Without You.

"Eva!" Evan roared abruptly shaking me from my peaceful dreams.
I laid perfectly still, eyes closed in hopes that he would think I was still asleep and leave me alone. The door slammed open and the blankets were swiftly ripped from the bed. I tried desperately to control my trembling body and keep my fear at bay.
"I know you're awake." He growled.
I didn't know what to do. I was terrified. I rolled from my side to my back and hesitantly opened my eyes. I frowned as I stared down at my belly, swollen and round. Something was wrong here. Evan was standing at the foot of the bed, his eyes cold and dark.
"Why are you here?" I questioned quietly.
"Don't play dumb Eva."
"What do you want?" I stuttered.
"Who's the father?"
"Y-You are." I responded.
My heart was pounding. I was so confused as I looked around. We were in Jacob and I's bedroom. How did he get in here? All I knew was that I wanted to be as far away from him as possible. I tried to slowly inch myself up on the bed.
"Eva," Evan said darkly. "You know I hate it when you lie to me."
"I'm not lying," I cried. "I promise."
"It's not my baby Eva and if you aren't having my baby; you aren't having any at all." His voice was void of emotion.
Before I could react, he quickly grabbed my ankle and yanked me from the bed. I screamed as my body left the mattress and just as I was about to hit the floor, my eyes flew open and I shot up in bed screaming.
I was so disoriented. My heart was pounding and my body covered in sweat. I frantically shoved back the blankets and yanked the sweater I was wearing over my head. My hands traveled along my abdomen and my heart sank in disappointment. I glanced around the room, my eyes adjusting to the dark. Where was I? Whose bed was I in? I began to piece things together as a big dog jumped from his spot on the bed and shoved his nose in my face, sitting as close to me as possible. I sighed in relief. Heavy footsteps quickly approached the room I was in and the dog growled.
"Chewbacca, smarten up." Henry scolded and Chewy immediately stopped as he heard his voice.
The light flickered on and Henry stood in the doorway dressed only in boxers, his hair sticking up in every direction.
"Eva, are you okay?" He asked looking worried as he moved towards the bed.
"I'm so sorry," I breathed. "I had a nightmare."
His gaze fell to my hands, still clutching my stomach and he sat on the edge of the bed.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Henry asked, an expression on concern written all over his face.
"Not really." I shook my head and groaned at the sharp pain in caused.
I was beginning to regret all those drinks I had. My head was pounding and waves of nausea rolled in every few minutes.
"You look pretty warm, do you want to have a shower?"
"That might help." I agreed and carefully swung my legs off the side of the bed.
Henry held his hand out and helped me stand. I grabbed on to him as dizziness washed over me and I took a minute to steady myself. He led me out into the small hallway and into a bathroom directly on the right. I sat on the toilet seat cover as Henry turned on the shower and took a towel from the drawer.
"Will you be alright?" He questioned, peering down at me.
"Would you mind just waiting outside the door?"
"Of course not." He smiled at me.
"Thank you." I said.
"Yell if you need me." Henry told me and left, shutting the door behind him.
I slowly took off my shirt and bra, groaning at how bad I felt. This is why you don't drink, I reminded myself. I stood and holding onto the counter, pushed my underwear down my legs and stepped out of them. I got in the bathtub and let the cool spray of the shower wash over me. I could feel my body temperature dropping and the pain in my head diminished slightly. Still feeling a little dizzy, I shut the water off and carefully stepped out on to the floor. I dried off and put the little amount of clothes I had, back on. Opening the door, I saw Henry sitting leaned up against the wall with Chewy beside him. When he saw me, he hopped up and smiled at me gently.
"What time is it?" I asked.
"Two o'clock." Henry replied and I groaned.
"I'm really sorry for waking you up."
"It's alright. Will you be able to get back to sleep?" He asked.
"Probably not." I replied honestly and looked down at the floor.
"Want to come into my bed? We could watch a movie and then you won't have to be alone." Henry suggested.
"You wouldn't mind?" I glanced up at him, his niceness towards me was still confusing.
"Of course not," he grinned. "I'd love to have you in my bed!"
I couldn't help but laugh. I held on to his arm and he led me across the living area and through the door to his bedroom. It was huge, a tall square paper light stood in one corner, casting a dim yellow glow on the dark green walls. He had a king size bed, the headboard against the wall facing a big flat screen TV across the room. There were two small nightstands, with a small lamp and an alarm clock, along with a few other odd things on both sides of the bed.
"Why don't you hop in bed?" Henry motioned towards the mattress.
"Do you have a shirt I could borrow?" I asked him.
"Sure." He nodded and rummaged through the dresser beside him. Picking out a t-shirt, he took a couple steps towards me and handed it to me.
"I'll be right back." Henry told me.
"Okay."
I held the shirt in my hands and watched him leave the room, shutting the door behind him. I quickly took off my shirt and bra and slipped into Henry's shirt. It smelled so good, slightly of the ocean and cedar wood. It was just like the sweater, hanging almost to my knees. I wandered to the bed and pulling back the blankets, climbed in.
God, was this bed comfy. I couldn't help but moan. It was so soft and squishy and warm. I was floating on a cloud. It made my aches and pains feel so much better. I nuzzled into the blankets as Henry reentered the room.
"I found us a movie." He told me holding up a DVD.
I noticed he had a small cigar behind his ear and watched as he walked to the TV and inserted the disk. Next he went to the window and opened it wide. Shutting off the light in the corner, he came back to the bed and got it. He switched on the lamp and grabbed the remote.
"What're we watching?" I asked.
"Without a paddle." He replied and I laughed.
"Good choice."
Henry skipped the previews and pressed the play button. He took the cigar from behind his ear and picked up a lighter from the nightstand.
"Do you smoke weed?" He questioned.
"Not in a very long time." I told him.
"What some? It might help you relax."
"Sure," I shrugged. "Why not."
He lit the blunt, took a puff and handed it to me. I took it and timidly inhaled a bit of smoke, coughing as it filled my throat and lungs.
"That's some good stuff." I laughed, feeling a bit light headed.
We fell into silence passing the blunt between us, occasionally laughing at the movie in front of us. I cuddled into Henry's side and sighed in content. I was starting to feel a bit better and smiled as I closed my eyes.

When I woke up in the morning, I was alone in Henry's bed. I groaned as I stretched my arms above my head and rolled on to my back. I stared up at the ceiling, squinting at the bright light shining through the window and tried to ignore the throbbing ache in the back of my head.
I think you're sexy.
The words came rushing back. What was I thinking?
You're hard to resist.
And they just kept coming...
"Goddamn it Eva." I cursed myself.
Had I really said those things to him? I groaned pressing my head into the mattress. There were several reasons as to why I didn't drink, how did I manage to forget them all? It was Jacob. I needed to talk to him, but at the same time never wanted to speak to him again. I was assuming, jumping to conclusions, but I couldn't help myself. I didn't know what to think anymore. Had we gone past the point of no return?
"I thought I heard you grumbling in here." The door swung open and Henry appeared, a boyish grin on his face.
"I'm sorry," I groaned covering my face with my hands. "I was so embarrassing."
"Don't be embarrassed Eva."
He sat sideways on the bed facing me and I peaked at him through my fingers.
"Please just forget everything I said."
"I'll never forget that you think I'm sexy."
"Henry," I whined. "I got so drunk."
"Such a light-weight." He shook his head.
"I don't even remember the last time I drank before last night." I groaned.
"How are you feeling?"
"Pretty shitty."
"I made breakfast if you'd like some." Henry tempted.
"But your bed is so comfy." I groaned.
"Well I could always bring breakfast to you." He suggested and I raised my eyebrow at him.
"You'd do that for me?"
"I'd do anything to keep you in my bed." Henry grinned mischievously. I leaned over and playfully swatted him. He caught my hand and clasped it in his. Suddenly he drew serious as he kept his eyes trained on mine.
"I'm always here if you need anything Eva, I mean it."
Henry was so sincere, but he was making my life a lot more complicated than it already was. I was conflicted. I was being pulled in opposite directions and if I didn't chose which way I wanted to go, things would not end well. My head and heart were both giving me clear signs that being here wasn't such a good idea.
"Thank you." I smiled feeling uncomfortable as I squirmed under the blankets.
"I'll go and get you some breakfast." Henry squeezed my hand and then let me go as he stood from the bed.
"Actually," I hesitated, sitting up. "Would you mind taking me home?"
"Sure." He nodded and slouched ever so slightly.
"I just want to sleep off this hangover." I explained.
"I completely understand."

Henry lived surprisingly close to the cottage and when we arrived, he pulled in behind my grandparent's car. I noticed my grandmother near the bank of the river, heading towards us. I had to get Henry out of here. I quickly unbuckled my seat belt and gathered my things.
"Thanks again." I smiled across the cab at him.
"Anytime sweetie."
I didn't want to leave him, but my grandmother was nearing and I didn't want them to interact. I didn't need any more awkward situations. I got out of the truck and shut the door. I looked through the open window at Henry's beautiful smiling face.
"I'll call you later." He told me with a wink and backed out of the driveway.
"Eva," Grammie called waving at me.
"Hey Gram." I said moving to stand in front of her.
"Who was that?"
"Henry, one of David's old high school friends."
"Why were you with him?" She questioned sternly, a frown across her brow.
"We went fishing yesterday and I got a little drunk last night, so I stayed over."
"Eva." She scolded, her tone disapproving.
"Nothing happened!"
"Well try and remember why you are here dear. You aren't going to solve your problems by gallivanting around with another young man Eva, you are going to make them worse."
"He's just a friend." I was becoming defensive. Trying to convince myself that the words coming from my lips were true.
"That can quickly change." My grandmother warned.
"There is nothing going on between us." I sighed.
"Good. I know things are tough right now Eva, but hiding from reality doesn't make it easier."
"I'm not hiding from anything." I growled.
"Have you talked to Jacob?" I scowled at the mention of his name.
"Yes," I told her bitterly. "And he seems to think I'm overreacting."
"He'll come around, you just have to be patient."
Patience, I scoffed. What made my grandmother stick up for Jacob like she did anyways? She'd never even met him.
"We'll see." I grumbled.
"Don't give up on him Eva."
"I'm not feeling the greatest." I told her, running my fingers through my tangled mess of curls. I didn't want to talk about Jacob anymore, I didn't want to think about him either. All I wanted to do was crawl in bed and stay there forever.
"Alright, I just came down to check on you." Gram said showing concern.
"I'm fine, just want to be in bed is all."
"Well don't be a stranger, come up for supper tomorrow night."
"Sounds good." I agreed.
"Love you Eva." She gave me a warm hug.
"I love you too."
"Be good, okay?"
"I'll try." I responded and walked her to the car.
Once she was gone, I wandered into the cottage and locked the door behind me. I went straight into the bedroom, stripped down to my underwear and climbed into bed.

I was pulled from my sleep as my phone began ringing beside me and I reached over the side of the bed to grab it.
"Hello." I answered.
"Eva." Jacob greeted me.
"Hi." I wasn't expecting him to call and I didn't know what to say.
"You sound tired." He commented.
"I am."
"Where were you all day yesterday? I was worried, I tried to call but your phone kept going straight to voice mail."
"I went fishing, there was no service."
"Fishing?" Jacob repeated sounding slightly confused.
"Yeah a friend took me." I felt so guilty.
"Did you like it?"
"Not really," I told him. "It was kind of boring."
Well at least the fishing part was...
"Yeah I can imagine." Jacob chuckled and we fell silent.
I prayed that he didn't ask me any more questions. I didn't want to lie, but I didn't want to tell him the truth either. I was curious to know however, if Jacob would tell the truth.
"So I finally got to use a computer yesterday."
"Oh yeah?"
"Sherry and Mia both messaged me on Facebook to see how everything was." I told him.
"That's nice." Jacob kept his responses short.
"Yeah," I began, not knowing how to phrase my next sentence. "I noticed you were tagged in a lot of pictures."
He didn't reply right away.
"Are you trying to pick a fight?" He sighed after a moment.
"No," I frowned. Here we go again. "I was just curious as to why you've been hanging around so many other women."
"Well it's not like you're here to stop me."
"Do I have to be?"
"I don't know, you obviously don't want to be here."
"That's not true!" I insisted.
The tension so was thick you could feel it through the phone and for a moment, neither of us spoke.
"I didn't want to pick a fight Jacob." I sighed, trying to defuse the situation.
"Why can't we be nice to each other for once."
"I just didn't want to jump to conclusions." I told him.
"I'm sorry Eva, it was only a work event. Dan is getting married."
"Oh." I stopped to think for a minute. "But what about that girl?"
"What girl?" Jacob answered hastily.
"The one I saw you making out with, I thought you didn't know her? She works with you?"
"Y-Yeah," he stammered and I could just see him in my mind, rubbing the back of his neck, like he did when he was nervous. "She's one of the office girls."
I didn't know what to say. Everything felt different now. Somehow, knowing that it wasn't just a random woman Jacob had been kissing, made me feel even worse. They worked together. It meant that he saw her every day and clearly thought something of her.
"Eva," he pleaded. "Say something."
"I don't know if I want to talk about this anymore." I cleared my throat as my voice cracked and came out as a whisper.
"Okay." That was all he said.
I laid back in bed, tears rolling down my cheeks and dripping on to the pillow beneath my head. The worst possible scenarios of what happened between them played in my mind. Was I not the only one he loved? Did he want someone else? Was it because she put up with his drinking, or was she simply prettier than I was?
"Are you watering my garden?" I sniffled.
It was a stupid question to ask in that moment, but I couldn't bare the silence anymore and it was the first thing I could think of.
"Yes, don't worry I've even weeded."
"Thank you."
"Eva, when are you coming home?" Jacob sighed.
"I don't know."
"You've been gone for two weeks! How much time do you need?"
"I wish you'd take me seriously Jacob." It was my turn to sign.
"I do."
"No you don't! If you did, you'd understand that we have serious issues and need to work them out. We can't keep pretending they aren't there!"
"Well you're the one who ran away from our problems!" He shot back.
"I'm not the one living in denial."
Things were getting heated. We couldn't seem to be civil with each other anymore.
"Fuck off Eva."
"You're such an ass."
And here we go again... I didn't know why we even bothered staying on the phone. I guess it was because deep down we missed each other and both didn't want to admit it. I was so frustrated. I wanted to love him. I wanted to make things works, but he was stubborn and I couldn't seem to get through to him.
"I'm sorry." Jacob's voice was meek.
"I know, me too."
"Remember how things used to be?"
"I miss those days." I exhaled deeply.
"Eva, you know how much I love you right?"
"I know."
"Things have been extremely difficult for a long time, I know that you're really upset with me and probably don't want to hear any of this. I can understand that. I'm really sorry for all the trouble I've caused, all the sleepless nights you spent worrying about me and the drunken fights. You deserve so much better than that." He paused, taking a deep breath before continuing.
"When you told me you were pregnant, I was scared. Scared because I knew I couldn't be a good father and I figured you'd realize it soon enough and leave. And then-then you miscarried. You were so broken Eva and I didn't know how to fix you. There was nothing I could do to make any of it better. At first losing our baby didn't feel real to me, I mean, I had helped create this beautiful thing, but even that seemed unreal. The pregnancy hadn't quite sunk in yet, but when I walked into the bathroom and saw you sitting there on the toilet, I was filled with dread and guilt. I knew something was wrong and it was because of me. If I had gotten my act together and taken better care of you, none of this would have happened. My heart aches Eva, for what could have been, for what should have been. I've really fucked up and I wish you were here so I could be telling you all this to your face. I need to make things right."
"It's not you're fault Jacob, don't ever say that." I whispered. "We need this time apart, so we can finally see the things we need to change in order to move on with our lives. I have to figure things out on my own, so much has happened and I don't know what to do anymore. Please be patient with me, I don't know how long it'll take, but I will come back."
"I'll be here whenever you're ready." Jacob told me softly.
"Thank you."
"You sound tired Eva." He commented.
"I'm really hungover."
"You were drinking?" Jacob sounded surprised.
"Yes," I groaned. "Against my better judgment."
"How many Palm Bays did it take?" He chuckled.
"Four." He knew me so well.
"You're so cute."
I blushed at his comment.
"My head hurts."
"Why don't I let you go so you can sleep." Jacob suggested.
"That would be nice." I mumbled.
"I'll call you later, okay?"
"Alright." My eyes were already closing.
"Love you."
"I love you too."
I ended the call and placed my phone on the table beside the bed. My body felt pinned to the bed with overwhelming sadness. What were we doing? Was he cheating on me? Was I about to cheat on him? I rolled over and cried myself to sleep.

Why couldn't I be left alone for a single moment? I groaned opening my eyes as I heard a loud knock on the door. I rubbed my eyes, swung my legs over the bed and stood. I just wanted to be by myself today. Standing, I ran my fingers through my hair, left the bedroom and walked the short distance to the front door. Opening it, I saw Tyler and Gia on the other side.
"Hey guys." I said.
"Eva, what the hell did you do last night?"
"Gia, it's kinda obvious she got some." Tyler told her and she laughed.
"I did not!" I protested, but couldn't help laugh.
"Well can we come in or is there a dude in there?" Gia asked.
"Come in," I groaned, opening the door wide to let them in. "There's no one here."
"Seriously though, what'd you do last night?" She questioned as we got comfortable in the living area.
"I was at Henry's for supper, we had a fire on the beach, I got wasted and had to stay the night."
"Henry Aver?" Tyler burst out.
"Why?" Gia asked at the same time.
"Yes Tyler," I answered him and turned to Gia. "And because we went fishing and he asked me over after wards."
"You went fishing with him?" She didn't seem too pleased.
"Yes Gia." I said flatly.
"Eva, stay away from him, he's good for nothing." She warned.
"What do you mean?" I asked with a frown.
"Oh leave her alone," Tyler butt in. "The girl needs to have some fun."
Gia and Tyler exchanged a look and I felt lost. What were they talking about?
"What am I missing here?"
"He's not as nice as he seems to be." Gia said.
"Just drop it Gia, it's not your place to tell her." Tyler told her.
"It's not her place to tell me what?" I was sick of their private conversation.
"Don't worry about it." Tyler grinned at me and Gia groaned.
"So why are you two here again?" I questioned.
"What, we aren't allowed to come visit our best friend?" Tyler scoffed.
"Not if you're going to have secret conversations while I'm sitting right here. "
"Aww, don't feel left out Eva." Tyler teased.
"Just keep your distance from Henry and it'll be fine." Gia instructed.
"If you say so."
"So, when are we going for a cruise for old times sake?" Tyler asked and Gia grinned.
"Do either of you have weed?" I questioned, raising my eyebrow at them.
"Of course we do," he laughed. "I can't believe you still smoke."
"I don't, but I'm hungover and I feel like shit."
"Do either of you have change?" It was Gia's turn to ask and I laughed.
"I think I have a twenty." I told her.
"Well it's all set, let's go!" Tyler jumped from his chair.
"Let me change first." I told him, standing from the chair.
"I'll go roll one." He said.
"Sounds good." I nodded and he headed for the front door.
Gia stood and followed me into the bedroom. She flopped down on the bed with a sigh as I opened the dresser.
"Did anything happen between you and Henry?" She asked.
"No," I shook my head, pulling out a pair of jean shorts. "When I was drunk, I told him he was sexy and that I thought he was irresistible."
Gia laughed.
"He is sexy, I'll give him that." She said.
"He was actually really nice to me." I told her.
"It's just a front, trust me Eva and stay away from him."
"Why don't you like him?" I frowned, turning to face her as I stripped to my underwear.
"Look if he doesn't willingly tell you something really important in the next three weeks, stop seeing him." She sighed. "And besides, what about Jacob?"
"I don't know," I groaned as I yanked the shorts up my legs and plopped down next to her on the bed. "Remember that girl I told you about?"
"The one you caught him kissing?"
"Yeah," I nodded. "Well they work together."
"They do?"
"Yep, so it makes me wonder if that wasn't the first time it happened." I told her.
"Do you really think he'd do that Eva?" Gia rolled on to her stomach and stared at me.
"I don't know what to think anymore."
With a sign I buttoned and zipped my shorts and stood. I grabbed a light hoodie from the drawer and hauled it over my head. I grabbed Gia's hand and pulled her to her feet.
"We'd better go." I said.
"Just try and relax, have some fun." Gia told me.
We left the cottage and locked the door. Gia made me get in the front seat, Tyler driving and she sat in the back in the middle. Tyler turned the car on, rolled down all four windows and blasted the radio. With a devilish grin, he put the car in reverse and hit the gas, spinning out of the drive way. Once we reached the paved road, Tyler stopped the car and took his famous double joint from behind his ear. Grabbing the lighter, he lit it and took a drag. He motioned for me to take it, I took it and held it to my lips. I inhaled as much as my lungs could handle and passed it back to Gia. Tyler began driving and we followed the road along the river.
It was perfect timing, exactly like old times, we were finished smoking just as we arrived at our destination. The Corner Store. Yes, it was called the corner store and they served the best soft serve ice cream. And yes, it was located on a corner. I couldn't help but laugh as I reminisced about all the times we'd come here stoned out of our minds to get ice cream. As we entered the store, the bell chimed and Sam appeared.
"Well if it isn't the three trouble makers, all grown up and back together again." The old man said.
"Hey Sal." We chimed.
"Up to your usual shenanigans I see." He chuckled as we arrived at the counter.
"We'll never change." Tyler told him with a grin.
"So what'll it be?"
"Three large swirls please." Gia replied.
"Should have known." Sal grunted and turned his back on us to face his ice cream machine.
He made one cone after the other, handing them to us as he went.
"Thank you." I told him, handing the twenty dollar bill across the counter.
"Nah, don't worry about it." He shook his head, refusing to take the money. "It's on me. Been a long time since the three of you wandered in here baked out of your trees. It was nice to see you's"
"Thanks Sal, you're the best." Gia grinned.
"Thanks, nice to see you too." I said.
"Catch ya later Sal." Tyler said.
"I can't believe he's still around." I commented as we got in the car. "He must be in his late eighties by now."
"Yeah, he still does pretty well." Tyler nodded.
We finished our ice cream in silence as we continued on our drive. They took me around to all of our old spots, reminiscing about our high school days. It was great to be back together again, everything was still the same between the three of us. We were still the best friends we were back then. By the time they brought me home, I was exhausted and went straight back to bed.