Clairvoyance

Alex made sure to be the last one to exit the classroom after the end of the day bell rang. He wasn't in the mood to run into anyone that'd give him a hard time. Once the classroom was empty, he grabbed his history book and made his way to his locker. Alex was thankful for the top locker he had been granted. Number six hundred and sixty six, the last one before the botSam rows began. It gave the boy a mode of quick escape. He didn’t have to struggle underneath another person, allowing him to make a quick getaway when he needed it. Like today for example.
Alex quickly threw in whatever he needed into his backpack and slammed his locker shut, heading to the exit to begin the walk home. He lived about half an hour away, which he was in a way thankful for because it gave him at least that much time to himself without the judgmental and interrupting presence of anyone else. Alex had no one to expect after school, since Rian drove himself home. The obvious always stared Alex in the face on his routine walk. Rian should have been able to give Alex rides home, but Rian had never really offered, and seeing as how they lived in the same general direction, Alex could take a hint. Rian didn’t want the boy in his car, and Alex understood that.

“I ponder of something great. My lungs will fill and then deflate.” Alex whispered to himself quietly, humming the tune for comfort. He kept his eyes on the floor, at nothing in particular, but out of habit. His backpack was slung over tightly on his shoulder, his cell phone in one hand.

“They fill with fire. Exhale desire” Alex looked up startled at the lyrics. This time they hadn't come from his mouth. He turned around quickly to be met with a deserted street.

“You’re losing it.” he whispered to himself as he slowly resumed the walk.

“I have these thoughts. So often I ought”

Ok, Alex was positive someone was messing with him. The voice was just above a whisper, but he could pick out the taunting tone...what the actual fuck was going on? Alex pushed it out of his mind, he wasn't in the mood to deal with voices right now. Rian’s outburst at lunch was still fresh in his mind and he wanted to forget about it.

“He’s not sorry y’know.”

Alex groaned using his hands to cover up his ears in an attempt to block out all the whispers that were starting to fill up his mind.

“Covering up your ears doesn't cover silence your thoughts stupid.” a familiar voice filled Alex’s head.

“Leave me alone.” Alex pleaded.

“I get lonely,” the voice repeated in a tone that matched Alex’s. Great, he was being teased by a voice now.

“Stop talking to me.” Alex swatted his hand through the air, as if that would get rid of it.

“You're the one talking back.” The voice snickered.

Alex rolled his eyes and shook his head. From a bystander’s perspective Alex must have looked like a madman, talking and waving things off when he was alone. It was why he received so many looks out in public, Alex presumed. But he had reached a point in his life where he learned to embrace it rather than try to hide away.

“Remind your mother that she is married,” the voice laughed, sending chills down Alex’s back.

“What?’ he asked confused after a moment. He felt slightly lightheaded and was starting to feel rather cold, a common effect after hearing the voices for so long. It often ended like this. The voices teasing and taunting him to the point of confusion, until they suddenly went away. It went painfully silent and Alex had to hit his ears slightly to make sure he hadn't gone deaf. He couldn't even hear his own breathing. And given the fact he could visibly see his chest falling and rising as a result of heavy breathing, he became alarmed. Panicked, he clapped his hands together...nothing. No sound.

Stop it Alex...stop imagining things, he thought feverishly. He closed his eyes tightly and shook his head to try to rid away all the gunk in his head. When he opened them again all he could see was miles and miles of flames. He felt his body tense up. The road was burning beneath him and the rows of houses and trees were engulfed in flames. His skin began to boil, his blood rushing to his head.

“Stop it!” and everything suddenly came into focus. Alex was bent over on his knees trying to catch his breath. When had he even gotten home? He pushed the thought out of his mind and threw the door open, running up to his room in an attempt to clear his mind. It was times like these that Alex hated this 'gift'; or at least that's what Alex called it. These voices he heard, he was convinced they were souls that had nowhere else to go, so they came to him. Why? Alex wasn't so sure. He laid his back against the door, wiping the sweat from his face with his sleeve. He resorted to checking his skin for burn marks, given the fact he could still feel the sting of fire to his flesh. But his skin was as pale as ever, and Alex wasn’t sure whether he imagined it all or not.

"I need music." He whispered to himself. It was a habit Alex had picked up at a young age. He had discovered music helped ease his nerves. It allowed him to put his focus elsewhere, thus blocking the negativity momentarily. He dropped his backpack on his bed and flicked on whatever CD was inside his stereo. He stood still for a moment, trying to focus on the music, but the events from earlier had left him on edge. He couldn’t keep his mind from becoming hyperactive. His thoughts became a jumbled mess and flashed miles per minute. It wasn't until his sSamach made a growling noise that Alex snapped out of his daze.

"I need food." He decided, dragging his feet to the kitchen. It was strange to Alex how he never ate at school, but there were those times when he got home and wanted to eat fucking everything.

"Poptarts?" He asked in a singsong voice before shaking his head. "Oreos?" He thought this over for a minute, looking at the chocolate cookies before placing the pack back into the cupboard. He didn’t like opening new boxes of food.

"How about that tasteless slop your mother calls meatloaf?"

"That's not nice." Alex narrowed his eyes at the voice.

"Her food isn't nice." Alex shook the comment away and turned to the fridge. There were random items scattered around, but nothing caught his attention.

"There's nothing anyways." Alex frowned, moving around the top shelf to see if he found anything behind the milk.

There's a piece of cake on the bottom shelf." Alex shrugged before crouching down and finding the dessert.

"Thanks." He grinned letting the fridge door shut and placed the cake on the counter. Sure the voices were annoying sometimes, but they could be quite useful.

"You better hurry upstairs." Alex raised a brow, taking out a fork from the sink.

"I wanna eat fir-" Alex was cut off by the sound of heels coming closer to the kitchen.

"Shit." He mumbled scooting the slice of cake far away from him.

"Who were you talking to honey?" His mom asked coming into the room and placing her coat on the counter.

"I was just...just...studying." He lied terribly. He knew how much it hurt his mom to see her son struggle with the voices in his head. She had discovered since Alex was in elementary school that he dealt with social problems, and as a result she took her son to a psychologist. It was here that Alex confessed to hearing his friends. He even went as far to describe them, which scared both the psychologist and Alex's mom. He had went off in vivid detail about his friends, down to the distinct marks on each boy. They had a serious talk with him and Alex told them he was just sad he had no friends and had to make his own. This of course was a lie, but six year old Alex figured it’d be better to say this if it would make his mom stop crying and stop taking him to the crazy lady who smelled like bubble gum.

"Oh, ok." She forced a smile and accepted her son's lie. Something she had taught herself to do. Alex figured it saved them both the pain of having to face Alex’s sad truth. "How was school?" She shuffled around taking out pots and pans to begin the night’s dinner.

"It was great." Alex smiled, nodding a little too eagerly.

"That's great honey." His mom went along with the act. The routine was continued. She figured if she pretended everything was fine then maybe her son would turn normal. Alex shifted from foot to foot as his mom took out ingredients from the fridge. He didn’t know what to do, should he go back up to the safety of his room or help her?

"Your dad always makes such a mess." His mom sighed, laughing half heartedly at the box of Oreos on the floor. Alex jumped back slightly, he was sure he had put them back....

"Jesus Christ. Look at this, they're expired! Like two years ago." His mom made a face as sheheld up the pack. “Did you know oreos could turn green Alex? They’ve even began to melt from the heat." She tossed the closed package into the bin.

Alex was convinced he was delirious.

"Alex have you seen the porc-Alex!" His mom's face grew stern. He just stared at her dumbfounded. Had he missed an earlier part of the conversation? He wouldn’t be surprised, he had a habit of zoning out.

"You aren't supposed to be eating sweets!" She scolded, pointing to the plate in Alex's hands. Wait, didn't he put it down?

"I'm sorry...I forgot." He apologized honestly. It slipped his mind at times, he didn’t understand why.

"You know it gives you nightmares!" She shook her head taking the plate from Alex's hand, which he didn’t object to. His mom had cut all sort of junk food from his diet. She liked to blame her son's problems on anything she could find. It just made more logical sense. Of course heavy saturated food were the problems of Alex’s distress. He didn’t have a problem. Of course not.

"And Peter made it himself."

"Who is Peter?" He asked baffled.

His mother's face flushed and then quickly erased all emotion. "Peter? What are you talking about?"

"You said Peter made it..." Alex was unsure now and felt extremely uncomfortable.

"Alex I didn’t say anything." She said calmly.

"Yes you did! Y-you said that P-" Alex tried to reason, but his mom shook her head.

"I didn't say anything." She repeated firmly.

"But mom I-"

"Go to your room Alex." She closed her eyes, pinching her nose trying to force back tears.

"Mom I'm sorry, I didn't th-"

"Now! Go now!" She yelled and Alex nodded slowly, walking up the stairs. He felt like garbage. Only he could make his mother cry on a daily basis. Seriously, what kind of son was he?

"Boy, someone needs a chill pill."

"Fuck off." Alex grit his teeth.

"Why? We're the only ones who haven't yelled at you, or judged you, not even rejected you. Not once." Alex felt his eyes water. It was depressing to know the only thing in your life that wasn't ashamed or embarrassed of you were voices that no one else heard.