me playfully.
"Still the same ole Eva, except even more beautiful than I remember." I blushed as he placed the blanket over our legs.
"Well I was only seventeen the last time you saw me."
"I've always liked you and you just seem to get more beautiful with age."
I felt the same way, I though my cheeks burning as I avoided eye contact.
"Your brother would kill me if he heard me saying these things to you!" Henry laughed. "I must still be a little drunk."
Jacob would kill you too, I thought.
"Well it's a good thing he isn't here then." I told him with a smirk.
"What're you doing later?" He asked, changing the subject once again.
"Nothing much." I shrugged. "Can I take you for supper?"
"I don't know." I hesitated.
"Strictly as friends." Henry bargained with me. "I have to repay you for last night."
"Could we eat here?" I asked. It was a small town and I didn't want to take the chance of seeing someone I knew.
"Of course," he grinned at me. "I'll bring the food, don't you worry about a thing."

Later that evening while I was outside setting up the picnic table, Henry pulled into the driveway in a vintage mustang convertible. I stopped what I was doing and walked towards him.
"Well if I'd known you had such a nice car, I would have let you take me out!" I teased, grinning at him. Henry laughed as he stood from the car and slammed the door shut.
"Too late now." He reached into the backseat and took out two big brown paper bags.
"I hope you don't mind eating outside, it's just so nice out tonight."
"I would eat out there," he pointed to the square raft, floating on big plastic barrels off the shore. "As long you as you were with me."
"Come on," I laughed, leading him over to the picnic table.
"So, how long are you here for?" Henry asked.
"I'm not really sure." I shrugged.
"Don't you have a boyfriend?"
"Sort of." I grumbled.
"How did you get him to let you leave for as long as like you?" Henry asked, seeming a bit perplexed.
"I'd rather not talk about it." I replied with a scowl.
"Well if I was your boyfriend, I wouldn't let you out of my sight."
"He didn't really have a choice."
Henry cleared his throat.
We sat facing each other from opposite sides of the table in silence as Henry took the containers of food from the bags. There was salad, fries, coleslaw and fried chicken.
"So what did you do after you left home?" Henry asked once we had filled our plates and taken a few bites.
"I went to school to become a dental assistant." I told him.
"Did you like it?"
"I love it."
"Well then you'll be pleased to know that I take the upmost care of my oral hygiene." He had a big grin spread across his face. I laughed.
"What have you been up to?" I asked turning the attention on him. Back when I knew Henry, he was always up to no good and got himself into trouble at every turn.
"I moved away for a couple years," he stopped to take a bite of food. "Became a mechanic and then came back to help my dad run his shop."
"That must be nice." I remembered his Dad being so charismatic and friendly. I guess it's just as they say, like father like son.
"Depends on who you ask." He retorted.
Once we had finished eating, Henry helped me clean up and bring everything inside. I glanced at the clock on the kitchen wall. It was eight. I didn't want Henry to leave. I didn't want to be left alone with my thoughts. I enjoyed his company. He made me relax and laugh and forget about all that had happened. The fact that he was a gorgeous chunk of man didn't hurt either. Henry was shorter than Jacob by about two or three inches, but he was still taller than me at 5'4. He was thicker and had a solid build.
"Do you want to go for a walk?" I asked as I put away the last dish.
"Sure," he shut the fridge door and turned to look at me with a smile.
"I'm just going to grab my sweater." I told him and walked into the bedroom.
I grabbed my hoodie off the bed and pulled it over my head. I noticed my phone on the bed and picked it up. Turning on the screen I noticed I had a missed call and two text messages. They were all from Jacob. I read the texts.
<Hey Eva, just called to see how you are. I miss you.>. The second read <Please call me.>.
Suddenly I was overcome with guilt. Jacob was all alone. For some reason I couldn't wrap my mind around the idea that he too was hurting. I had been disregarding his feelings and felt terribly selfish. Here I was enjoying myself with another man, while he was at home worrying about me. I didn't want to think about any of it. I tossed my cell on to the bed and left the room. Henry was sitting on the couch waiting for me. He perked up as he noticed me, the ever present smile on his face growing wider.
"All set?" He asked standing.
I nodded and forced a smiled in return, trying to convince myself what I was doing was okay. Henry did say we were strictly hanging out as friends, but he and I both knew there were ulterior motives at play.
"You're awfully quiet all of a sudden." Henry commented after we had left the cottage and began descending the wooden steps my grandfather had built down the side of the bank leading to the shore.
"Sorry," I glanced sideways at him. "Just got lost in my thoughts."
"What're you thinking about?" Henry questioned, his eyes piercing mine.
"About how crazy this is." I told him and he chuckled.
"I agree, it's kinda weird isn't it?"
"Yep," I nodded with a laugh. "The last time I saw you, you and my brother were skateboarding in our driveway. And now here we are years later, hanging out."
"You still skateboard?" He asked with a smirk, nudging me in the ribs with his elbow.
"Oh God no!"
"Why not," he teased. "You were so good."
"Lying won't get you anywhere." I laughed. "I was terrible and you know it. I'm way too clumsy!"
"You weren't that bad."
"I just wanted to hang around with you guys, I always thought you were so cool."
"I still am." He scoffed, feigning offence.
"I had the biggest crush on you." I admitted, feeling my cheeks grow red as I realized what I had just said.
"I knew," Henry grinned down at me as I blushed harder. "I liked you too."
"Why didn't you ever say anything?" I groaned.
"Because your brother would have had my balls."
"That is true." I agreed with a nod. My brother had always been extremely protective of me.
"And besides my intentions were far from pure and innocent." Henry confessed, a pink tinge appearing on his cheeks.
"Neither were mine." I smirked at him and he let out a deep belly laughing.
We came to the end of the row of cottages facing the river and reached the main beach, where we had met yesterday.
"Wanna sit and watch the sunset?" Henry asked gesturing to a big piece of drift wood that had washed ashore long ago.
"Sure." I replied.
It was so quiet and peaceful. The seagulls flying overhead and the waves crashing along the shore were the only sounds filling the air. We sat in comfortable silence staring out across the river.
I missed this. The salty air filling my nostrils, the sand beneath my feet coarse and warm from the suns heat and the cool breeze against my skin. It was soothing, made me feel relaxed and at home. Every summer growing up I spent here with my grandparents and various family members, who would come to visit periodically throughout the months. The corners of my mouth lifted into a tiny smile as I remembered all the good times I'd had here.
I felt Henry's arm wrap around me as he pulled me closer to his warmth.
"When did you come home?" He asked breaking the silence.
"A week ago." I replied, but didn't offer anything more.
"What've you been up to since you got here?"
"Nothing much," I shrugged. "Just been hanging out."
"With Gia?"
I wasn't sure if he was just trying to make conversation or if he was actually curious.
"No, the first time I saw Gia was yesterday." I told him.
"So you've been home a week and haven't seen anyone?" Henry looked confused.
"I needed some time alone."
"Is everything alright?" He questioned, his frown deepening.
"Yeah, there's just a lot going on in my life right now." I smiled gently at him before I continued. "I'd rather not talk about it."
"Sorry," Henry rubbed the back of his neck. "I shouldn't have been so pushy."
"It's okay, no harm done."
"We should probably head back, I've got to work tomorrow." He told me and stood, reaching his hand out to help me up.
Great, I had gone and made things awkward. I groaned to myself as we headed back in the direction we had come silence.
"So what're you going to do this week?" Henry finally spoke as we reached the top of the stairs, the cottage in view.
"I'm not too sure yet." I shrugged.
"I've got to work most of the week."
He stopped to look at me, his eyes so big and brown. He smiled sweetly, showing off his dimples. God, I could have just melted into his arms right then and there.
"I'd like to take you out sometime." Henry told me.
"You would?" I questioned, a little flustered.
"Well I'd take you out everyday if I could."
I could feel the blush on my cheeks and Henry grinned, pulling me closer to him by my arms.
"What do you have to say about that?"
"I'd say that sounds pretty cheesy." I teased poking at his dimple. He quickly turned his head, biting at my finger as I yanked it away.
"There's the little brat I used to know." Henry laughed.
"I wasn't the brat, you were!" I protested.
"Whatever makes you feel better." He patted the top of my head.
"I'd like to go out with you too." I changed the subject.
"I knew it." He beamed at me.
"Don't get too cocky now." I laughed at him.
"Quick," he dug through his pants pocket and handed me his phone. "Give me your number before you change your mind."
"Nice background picture." I laughed seeing the pin up girl on the screen.
"Oh fuck, I forgot about that!" He yanked the phone from me and then grinned at me slyly. "You can just tell me your number."
I laughed and gave it to him. He saved it in his phone and put it back in his pocket.
"Thanks for supper." I told him as we headed towards his car.
"No no, more like thank you for last night and for your beautiful company this evening."
"Well you're welcome, anytime."
Henry stepped towards me and wrapped his arms around me. He was like a big teddy bear. He was so warm and cozy, his big muscular arms making me feel secure. I hugged him back and we stood silent for a couple minutes before releasing each other.
"Have a good day at work tomorrow."
"And you get yourself away from this cottage and go see people!" Henry exclaimed. "I don't like to think of you here by yourself all the time."
"Okay, I'll go into town just for you." I laughed.
"Have a good night Eva." He leaned down and lightly kissed my cheek.
"You too." I replied and watched as he got in his car and drove away.
With a sigh, I turned and headed back into the cottage. It had been nice to have some company and now that I was once again by myself, a wave of lonesomeness washed over me. I walked into the bedroom and plopped down on the bed, reaching for my phone. I dialled Jacob's number and held the phone to my ear, listening to it ring.
"Hello?" Jacob answered on the third ring. I could hear loud music and people laughing and talking in the background.
"Hi Jacob." I replied softly, slightly disappointed. Was he at a bar?
"Eva," he breathed out. "How are you?"
"I'm okay, where are you?" I asked. The noises in the background faded and I heard a door open and shut.
"I'm just out with Trey and a couple of guys from work." I could hear the hesitation in his voice, he didn't want to tell me where he was and we both knew it.
"I see." I replied coldly. "Well I'll let you go then."
"No," he pleaded. "Please Eva, I wanna talk to you."
"Now's not a good time."
"Eva, you called me." He sighed through the phone.
"Only because you called me first." I snapped.
"I'm sorry Eva, but they asked me to come and I couldn't bare to sit at home alone any longer. It's not the same here without you." Jacob explained his voice tensed, but I didn't want to hear it.
"Are you drinking?" I asked without even really wanting to know the answer. There was a long pause.
"Eva-" He started and I could hear the guilt in his voice.
"Don't bother answering." I sighed, my heart heavy. I already knew what he was going to say.
"Well what the fuck am I supposed to do Eva, huh?" Jacob's tone was sharp. "It's not like you're here anyways."
"And I won't be coming back if you keep drinking." I told him harshly and hung up.
A few seconds later my phone began ringing, but I let it go to voicemail as tears streamed down my face.
How could he? It was his fault that everything had happened the way it did. Couldn't he see that? Didn't he know how much he was hurting me?
My cell kept beeping at the incoming messages, but I ignored them and rolled over.